Doing You Jesus' Way

If you are alive in 2019 you have heard someone say, "You Do You!"

Here's the thing, I love and hate this phrase and I have been thinking about why I love it and why it bugs me. 

So many times the religion of Christianity takes over and squashes that relational aspect.  The strict rules and "my way" attitude seem to put people into boxes in ways that they just don't fit.  You see the box of crayons smashed to bits as the beauty in those that weren't accepted as “right” are discarded. 

God made us all different ON PURPOSE.  We weren't made to look identical to those around us.  I know, I talked about that last week and I don't want to be that broken record, so I will continue with this post. 

We are meant to be us, but there is a comma after that sentence ON PURPOSE as well. 

It can be easy to get the American Dream mixed up with the Biblical calling God has given us.  They don't always match.  Of course God wants us to follow our heart, but more than that he wants us to seek him with all our heart and allow that relationship guide the path.  Sometimes God uses the crap and mess to meet us where we are and make us the best versions of ourselves that we can be. 

I love, "You Do You," because we need to embrace who were were created it to be, but I don't like it because we were made for more.  We are like that microwave on the counter, unless its plugged into some electricity it ain't doing anything.  We are the best us when we are connected to our Creator, our Savior, our King!

We were made to work within the body of Christ and that often means putting others first.  It means sacrifice and self-denial.  I do think its important to validate yourself before you hand yourself over to Jesus and allow Him to speak into your life. 

Trying to check the boxes and meet all the rules isn't going to work, because that would be our effort and it isn't our effort, but God's mercy.  We have to surrender ourselves to Jesus.  When we know we are loved and can trust him, doing so isn't scary. Life is never easy, but we weren’t created for this world.  Heaven is our home.  God has given us a mission and it involves others.  Finding the balance in knowing and accepting yourself and submitting to God’s plan for your life is key.  

Let’s face it, we don’t really want people to do them if it means causing harm to others or themselves, but we do want them to not feel pressure to be a reflection of everyone else is around them.

 The Bible may only say that God said,” It’s Good,” on creation days, but he said it about all of his creation which includes me and you singularly.  We need to accept that we were made to be us and cherish who that is. The question isn’t, “how can I fit in?” Instead it’s, “how can I serve God?” One question looks outward to compare and the other looks inward and factors in who we are.  

Maybe you are saying, “Carrie, that’s all well and great, but, how?”

First, do you know what makes you, you? Do you know how you can shine? Do you know what you add to the world? Start answering those questions.  Take some personality tests, ask your friends, look at where you find most joy.  

Second, embrace the creation.  Can you list 20 wonderful things about yourself? Do you doubt your value? Are you worried that others can discount you and cut you down to worthless? If so then it’s time to ask God to show you how he sees you.  What he sees when he says, “ it is good!”

Daily write down the beauty you see in yourself.  When you hear those negative voices begin to replace them.  Find scriptures that speak to this and write them down. Post them where you can see them and be reminded.

Third, ask God to show you how you can serve and honor him, specifically how can you walk with him.  Spend time with God.  Maybe it’s time for a daily Bible reading and quiet time in prayer.  Come to know what a relationship with God looks like, not just a religion.  The beauty happens in the time together. 

True freedom is in being who God creates us to be.  Go be free! 

Who Are You?

Before you can answer the question, "what you need," you first have to know who are you?  I love the show, "This Is Us," for many reasons, but one of those reasons is because they deal with the who in defining the how.  Isn't that what life is all about?  So many people stay stuck in bad places because they incorrectly defined the who.  They don't try because they don't think they are worth the effort.  A couple weeks ago I talked about how much you matter and it sounds nice but really, its the starting place for a reason.

When we fail to see our awesome in the midst of our own awful (we all have both) we miss out on understanding who we really are.  I hate when people pick one thing to define themselves because we are more than our sexuality, our past or one defining character quality.  We need to see it all and there are so many ways to do that.  Its a package deal, because while taking away one of those descriptors would change who we are, we aren't just one thing.  

I love personality tests because its a rabbit hole of self-discovery that truly makes me giddy.  There are so many quizzes and tests online today - just do a google search and get lost one afternoon in the discovery of you!

Knowing who you are is key to understanding where your life potholes are and knowing the dangerous places you shouldn't go.  Its knowing that you are tired and now isn't the time to discuss this, or understanding that certain people trigger past pain and you have to guard yourself when life puts them in your path.  Knowing yourself means knowing you talk too much or not enough and being sure you have put in place what you need to care for yourself and rock at life.

I mean don't you want the best?  Don't you want to finish strong and not be a tragic tale?  Getting there, taking care of yourself to make it through the years of this life, those come in the moments getting all added up.

I get busy and can give so much that I neglect myself.  If I don't have sleep, time with God and recoup time, I am horrible to be around.  If I get anxious and worried, I have to slow. it. down. 

I have to take a time out and refresh.  

That isn't the same for my husband and if I'm not careful I can see him going and think, "I need to catch up," but that doesn't work for me and if I try it, I will fail.  Pushing myself too hard not only gets me raging, but it also takes me to that depression place, where I can begin to ask the question, "Wouldn't everyone just be better off without me?" That land is no bueno and I try to avoid it, so knowing what gets me there it the first step.

Do you know who you are in order to know what you need?  Become a student of you and then make that plan to stay in the best place.  Fill me in! I'd love to hear more about you and what you need.  Comment below or on any of my social media accounts, message me or call if you have my number.  Trust me, I want to hear it! I hope its an awesome day!!! Maybe today is the day you begin to discover you!!!!

The Hardest Goal to Accomplish

Do you have a goal or New Year's Resolution that always seems to be on your list and never gets crossed off because you miss it every time?

What is it?  

Have you ever really thought about why it never gets done?  Sure laziness may be involved, but laziness isn't the biggest obstacle - we are.  Each of us have something in us that we are afraid to face and look at and I'm not sure we always know what it is because as we get close to it we just run away, never looking deeply into it.  It usually has roots in our value. 

I don't get that job because I can't answer the question, "Why would anyone hire me?" 

I don't go for that passion because what if I'm not enough.

I can't de-clutter because besides asking about Joy, going through my stuff makes me face my past.

I can't get organized or finish a big task because procrastination keeps me from having to face my fear that I am not good enough to do it.

Guess what?! I know these statements or variations of them in my own life and I hear them in those coffee conversations with friends and acquaintances.  I heard so much of this echoed in the writings and talks of Brene Brown because its something many of us experience in our own way.

If we want to accomplish something we first have to have the courage to face the monster keeping us from it.

Get out a piece of a paper and write out the worst case scenario.  What is it?  What is so scary about it?   Ask yourself "so" until you get at what is really at the core. Is it really the end of the world? Usually its worse in our heads than it is in reality.  If that was the worst for your friend, what would you say to them?

 Okay, now write out the opposite of your worst case scenario or whatever you were left with after asking "so".  Is that statement believable? Is it possible?  Is it worth going for?  Are you aiming at the right thing? Everytime you hear the worst, tell yourself the best!  Mentally you need to equip yourself and replace the scripts that have been playing in your mind.   

You, just being you, is enough, maybe not to solve the world's problems but definitely to meet the needs of those who need you - your tribe.  

Do you know who they are?  If you are unsure of this go out and read, "This is Marketing" by Seth Godin.  That book is full of deep questions to penetrate those unearthed areas of your soul.  We no longer have to touch the masses, we just have to reach out to those who need us, that "micro-market" as Seth calls it.  

Who are you?  Why are you valuable?  What do you add to the world? If you don't know the answers to these questions, you won't get far.  Start from the beginning and master that, then move forward. The answers to these basic questions aren't just important for your goal-meeting missions but also for your relationships with God, others and yourself.  God clearly shares with us in scripture that we were made with purpose.  Some of us just roam through life unaware of that purpose and let me say that is no way to live.  Make the years you have count! 

Are you living up to your potential? Are you moving forward or just treading proverbial water? Where are you stuck?  Take some time and find out that core matter so you can build on something solid! Happy Wednesday!! 

Reaching

Happy New Year everyone!

This year, I've decided to set themes each month - my essential oil classes, videos, and writing will focus around the themes (okay so I will probably share random thoughts as well), but I really want to aim at meeting the needs of the people I encounter in ministry, in business and in life.

This month, our focus is goals.  I started a Facebook group for women called, Women Together and my hope is to facilitate conversation and connection through the group.  We started the goal-talk discussion on there and later this month, I will be doing a local oil class centered around participant discussion on our goals.  Of course, we will talk them here too!

It might sound a bit expected and even cliche to discuss goals in January.  But a fresh start is great, even if its just a calendar doing so.  We are highly suggestive people and I do believe the hype of a new year can inspire us to go for it.

The problem is we often set lofty goals for ourselves and then get easily discouraged when they don't work out.

Listen to any goal-setting guru (I love Michael Hyatt, Seth Godin & Marie Forleo) and they will tell you goals need to be measurable. They need to set a long-term goal and benchmarks for how you will get there.

I found this photo on unsplash (one of my favorite websites for free photos to use)

It lingered in my mind because of the reach out into nothing.

That is what we often do.  I do think we need to dream big and imagine what could be.  What would you want your life to look like?  If your life was a basket what you want it filled with?  What is in it that needs to go?  These are questions that we should get into the habit of asking.  Move forward in life - don't settle for status quo unless status quo is what you want.

But if all we do is reach out into nothing, we will never have anything.  We must mark a plan for how we will reach that goal.

So here is my assignment for you and for me.

Write out your big cloud dreams - then decide how you can quantify that.

So if you want to lose 120 lbs, maybe you do that in the next 2 years.  Which means 60 lbs a year, which mean 15 pounds every three months.  So then you have to figure out calories taking in, which food choices, how much you will work out, when you will work out...dream big, but know it takes work and planning, but in the end its worth it!

The journey along the ride is also an amazing gift!

I'd love to hear from you.  What are your goals?  What is in your basket?  What have you always dreamed of but never gone for?  What is stopping you?

Are you excited for 2019?  Let's start this year with a dream and work the rest of the year to see how we can build it!

Meet me here next week!!! Happy Wednesday!

The Beauty of the Poop Storm

Poop is said a lot in my house with a 7 year old boy living there.  I do have a daughter but she adores her older brother so she gets on the "farts are so funny" bandwagon.  

"Carrie, why are you talking about poop and farts," you may be asking? 

I will tell you.  I grew up around a lot of perfectionist influences (people, circumstances etc).  I am a recovering procrastinating perfectionist.  

My natural inclination is: 
I want everyone to like me, 
I want to do it right the first time, every time in everything.  

Guess what?! That is not reality.  You know what else?  

I didn't learn a lot about myself growing up because I was trying to be perfect instead of investing in learning and being me.  I try to celebrate my kids mistakes and failures whenever I can.  I try to help them see that every poop storm in life gives us something.  

Now I've never been completely covered in literal poop, and when I saw the opening scene in "Slumdog Millionaire" and a few other movies with excrement scenes you best believe I was gagging.  I have been pooped and pee'd on in the baby stages and even now in potty training I've cleaned up my fair share of literal poop messes, but again, I've never been covered in literal poop.  

I have been figuratively crapped on.  I have been covered in the fecal matter of life.  Lately, I've faced a few obstacles that make me want to quit, but guess what? Those obstacles, those poop storms are helping me to see my path.  

They are aiding me in seeing myself and refocusing on what matters.  They are helping me to envision possibilities and learn new skills.  Screwing up in hobbies like sewing or iron-on projects with my Cricut machine help me learn the right way to do it and before I know it - I've grown a bit.  The same is true in life disciples.

If you just focus on the poop you might miss the beauty in the lesson.  Are you done talking about poop?  Okay we can call it something else.  

The point is, life is sometimes REALLY UGLY! That is reality for all of us.  We can only take ownership of ourselves and sometimes we have to live with the poor choices and behaviors of others.  But if you can allow it to help you ask more questions, and seek new answers, then you are better for it.  

A week or so ago, I went live on my Carrie Guy public Facebook page, and in that video I discussed the "all or nothing" fallacy.  So many times we get stuck in life fitting into this box or that one, when truthfully we usually have a ton of options.  

We usually need to go out of ourselves for a moment and recognize who is around us that can help us see what we might be missing.  I am a verbal processor so having people to talk it out with is crucial for me to find my path or solutions.  I am often seen talking out loud as I often discuss life with God.  Yep, I talk to God like he's sitting right there with me.  

Its easy to see the junk around us, but have you seen the beauty?  The challenges I've recently faced have been a crash course in Carrie 101, I am learning so much about who I am, what I need and how I can set myself up for success in the midst of challenges.  

In an interview with Marie Forleo, I recently heard Seth Godin discuss his new book, This Is Marketing, and he talked about the people who expect to have a white table cloth without the red wine stain.  He then went on to discuss how unrealistic it was.  Guess what, that is me! I have unrealistic expectations and that will never do.  Lesson learned! 

Don't let life go by without picking up the lessons along the way.  Take some times to explore, what your current set of circumstances are teaching you.  Are you playing it safe?  Is it time to go outside your comfort zone to find the solutions you need?  Lean into your support network and discover the parts of you, that you might not be seeing.  You've got this, trust me! Do me a favor - comment below  a challenge that seems to be popping up in your life.  It could be a negative thought process, a bad relationship, an addiction, a personal weakness (the list goes on).  For me its letting others speak into my life without first filtering out whether they have earned that right.  I am beginning to ask questions when I have negative encounters and find what I need to improve my life and who I need to silence.  Now its your turn.  Join me in the conversation!   

Mom Love

This post will be short and sweet and it’s dedicated to all my mom friends out there.

Today, like every other alternate Wednesday morning, I gathered with a group of moms to pray.  Its a great time to share our life with each other not for the purpose of gripping or gossip but for the purpose of coming together and sharing our lives, then praying for each other.

There are some of us that come each time we meet, and sometimes there are new faces at the table.  Regardless of who is sitting by me, openly sharing, I often hear the same messages (myself included).  These messages echo the following sentiment:

I'm screwing my kids up

I'm not enough

I'm a bad mom or a bad wife


You get the picture.  I don't think that thought life is only within the women I encounter.  I think many moms (and people) out there live with a replay reel that is similar to the messages above.  Truthly, those sentences JUST AREN'T TRUE.

Truth.  Being a wife and mom is hard.  Being in a close relationship with any other person is a challenge, especially under the same roof.  We will mess up - A LOT! Its inevitable, but it doesn't mean we are screwing up our kids, and that what we offer isn't enough to make a dent for the good.  

People will always have an opinion of how we do things, but opinions aren't facts and not everyone's opinion matters.  We have to train ourselves to filter out the messages that don't come from valuable sources.  The people that speak life into your life, those people may actually have something to say, but even with that, YOU get to be you.  NO ONE ELSE ON EARTH can be you.  So fill those shoes with pride.

Seriously, you are doing a great job.  There may be areas where you can hon your skills and refine your motherhood, but go work at it knowing that all humans have work to do.  Don't let those short comings define you - its only a piece of who you are and NO ONE is perfect - no matter what their Instagram might say.

Hug another mom. Pray for her.  Listen to each other over coffee because we really just want to be heard and seen by someone else.  Let's put down our judgemental armor and pick up each other's burdens.  Give some grace to someone today because WE ALL NEED IT! I know I do.  I know that boat I'm in is probably bigger than the Titanic.  Let's not sink, okay?  Let's help each other see those ice bergs and navigate around them.  Let's share some mom love!!!

This is a later post, because well, life got a bit in the way, but Happy Wednesday, or whatever day you read this.

Dream With Me

I’m currently working on a book.  I have tons of books that are waiting to come out of me, but its taken me a long time to decide what my first book will be.  I’ve been writing all my life.  The beauty in that, is that my book isn’t comprised of fresh words from my heart and head, but a mixture of old and new.  Much of my book has been written over the course of my life - I now just have to piece it together. 

As I have combed through my earlier work, I have discovered some new truths about myself.  

I’m 39 years old and I still don’t know “what I want to be when I grow up.”  That has always troubled me because I feel like that answer should be an easy one.  I know who I am and how and why I tick so why doesn’t that easily translate to what is ahead?  I grapple with future goals and how I want to leave my mark on the world.

I think its a “D: All of the above” situation and while I have known a few of the answers D comprises, it wasn’t until today that something clicked with that final piece.  

A: I have a lot of talents so narrowing down is a challenge - knew that. 

B: I love things that are outside of the box so finding my workspace isn’t as easily defined - knew that.  

What I didn’t know surprised me.

C: I couldn’t dream of what I wanted to do because my dream was to escape the crazy train life and just be normal.  That isn’t to say I wanted to be like everyone else, I just wanted to be someone who didn’t have to fear daily life.

I was a girl who lived scary circumstances and that reality replaced future dreams of career with future dreams of normalcy. 

When I look at option C, I realize, I’ve already passed that test and attained that goal.  Life isn’t perfect and it isn’t always pretty.  There may not be a literal white picket fence in my front yard, but I live in a nice home, with a husband who loves me and three wonderful kids who share the other rooms of the house.  I have a relationship with an amazing God, am supported by a great community and there is always food on the table (usually enough to share).   I have what I dreamed to one day have.  

So its time for a new dream. Its time to explore the possibilities.  

What about you? What are your dreams?  What's getting in the way of those dreams?  I don’t know if you are old enough to know who Mama Cass is, but I can close my eyes and hear her voice singing, “Dream a little dream of me..”  

Dream (and sing) with me. Be sure to share them with me - I want to hear them!!!  

Two Kinds of People

I sat in church recently and just gazed at my son sitting next to me.  I am in awe sometimes of who he is because even though my husband I had part in making him, he grew in my body, I birthed him and we have raised him since then - he is his own person.  As parents we help him grow but part of that journey is discovering who he is.  At the end of the day, God made him. 

I pulled him close and whispered something into his ear that I wanted to share with you. 

There are two kinds of people in this world.

1. People who want to discover who you are and get to know you.

2.  People who judge you and try to make you something they want you to be. 

Show love to everyone, but make sure the people you spend time with are people in the first group.  Be around people who want to know you, instead of the people who tell you who to be.  That can be hard in our world, where people say they are individuals yet put their energy into being just like everyone else.  Yet being ourselves is necessary for personal happiness, holiness and freedom.  God made us with a purpose and the world is suffering if we aren't being ourselves.  God may transform us more into his likeness as we seek him in relationship but that comes from the freedom of living in the shoes he placed us in. 

I didn't end the lesson with that point because I felt it imperative I finish up the lesson by adding - you also need to be the first person.  Its easy to judge people, but its harder to dig deeper and find out who they are and what makes them tick.  Doing so is worth it.  Deeper relationships happen through authenticity.

Last night I was at a local summer book club.  We are reading through, "UnAshamed" by Christine Caine.  One of the discussion questions was something like, "Do you hang out with people with the goal of friendship and fitting in or for respect?"  As we discussed, we noted as teens and young adults our aim is often to fit in and be accepted, and its not until we get older that we realize the importance of being respected.

Dr. Henry Cloud shares in his book, "Changes that Heal," that true bonding isn't possible without proper boundaries.  Respect is a part of that.  We can't get close to people who don't respect where they end and we begin.

Do you foster relationships that bring healing to your life and bring out the best in you and others or do the relationships in your life bring about pain and unhealthy conflict?

We get to choose how we want our lives to be - well, at some level. Too often we complain about the things we can't control and passively accept the circumstances and people we have a say about.  I'm not advocating mistreatment of others, instead, I am encouraging you to be and be around the first type of person I listed above.  Show love to the second time of person but keep your emotional distance.  They need to learn to be the first type of person and you can model it for them by being the first person.  We all deserve the best relationships, do you have those in your life? What are the biggest obstacles you face in being the first person? I'd love to hear from you!  Happy Wednesday!

4 Lessons From Disney's "Wrinkle In Time"

This last week my son and I finished reading the book, “A Wrinkle In Time” by Madeleine L'Engle. I told my son we couldn't see the movie until we finished the book, and even though he didn’t quite get why, he was motivated to complete it. We had a great mother/son date going to see the movie, but I would be lying if I didn't admit my disappointment with  Disney's take on this treasured book.  The undeniable Christian themes in the book were replaced with a universal religious message that didn’t resonate with me.  (On a side note: I also felt rushed through the story and missed some of the scenes that were omitted from the book.  I felt the depth of the story was lost as some of the modern elements inadvertently added  a superficial quality that distracted from the overall themes).  

Despite my criticisms, I still came away with some teaching points that Caleb and I discussed and were about to apply to our own lives.  

1. The Importance of Parenting - In the end, Dr. Murry apologizes to his daughter, Meg, for missing out on 4 years of her life because of his tessering misadventures.  He looks at her and says, “Instead of shaking hands with the universe, I should have been holding yours.”  

Parents are people and we have our own dreams and aspirations and that is never wrong, but when those dreams supersede our role as parent we miss out on the greatest opportunity we have to shape someone’s life.   Parenting is hard in the moments, but over before you know it. You can’t get that time back, so its important to give it your full attention.  We have to be present as parents and this message met me loud and clear from the silver screen.  

2. The Paramount Power of Love - Clearly when Charles Wallace is overtaken by IT, he is in all accounts, demon-possessed.  IT uses fear, revenge and anger as its primary weapon in overcoming any and every target.  Love, was the only thing that could overcome the evil of IT.  Love is what Jesus did on the cross, he gave his life for all and cared for us in that act, despite our flaws.  As Meg points out, love sees us for who we are and doesn’t quit in the midst of reality.  That love is what defeated IT and returned Charles Wallace to his body and home.  Love is what Christians are tasked to share with the world, regardless the circumstances.  

3. The Significance of Facing Your Fears - Calvin’s relationship with his parent (mom in book vs dad in movie) is  tumultuous at best.  The fear he faces is referenced in movie and as the final scenes conclude, he notes that it took him a "trip around the universe" to face his fears.  Finding Nemo is another movie that highlights this theme and its something we all need to learn.  Fear is a prison and love is the antidote. It does take risk to face one’s fears, but even if you fail, you are stronger for trying, and its easier to dust yourself off and try again.  Being free from fear is definitely worth any risk involved! 

4. The Treasure Of Being You - We are imperfect people and our comparison game of why someone else is better than us or how “this one thing” would make us better is a lie and a trap.  When we focus on what we wish we were, we miss out the beauty of who we actually are.  Meg is a great example of this as she encounters her dream self and has to use her faults to save the day.  This doesn’t mean we stop working at being better people, it just means we acknowledge the wonderful creation of God we truly are.   

Do any of these speak to you in the reality of your life, today?  Is there a challenge in these four points that can motivate you to explore outside your comfort zone and encourage you to grow as a person?  Whether you watched the movie or not, loved it or hated it, I think the bonus lesson is no matter what, you can always glean from your experiences in life, fictional or otherwise!  Happy Wednesday and beyond!! 

Why Parenting Is So Hard!

I think anyone who has kids, of any variety, knows parenting is HARD! Don't get me wrong, it is also amazing!! Becoming a mom awakened a part of me that didn't exist before.  I am in awe of these mini-people who fill my life with frustration and happiness of equal and epic proportions. 

But why is parenting so hard?  That is a bigger question than this blog post could ever answer, but the answer that is currently resonating with me is because of what our kids reveal in us.  Even though kids are unique, they still reflect the best and worst of us, as parents. 

My son is just like me so finding the parallels of my personal issues in his behavior has never been hard, but my daughter is another story.   When I found out my youngest was a girl, I cried. I cried because I wanted a boy.   

At the time I didn't fully understand what was happening in my soul, but as I've been her mom, I see now it was fear.  I was afraid to be a mom to a girl, because I was afraid to look at parts of myself I was subconsciously avoiding. 

As God has walked with me into the darkness of my hidden self-loathing, I have faced my fear of not being enough in being her mom. 

Let me be clear, I love my daughter and I wouldn't trade her for the world.  I also welcome the journey of self-discovery that raising her has led me on.  I am one who wholeheartedly believes, the best life is one that is free from past junk! Despite the pain of facing my inner demons, I am eager to be baggage-free. 

But all of this just enforces the challenges of parenting.  We are humans in process, after all.  Having to do everyday life and then be sent the unexpected self-awareness curveball through your child's behavior is downright, overwhelming!   You never know when your child will playback your greatest fears and worst habits in their tantrum about homework, or be hurt by a friend and be crushed in a way you remember happening when you were younger.  What is that one thing you hate about yourself?  Seeing it in that face you'd die for or wish you could rescue them from your flaw you despise  - is terrifying!    We can't stop our kids from being like us - human or from getting hurt. 

The good news is, we aren't alone and God has a plan.  He will use every ounce of our good and bad parenting to shape their character and purpose and to heal our past in the process if we let him.  Some of my favorite traits were birthed out of the hardest challenges I faced, so I have to allow my kids to do the same.  When I look at this in reverse, I can tell you, I know my parents faults, but I love being like them in spite of those traits. 

How great is God that he uses our kids to draw us out of our comfort zones and allows us the space to grow in our relationship with him, self-awareness and desire to heal?! 

As I am reading Job right now in the Bible, I am reminded how often we feel the need to give advice when what we really need to do is offer encouragement.  Sure advice is necessary at times, but we don't have all the answers so engaging others like we do, isn't always helpful.  Job had three friends with loads of advice, but failed to give him what he needed - someone to remind him, he wasn't alone and to encourage not to give up. 

So here I am, letting you know - you aren't alone, so don't give up!  If you need more relational time, make space in your schedule to spend time with people - face to face, so you can grow your friendships and take care of your soul.  Keep going - God is bigger than whatever you face.  Ask him to show you just how big he is, then stand back and watch!!!  Happy Wednesday! 

What is Your Kryptonite?

I am not superman, but I definitely have my own kryptonite.  I bet you do too.  Have you ever thought about what it is? 

Why even think about it?  We may not be dodging into phone booths (I know, what is that - ha!) and changing into our super outfit to save people from a nearby, evil nemesis, but you are the hero of your life, at least you should be.  You also aren't perfect so you can either be ignorant and ignore all your shortcomings or fake and pretend they don't exist, or you can put on your big girl pants and face it. 

What's my kryptonite? I'm severely easily distracted.  I mean I can be talking to you about one thing and then...squirrel!  So my phone is my enemy, because I can get on Facebook to update a group I run or add to an event and before I know it an hour has gone by and I haven't done what I went on to do. 

Knowing this about myself means I have to be intentional.  To get anything done, I must have lists and limits so that I can stay on track.  If I don't, the day will go by and nothing will have been accomplished.  If I need a vaca day then that is fine, but if my family wants to eat (aka, oops I forgot to add dinner to the crockpot or even defrost the meat), and I need to keep the internet on (aka, I forgot to pay the bills), I have to get my list done, not to mention the lists I have for my jobs and every other hat I wear (and yes, I know I do way too much, but baby steps is my pace in the better myself arena). 

Thankfully, when I focus, I can get a lot done.  I'm also great when things fall a part, I have a knack for just rolling with it and finding something that will work when a crisis takes over an event. 

The point is I must first:

1.  Know my kryptonite

Then I can:

2. Create a plan to combat it

And only then can I:

3. Slay the day :)

Do you have goals for your life or even day?  If not, get them because you are just wasting time, and if so are you doing what you need to do to accomplish them? 

Excuses are just that.  If you want to get er' done, you need a plan and that has be broken down into attainable steps.  But the plan will fall a part if you don't recognize your kryptonite and create a plan to overcome it.  Just accept that it is there and prepare yourself to knock it down or avoid it with  your patterns and plan. 

I don't know who is reading this, but I know you are a human being with a purpose.  Why not live life to the fullest?  That is what my Bible tells me Jesus came to give us - abundant life.  So what is stopping you?  The answer usually involves yourself and usually your kryptonite. 

I'd love to hear from you.  Comment, message me, and let me know if this is helping you.  I don't need to write just to have my words fill a page.  I want it to make a difference.  Is there something you would like to hear more about?  Tell me.  Introduce yourself.  I promise - I'm listening!  Happy Wednesday.  Decide what you want out of life and start your journey today.  If you already know, motivate and keep going.  God bless, my friends.  - Carrie

Are You Asking Your Kids the Wrong Question?

Do you remember this question - What do you want to be when you grow up?  I remember getting asked this a lot throughout my childhood and adolescents, and I even ask my own kids this same question. Its a great question - dreaming and self-actualization are great tools for personal success. While creating a sense of wonder for the future is a good thing, there is a problem with this question.  

First, when do we actually grow up?  Do you remember that day?  I don't.  I have life defining moments and even milestones that mark the path of my life - graduation, marriage, motherhood...but I'm still growing up.  Subconsciously, we send the message that "growing up" is some destination we get to when we stop being a child and have a career.  But the truth is the journey of growing up is life long.

On a recent episode of "Better Late Than Never" Jeff Dye said something like - when we are young we want to fit in and be like everyone else but there comes a time when being different is good and we want to know who we are and what separates us from the crowd.  It is a process of becoming us; the ride doesn't end until the day we die. 

I had a professor at TCU that did her Doctoral dissertation on the topic of wedding psychology.  One of the many insights she shared with me included the pitfall in calling your wedding day the "happiest day of your life."  This is another example of subsciously setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. What do you have to look forward to after that? 

 Second, how many adults these days have one career?  Even our work like is a mixed bag of different jobs.  We must continue to live each day with vision and purpose, and the likelihood that each of us will grow up to be one thing, just isn't reasonable.  I'm approaching 40 and have to look at what is next because my job as Youth Pastor isn't something one tends to do until a traditional retirement age, not to mention, non-profit hasn't provided me with any tools to retire someday, so I have to prepare for the next chapter. 

I don't think I'm alone.  I have a friend that just lost a job after 22 years of dedicated service and has to regroup and figure out what is on the horizon.  Which leads me to my third point...

Our focus should be on the type of person we want to be, not the job we choose.  People of character and community are much more admirable dreams than a job title.  Knowing your child wants to be someone who helps people can lead to a discussion on how they will do so - surgeon, nurse, police officer, politician, pastor, teacher, counselor...

This helps us to know and make known the heart of our children.  Knowing your personality and your hearts desires are a great compass for when you navigate life.  There will always be bumps along the journey and knowing yourself aids you in adjusting as necessary. 

I think its time we start having broader discussions with our kids and ourselves.  How well do you know yourself?  Google resources on personality tests and discover something new about yourself!  Its fun, I promise. 

4 Steps to A Better You

My goal in life is to help people be the best versions of themselves, instead of being limited by the mental filters often adopted through circumstances, opinions of others and traumas faced.  Why is this my goal for others?  Because it started as a personal goal, and I realized I am not alone.  

Those lies we get trained to believe and walk out keep us down and keep us from being the people God intended when he made us.  Self-discovery at its core works best when we discover who God made us to be - usually a better version than we can even envision.    Its easy to see the failures and push the play button on a loop message that makes us feel defeated. 

I don't have to let my struggle with anger, self-doubt and anxiety keep me prisoner to self-prescribed limitations, and neither do you (insert your struggles here).   It begins to look like a mountain I can't climb, but that is not the truth.  God has already defeated the enemy and conquered it all on the cross (Romans 8:37).  He created me with purpose and wants me to see myself the way he does.  

Today, I was listening to Jihan Solomon Thomas in a video on essential oils.  She was sharing her life and some of her motivational methods.  She shared something she does to keep herself going and I want to share it with you! 

I can take no credit for this.  But I LOVE IT!!!!

Here we go. 

1. Get a Journal - whatever you like: binders, composition book, leather, spiral-bound (you get the picture).

2.  Divide it Up With Your Life Categories - finances, career, motherhood, fatherhood, emotions, hobbies etc.  Each of us will have different categories because we are different (and that a beautiful thing!) 

3.  Write "I AM" statements - write what you want to be. Declare the life you want, and the goals that get lost in the self-doubt fog.

Examples among my categories, I would write: 
I am debt free 
I am mortgage free.  
I am a responder and in control.  
I am a loving mom full of grace and joy.  
I am in control of my emotions and am able to speak from a place of calm.  
I AM healthy and fit and am excited about what I see in the mirror.

These thoughts encourage me to fight the doubt I face when I feel overwhelmed by anxiety and subsequent anger.  I can keep my goals ahead of me and not allow the delays to hold me back.

Do some research on how the brain works.  You can create pathways that promote positivity or conversely continue to stay stuck in the junk that keeps you in a negative mental space. 

I've seen lists like this before based on scripture like this one from Soul Shepherding.  Things like the list below can help me to see myself the way God does: 

I AM a new creation. (2 Corinthians 5:17)
I AM a child of God. (Galatians 3:26)
I AM forgiven. (Ephesians 1:7)
I AM chosen. (Ephesians 1:11)

Regardless of your inspiration or what is on your list, its time to write one! 

4. Read your "I AM" statements - This is the gold.  Writing it and envisioning it is an amazing step, but then you have to convince yourself they are possible - that happens with repetition.  Read back your statements.  Get out of your own way and make room for God to work and allow yourself to see what is truly there.  

Let's get out of our rut, and stop believing the crap we've borrowed from the negative spinners along the way.  What would your categories be?  What would be on your list? What would your "I AM" statements be?  I'd love to hear from you.  Let's get this "I AM" train a moving!

By The Time You Get It, You Won't Want It

Who has wronged you?  Who has stolen your money, your sexuality, your spirit, your years, your joy?  Who tarnished your reputation or turned their back on you?  The level of wronged varies between us but I would guess most of us, if not all, have been, in fact, wronged.  

Its one thing to know the Bible and quote a verse that acts as a bandaid to a wound, its quite another to walk it out.  To say, “love your enemy,” sounds poetic and beautiful and looks nicely on a note to a friend, but to actually love the man who cheated on you and left you for another model, is much harder.  To care for a person who stole your life savings or raped your virginity right from you, that is a different story.  Its not as pretty in the fleshly, day-to-day life.  

A friend recently was sharing her heart with me about her own wrong.  She said she wanted God to take revenge on this person and she waited for that day.  My response?  When you finally get it, you won’t want it anymore.  Then I shared a story from my own life.  

About five years after my parents divorce, my mom rekindled the flame with a high school boyfriend.  The two were married and we relocated to a neighboring state to start our new life, but unfortunately this man wasn’t transparent about the state of his soul.  He had in fact lied to my mom about his spiritual connection with God.  He was not a Christian and he had grown up with some challenges that stayed with him through out his life.  He was an abusive alcoholic.  Our world changed and the years of abuse took a toll on my mom and my sister and I.  He and my mom divorced about five years later.  

The pain I carried led me to some really bad choices in the next few years.  I hit some hard times and while in college began to surrender the hurt God.  He worked in my heart and led me to a place where I could confront my former step father.  So I did.  Something happened - in our conversation, a piece of paper I wrote out ahead of time and read to him as we sat on his couch, I saw the pain he carried.  He was hurting.  It was as if God opened my heart and took my anger and replaced it with compassion.   I then told him he was forgiven.  I told him God loved him and he needed to turn to God.  His actions did not dictate his value and he needed to get right with God so that one day he could join his Savior in heaven.  

I left that day changed, but it wasn’t the end of the story.  Fast-forward to my 30’s.  This same man was dying of cancer.  I no longer lived close by and I was processing his pending death.  It hit me: I realized that the worst days of my life, were the best days of his.  I realized that he knew God because of his time with us.  In that moment, giving him that gift felt worth all the pain I had suffered.  I was no longer the hurting girl, but the woman God had brought me too.  I could have gotten revenge but instead I felt love and even better, compassion, in my heart to the hurting soul inside the man that was now going to meet his maker.  

If, and that is a BIG if, you are seeking God with your pain, then by the time you get your revenge you won’t want it.  Be assured, I am NOT a saint!  The story I just shared was all an act of God.  The best thing you can do is surrender your pain to God and trust him.  It won’t make sense in the midst of the pain.  Please notice my gracious epiphany came 25 plus years later. Distance allowed perspective.  

Now its your turn: What pain are you holding onto (maybe even collecting) that you need to surrender? Comment your thoughts below, I'd love to have you join the conversation.  

But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you!  Matthew 5:44 (New Living Translation) 

Parenting Life - Mirror, Mirror Down the Hall, Who's the Mother of Them All

We all remember the wicked Queen in Snow White with her magic mirror. She was happy as long as the mirror only showed her what she wanted to see, but the moment it reflected the fairest Snow White, the real conflict began. I've discovered in my mother journey that I also have a magic mirror - its called, MY KIDS! 

 I'm a self-proclaimed, "work in progress." Having grown up with my fair share of dysfunction, I've always made it a mission to face the issues from my past and properly learn to process anything that crippled me from living a healthy life. I decided not to stop with a Bachelor's Degree and have worked hard since college to make my spiritual and emotional state a field of study that is turning into a life long course.

 

As a Christian, I have seen the hand of God leading me down the path that brings me closer and removes the barriers that separate me from Him. If I take a peek behind me on the road I've walked in life up until today, I can see I've come along way, but the truth is, I have a long way to go. The biggest indicator of that fact has been my children.

 At first it was cute to see that my son was so much like me. His loquacious, bubbly, never short for words demeanor reflected a side of myself that I love. I was touched to see him mirror my tender heart toward the people around us and I laughed as he approached humor with the same silliness I do. As he grew the reflection in the mirror before me began to reveal some aspects of my personality and parts of myself that I didn't like. The mirror down my hall was changing his tune from time to time and at first it was very unsettling. 

 My son mirrored the same angry temper and emotional outbursts that I display when I'm overwhelmed or don't know how to work through what I am dealing with in a moment. When he was feeling bad about himself I saw the same self-deprecating remarks that I also use in low moments and I was forced to take a hard look at areas that still need a touch from God.

 Its easy to get discouraged and feel like I am failing as a mom, after all, I take this life-shaping job very seriously. I don't want to do anything to mess up a human being. Despite that pressure and seeing things I don't like, I have learned from Jerry Bridges in his book, Pursuit of Holiness, "a failure isn't someone who fails, but someone who stops trying." In those words, I get my reminder that the cement hasn't dried. I still have time to make important changes. I still have time to be real and honest, own my failings, learn how to process anger and allow God to heal the damaged self-image that can at times emerge. 

 I've allowed this reflection to be motivation not discouragement. I decided to venture out into better mommy boot camp and model what I want to be reflected toward me.  My goal isn't perfection! Let's be honest, there is no such thing as a perfect parent and you can't raise perfect little people. My goal, instead, is to be equipped and to learn to equip my babies to process anger and walk through life with a healthy sense of self and boundaries with those around us. 

 God has lead me to some great resources as I study being a parent and honestly, being a healthy woman. Its easy to get into life and not stop and take time to be intentional but I find when life starts to go south the one area I have neglected is my quiet time with Jesus. He's my best friend and yet I can forget to sit at his feet. I need that time to survive, let alone flourish. When I give myself to God, I'm a better woman, wife and mommy! 

 I've also found some great articles online using that resource we call Google. I found a great book for my own struggle with anger by Gary Chapman called, Anger Taming A Powerful Emotion. Now its time to study, I need to know the good stuff I've read and put it into practice. Here we go! 

 What do you see when you look in your mirrors running down the hall? Do they reflect the woman you want to be? Do you like what you see? Do your littles reveal areas you need to give over to God and make a conscious effort to change? Maybe you are a well-balanced woman excited about the ideals you are modeling for your babies, but have neglected your time with God. God uses anything he can to bring us closer to him, after all isn't that the goal?! 

 Yes, we are raising our children, but God is using our children to work in us. Don't forget to truly evaluate what you see and hear coming from your mirror and don't let the truth make you mad like the Queen. Instead embrace the opportunity to walk closer to Jesus!! If you aim for God, he will never let you miss!

My Life - The Movie

Have you ever wondered about your life in movie form? I have - often. In fact I've said as the credits roll at the end I'd like "Here Comes The Sun" by the Beatles to play. My sister said the other day that if my life was on the big screen she thinks Reese Witherspoon should play me. Not sure what that means but she's definitely cuter than me so I'll take it.

I love at the end of the day to sit and veg in front of the television. I joke I could write tv scripts - I've seen so many shows. My favorite are Hallmark movies. They are cheesy, predictable, romantic, sweet, and completely what I need when I am overwhelmed by life. Hallmark movies are exactly what I need to go to make believe land and find calm. The thing is if my life was a made for tv movie, it would never make it on the Hallmark Channel. My life is more suited for the Lifetime Channel - drama, cliffhangers, and climatic events.

I guess if that ever happens I need to start doing more writing. I have a ton of beginnings of my story written in a million ways without any endings to finish it off. The truth is life is interesting and I'm not sure a movie could fully capture all the nuances of what our lives mean.

There are so many layers to who we are. Each event has multiple meanings that sometimes are contradictary. If nothing else, facing some of my past recently has helped me to see that. Events can mean one thing our whole life and one simple change can help us see that it meant something else all along. The heart experiences life in an array of ways.

Who knows if I will ever get that book about me written or if I'll ever have a movie about my life? For now I will just enjoy it and face the bad stuff with confidence in God and who he has made me to be. I will continue to grow as a person and see what the future holds. Who knows maybe one day Reese Witherspoon will play the role as Carrie?