A Winco Field Trip From God

Up until last year I was a youth pastor, so my job was planning events for the teens.  Several years ago as I sat at my desk wondering what conference to take the youth group to the following year as I planned the budget and calendar.  I came across a conference in Monterey put on by Organic Outreach International.  I sat at my desk and asked God if this is where we were supposed to go.  I looked over the speaker list and was drawn to one of the speakers.  So we went.  I sat there completely overwhelmed by the realization that I was exactly where I needed to be.  It was an amazing event, but more importantly it was the start of something amazingly new for our church.

I came back sharing the principles of Organic Outreach with the leadership of our church and thankfully they caught the excitement and got on board. We had a group go do the intensive training they offer and began to launch this new way of operating at our church.  We hit some bumps in the road as people moved away and new leaders emerged, and this year I was placed in charge of our Organic Outreach Team.

So what is Organic Outreach?  Its not a church program but a new way of living and thinking.  So many people go to church instead of being the church and they plan potlucks and socials for their members and it can get to a point where the church feels more like a country club.  That isn't what God intended.  Organic Outreach encourages us to engage with the people that are in our lives.  To be out there in the world loving people and sharing Jesus with them in a way that is natural.  That happens when we experience the love for the world that Jesus did.  We have to care for this whole thing to work.

I lead an Organic Outreach meeting last night and yesterday morning was a crazy day.  I had car issues and a few other things that had me enveloped in my own world.  Still I sat at my desk to prep for the meeting.  I had to make a change in my schedule so the grocery shopping that was going to happen today, had to happen yesterday so I ran out at lunch to get that errand checked off the list and get back to my work to-do list.

I had no idea I was on a God field trip.  He wanted my notes for the meeting to be authentic so he had a surprise waiting for me on my trip to Winco.

As I pushed my cart through the aisles I saw lots of people and usually I end up running into the same people repeatedly, but as I went past the yogurts I noticed a mother and her almost grown daughter by the orange juice.  I can't tell you why they stood out to me, but they just seemed cool, positive women.  I went on to grab some frozen corn and then headed to check out.

As I approached the lines, I scanned to see which aisle was least ominous and saw the same mother/daughter duo in a not so long line so I pulled up behind them.  As they put their groceries on the belt, I got a chuckle at the mom's shirt and let her know I liked it.  They seemed to carefully weighing the options of what made the cut and what didn't.

I immediately asked God, "Am I supposed to help them?"  You may be saying, help everyone, but truthfully giving to everyone isn't always helping.  I wasn't sure if mom was teaching daughter to be responsible and if I rushed in to help, I could be ruining a teachable moment.  So I waited as they checked out and began to bag their groceries.

When it was my turn I noticed several items by the cashier and asked if they couldn't afford them.  She confirmed that was the case so I told her to add it to my bill and just set it there at the end of their stuff.  She verified that is what I really wanted as she rung up each item.  Honestly, I don't know how much it was but I doubt it was much over $20.  I assured her to do it.  When the ladies got to the items they didn't pay for they came to the register to ask what happened and she informed them that I had paid for it.

This is when things get interesting.  The mom said thank you and started to cry.  She came over to me and hugged me so tight and repeatedly thanked me in between bursts of tears.  It was a hug I'd expect from someone who just got the big check from Ellen, not from someone who just got a couple of items free from the store.  The hug told me there was more, so I held onto her equally as tight and encouraged her and reaffirmed God loved her.    She then got all of her stuff and headed out the store.  Her daughter thanked me as they left.

As I left the store, I began to cry because I was the one who was blessed.  I didn't plan any of that and God used it to show me how much he loves all of us.  He knows the life behind each of us as we pass mindlessly on the street, in stores and public transit.  Small things can have great impact for those with great need.

When I got home there were a pair of shoes at my door that I was supposed to buy from a friend.  Instead of waiting for me to come pick them up, she dropped them off for me. She knew about my car trouble and decided just to gift them to me, so I know there are so many kind-hearted people out there paying it forward and allowing God to work through them.

This blog post isn't about me and "look what I did," instead its about what God did.  For all of that to happen, everything was timed.  God had a plan.  I didn't have to obey, but if I hadn't I'd be the one to miss out.  I also got connected with the heart of people - not the void of bodies roaming, but a woman with a need that I could bless and blessed me in return.

I was now ready for the meeting.  Sure, my notes and copies were lined up ready to go, but the real prep work was in my heart in the middle of that grocery store.

Are you connected to humanity?  Are you available to go where God leads?  We get asked to give a lot and I believe that non-stop request line has most of us pretty checked out with the needs of those around us.  I don't blame us, we've been overloaded and have barricaded our hearts to survive and ensure we don't get used, but the down side is, we miss the human moments.  Ask God to prepare your heart for what he is doing and when you get those moments, go for it.  Feel free to share it with me, I'd love to hear about it!  Happy Wednesday!

In Light of Recent Events

In general, I never really felt like I fit into Christian culture.  I wasn't ever struggling with big issues like my sexuality, but something about me, just wasn't what I perceived as the acceptable way to be a Christian.

I loved Jesus and I loved my church.  I was blessed to grow up in a good one.  Pastor Grant Edwards and Pastor John Essig not only spoke the word of God from a pulpit on Sundays, but also in the way they lived.  When I needed someone to talk to John Essig's door was open and when my mom, sister and I had no where to go in the middle of messy life with my abusive stepdad, Grant and his family welcomed us into their homes on more than one occasion.  I didn't just see Jesus from my sermon notes, I saw Him in everyday life throughout the years I was able to go to Fellowship in Springfield, Ohio.

When I went to college, I not only struggled with finding healing from past abuse and my abortion, but I also struggled with my role in the church.  TCU is a great school and Texas is a great state, but so many churches made it clear, a woman wasn't allowed in leadership.

It led to a tension that I had to come to grips with.  I wanted to serve God and honor him and if that meant I couldn't lead, well I would figure it out, but I also felt God's nudge for me to lead and I was stuck in needing a resolution between these sides.  I can recall conversations I had in those years.  One particularly with my roommate who asked me something like, "Carrie, what if you are the only Christian in a country where no one knows Jesus, are you just supposed to keep quiet because you're a woman?"

When I came to Visalia after graduation and before going to Colorado, my dad introduced me to Bible scholar, Kenneth Bailey.  In fact, I got to hear him speak in southern California on my trek up to Visalia.  Kenneth Bailey in his life, looked at the Middle Eastern roots of the scriptures and showed how, in a culture where women weren't allowed to do anything, Jesus gave space for them to be his disciples, apostles, elders and even witnesses to major events. 

This point was driven home by theologian Jürgen Moltmann when he said “without women preachers, we would have no knowledge of the resurrection.”

Yes, there are scriptures about women being silent in church, but again understanding the context behind the scripture gleans new meaning.  I also got to sit in a Jewish Synagogue in Jerusalem and understood first hand why a woman, sitting with other women, unable to hear and unable to read, might want to call down to her husband for clarity and why, for the order of the service, be asked to wait until she got home. 

There are also scriptures that say in Christ we aren't male or female, slave or free (Galatians 3:28) and that in the last days God will pour out his Spirit on all people regardless of fleshly distinction (Acts 2:17).  White, black, brown, male, female, isn't a thing in God's world, we are his people.

We can't take one scripture and build an entire theology around it, we must instead take it all as a collective message and draw our conclusions from the whole.

Gaining understanding gave me peace.  It helped me to know God had given me the clearance to go wherever he called me.  Even though I felt the leadership tug, I never planned to go into ministry.  What started as a temporary Youth Pastor position became a lifetime commitment as I now stand in the humble position of Associate Pastor in our church.

 I hear it said often that its 2019, times have changed, but if that is all it was, I couldn't be a pastor.  That wouldn't be reason enough for me.  Regardless of the year, the Bible makes the case for women in leadership and I can stand on its truth.  I know others can make a case for the opposite and as long as we can live in a place of mutual respect, I’m okay with the disagreement. Aside from my own personal quest, women in ministry is a non-essential.  Its an area we can agree to disagree.

So why am I even talking about this?  Well if you are in the Christian community at all, or know someone who is, you probably know about the latest John MacArthur/Beth Moore debacle.  A recent conference included a panel to include John MacArthur, where they were asked to play a game, a game of word association, but instead of just a fun game of - blue - sky - rain - clouds - white...they did what they have done before and listed a Christian leader and were asked to comment in a judgemental fashion.

This time they named, Beth Moore.  She was called a Narcissist, told to "Go Home" and John MacArthur went as far as to say, “There is no case that can be made Biblically for a woman preacher, period, paragraph, end of discussion.” To which an audience cheered, laughed, clapped and jeered.

The game alone is appalling, especially on a stage as a Christian witness, but to also put yourself on the pinnacle of Scripture authority to whom no one can disagree, is arrogant at best.  What happened to the humility we are to have as leaders in the Christian faith?  What happened to honoring the body?  This is not the way we were called to live. We were called to be different.  To live in love in the face of discord and disagreement.  I loved Pastor Jeremy Hudson's response on Facebook, and especially resonated with this section, 

"The roaring laughter and applause from the audience seems to indicate that the Church has gotten more comfortable taking our dialogue cues from the pages of politics rather than the pages of Scripture.

Let me be clear; It is never, Never, NEVER ok to attack someone else because you disagree with their view point. That was how the Pharisees did it, not Jesus."

Kathrin Koehler comment on Jeremy's post poignantly describes the scene when she says, "Listening to the audio of this conference was almost surreal... like an excerpt from the Hunger Games with host Caesar Flickerman."


So in a world so divided on so many issues, how did God tell us to act? 

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." (Romans 12:18)

"The message you heard from the very beginning is this: we must love one another." (1 John 3:11)

"Above everything, love one another earnestly, because love covers over many sins." (1 Peter 4:8)

"Do all your work in love." (1 Corinthians 16:14)


"Be always humble, gentle, and patient. Show your love by being tolerant with one another. Do your best to preserve the unity which the Spirit gives by means of the peace that binds you together." (Ephesians 4:2-3)

We are a world of people all different and can all read these non-essential faith concepts and understand if differently.  When we respect that and love in the face of difference we resemble Christ, we learn, and grow as people.  Beth Moore has apparently read these passages above, because when it came time to respond, instead of throwing her jabs back over the fence, she responded in love, as one of her tweets ends in, "I esteem you as my sibling in Christ."  Wow! That would take a lot of prayer and submission to God for me to use that line.  Way to Go Beth! 

Trust me we are going to disagree on a lot of topics between now and the time we die, but as Christians, how we respond is just as important as the truth in our response.  

The Core of the Christian Faith

 I am not afraid of encountering and processing human emotion.   If someone is planning a tear jerker, they are aiming at me.  I am bawling at those golden buzzer, NBA back story, triumphant underdog kind of moments.  I love getting invested in the people around me.  Here's the thing.  A lot of people out there, see religion as another talisman, emotional feelings, riding the energy wave, kind of experience.  It looks like a lot of hype without much substance.  Do they have a point?  Or are those skeptics off base?

I became a Christian when I was four years old.  I was in my Pre-K class learning about the letter I, "Itchy Ivy" was the character on the letter.  My teacher told us about Jesus and I accepted him in my heart.  I even remember going home and telling my mom all about it.

Do you want to know why I am a Christian?  I could answer that I have had a ton of encounters with Jesus in my own life.  I could answer that I was raised in a Christian home, which would also be accurate.  I could also answer that I believe in the Bible, which is correct. Even though all of those are answers I could have, they aren't the reason I am a Christian. I am a Christian because its true.  Sure I've gotten caught up in a worship night filled with Cory Asbury and Hillsong, but I've also researched beyond the feelings.

My life has had its hard times and it has forced me to question God.  At one point in my life, I even told God, "I was going to take control of my life," and I did - the results were NOT good!  Feelings aren't enough to sustain a faith in God, more specifically Jesus Christ.  You need more.  It has to be more than the overwhelming emotion after a moving set of worship music.  Without substance, it wouldn't work.  It wouldn't last.

I have studied the historical data and discovered for myself that the facts point to Jesus being who he said he was.  History proves he was a real person.  He made claims he was God and the evidence that is out there, shows, he truly was (and is) God.  If you want to know more, let me know.  I am happy to answer more questions or point you toward some resources that have helped me over the years. For now, because this month's topic is "back to the basics" I will just share some hallmarks of the Christian faith. 

We were born into a world that degenerates.  People aren't naturally good.  Just look at the news and see things are getting worse, not better.  Christians call this bad thing, sin.  Sin separates us from God. The best picture for me of this is two people trying to hug while holding suitcases.  The baggage gets in the way.  Sin is sin.

Sure, you may go to prison for more years if you murdered someone than if you stole a drugstore candy bar, but wrong is wrong.  Too often we get caught in the trap of justifying what we are doing wrong because we see the person next to us doing something we deem far worse.  Missing the mark is missing the mark.  If I jump from one cliff to another, and I miss the other cliff by a mile or a millimeter, it doesn't matter, I will be plunging to my death in both scenarios.

God (including Jesus) made us.  He wanted a relationship with us and when sin got in the way of that, he made a way for us to still have that relationship.

Christians believe in one God (its called monotheism).  We do see him in three persons that we call the Trinity.  Many look at the Trinity and think we are polytheists and that Christians believe in 3 Gods, but that isn't true.  Nabeel Qureshi, shared in his books and in this video that best way for him, a Muslim converted to Christianity, understanding the Trinity was simply about "what" and "who."  God is one being in three persons.  Being is the what and persons is the who. 

It can be hard to understand because I am Carrie and I am a human being, which means that I am one in being and one in person, but God is actually one in being and three in persons.  We call them God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.  Jesus was God sent to us in human person.  He was still God, and the Holy Spirit is the person of God that stays with us once we accept Jesus.  Jesus came to the world to be a sacrifice for us. He gave his life in exchange for us.   If you owe $10,000 on your credit card, and you didn't have it, someone pays the bill so you don't have to.

After Jesus died on a cross, he came back to life and wants a relationship with us, his creation.  He offers us life if we believe in him as God.  This is much like someone who falls off a boat is offered a life raft to help them swim to safety.  God didn't come into the world to condemn but to save it.

The number one rule of Christianity is love.  If you want a definition of that word check out I Corinthians 13.  We are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.  Part of that love is sharing the good news of Jesus with others and helping them connect with him and grow closer.

Being a Christian means admitting you don't know it all and receiving Jesus as our Lord and Savior, which just means we will live serving and following him.  We do have to surrender our lives to him, but like I said before, doing life on my terms, actually produced worse results than when I followed God.

Baptism isn't necessary to be a Christian but its a great faith step that helps us to not only publicly acknowledge we are serving God, but also is a great symbolic act of being washed by God's sacrifice on the cross.

Its a step by step walk through life with the Creator of the Universe and beyond.  He isn't out to make you someone you aren't, but instead to show you how to be the you he made you to be.  The best version of yourself and the person who can best love the world around them.  I am in awe how God continues to reveal areas I can still grow.  I love it.  I want to be the best me, I can be.  I spent years of my life ashamed of who I was, but God actually made me with purpose.  He made you that way too!  

If you have questions on any of this, let me know.  If I forgot something, I want to hear about that too.  I tried being concise (which is not my strong suit) and also share all the basic points.  So here you have it.  If you have gotten complicated in your religious views, maybe its time to simplify.  Study why the Bible is true, get to the core beliefs and understand what God wants to unfold in your life.

Mom Love

This post will be short and sweet and it’s dedicated to all my mom friends out there.

Today, like every other alternate Wednesday morning, I gathered with a group of moms to pray.  Its a great time to share our life with each other not for the purpose of gripping or gossip but for the purpose of coming together and sharing our lives, then praying for each other.

There are some of us that come each time we meet, and sometimes there are new faces at the table.  Regardless of who is sitting by me, openly sharing, I often hear the same messages (myself included).  These messages echo the following sentiment:

I'm screwing my kids up

I'm not enough

I'm a bad mom or a bad wife


You get the picture.  I don't think that thought life is only within the women I encounter.  I think many moms (and people) out there live with a replay reel that is similar to the messages above.  Truthly, those sentences JUST AREN'T TRUE.

Truth.  Being a wife and mom is hard.  Being in a close relationship with any other person is a challenge, especially under the same roof.  We will mess up - A LOT! Its inevitable, but it doesn't mean we are screwing up our kids, and that what we offer isn't enough to make a dent for the good.  

People will always have an opinion of how we do things, but opinions aren't facts and not everyone's opinion matters.  We have to train ourselves to filter out the messages that don't come from valuable sources.  The people that speak life into your life, those people may actually have something to say, but even with that, YOU get to be you.  NO ONE ELSE ON EARTH can be you.  So fill those shoes with pride.

Seriously, you are doing a great job.  There may be areas where you can hon your skills and refine your motherhood, but go work at it knowing that all humans have work to do.  Don't let those short comings define you - its only a piece of who you are and NO ONE is perfect - no matter what their Instagram might say.

Hug another mom. Pray for her.  Listen to each other over coffee because we really just want to be heard and seen by someone else.  Let's put down our judgemental armor and pick up each other's burdens.  Give some grace to someone today because WE ALL NEED IT! I know I do.  I know that boat I'm in is probably bigger than the Titanic.  Let's not sink, okay?  Let's help each other see those ice bergs and navigate around them.  Let's share some mom love!!!

This is a later post, because well, life got a bit in the way, but Happy Wednesday, or whatever day you read this.

4 Life Lessons from Frozen

As you read this, I am at Disneyland (well you know if you read this when I post it, otherwise who knows where I am when you read this).  For some time, I have been making note of life lessons from the Disney movie, Frozen, as it is my three-year-old's favorite and I've seen it more than I can count.

So while I wait in line for my daughter to get her picture with Anna and Elsa,  you can enjoy the deep thoughts this mom thought after her 300th time watching Frozen!

So here we go...


1. Rejection isn't always about you - 

I know you have to watch a Disney movie a lot to put yourself in the characters' shoes, but I really feel bad for Anna.  She has a best friend in her sister and then one day its gone.  Her parents die and she's alone and lonely.  She has no idea why Elsa won't engage with her and as we all do when we don't know the answers we fill in the gaps with guesses.  Obviously, Anna never guessed the truth was what it actually was, but in our own lives when we get rejected or treated badly we often ask what we have done wrong when truthfully more times that not it has NOTHING to do with us! In the case of Anna, she was asking and no one was telling her anything, but most of us never ask, we just assume.  We all know assuming makes an ass of u and me, right?!  So please get more information!!! Quality relationships that are worth it!

2. We aren't meant to do it alone - 

Even after Elsa's secret gets out and she sees what she is capable of she's still motivated by fear and hell bent on doing it alone.  So many of us are independent and that is great, but we all need others.  Some of us have more relational needs than others and I know when we are scared or ashamed of our reality our knee jerk reaction is to push everyone away, but that is NEVER the answer.  When you are in a bad place, you need to lean into trusted family and friends.  Isolation makes things worse not better.  I see it happen all the time so its not just Elsa's problem.  If you see someone in your life pulling away, reach out.  You can't make them do the right thing but you can do your part to remind them you are there.

3. Fear is never a good motivator - 

Whenever fear is motivating us to do life, we will end up in a mess - guaranteed!  Fear is a recipe for disaster.  Love is in fact the only thing that can conquer fear.  That was a fact long before Frozen came out.  In fact the Bible shares this truth over and over again!  God is love (1 John 4:8) and perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18).  It is important to ask yourself what is driving your life.  If you ever answer fear, its time for a pit stop to regroup and overcome that fear before moving forward.

4.  Being Yourself Isn't Enough -

When Elsa finally shares her secret she feels a sense of freedom.  She let's it all go (well thats what the song says).  She feels a freedom to finally give into her power.  The thing is, she still isn't free.  The ice making fun ends when she realizes she's left everyone in a winter world and accidentally freezes her sister's heart.  When this happened she made herself the monster instead of realizing that freedom isn't in being whatever we are, but learning balance. She was never meant to hide it or fully give into it, but to balance it.  When she learned how to control it with love, she finally found the balance.  She had freedom to be herself and the relationships and love she needs.  Instead of making herself the enemy, she needed to make the problem the problem and find a solution.

I was able to relate to this with my own anger.  I am a passionate person and its got some great benefits and liabilities.  So instead of pushing others away and trying to be something I'm not, I have to find out what works for me and keep working on it until I get it right.  What works for me may not work for someone else and visa versa which is why comparison is so often an enemy.  We need to be us, but we also need to be in community and find a way to bring us to society.  That takes love, work and discipline, but its worth it!

What Are You For?

Caleb Kaltenbach was supposed to be at a conference I attended in May to lead a couple workshops,  but some issues with his airplane kept him from making it.  His story sounded interesting so I was looking forward to hearing from him.  I wandered the speaker bookstore and decided to get his book.  I started reading it on vacation last month and it truly hasn't disappointed!

While the Christian world debates homosexuality, Caleb comes in with a different perspective.  He grew up with gay parents.  He spent his growing years attending Pride parades and encountered Christians who pedaled in hatred and was taught how horrible Christians really were.  Caleb agreed to attend a Bible Study with the intention of giving hate back to those who hated him and his family.

Instead he encountered Jesus, and discovered the Christians he'd encountered weren't the same as the Jesus the Bible talked about.   When he became a Christian and decided to go into ministry, his coming out experience (in reverse) wasn't met with enthusiasm.  His book, "Messy Grace - How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction" is a wonderful story chalked full of sound advice to the Christian community of 2018.  The first few chapters have more underlined than not, and while I don't think my struggle is loving people that are different than me, I learned a lot from his perspective.

One of the sentences I underlined in Caleb's book was:

"our church should be known for what we are for, not what we're against." (page 2)

While this isn't a new thought, it definitely gave me pause.  Yes, its easier to get up in arms about the way things are done wrong, but jumping to what we are against while easier causes more damage that standing for what we are for.   Caleb further says, "Unfortunately, some Christians have used the Bible as a weapon to bludgeon those who disagree." (page 8)

Do you know what is at the heart of war?  Its not hate - its fear.  Fear is a powerful emotion and it leaves wisdom, kindness and love out in the cold.  Fear makes us do crazy things and many Christians live in a world different than what they believe it should be and they are scared.  I think that have a right to be.  Look at the history of the world.  Jews were killed because they were Jews.  African men and women were sailed around the world and sold as slaves, and even in our country because of one's skin color, men and women were beaten, raped, sold, tortured and murdered.  Christians are scared they are next.  Unfortunately, when we push back in fear out of protection, we often do to others what we don't want done to us.

Learning more about where someone is coming from is always a benefit.  I don't think we are ever going to make progress in shouting from opposite sides of issues as to why the other side is wrong.  This model of behavior (now newly improved on the social media newsfeed) only builds walls - it doesn't provide bridges.  We have to be okay with disagreement as along as its communicated and acted out in respect and love.

Today in my reading of the Bible, I was encouraged that when Peter was called to tell Cornelius about Jesus (Acts 10), and then was confronted by Jewish believers because he ate with a Gentile, that they were excited that God had made a way for all to have a relationship with Jesus (Acts 11).  It was different than what they knew because Jews and Gentiles were distinct and often opposing people groups in the days of the Bible.  God built a bridge and his followers were excited.

The Bible also tells us the world will know we are Christians by our love. (John 13:35) That just isn't the case today.  We are known for what we are against not what we are for.

I am for all people being able to have a relationship with God.  I am for treating others with love and respect.  I am for people finding allowing Jesus to heal their wounds from life.

I am not saying we give up our convictions and do away with rules.  I am saying lead with love.  Share what we are for and meet others you disagree with in a relationship so that you can discuss solutions to problems (like immigration, abortion, gun control...) that take the concerns of both sides into consideration.

The point is when we care more about proving a point and being right we miss the boat.  No one is listening when they feel you don't care.  Stop proving your point and love the person you couldn't imagine loving.  In loving them you will see something you didn't before - them.  It may not change your stand but it may change how you communicate it.  If I am for people and for loving people, I will start there.  What are you for?  My exhortation for you today is to examine your actions, words, social media posts, and ask what is my current behavior communicating?  Do you stand out for what you are for or what you are against?  Are there changes you need to make?  No better day than today to do it!  Let's be "for" together!

Two Kinds of People

I sat in church recently and just gazed at my son sitting next to me.  I am in awe sometimes of who he is because even though my husband I had part in making him, he grew in my body, I birthed him and we have raised him since then - he is his own person.  As parents we help him grow but part of that journey is discovering who he is.  At the end of the day, God made him. 

I pulled him close and whispered something into his ear that I wanted to share with you. 

There are two kinds of people in this world.

1. People who want to discover who you are and get to know you.

2.  People who judge you and try to make you something they want you to be. 

Show love to everyone, but make sure the people you spend time with are people in the first group.  Be around people who want to know you, instead of the people who tell you who to be.  That can be hard in our world, where people say they are individuals yet put their energy into being just like everyone else.  Yet being ourselves is necessary for personal happiness, holiness and freedom.  God made us with a purpose and the world is suffering if we aren't being ourselves.  God may transform us more into his likeness as we seek him in relationship but that comes from the freedom of living in the shoes he placed us in. 

I didn't end the lesson with that point because I felt it imperative I finish up the lesson by adding - you also need to be the first person.  Its easy to judge people, but its harder to dig deeper and find out who they are and what makes them tick.  Doing so is worth it.  Deeper relationships happen through authenticity.

Last night I was at a local summer book club.  We are reading through, "UnAshamed" by Christine Caine.  One of the discussion questions was something like, "Do you hang out with people with the goal of friendship and fitting in or for respect?"  As we discussed, we noted as teens and young adults our aim is often to fit in and be accepted, and its not until we get older that we realize the importance of being respected.

Dr. Henry Cloud shares in his book, "Changes that Heal," that true bonding isn't possible without proper boundaries.  Respect is a part of that.  We can't get close to people who don't respect where they end and we begin.

Do you foster relationships that bring healing to your life and bring out the best in you and others or do the relationships in your life bring about pain and unhealthy conflict?

We get to choose how we want our lives to be - well, at some level. Too often we complain about the things we can't control and passively accept the circumstances and people we have a say about.  I'm not advocating mistreatment of others, instead, I am encouraging you to be and be around the first type of person I listed above.  Show love to the second time of person but keep your emotional distance.  They need to learn to be the first type of person and you can model it for them by being the first person.  We all deserve the best relationships, do you have those in your life? What are the biggest obstacles you face in being the first person? I'd love to hear from you!  Happy Wednesday!

Having It All

When we think about having it all, we often think of having the perfect spouse and kids, perfect job, great car, dream home...you get the picture.  Today, I read a post from a local acquaintance who shared a photo of her porch after someone had helped themselves to her bench and cushions during the night.

As I thought about this tragedy I realized, we have it wrong when we think about "having it all."

Yes, the person who took her stuff, now has a new bench set or the money from illegally selling it, but they left something on that porch that they can't get back.  When they made the choice to take something that wasn't theirs, they traded in their character for it.  They lost a part of themselves.  Sure, people who do these things usually lost those things a long time ago, but who we are is more important than the possessions or accolades we acquire.

I'm sure many of us can agree with that statement, but I can tell you when I yell at my kids for accidentally breaking something in our house - the disrespect I show in response to a mistake is sending a message that things matter more than they do and that is not a message I want to send.

Truly, having it all is accomplished by character building experiences and self-denial as we love those around us.   The things in our heart, the people we are, that is what we take with us when we die.  So grabbing for what belongs to others so we can have it, isn't doing us any favors.

Matthew 6:19-21 (NIV) 

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Some of you might be asking, "How does this apply to me? I don't steal stuff off people's porches?" But how many times do we put things before character or before others?  How often do we do things to be liked someone else or to fit in?  If we miss out on being ourselves, we are being robbed of that gift.   This lesson is for all of us in some way.  Maybe its to have compassion for the person stealing because they have got the aim of life all wrong.  Loving people the way Jesus did means caring for them without conditions.  Yes, Jesus expected people to stop with the destructive behavior but he loved them first.  Love is what drew them to him and in that love he spoke truth into their lives.  When we care for people we understand the lies they believe that have led them to where they are now.  It doesn't mean we let them get by with bad behavior, it just means we look beyond the offense and see the person.  Can you imagine the better world we would have if everyone did that?  Where are you off the mark with how you live your life and have it all?  What are you grabbing for that isn't yours in the first place?  I'd love to hear how this truth applies to your life - you may be able to teach me something!!!  Happy Wednesday!

The Deception of Suicide

A couple of years ago, I wrote on the topic of suicide in the wake of Robin Williams' tragic death.  Every time I hear someone else has lost the battle with suicide, it breaks my heart.  Beyond the obvious reasons, it breaks my heart because I have contemplated suicide and I know that struggle.

 I fight thoughts that this world would be better off without me.  Please know, I know that simply isn't true.  That thought is a lie, but its one I grapple with in life.  I see my glaring flaws and think, "I'm ruining my kids, they would be better off without the damage I inflict on them."  I begin to think my absence wouldn't be noticed in our world.  These lies run through my mind and I have to be proactive about replacing them with true statements.  I have to tell those voices to shut up and nurture voices that echo my value as a person, in spite of my flaws. 

We can't stop fighting.  We must reach for what is good.  The Bible says in Philippians 4:8

 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I used to think that was only about moral good, like the stuff I watched on tv, but its also about fighting against the lies our enemy births and we tell ourselves.

This weekend I attended a conference, "The Gospel & Justice." Joshua Ryan Butler discussed many issues in our world that Christians need to get involved in, but as he shared he shared about our identity.  It sparked further thoughts of my own. 

God made us with purpose, he loves us and seeks to see us live in freedom.  God isn't the only one that has an identity to give us. Beyond the general mission of our enemy that the Bible tells us about in John 10:10, to steal, kill and destroy, Satan has crafted a unique lie and correlating identity for us.  We can choose to accept it and crumble beneath its burden, or instead we can choose to reject it and listen for what God says, and embrace the abundant life he offers.

Satan tells me I'm not good enough, and that I am not worth much.  Satan whispers in the face of rejection that something is wrong with me.  Crazy, damaged, broken are all identities the enemy has handed me. 

God tells me I am enough the way he made me, and lets me know I am worth more than precious gems.  He shows me that I am worthy, strong, loving and healed.  God lets me see the love he wants to share through me.  I am gifted in loving others and seeing their souls.  I am gifted in drawing out the heart and touching it with the love of Christ.

Suicide is a deception.  Its believing that our faults define us and that our worth is contingent upon shifting factors.  The deception of suicide goes beyond a lying identity to another lie - the lie that we are alone in our struggle.  We begin to believe if we share our inner abyss, we will be rejected which just leads to emotional isolation. 

If the body of Christ teaches us anything, its that we need each other.  Yes, we need companionship, but having people in your life, you can be transparent with, helps protect you from the lies.  The deception of suicide is more than just the "not good enough" its also a deception that no one will understand and you must carry the burden alone. 

To overcome we also must share the burden with people we trust so they can help point us to the truth.  We are loved!! 

My latest bout with self-worth doubt ended in a very interesting way.  Not only did I hear the voice of God and my own mantras but I heard the voices of those in my life.  I knew they would tell me my value in their lives.  It was the shortest lie moment I've had and I saw victory in it.  I'm sharing this with the world to let you know if this is a struggle for you, you aren't alone.  Find the truth of who God says you are and lean into it.  Be intentional in relationships and find someone(s) you can share your inner heart with - set yourself up for success!

4 Lessons From Disney's "Wrinkle In Time"

This last week my son and I finished reading the book, “A Wrinkle In Time” by Madeleine L'Engle. I told my son we couldn't see the movie until we finished the book, and even though he didn’t quite get why, he was motivated to complete it. We had a great mother/son date going to see the movie, but I would be lying if I didn't admit my disappointment with  Disney's take on this treasured book.  The undeniable Christian themes in the book were replaced with a universal religious message that didn’t resonate with me.  (On a side note: I also felt rushed through the story and missed some of the scenes that were omitted from the book.  I felt the depth of the story was lost as some of the modern elements inadvertently added  a superficial quality that distracted from the overall themes).  

Despite my criticisms, I still came away with some teaching points that Caleb and I discussed and were about to apply to our own lives.  

1. The Importance of Parenting - In the end, Dr. Murry apologizes to his daughter, Meg, for missing out on 4 years of her life because of his tessering misadventures.  He looks at her and says, “Instead of shaking hands with the universe, I should have been holding yours.”  

Parents are people and we have our own dreams and aspirations and that is never wrong, but when those dreams supersede our role as parent we miss out on the greatest opportunity we have to shape someone’s life.   Parenting is hard in the moments, but over before you know it. You can’t get that time back, so its important to give it your full attention.  We have to be present as parents and this message met me loud and clear from the silver screen.  

2. The Paramount Power of Love - Clearly when Charles Wallace is overtaken by IT, he is in all accounts, demon-possessed.  IT uses fear, revenge and anger as its primary weapon in overcoming any and every target.  Love, was the only thing that could overcome the evil of IT.  Love is what Jesus did on the cross, he gave his life for all and cared for us in that act, despite our flaws.  As Meg points out, love sees us for who we are and doesn’t quit in the midst of reality.  That love is what defeated IT and returned Charles Wallace to his body and home.  Love is what Christians are tasked to share with the world, regardless the circumstances.  

3. The Significance of Facing Your Fears - Calvin’s relationship with his parent (mom in book vs dad in movie) is  tumultuous at best.  The fear he faces is referenced in movie and as the final scenes conclude, he notes that it took him a "trip around the universe" to face his fears.  Finding Nemo is another movie that highlights this theme and its something we all need to learn.  Fear is a prison and love is the antidote. It does take risk to face one’s fears, but even if you fail, you are stronger for trying, and its easier to dust yourself off and try again.  Being free from fear is definitely worth any risk involved! 

4. The Treasure Of Being You - We are imperfect people and our comparison game of why someone else is better than us or how “this one thing” would make us better is a lie and a trap.  When we focus on what we wish we were, we miss out the beauty of who we actually are.  Meg is a great example of this as she encounters her dream self and has to use her faults to save the day.  This doesn’t mean we stop working at being better people, it just means we acknowledge the wonderful creation of God we truly are.   

Do any of these speak to you in the reality of your life, today?  Is there a challenge in these four points that can motivate you to explore outside your comfort zone and encourage you to grow as a person?  Whether you watched the movie or not, loved it or hated it, I think the bonus lesson is no matter what, you can always glean from your experiences in life, fictional or otherwise!  Happy Wednesday and beyond!! 

BFG and Jesus

This morning I had the pleasure of connecting with a young woman that God placed on my path several years ago.  We discovered our mutual love for theatre and Jesus.  As we reconnected over coffee and conversation interrupted intermittently by my two-year old, we entered into a spiritual conversation on fear that I wanted to share with you.

Often, we can walk through life in fear that, as we face crossroads, we will pick the wrong way.  Life choices like the city you live in, the job you take and the person you marry can fill your heart with anxiety, well if you are anything like me it can.

Yes, God has a plan and we can trust him to guide us, but hearing his voice isn't an exact science and the reality of that unknown can fill our hearts with fear.  The truth is - it doesn't need to.  We can trust God and if, please note the "if" here, we are seeking God we will find him.  Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to me and I will show you great and unsearchable things that you do not know."  We can take that promise to the bank.

Sometimes we spend time seeking God in our prayer and Bible times, and we look for that green light to go forward. While that is wisdom, making the choice often comes with some uncertainty.

If you have seen the movie BFG, you will recall the scene when BFG leaves Sofie back at the orphanage to protect her from the other giants.  After realizing she isn't in a dream, she goes out onto the balcony, calls to BFG, asks him to catch her, closes her eyes and jumps.

He in fact does catch her.  She was able to jump because she knew BFG and she knew he loved her.

We must know God and know his love to have the faith to jump.  But when we do, we can trust God will catch us.

I remember my sophomore year Bible class in high school at Dayton Christian.  My teacher, Mr. Pittman, told us a story of having to decide which school to attend.  He was seeking God in the direction and made his choice.  As he was about to head out, he got a call that changed his course.  He used this illustration to show that sometimes you have to make a step in one direction, and know that if its not the direction God is leading, then God is big enough to change the course.  But often we have to take a step in faith and not allow fear to paralyze us.

Fear is not of God (2 Timothy 1:7).  God is love.

We can't allow the unknown to hold us back, but with the love and wisdom of God, we should feel freedom to propel forward in life.

Sofie doesn't allow fear to hold her back, not just with the leap of faith from that balcony but as the story continues on.  She stands for what is right in the face of those man eating giants.

I don't know what your man eating giants are or the crossroads you face, but I know the God who created us, the God who died for us and the God who seeks to love us at all costs.  That kind of love will sustain you and protect you as you venture on in life.  It doesn't mean you won't encounter challenges but truthfully, I can take courage in knowing that by serving Jesus, my Savior, I have confidence to step out in life.  The worst thing that can happen to me is death but even if someone takes my life, they can't take away my freedom in Christ and the life after this that he has promised me as his child.

Go out and do great things with God at the helm of your life ship.  Seek him, find him and conquer this world.  We are living for things far greater than the crossroads we encounter!!

Do You Have Hashtag Guilt?

If you are new to my blog or don't know much about me, you may not know when I was 18, the summer before I started college, I had an abortion.  It was a decision made out of fear, and I spent a lot time rebuilding my heart and life after that choice.  Since finding my own freedom after abortion, I spent years walking alongside others with similar stories to lead them to hope as they struggle with their own past mistake. Despite my ability to help others, I try not to be the "abortion girl" - mainly because I’m so much more than that and even though I have a lot to share about that experience, its not what defines me. 

Trust me when I say, when it comes to my past abortion, I have found freedom.  I have walked healing in this place in my life, have spoken in front of crowds countless times and have had conversations with many people and am completely able deal with the issue of abortion without being re-traumatized, but I am also a testimony to the fact that no amount of healing can undo what I did in a Pennsylvania abortion clinic in the summer of 1997. There are many facets to pain, like the layers of an onion, and as we trek on in life, we can discover ways in which our past connects to us today.

Abortion wasn’t a time machine that made me unpregnant, and our choices when we are young can have lasting ripples into adulthood.  This place of pain has allowed me to help a lot of other people navigate their hurt from a past abortion, and while 99.9% of the time, that choice doesn’t haunt me, there are still moments, usually years between, when I am impacted and experience grief. It is a place of remembrance in my heart and a loss that will always be.  

I love my six-year-old son.  He is the best!  After 5 years of trying to get pregnant, followed by a miscarriage, I was pretty excited when I had my baby in my arms.  I thought he’d be it until we were surprised with my now, two-year-old, baby girl.  I love that I have one of each because they are both my favorite.  I can say, you are my favorite son or favorite daughter on the planet without any competition.  I see a lot of hashtags out there on photos and posts and even use some of my own - hashtags like: #FavoriteChild,  #FavoriteDaughter, #FavoriteOldestSon,   (okay, you get the point), and maybe this is dumb, but sometimes I feel guilty for my posts labeled with #FavoriteSon.  I feel guilty because Caleb isn’t my only son.  He’s just my only living son.  

To be fair, I didn’t know if the baby I chose to abort at 18 was a boy or a girl, because I wasn’t far enough along to have that medically answered, but in my heart I’ve always known he was a boy, and his name was Tyler.  He’s been a real person in my heart since the day after my abortion.  Making that choice is my biggest regret.  As I enjoy my two beautiful kids and my two beautiful bonus daughters, I hate that he doesn’t share in our fun (and craziness).  I sometimes feel bad saying #FavoriteSon because I feel like I’m leaving someone out.  As a girl who had her rejected phase, I'm sensitive to leaving people out. 

The truth is, Caleb is my #FavoriteLivingSon or #FavoriteSonOnEarth.  I miss my Tyler and he’s my #FavoriteSoninHeaven  and I want him to know I love him even though I’m sure in heaven, he’s just fine.  The depths at which I love my kids just seems to illuminate the joy I denied myself by rejecting the gift of Tyler almost 20 years ago.  

I bet I’m not alone in my journey of mourning the life I took for granted as a teenager.  Maybe you never had an abortion, but you have a past decision or experience that marked you in a way that stays with you?  What are the ways your adolescent choices affect you, even now? 

We can't live in our past, we were never intended to do so, but to deny the reality that our choices will affect us for life, is a dangerous mistake.  We need to be intentional to let God into our past so that we can walk in freedom and be wise in the way we walk out each day.  I know I couldn't do life with my Savior Jesus Christ and if anyone is looking for some hope, he is definitely the answer!  I am praying for those who read as I know, life gets real, and know I am writing from a sincere heart and a place of understanding.  God bless you this week! 

When Someone Else's Words Are Better Than Your Own

With everything going on in our world right now, let me tell you, I have words - lots of words.  Sometimes, I have so many I just can't get them out.  The words in my heart and my head are currently in the midst of a traffic jam.  While they sit in gridlock and wait to flow again,  I decided to share some words that warmed my heart yesterday when I read them.  My sister, Catie Coyle, shared a story that I knew needed to be shared.  So for now, she speaks, and soon I will be too!  Thank you Catie for the following words and thank you to our mom for raising us to see people and not color.  

I have been thinking about the recent news out of Charlottesville and how to respond. I struggle to find the rights words and war with myself about my anger and my desire to be a light in the darkness. This process of thought has had me reflecting on my childhood and one experience in particular. 

As a little girl, I practically lived at the Springfield Marketplace. The building itself breathed and was alive with adventure and spirit. My mother had an antique shop toward the front of the building. Christos was a lovely shop, beautifully appointed, and always her shoppers would be greeted with the sounds Gershwin or Beethoven lightly playing from a small Boombox hidden in the back of the store. 

I loved the Marketplace; I loved the people there and the adventures we shared together. It was my little paradise.

Despite the warm memories, it was also in my own little Hamlet that my heart was first darkened by the awareness of racism. The Marketplace had a shoe shine stand that my friend, Charlie, owned. Charlie was old and gentle and apparently… black. I can’t explain why I didn’t seem to notice that about him. I just didn’t. 

Charlie was just my friend. 

Sometimes, when the stand was slow we would go for our walks together. I would show Charlie silly things like where I had scooped a drowning bee out of the fountain and cared for him until he could fly away. Or Charlie would tell me stories about the people that had their shoes shined that day. It was nothing spectacular, except maybe to me. 

Then one day, Charlie would not go for a walk with me. 

I was heartbroken. 

I didn’t understand why my friend would not want to spend time with me. 

To make matters worse, my mother wouldn’t let me go outside either. There was a nervousness in the air. It was uncomfortable and confusing. 

I don’t know how I found out about the Klu Klux Klan or their despicable presence that day. I don’t know who told me. I don’t actually remember if I really understand who they were. All I knew was that they were gathering by MY fountain. I somehow learned that they hated my friend Charlie, and people who shared the color of his skin. I learned that Charlie was scared. And I knew, without a doubt, that I hated the KKK.

As an adult, I still struggle to forgive those that have such foulness in their hearts. I know that hating those that hate does nothing to promote the love of Christ, but I still struggle.

The recent news about the white supremacist rally in Charlottesville has had me thinking about Charlie again. When I heard news of the rally I felt so angry and helpless. Even after all these years, I still don’t have the words. I still feel like a little girl who feels betrayed by total strangers. 

I wish there was a way, as an adult, I could go back there and tell Charlie how much he meant to me, and how ashamed I am for being upset that he wouldn’t go for a walk with me. 

I wish I could hold his hand again, his old wrinkled hand, and tell him that I would keep him safe. 

I wish Charlie knew that that day, that was undoubtedly terrifying for him, awoke in me a passion for equality. 

I hope Charlie knew that I loved him. 

I know that there are a million “Charlies” out there. People that are our neighbors and our co-workers, our friends, strangers we pass on the street, and family that we adore. People who feel scared and angry. I know that my experiences are different than theirs. I know that I cannot speak for them and for the racism that they experience every day. 

I know I don’t really know what is it like to suffer under the yoke of racism because I was born with light skin. I also know that I will stand up for what is right and what is true and what is love. I will do my best to show my neighbors, and my co-workers, and my friends, and even strangers that I pass on the street, that will stand with them. And I know that we will be victorious in this battle, because “love never fails."

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” - I Corinthians 13:4-8