The Deception of Suicide

A couple of years ago, I wrote on the topic of suicide in the wake of Robin Williams' tragic death.  Every time I hear someone else has lost the battle with suicide, it breaks my heart.  Beyond the obvious reasons, it breaks my heart because I have contemplated suicide and I know that struggle.

 I fight thoughts that this world would be better off without me.  Please know, I know that simply isn't true.  That thought is a lie, but its one I grapple with in life.  I see my glaring flaws and think, "I'm ruining my kids, they would be better off without the damage I inflict on them."  I begin to think my absence wouldn't be noticed in our world.  These lies run through my mind and I have to be proactive about replacing them with true statements.  I have to tell those voices to shut up and nurture voices that echo my value as a person, in spite of my flaws. 

We can't stop fighting.  We must reach for what is good.  The Bible says in Philippians 4:8

 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I used to think that was only about moral good, like the stuff I watched on tv, but its also about fighting against the lies our enemy births and we tell ourselves.

This weekend I attended a conference, "The Gospel & Justice." Joshua Ryan Butler discussed many issues in our world that Christians need to get involved in, but as he shared he shared about our identity.  It sparked further thoughts of my own. 

God made us with purpose, he loves us and seeks to see us live in freedom.  God isn't the only one that has an identity to give us. Beyond the general mission of our enemy that the Bible tells us about in John 10:10, to steal, kill and destroy, Satan has crafted a unique lie and correlating identity for us.  We can choose to accept it and crumble beneath its burden, or instead we can choose to reject it and listen for what God says, and embrace the abundant life he offers.

Satan tells me I'm not good enough, and that I am not worth much.  Satan whispers in the face of rejection that something is wrong with me.  Crazy, damaged, broken are all identities the enemy has handed me. 

God tells me I am enough the way he made me, and lets me know I am worth more than precious gems.  He shows me that I am worthy, strong, loving and healed.  God lets me see the love he wants to share through me.  I am gifted in loving others and seeing their souls.  I am gifted in drawing out the heart and touching it with the love of Christ.

Suicide is a deception.  Its believing that our faults define us and that our worth is contingent upon shifting factors.  The deception of suicide goes beyond a lying identity to another lie - the lie that we are alone in our struggle.  We begin to believe if we share our inner abyss, we will be rejected which just leads to emotional isolation. 

If the body of Christ teaches us anything, its that we need each other.  Yes, we need companionship, but having people in your life, you can be transparent with, helps protect you from the lies.  The deception of suicide is more than just the "not good enough" its also a deception that no one will understand and you must carry the burden alone. 

To overcome we also must share the burden with people we trust so they can help point us to the truth.  We are loved!! 

My latest bout with self-worth doubt ended in a very interesting way.  Not only did I hear the voice of God and my own mantras but I heard the voices of those in my life.  I knew they would tell me my value in their lives.  It was the shortest lie moment I've had and I saw victory in it.  I'm sharing this with the world to let you know if this is a struggle for you, you aren't alone.  Find the truth of who God says you are and lean into it.  Be intentional in relationships and find someone(s) you can share your inner heart with - set yourself up for success!

3 Reasons Why You Won't Change

 

Have you ever wanted to lose weight? Get a better job? Organize your house? Be more efficient? Be a better communicator?  Use that gym membership?  Save money?  Or do anything that just never happened? Ever wonder why you couldn't do it? Well I'm about to tell you 3 reasons why change isn't happening. 

 I am always striving for better, and I admit, I'm a bit of self-help junkie. I love reading how-to's, but recently I read a book and when I was finished, I realized: I didn't learn anything new. 

I don't know it all, but I've read enough articles and books, been on the best email lists and followed some great leaders through social media, videos and podcasts, to know the 4 keys to success or the proper order to a clean house.  The problem comes in applying the knowledge.  I have to put the plan into action and that is the hardest step. 

I am almost done with the book, "When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life," by Dr. David D. Burns.  It is a great book and has actually presented me with some amazing options for overcoming anxiety.  In his book he states the issue with the lists I referenced above, is that telling someone 5 ways to (fill in the blank) is that they ignore the first step - someone has to want to change.   

Change is hard!  You will only succeed if you:

1. Decide to change and do something different than your current routine.  That is why letting someone else in your process is important because they can be the impetus you need to change by keeping you accountable. Knowing how the change can take place doesn't matter if you don't resolve to do life differently. 

Why don't we want to change? There are a number of reasons but mainly homeostasis is easier.  Routine is just that - routine.  We can keep going.  The other reasons often include facing fears, and taking a look at the stuff we use our devices and favorite shows to avoid.  Avoidance and denial have kept the entertainment industry on top! 

2.  Focus on thriving not surviving.  I don't know your life, but I do know mine.  Sure, I would love a clean house and a thinner version of myself looking back at me in the mirror, but those things come  at a cost and usually in order for more to happen, my chill time is what gets traded for the work.  Life is hard and I am tired, because I go, and I go, and I go.  Changing my juggle, would probably mean I would drop a few balls in the process and would create more work, even though the work now would be payoff later.  Its easy to just try to survive, but we were made for more. 

Change isn't happening if you are looking to just survive, because surviving means doing the minimum.  Trust me there is no shade thrown your way if you are maxxed out and surviving is the name of your game, but don't expect to meet goals.  Goals get met when we go after more.  For me, its the abundant life Jesus talks about in the Bible (John 10:10).  Abundant life is the best, but it involves sacrifice, giving, being uncomfortable and facing the junk in your emotional closet. 

3. Face those fears and insecurities that haunt you.  I have walked through the pain of a past abortion and the skeletons from an abusive step parent.  Those emotional victories were amazing, but I have to be real when I say -  neither of those were as hard as looking into my heart and facing the negative crap I've repeated for more than 30 years (we aren't saying how many more than 30 years). 

I have had some mean things said to me in my life, but nothing as bad as what I've said to myself.  Change means retraining your thoughts, words and behaviors and doing so means looking at why they are there in the first place.  My recent epiphany that revealed some internal hatred of parts of me, not only shocked me, but its been scary at times to look at what is really going on and face it.  BUT, IF I WANT TO CHANGE, I HAVE TO FACE IT!!!!

Change is possible. 

The best change in me has always come with my team.  My team includes my God, Jesus Christ, at the head of the whole thing, and then the people he has planted in my life.

The key to change is loving community.  The common string to everything above is that its easier with others.  When we are fearful, surviving and stuck, we tend to want to isolate, but isolation doesn't cure, instead it further infects.  That is the recipe for making things worse.  You may have to find your team and that isn't easy either, but worth it!

 Do something different, get accountability, refocus on thriving and replace those negative thoughts with ones that are full of grace and truth.  You got this!  Oh, and please, make sure to tell me about it!!!