The Hardest Goal to Accomplish

Do you have a goal or New Year's Resolution that always seems to be on your list and never gets crossed off because you miss it every time?

What is it?  

Have you ever really thought about why it never gets done?  Sure laziness may be involved, but laziness isn't the biggest obstacle - we are.  Each of us have something in us that we are afraid to face and look at and I'm not sure we always know what it is because as we get close to it we just run away, never looking deeply into it.  It usually has roots in our value. 

I don't get that job because I can't answer the question, "Why would anyone hire me?" 

I don't go for that passion because what if I'm not enough.

I can't de-clutter because besides asking about Joy, going through my stuff makes me face my past.

I can't get organized or finish a big task because procrastination keeps me from having to face my fear that I am not good enough to do it.

Guess what?! I know these statements or variations of them in my own life and I hear them in those coffee conversations with friends and acquaintances.  I heard so much of this echoed in the writings and talks of Brene Brown because its something many of us experience in our own way.

If we want to accomplish something we first have to have the courage to face the monster keeping us from it.

Get out a piece of a paper and write out the worst case scenario.  What is it?  What is so scary about it?   Ask yourself "so" until you get at what is really at the core. Is it really the end of the world? Usually its worse in our heads than it is in reality.  If that was the worst for your friend, what would you say to them?

 Okay, now write out the opposite of your worst case scenario or whatever you were left with after asking "so".  Is that statement believable? Is it possible?  Is it worth going for?  Are you aiming at the right thing? Everytime you hear the worst, tell yourself the best!  Mentally you need to equip yourself and replace the scripts that have been playing in your mind.   

You, just being you, is enough, maybe not to solve the world's problems but definitely to meet the needs of those who need you - your tribe.  

Do you know who they are?  If you are unsure of this go out and read, "This is Marketing" by Seth Godin.  That book is full of deep questions to penetrate those unearthed areas of your soul.  We no longer have to touch the masses, we just have to reach out to those who need us, that "micro-market" as Seth calls it.  

Who are you?  Why are you valuable?  What do you add to the world? If you don't know the answers to these questions, you won't get far.  Start from the beginning and master that, then move forward. The answers to these basic questions aren't just important for your goal-meeting missions but also for your relationships with God, others and yourself.  God clearly shares with us in scripture that we were made with purpose.  Some of us just roam through life unaware of that purpose and let me say that is no way to live.  Make the years you have count! 

Are you living up to your potential? Are you moving forward or just treading proverbial water? Where are you stuck?  Take some time and find out that core matter so you can build on something solid! Happy Wednesday!! 

The Beauty of the Poop Storm

Poop is said a lot in my house with a 7 year old boy living there.  I do have a daughter but she adores her older brother so she gets on the "farts are so funny" bandwagon.  

"Carrie, why are you talking about poop and farts," you may be asking? 

I will tell you.  I grew up around a lot of perfectionist influences (people, circumstances etc).  I am a recovering procrastinating perfectionist.  

My natural inclination is: 
I want everyone to like me, 
I want to do it right the first time, every time in everything.  

Guess what?! That is not reality.  You know what else?  

I didn't learn a lot about myself growing up because I was trying to be perfect instead of investing in learning and being me.  I try to celebrate my kids mistakes and failures whenever I can.  I try to help them see that every poop storm in life gives us something.  

Now I've never been completely covered in literal poop, and when I saw the opening scene in "Slumdog Millionaire" and a few other movies with excrement scenes you best believe I was gagging.  I have been pooped and pee'd on in the baby stages and even now in potty training I've cleaned up my fair share of literal poop messes, but again, I've never been covered in literal poop.  

I have been figuratively crapped on.  I have been covered in the fecal matter of life.  Lately, I've faced a few obstacles that make me want to quit, but guess what? Those obstacles, those poop storms are helping me to see my path.  

They are aiding me in seeing myself and refocusing on what matters.  They are helping me to envision possibilities and learn new skills.  Screwing up in hobbies like sewing or iron-on projects with my Cricut machine help me learn the right way to do it and before I know it - I've grown a bit.  The same is true in life disciples.

If you just focus on the poop you might miss the beauty in the lesson.  Are you done talking about poop?  Okay we can call it something else.  

The point is, life is sometimes REALLY UGLY! That is reality for all of us.  We can only take ownership of ourselves and sometimes we have to live with the poor choices and behaviors of others.  But if you can allow it to help you ask more questions, and seek new answers, then you are better for it.  

A week or so ago, I went live on my Carrie Guy public Facebook page, and in that video I discussed the "all or nothing" fallacy.  So many times we get stuck in life fitting into this box or that one, when truthfully we usually have a ton of options.  

We usually need to go out of ourselves for a moment and recognize who is around us that can help us see what we might be missing.  I am a verbal processor so having people to talk it out with is crucial for me to find my path or solutions.  I am often seen talking out loud as I often discuss life with God.  Yep, I talk to God like he's sitting right there with me.  

Its easy to see the junk around us, but have you seen the beauty?  The challenges I've recently faced have been a crash course in Carrie 101, I am learning so much about who I am, what I need and how I can set myself up for success in the midst of challenges.  

In an interview with Marie Forleo, I recently heard Seth Godin discuss his new book, This Is Marketing, and he talked about the people who expect to have a white table cloth without the red wine stain.  He then went on to discuss how unrealistic it was.  Guess what, that is me! I have unrealistic expectations and that will never do.  Lesson learned! 

Don't let life go by without picking up the lessons along the way.  Take some times to explore, what your current set of circumstances are teaching you.  Are you playing it safe?  Is it time to go outside your comfort zone to find the solutions you need?  Lean into your support network and discover the parts of you, that you might not be seeing.  You've got this, trust me! Do me a favor - comment below  a challenge that seems to be popping up in your life.  It could be a negative thought process, a bad relationship, an addiction, a personal weakness (the list goes on).  For me its letting others speak into my life without first filtering out whether they have earned that right.  I am beginning to ask questions when I have negative encounters and find what I need to improve my life and who I need to silence.  Now its your turn.  Join me in the conversation!   

Six Lessons From Grandma

Two weeks ago I talked about the memories that come to mind and just the amazing way the brain holds onto some things in our conscious mind and other memories get filed away and never or seldom remembered again. 

This last weekend we celebrated the life of my Grandma Pat.  I had the honor of putting together the slideshow and as I thought back on the times we had together, I realized just how special she was and our relationship was, so I thought in her honor I would share some lessons I learned from my grandma with you!

1. Family is Family - Grandma Pat was my dad's stepmom. I never felt the "step."  She was my grandma and I was her first grandchild.  She made me feel so special on my visits with her and she was someone who made me feel loved.  I knew she was in my corner.  

I never knew until adulthood when I encountered other families that the word, "step" actually created rifts in families and that distinctions of "real" and "step" were made.  It just wasn't in my understanding and its something I continue to try to pass on in life.  

I am about to have my first grand baby, as my stepdaughter, Stephanie, is due in February. I hope that child one day can echo the same words I use when I describe the relationship pictured above. 

2. Its Never Too Late to Start Over - The blended family I grew up in looked perfect to me.  I thought I was amongst the real-life Brady Bunch.  It wasn't until I grew into adulthood that I learned, it was really tough in the beginning.  There were moments when the obstacles that this new family faced challenged its future and as they forged ahead bitterness could have taken hold, but it didn't.  

My grandparents never let age, or bad habits be an excuse for moving forward.  If something needed to be changed, you worked at it until you found success.  I have let this guide me in life as well.  I do a lot wrong, but I won't let that be a quitting spot, but a place where growth will happen.  

I've often quoted Jerry Bridges from his book, Pursuit of Holiness, when he says, "A failure is not someone who fails, but someone who stops trying." I quote it because its a source of encouragement to stay the course.  Whatever obstacle you face, when you fail, dust yourself off and go at it again. 

3.  Gratitude is Everything - We didn't do a traditional service.  It was a lunch and service of our (very large) family at my aunt's house.  We had a lunch of Grandma's favorite recipes, ate candies she loved, drank Fuzzy Navel wine coolers and Sangria (her favorite drinks) and finished the service with pie, as she taught pie making, for many years.  

One of the memories many of us shared was Grandma's strict ways of enforcing the "thank-you" note.  She was infamous for requirement of a "thank-you" note.  While I didn't always agree with the strict standard she held, I know that showing gratitude is a lost art in our society and its something that we must practice more.  Being grateful is a must for the best life possible.  

I loved the touch my Aunt Julia added by having a basket of "thank-you" notes for us to take on our way out so that we could thank someone in honor of Grandma.  I marvelled that despite our objections at times in our childhood, here was a room of thirteen twenty-somethings that know how to write "thank-you" notes and do it consistently.  What a treasure for the generations to come!!!

4. Fun is a Key Ingredient in Life - When I was little, my visits to Grandma and Grandpa's house included playing card games, watching movies in their bed, going on adventures like panning for gold or going out shopping and out to dinner, but my most prized memory is the dress-up time Grandma did with me.  

She would dress me in an old flapper outfit or some other fancy dress.  She'd do my hair and make up and then present me to the family ready in the living room as Glamour Galore, the famous fashion model. Sometimes I was her sister, Glorious.  The way in which Grandma turned the ordinary into an event was an art form and it was a school I loved to attend. 

She had fun! Life is full of junk and sometimes you just have to have fun for no reason at all, other than because life would be too boring without it!  I carry this into my motherhood now.  Sometimes we make the ordinary meal a special event or go on an adventure just because its a Tuesday.  Life has enough serious in it - fun is necessary!!!

5.  Go For Your Goals - Grandma Pat was a supporter.  If she knew you liked something, she was there to cheer you on in those goals.  After all, if you didn't make it, life was full of the neigh-sayers,  but we don't have to be that for those we love.  

As I started to speak more openly about my past, my abortion and how God had healed me, I decided I should tell my family.  I'd rather them hear it from me, than read it somewhere else or have someone else tell them.  After a riveting game of Mexican train, one visit, I told my grandparents my story.  They gave me a hug and sent me to bed.  I later discovered they flipped out in my absence in shock of the bomb I'd dropped in their laps.  

Despite their private freak out, Grandma learned why I was passionate about sharing my story and encouraged me in my public speaking.  One of the first things she did was get me hired as the guest speaker at their local Pregnancy Center's annual banquet! She let me see how to go after goals on my own and to encourage those around us.  What a gift!

6. There's Always A Way to Conquer Those Obstacles - My Aunt Julia shared a story about Grandma, that I loved.  When Grandma was first married, she wanted to make a roast for her husband's boss the night he was coming to dinner.  She'd never made one before and since this was long before google was around, she decided to figure it out herself.  

She called random numbers and acted like she was doing a survey.  She inquired about the ways in which people made a roast.  She then took all the answers and landed on a median recipe on temperature, prepping etc.  Grandma didn't have the luxury of education so many have today, but she was so intelligent (she had a genius IQ) so she learned what she didn't know, any way she could.

Hearing others stories like this one, mirrored the ways Grandma had taught me to get the knowledge you needed to walk down that path you envisioned.  We let far too much stand in our way, and I loved hearing the creative ways, Grandma conquered whatever came her way.  We give up far too quickly in life and many of us need to regroup and go!

Do you ever stop and think what you've learned from those you love?  Which of the lessons above did you most need to hear?  I'd love to hear from you! Happy Wednesday!!!

Shut Out The Noise

Tomorrow my son turns 6!  That is crazy for me because it feels like yesterday that I was sharing the news of my pregnancy after years of trying to conceive.  Caleb was born at 9:02am.  Every year since that day we have celebrated his birthday with breakfast at Corner Café, a local breakfast spot, and met in front of the hospital at 9:02am with a cupcake to sing, "Happy Birthday," to our boy.  It is a special time and I love the tradition and celebration of this amazing life now built into my daily existence. 

Not everyone I share this tradition with takes it with the same excitement it gives me.  Often I am met with a scoffing remark letting me know they think this tradition is silly. If I let it, I can allow their negativity or mocking tone steal the joy I have in this part of our celebration or even be tempted to do away with our ritual.   In other areas and times in my life, I have actually allowed someone's negative response to keep me from doing just what I shared with them.  I don't know if you have ever experienced something like this, but while reading the Bible this week, I was encouraged to see Jesus even had his own version of these life happenings. 

Matthew 9 shares a story of a synagogue leader who came to Jesus after his daughter died.  He asked Jesus to come and heal her so she may live.  Jesus went into the leader's house and was me with a noisy crowd.  He told them to go away for she was not dead but sleeping.  The crowd's response was to laugh at him.  Then in verse 25 it says:

"After the crowd had been put outside, he went in and took the girl by the hand, and she got up. News of this spread through all that region." 

Please NOTE:

1. It didn't say, "when the crowd left willingly." 

Picture for me a party at someone's house.  Asking the crowd to leave does nothing.  You have to force them out.  Its this same thing concept that I expect happened in this story.  The crowd was put outside.  They were probably made to leave.  Jesus asking them to leave so he could heal her only elicited laughter, not compliance. 

Sometimes, we have to force the negative people out of our lives.  Maybe it means getting off of social media, leaving an event or conversation, or not sharing your life with certain people.  When people don't respect our boundaries, we have to take action to protect our boundaries. 

2.  The Crowd Did Sway Jesus

Jesus didn't allow the negativity of a crowd distract him from his mission and purpose.  He knew what he could do, and he intended to follow through.  He stayed and he healed the girl. 

Anyone who makes their mark in society or in the lives of people does so by going against the current.  That means following through on what you set out to do.  Maybe your dream isn't inline with family expectations.  You have to respectfully stand your ground and do what you know you were made to do.  This can be as simple as my birthday tradition or as big as moving to another country to start a business or non-profit.  Don't allow the opinions of others to sway you.  (Please note: There is a difference between seeking wise counsel and following the voice of masses). 

3.  The Order Of Events

What most struck me in this passage was first, he put the crowd outside, then he healed the girl.  Jesus could have easily healed her in the midst of the noisy crowd.  He didn't.  It doesn't say exactly why, but I can only imagine that even though Jesus was God, because he was also human, the crowd was a distraction and their presence could have tempted him to doubt.

Now, I may very well be wrong about Jesus, but my speculations do apply to us.  Very often to re-focus on the goal and retain the confidence in our aim, we must first silence the noise.  When we allow the noise of popular opinion to cloud our judgement, we find ourselves joining the crowd instead of standing up for what we know to be right or our purpose or even what we want to do to celebrate a big event.   Regardless of what the crowd that stands mocking you looks like, you must first put them outside, then do what you set out to do. 

Too often we allow the opinions of others to stand in our way of our own confidence in our unique abilities and personality.  We were never intended to be someone else.  We must allow ourselves the space to be the beautiful person we were created to be. 

I hope this truth and story met you with the same encouragement that it gave me!!  May this be a great day!!!