But why is parenting so hard? That is a bigger question than this blog post could ever answer, but the answer that is currently resonating with me is because of what our kids reveal in us. Even though kids are unique, they still reflect the best and worst of us, as parents.
My son is just like me so finding the parallels of my personal issues in his behavior has never been hard, but my daughter is another story. When I found out my youngest was a girl, I cried. I cried because I wanted a boy.
At the time I didn't fully understand what was happening in my soul, but as I've been her mom, I see now it was fear. I was afraid to be a mom to a girl, because I was afraid to look at parts of myself I was subconsciously avoiding.
As God has walked with me into the darkness of my hidden self-loathing, I have faced my fear of not being enough in being her mom.
Let me be clear, I love my daughter and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I also welcome the journey of self-discovery that raising her has led me on. I am one who wholeheartedly believes, the best life is one that is free from past junk! Despite the pain of facing my inner demons, I am eager to be baggage-free.
But all of this just enforces the challenges of parenting. We are humans in process, after all. Having to do everyday life and then be sent the unexpected self-awareness curveball through your child's behavior is downright, overwhelming! You never know when your child will playback your greatest fears and worst habits in their tantrum about homework, or be hurt by a friend and be crushed in a way you remember happening when you were younger. What is that one thing you hate about yourself? Seeing it in that face you'd die for or wish you could rescue them from your flaw you despise - is terrifying! We can't stop our kids from being like us - human or from getting hurt.
The good news is, we aren't alone and God has a plan. He will use every ounce of our good and bad parenting to shape their character and purpose and to heal our past in the process if we let him. Some of my favorite traits were birthed out of the hardest challenges I faced, so I have to allow my kids to do the same. When I look at this in reverse, I can tell you, I know my parents faults, but I love being like them in spite of those traits.
How great is God that he uses our kids to draw us out of our comfort zones and allows us the space to grow in our relationship with him, self-awareness and desire to heal?!
As I am reading Job right now in the Bible, I am reminded how often we feel the need to give advice when what we really need to do is offer encouragement. Sure advice is necessary at times, but we don't have all the answers so engaging others like we do, isn't always helpful. Job had three friends with loads of advice, but failed to give him what he needed - someone to remind him, he wasn't alone and to encourage not to give up.
So here I am, letting you know - you aren't alone, so don't give up! If you need more relational time, make space in your schedule to spend time with people - face to face, so you can grow your friendships and take care of your soul. Keep going - God is bigger than whatever you face. Ask him to show you just how big he is, then stand back and watch!!! Happy Wednesday!
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