I fight thoughts that this world would be better off without me. Please know, I know that simply isn't true. That thought is a lie, but its one I grapple with in life. I see my glaring flaws and think, "I'm ruining my kids, they would be better off without the damage I inflict on them." I begin to think my absence wouldn't be noticed in our world. These lies run through my mind and I have to be proactive about replacing them with true statements. I have to tell those voices to shut up and nurture voices that echo my value as a person, in spite of my flaws.
We can't stop fighting. We must reach for what is good. The Bible says in Philippians 4:8
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."
I used to think that was only about moral good, like the stuff I watched on tv, but its also about fighting against the lies our enemy births and we tell ourselves.
This weekend I attended a conference, "The Gospel & Justice." Joshua Ryan Butler discussed many issues in our world that Christians need to get involved in, but as he shared he shared about our identity. It sparked further thoughts of my own.
God made us with purpose, he loves us and seeks to see us live in freedom. God isn't the only one that has an identity to give us. Beyond the general mission of our enemy that the Bible tells us about in John 10:10, to steal, kill and destroy, Satan has crafted a unique lie and correlating identity for us. We can choose to accept it and crumble beneath its burden, or instead we can choose to reject it and listen for what God says, and embrace the abundant life he offers.
Satan tells me I'm not good enough, and that I am not worth much. Satan whispers in the face of rejection that something is wrong with me. Crazy, damaged, broken are all identities the enemy has handed me.
God tells me I am enough the way he made me, and lets me know I am worth more than precious gems. He shows me that I am worthy, strong, loving and healed. God lets me see the love he wants to share through me. I am gifted in loving others and seeing their souls. I am gifted in drawing out the heart and touching it with the love of Christ.
Suicide is a deception. Its believing that our faults define us and that our worth is contingent upon shifting factors. The deception of suicide goes beyond a lying identity to another lie - the lie that we are alone in our struggle. We begin to believe if we share our inner abyss, we will be rejected which just leads to emotional isolation.
If the body of Christ teaches us anything, its that we need each other. Yes, we need companionship, but having people in your life, you can be transparent with, helps protect you from the lies. The deception of suicide is more than just the "not good enough" its also a deception that no one will understand and you must carry the burden alone.
To overcome we also must share the burden with people we trust so they can help point us to the truth. We are loved!!
My latest bout with self-worth doubt ended in a very interesting way. Not only did I hear the voice of God and my own mantras but I heard the voices of those in my life. I knew they would tell me my value in their lives. It was the shortest lie moment I've had and I saw victory in it. I'm sharing this with the world to let you know if this is a struggle for you, you aren't alone. Find the truth of who God says you are and lean into it. Be intentional in relationships and find someone(s) you can share your inner heart with - set yourself up for success!
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