"I don't like what you've done in my life and I was going to take over."
He let me, and I made an even bigger mess of my life, making two of the biggest mistakes to date.
Even with that season, I would say I am close to God. In moments of life, all I have had was God and he showed up in a GIANT way!
I recently put together curriculum for a youth retreat that rocked my soul! I came across a video (that has since been deleted). It shared words and background set to connect with the song Names of God by Laurell Hubick. As I watched the video and listened to the words, I began to cry. Before I tell you why, let me share a story.
I can recall one night, as a junior-high student, going to bed feeling more alone than ever before. I called out to God saying I needed to be held. I needed to feel someone hug me, like you would if a human being held another human being. I went to bed that night and literally felt God's arms around me.
HE ANSWERED MY PRAYER!
That God hasn't diminished in my life.
He is just as big as he ever was.
He still speaks to me and yet,
I have made a major mistake!
I have let my life become bigger than my God.
I have allowed anxiety, fear and worries take over and it has become my default to accept the broken circumstances that are handed to me.
I don't have to.
That video sparked this awakening in my soul that reminded me of the God I believed in all those years ago in that bed all alone - the God I still follow today. I realized I am not living in a way that acknowledges the love, gentleness, strength and power of my God.
My God is
Elohim, my Creator (Genesis 17:7, 8),
he's Jehovah Shammah, The Lord is There (Ezekial 48:35),
Adonai – My Great Lord/My Master – 2 Samuel 7:18-20
El Elyon – Most High God – Genesis 14:20
Yahweh – The Lord I AM – Exodus 3:13-15
Jehovah Rohi – The Lord Is My Shepherd – Psalm 23:1
Jehovah Mekaddishkem – The Lord Who Sanctifies You – Leviticus 20:7-8
Jehovah Tsidkenu – The Lord is Our Righteousness – Jeremiah 23:6
El-Roi – The God Who Sees Me – Genesis 16:7-16
Jehovah Nissi – The Lord Is My Banner – Exodus 17:8-15
El Shaddai – All Sufficient One – Genesis 49:22-26
Jehovah Jireh – The Lord Will Provide – Genesis 22:9-14
Jehovah Rapha – The Lord Who Heals – Exodus 15: 22-26
Jehovah Shalom – The Lord Is Peace – Judges 6:16-24
Jehovah Sabaoth – The Lord of Hosts - I Samuel 1:3
El-Olam – The Everlasting God – Genesis 21:33
Christ – The Anointed One – Matthew 16:16
Love – God is Love – I John 4:8
Abba – Our Father – Romans 8:15-17
I sat there and confessed where I had strayed and in the next week, God called me to live out what I had confessed.
Days before the retreat I was to lead, my daughter started to develop symptoms to a virus that would keep any of us from attending. That wasn't an option. I began to panic and then I remembered the Names of God. In that list is God my provider and God my healer. I took this to him and asked others to pray.
My mom, as wonderful as she is, spoke words that grabbed me. She said, "Carrie, God cares more about your daughter and those teens, than you do! He will take care of it."
I stood in that truth and saw my God work. My daughter was healed and is fine. More importantly, I was healed of the anxiety that was plaguing my heart. Sitting in that truth and resting in all that my God is, I was able to relax. I knew God had it all worked out the way He wanted and needed it to go, regardless of what happened with my little girl.
Where have you let life become bigger than God? Where do you need to rest in God and see him be the BIG, AMAZING God HE IS?!
Maybe you don't know God. Do you need a Savior? God is there. If you are reading this, and like me, you have let God become small, NOW IS THE TIME, to see the BIG GOD you serve. If you don't have a God but need him, he is also there. I am here, if you have questions or want to know more, let me know. God bless you. Happy Wednesday!!!