You Matter

This month the topic is self-care. So many people don't take care of themselves and so it begs the question: why not?

A common thread among so many today is that when they answer the question, "do you matter?" They would answer, "no."  I mean if you ask them, they would verbally say "yes," but that voice in their head says something different.

The only way to overcome something is to face it because often the fear of facing it is worse than the actual issue itself.  We are scared if we take a mental inventory and assess the thoughts that keep us down, we will be challenged at a value level.

Step 1:

Take note of everything you are thinking.  What are the doubts and self-worth statements that are cutting at your value?  Is it:

I'm not good enough

I'm not important

My value is based on what others say or think

I don't have what it takes

I can't do this


That list just keeps going and sure we may say, "I don't believe those things," but in truth some variation of those statements above or something like them replay in your mind on a loop and that is keeping you from understanding your worth.

Truth: Life is hard.  I love this post on Instagram from @galiacollaborative

Reality is, we often rush to blaming ourselves when life doesn't go well instead of understanding that life isn't going to always go well.  Its not an indicator that we are the issue.  We all have issues but again, we aren't an issue.  Do you see the difference? 

Step 2: 

Once you've identified those mean thoughts start looking up some antonyms to those nasty thoughts.  I was processing some negative emotions recently and was feeling abandonment even though I wasn't actually being abandoned.  I got my emotion oils, and my journal and looked up those antonyms, then wrote out the opposite of abandonment in a personal way. 

I told myself, I am reclaimed, redeemed, wanted, secure.  Those were truths even though I wasn't feeling that way. 

I also listened to God's word because He tells me I matter.  

Matthew 10:31 ESV

Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Psalm 139:13-14 ESV

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Matthew 16:26 ESV

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

That last one reminds me why we fight for our value.  We can focus on money and busy days with life check lists and lose ourselves and when we do, is it worth it?  

You are worth fighting for.  

Step 3: 

Repeat the truths of step 2, post them everywhere so you are being reminded of truth.  Our brains need repetition to create new neural pathways, so hearing yourself say the positive opposites to your go-to thoughts is what you need to replace them.  Eventually your brain will replace the bad ones with the good ones.  

Step 4: 

In all of this don't forget you are not alone.  Connect with friends and find a community that will encourage you along the way.  

Don't forget the best way to be diligent with self-care is to first say, "I matter." Only when you know your value can be able to make self-care a priority.  Happy Wednesday!  

The Hardest Goal to Accomplish

Do you have a goal or New Year's Resolution that always seems to be on your list and never gets crossed off because you miss it every time?

What is it?  

Have you ever really thought about why it never gets done?  Sure laziness may be involved, but laziness isn't the biggest obstacle - we are.  Each of us have something in us that we are afraid to face and look at and I'm not sure we always know what it is because as we get close to it we just run away, never looking deeply into it.  It usually has roots in our value. 

I don't get that job because I can't answer the question, "Why would anyone hire me?" 

I don't go for that passion because what if I'm not enough.

I can't de-clutter because besides asking about Joy, going through my stuff makes me face my past.

I can't get organized or finish a big task because procrastination keeps me from having to face my fear that I am not good enough to do it.

Guess what?! I know these statements or variations of them in my own life and I hear them in those coffee conversations with friends and acquaintances.  I heard so much of this echoed in the writings and talks of Brene Brown because its something many of us experience in our own way.

If we want to accomplish something we first have to have the courage to face the monster keeping us from it.

Get out a piece of a paper and write out the worst case scenario.  What is it?  What is so scary about it?   Ask yourself "so" until you get at what is really at the core. Is it really the end of the world? Usually its worse in our heads than it is in reality.  If that was the worst for your friend, what would you say to them?

 Okay, now write out the opposite of your worst case scenario or whatever you were left with after asking "so".  Is that statement believable? Is it possible?  Is it worth going for?  Are you aiming at the right thing? Everytime you hear the worst, tell yourself the best!  Mentally you need to equip yourself and replace the scripts that have been playing in your mind.   

You, just being you, is enough, maybe not to solve the world's problems but definitely to meet the needs of those who need you - your tribe.  

Do you know who they are?  If you are unsure of this go out and read, "This is Marketing" by Seth Godin.  That book is full of deep questions to penetrate those unearthed areas of your soul.  We no longer have to touch the masses, we just have to reach out to those who need us, that "micro-market" as Seth calls it.  

Who are you?  Why are you valuable?  What do you add to the world? If you don't know the answers to these questions, you won't get far.  Start from the beginning and master that, then move forward. The answers to these basic questions aren't just important for your goal-meeting missions but also for your relationships with God, others and yourself.  God clearly shares with us in scripture that we were made with purpose.  Some of us just roam through life unaware of that purpose and let me say that is no way to live.  Make the years you have count! 

Are you living up to your potential? Are you moving forward or just treading proverbial water? Where are you stuck?  Take some time and find out that core matter so you can build on something solid! Happy Wednesday!! 

The Value of Something Lost

Do you know the story of the lost coin in the Bible (Luke 15:8-10)?  A woman has ten silver coins and loses one.  She does all she can to search the house until its found.  Then she calls everyone to celebrate with her because she has found it.  Then this story is compared to how God celebrates when one of his children who has lost their way has been found.  

My dad is a pastor and has often preached on this parable, and others like it, as it demonstrates how God loves all people.  Just as the coin had the same value when in the woman’s pocket as it did when it was lost, so our value is constant.  It isn’t determined by any defining characteristics or any life choice but by who we are as a creation and child of God.  Humans have designated value based on appearance or achievement, not God.  This value goes beyond the bullying we perpetuate in everyday life to those who are living their lives to perpetuate evil into the world.  

This truth hit home for me this weekend as I lost my wedding rings.  I cannot find them.  I have looked constantly everywhere throughout my house and have yet to find them.  They cannot be replaced even if I had the money to do so because those were the rings given to me by my husband in our engagement and on our wedding day.  They are more than just the gold and diamonds that comprise them.  I have become distracted from all else as I seek to find them. 

God is allowing my own challenge to illuminate a very important issue.  As I see what is happening in Aleppo and all over Syria, my heart breaks.  I live a charmed life and have no clue what it must be like to live in a constant state of threat and fear.  I have been in some scary situations in my life but nothing even close to reality, today in Syria.  It hit me, even though there are billions of people on planet earth, God loves each of us so much that none of us can be replaced.  We see a sea of people and designate value based on how they compare to our lives, but God created each one with purpose and value and seeks their best regardless of the circumstances.  He is heartsick over his people who are wayward or mistreated.

God made those people and loves them as much as he loves me.  He loves those who are creating hell and those who are living in it.  We were all made by him.  We may not be killers, but in our country we are guilty if we live our lives focused on us and forget what others are facing.  We have responsibility for helping our neighbor.  

We need to pray and fight for our friends and family, we need to be inconvenienced enough to step in to help the helpless.  We need to have a passion for others equal to my passion to find my rings.  

Where is our passion for people?  Have we lost it in our own complacent living? As long as we have what we need and even want and can be entertained by our distractions of choice, all is well?  This is unacceptable.  I am not against enjoying life but most Americans don’t have balance between caring for others as much as we care for ourselves.  If there were balance, our world would look much different.  

About 7 years ago while in Thailand, my group gave money to our guide to help cover his expenses for the day.  He didn’t have much and needed that money for himself, yet at each stop we made, he would give some of the money we’d given him to someone in a worse situation than himself.  He had a heart for others.  It was beautiful and convicting.   

Is there someone that needs something from you?  Is there a sacrifice you can make?  Is there someone you’ve ascribed value to that is less than what they deserve?  Move toward balance and demonstrate self-less kindness for the betterment of someone else.