The Hardest Goal to Accomplish

Do you have a goal or New Year's Resolution that always seems to be on your list and never gets crossed off because you miss it every time?

What is it?  

Have you ever really thought about why it never gets done?  Sure laziness may be involved, but laziness isn't the biggest obstacle - we are.  Each of us have something in us that we are afraid to face and look at and I'm not sure we always know what it is because as we get close to it we just run away, never looking deeply into it.  It usually has roots in our value. 

I don't get that job because I can't answer the question, "Why would anyone hire me?" 

I don't go for that passion because what if I'm not enough.

I can't de-clutter because besides asking about Joy, going through my stuff makes me face my past.

I can't get organized or finish a big task because procrastination keeps me from having to face my fear that I am not good enough to do it.

Guess what?! I know these statements or variations of them in my own life and I hear them in those coffee conversations with friends and acquaintances.  I heard so much of this echoed in the writings and talks of Brene Brown because its something many of us experience in our own way.

If we want to accomplish something we first have to have the courage to face the monster keeping us from it.

Get out a piece of a paper and write out the worst case scenario.  What is it?  What is so scary about it?   Ask yourself "so" until you get at what is really at the core. Is it really the end of the world? Usually its worse in our heads than it is in reality.  If that was the worst for your friend, what would you say to them?

 Okay, now write out the opposite of your worst case scenario or whatever you were left with after asking "so".  Is that statement believable? Is it possible?  Is it worth going for?  Are you aiming at the right thing? Everytime you hear the worst, tell yourself the best!  Mentally you need to equip yourself and replace the scripts that have been playing in your mind.   

You, just being you, is enough, maybe not to solve the world's problems but definitely to meet the needs of those who need you - your tribe.  

Do you know who they are?  If you are unsure of this go out and read, "This is Marketing" by Seth Godin.  That book is full of deep questions to penetrate those unearthed areas of your soul.  We no longer have to touch the masses, we just have to reach out to those who need us, that "micro-market" as Seth calls it.  

Who are you?  Why are you valuable?  What do you add to the world? If you don't know the answers to these questions, you won't get far.  Start from the beginning and master that, then move forward. The answers to these basic questions aren't just important for your goal-meeting missions but also for your relationships with God, others and yourself.  God clearly shares with us in scripture that we were made with purpose.  Some of us just roam through life unaware of that purpose and let me say that is no way to live.  Make the years you have count! 

Are you living up to your potential? Are you moving forward or just treading proverbial water? Where are you stuck?  Take some time and find out that core matter so you can build on something solid! Happy Wednesday!! 

Dear Women of New York,

Dear Women of New York,

Last night I had trouble falling asleep.  A new law was passed in your state on abortion.  I've seen a variety of posts from friends on my social media feeds.  One post in particular hasn't left my mind. It was a diagram demonstrating how late term abortions are performed.  Before I continue with my thoughts, let me first tell you a few things about me that will factor into what I have to say.  

At 40, I became a grandma last week.  My husband is older and has daughters from his first marriage, so technically I'm a step-grandma, but in my family "step" doesn't mean anything, only the relationship and love do.  I was shocked by a text I got last week because my stepdaughter wasn't due for another month. Her baby came early and ended up in NICU because of that but was sent home like any full-term baby because even a month early, she was healthy.  Tiny, but healthy.

I have two babies of my own.  The oldest will be 8 tomorrow and the youngest will be 4 next month.  

I also have two babies in heaven.  The oldest would have turned 20 last year and the younger would have been about 9.  Danielle, the younger, was miscarried. I still have a photo of that toilet with her in it.  I couldn't look away because that was my child. The older baby, my Tyler, he was aborted. I was about 6-8 weeks along when I went in for the abortion, I wasn't allowed to see the ultrasound before the abortion so I'm not sure the exact week.  

I was pro-life before my abortion.  I never really understood how I could abort when I grew up believing it was wrong.  Greg Hasek, a counselor in the Northwest, helped me see that decisions are often made out of fear and insecurity instead of what we know to be right or wrong.  That was a pivotal moment for me.  By not dealing with my own issues I inevitably ruined my decision-making ability.  

I was a mess after I aborted Tyler.  Mess is actually an understatement. There are things no one tells you, or maybe you just don't want to believe, and that is why I ended up working with women who had been through abortion or were at that crossroads.  It's no longer my full-time work because let me tell you, when you've lived it, its exhausting work. I'm still here and participate in online groups for women. I still get referrals and will always be available to a woman who needs to talk, but doing it non-stop just became too much.  

Why?  It wasn't just my own story, but instead it was hearing the same story over and over again.  It didn't seem to matter what someone believed about the law. So many women were wrecked by abortion.  Women experience various levels of trauma based on the individual circumstances but whether they were coerced or chose for themselves, the common thread they share is that something in them changed in a way they couldn't get it back.  Many of them silently experience their pain in everyday life, but suffer secretly.

I think it's because most women really want a time machine, not an abortion.  After abortion, the core of them feels that they betrayed themselves and their child.  Guilt is a horrible feeling, because left unresolved, it doesn't just come off. It just becomes heavy.  Then comes a variety of other emotions: embarrassed, ashamed, guilty for now feeling regret about what they stood for and believed was their right and all women's right, stupid for being duped by a family member, friend or partner, abandoned in their pain and alone.  

Each story looks different and yet, it also all sounded the same.  Women were living in bondage because, despite the plethora of healing opportunities offered by Pregnancy Resource Centers and other abortion-recovery related non-profits, our divisive society makes finding healing an uphill battle. I found healing because I want a better me no matter the cost, but not everyone is that lucky.  

With my abortion past and my mom/grandma reality I can't even begin to imagine the horror a woman would experience after a late-term abortion.  You’ve spent 9 months bonding with a baby in your belly, and felt the kicks and various movements only to go in for an abortion procedure that means going home for 24 hours while your baby dies, then having to go back in to deliver your dead baby. If that isn't by definition trauma, I don't know what is?!  

Don't do it.  Forget what a law says, don't write yourself a prescription for that much pain!   This new law might seem to some to be a step forward for women’s rights, but if you ask me it is causing a lot more harm.  

Women deserve better than abortion.  Women deserve better than this new law.  You deserve better. Let’s fight for better!  

Sincerely,

Carrie Guy

P.S. If you or someone you know have experienced the loss of abortion and need someone to talk to, let me know.  You aren’t alone.

Before I Die

Last week, I noticed a lumps on the back of my neck and the side of my neck and you know what I thought - I'm dying.  Despite everything I know about positive thinking, the power of God, the promises in scripture and that just because MedMD says, "you are dying," doesn't make it so...

I worried about the worse case scenario!

I called the doctor and the nurse wasn't sure she could get me in, then she asked why I wanted to be seen and when I told her, she had an appointment the very next morning.  Then when I got there, the line for the copay's was so long, I ended up signing into the doctor behind five other people and sat down waiting to sit for awhile and yet, my name was called back almost immediately.  Usually, I wait in the room a bit, but my doctor came in pretty quickly after the nurse.  All of this had me completely FREAKED OUT!!!  I kept trying not to think about the "C" word and yet it was all that kept coming into my mind.

Spoiler alert: I'm not dying and I don't have cancer.  I just managed to cut the back of my head without knowing it, it got infected and that caused my lymph nodes to swell so I was given an antibiotic to deal with the infection.

In those moments between finding the lumps, deciding what to do and hearing from the doctor; I was flooded with worry, but I also got some clarity.

Truth: We don't know how long we have.  We may live til we are 102 and make it on the Today Show for our milestone birthday or we may die next week.

That, my friends, is out of our control.  I don't always get how God works, but I do trust him.  God speaks truth through the Bible, but also through my life.  He's been there through it all.  Yes, there have been times that I didn't feel him or honestly wanted to die, but I know He was always there and I have seen his guiding hand all over my life.  It still scares me to die.  I am not afraid of what awaits me, but I hate the thought of leaving my family behind and not finishing what I started.  I can trust my Savior who knows just how many days I have on this earth, but I also need to be faithful with each one He gives me.

I, like you, have a job to do.  Yes, God gives all Christians a job to do in Matthew 28:16-20, but God also created us each with different ways to share his love with others.  How we walk it out is different for each one of us.  I want to be faithful in being Carrie, the best way possible and to finish what I start.

I realized in those moments of "what if this is the end" that I want to do better at being present in the lives of those I love.  I want to make the 936 weeks from birth to graduation with my kids is the best it can be.  I want to be there for my husband.  I want to go for it in my ministry and business and finish the books that have been waiting to be finished.  I want to share my story, the hope I have and what I've learned with the world (or at least my world).

I am grateful that I don't have cancer but I'm also grateful for the clarity, that scare gave me.  Because its important to know what you would do before you die.  Do you have clarity on that? Is your life in order? May you glean from my own experience.

When We Miss the Mark

This month as we talk about goals, its important to mention those times when we miss the mark.  Goal setting, goal planning, goal meeting also includes goal missing. 

Guess what, when you go for a goal and you miss it, its something to celebrate! What - you may be asking?  Each failure is a lesson and if we made any progress that is worth celebrating.

So you wanted to lose 100 lbs and lost 30, hey that's 30 lbs!  Maybe you gained 30 pounds and didn't lose anything, did you learn that you need accountability or need to face some issues first and then lose weight?  That is still progress!!!!

If I've said it once, I've said it 3 billion times - Perspective is crucial to life!!!

I can't tell you how often I've let life failures or public opinion speak to my worth more than God's word and loving reflection.  

When I see failure as a step towards a lesson or growth, I'm doing so much better than when I see failure as a negative message about my value or abilities.

I will fail, you will fail.  It doesn't mean we stop trying, it just means we gather what we learned, we figure out a different way and we go - again!!!!

Sunday, I overheard a children's lesson leader share a message with kids about God.  I honestly can't remember the lesson, and its because a throw away comment that was made, hit me between the eyes. She talked about New Year's Resolutions and how most people never keep them.  They way she said it, it sounded like she was saying, why even try?  I don't know what her intention was and that's not the point.  A lot of people do think, why even try?  I'm just gonna fail!  Well better to have tried and failed than to have never even tried!!!!

It actually reminds me of a parable (a lesson story in the Bible) where a King went away and gave his servants money.  When he returned two of his three servants showed him how they used his money and earned more.  He rewarded their use of the money.  The third servant got scared and didn't even try and even the money that he had was taken from him.  (Luke 19:12-27)

Not trying for fear of failure shouldn't even be an option.  

The story isn't about money but its about what we do with the talents and life we've been given and the message of God we are to share in our relationships with others.  

What are you not doing because you are afraid you will fail?

What have you failed that discouraged you and you need to re-evaluate and celebrate?

Life is too short to be down all the time.  God says, "...I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."  John 10:10 

There will always be challenges we have to face and life is hard, so we don't need to add to that! Go fail, learn and grow!!! You are amazing and that doesn't change when we miss the mark!

Begin with the End In Mind

Friday, I was at a funeral.

Sidebar: I've actually been to more of those than the average person. I have a big family, so growing up I was always at a funeral for some great uncle or aunt, and over the past sixteen years, I've worked at a church with a sizable elderly population.  That means a lot of funerals.

I know a lot of people hate funerals.  Truthfully, I really love what a funeral reminds me of.
* It reminds me of my purpose in life.
* I also love honoring people.  You always learn more about someone and the life they led.  Any life is worth celebrating, because there something good in everyone.
*Showing up for them and their families feels like an amazing gift too.

Friday, I was reminded that one conversation or even smile can make an impact for 40 to even 70 years in the heart and life of those around us because we never know what insignificant thing to us makes an impact in the life of someone else.

When I was in college, I remember being asked to write out my eulogy.  I've done it with the teens in my youth group over the years too.  I mean, how can we know if we are on track unless we look at where we want to be.  We only get so many years, are we making the most of the journey?  I don't believe in reincarnation so I don't think I will get another shot.  This life is it.

Looking at what we want in the end also lets us see what we've already accomplished. That is a great encouragement.

Besides the eulogy, there's also asking the question: What do I want people to say at my funeral?

What do you want people to remember?

When we look at goals, sometimes we become too short-sighted and just think what we want right now and forget long-term perspective.  Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

For me, relationships matter most.  I love my relationship with Jesus, my Savior and the beautiful people in my life.  I cherish people and making an impact in their lives, and that is what I want in the end.

What do you want your eulogy to say?  Write it, post it where you can see it and be reminded where you want to go.  It helps in getting there!

God bless you this fine January day! Make the most out of the one life you get, because trust me, it matters!!!

Reaching

Happy New Year everyone!

This year, I've decided to set themes each month - my essential oil classes, videos, and writing will focus around the themes (okay so I will probably share random thoughts as well), but I really want to aim at meeting the needs of the people I encounter in ministry, in business and in life.

This month, our focus is goals.  I started a Facebook group for women called, Women Together and my hope is to facilitate conversation and connection through the group.  We started the goal-talk discussion on there and later this month, I will be doing a local oil class centered around participant discussion on our goals.  Of course, we will talk them here too!

It might sound a bit expected and even cliche to discuss goals in January.  But a fresh start is great, even if its just a calendar doing so.  We are highly suggestive people and I do believe the hype of a new year can inspire us to go for it.

The problem is we often set lofty goals for ourselves and then get easily discouraged when they don't work out.

Listen to any goal-setting guru (I love Michael Hyatt, Seth Godin & Marie Forleo) and they will tell you goals need to be measurable. They need to set a long-term goal and benchmarks for how you will get there.

I found this photo on unsplash (one of my favorite websites for free photos to use)

It lingered in my mind because of the reach out into nothing.

That is what we often do.  I do think we need to dream big and imagine what could be.  What would you want your life to look like?  If your life was a basket what you want it filled with?  What is in it that needs to go?  These are questions that we should get into the habit of asking.  Move forward in life - don't settle for status quo unless status quo is what you want.

But if all we do is reach out into nothing, we will never have anything.  We must mark a plan for how we will reach that goal.

So here is my assignment for you and for me.

Write out your big cloud dreams - then decide how you can quantify that.

So if you want to lose 120 lbs, maybe you do that in the next 2 years.  Which means 60 lbs a year, which mean 15 pounds every three months.  So then you have to figure out calories taking in, which food choices, how much you will work out, when you will work out...dream big, but know it takes work and planning, but in the end its worth it!

The journey along the ride is also an amazing gift!

I'd love to hear from you.  What are your goals?  What is in your basket?  What have you always dreamed of but never gone for?  What is stopping you?

Are you excited for 2019?  Let's start this year with a dream and work the rest of the year to see how we can build it!

Meet me here next week!!! Happy Wednesday!