Just Be Basic!

This month we are getting back to the basics.  That is our theme.  Life can get complicated and sometimes we just need to simplify and take it back to the basics. Summer is a great time to do it too! The topics will be the things I can talk about.  This month I thought we'd talk essential oils one week, because their is a lot of information out there so let's simply it! I also want to discuss the basics of the Christian faith because I am a Christian, and again, a lot of stuff out there.  There are a few other areas I'd also love to share, but for today, let's talk about our basic needs.

We all need water, food and sleep (even though moms tend to ignore this one), and there are other basic needs with various nutrients, etc, but our basic needs go beyond this list.

I get easily distracted.  Like a lot! I need lists to accomplish all the stuff.  Timers work well too, a buzz or ding to bring me back to what I am doing.

I need to take care of myself in unique ways so I don't go crazy.  I am one might call an empath.  I am great at empathy and it can become overwhelming at times.  I have to build in time to regroup or I will lose it.  I need to laugh so that I stay sane.  I'm also prone toward getting into my work and forgetting life around me or getting too busy that I end up having a melt down.  I have to schedule down time so that I can recover between tasks. You may relate to my needs, but my needs aren't your needs.  You may need something entirely different.

1. List it Out -
 When we talk basics, its making a list of what we need - physically, emotionally, spiritually etc.  and working our days from that list.  So list those needs out.  What do you need?  If you aren't sure what you need, ask God. He made you so I can guarantee he will have the answers.  When we aren't aware of what we need or aren't paying attention to those needs, we can end up hurting ourselves.

One of the needs I often neglect is water.  I have to often track how many glasses I've had in a day so that I can stay on track with my hydration.  I know if I get dehydrated, I start to fall a part.

2. Calendar Priorities - 
When you calendar life, be sure you know your needs and those get put in first.  Then fill in with all the other stuff.  First things, first is a great way to live.

When you look at that list of your needs, where do they need to go in your day to day life?  I've always loved personality tests, I find the self-discovery in them fascinating, but as I've read the books of Dr. Caroline Leaf, I realize that many of my needs are even more specific.  I've learned what I need when I have to make a decision versus what I need to get a task done.  They are different.  Consider this factor when planning life.  If you know you have a big project or need to make some important choices, what you give yourself to do it, might change.

3. Question the Differences - 
Let's face it the people you are around the most, are the ones you most likely are comparing yourself to.  We each have our own individual list of needs that we often ignore with the groups of people around us.  I know I've gotten caught up in the people pleasing status quo and neglect myself in the mix.  I also compare what my husband can do with what I do, but the reality is, we are different and need different things.

So look at your spouse, siblings, friends, co-workers and ask, how am I different?  If you can see those differences, you may find the freedom to ask for what you need without the weight of judgment.

4. Live with Less - 
In doing the steps above, you may discover you need to simply your calendar and your life.  Once you check all the need boxes and responsibility boxes, you might not have time for some extras in you've said "yes" to.  Framing your life around what works best for you, is a simple recipe for success.

So go out there and be basic.  Its not a slam, its actually a good thing.  You know what's important and you are doing it! Happy Wednesday!

When You Are Not Enough

Note to Reader:  This is an interactive post.  I have questions that I want you to answer, so if you can't take some time now, be sure to schedule time in the next week to answer the questions below. Yay!!!

Have you ever felt like you run out and life still needs more?  Have you ever felt inadequate to live the life you lead?  If you do, I have some good news...you are not alone.  Feeling that way may seem like you are the exception not the rule, but reality says its the other way around.

Walk into a nearby Target or scroll through your IG feed and chances are you will find someone who seems to have what you don't have.  Someone who looks like they are killing it in life.  The problem with that idea is that its drawing a conclusion with only a small percentage of the story.  We see all of us and only part of others.

Craig Groeschel says social media is people sharing their best 5%.  That means you are missing 95% of the story.  If you were solving murders with only 5% of the facts, you'd be a horrible detective! 

We need to stop comparing our whole lives with a snapshot of others lives.  But lets take comparison off the table for a minute and lets talk about you.

I have some questions.  So do me a favor, get some paper and a pen and settle in for a moment of reflection.  Don't have time to answer now? Jot these down and answer them later! 

1. What is the standard you are using to measure success (and failure)?  

2. Where did that standard come from?  Is it a healthy source or is it rooted in dysfunction? 

3. Do you need to adjust the standard? 

4. What are you doing out of obligation and not because it flows with the life you want to be living? 

5. What are you over-committing to? Is this a time management issue or a self-worth issue?  

6. What do your best friends see in you that you don't see?  (Don't know - ask them!) 

You guys, I love renovation shows.  I have a handful I watch, and I love when there is a dump of a house, or so you think, but it just seems that way, because us viewers don't see what is actually there. Sometimes we are like these old houses.  We let ourselves just live in a reaction state to life instead of a place of leadership and ownership.  We let hardship and haters define us and wear the junk we pick up along the way because we feel we are supposed to instead of fighting to be who we were made to be. 

Throw some grace on yourself.  You are the only one doing you.  Celebrate that!  Sure, we have areas we need to grow and change, and we want to do us in a way that honors who God created us to be, but can you see what you are doing well?  Is that life glass half empty or half full?  If you are only seeing the mistakes and the inadequacy, then you are missing the beauty of you.  

Let's regroup, shall we?! Here are some steps: 

1. Gather your friends and ask them to fill your love bank.  Ask them to share what they love about you and take notes!!! If you are really struggling write it up pretty and put it on the walls so you are see it every day.

2.  Speak new truth into your life.  I've talked about my I AM Journal, and you need to do your version of that.  Write out in faith what you are or what you are becoming so that you can make a path for a new you.  Lead the way.  

3.  Read up.  Books by women like Dr. Caroline Leaf or Brené Brown will help you to understand the hurdles you have to leap.  Seeing how the brain works and what you need to do to overcome the mental blocks, will help you to go in a new direction.  

4. Write out a realistic day.  What areas of life are priorities and what time do those things take?  I know I can often write out a week's worth of to-do's in one day and that is just silly and setting myself up for failure.  Taking mental note of this and costing out the time helps reveal the things you need to cut.  

5. Take you into account.  Sure women can do it all, but it doesn't mean we should.  What I add to my family is different than what my husband does. I am emotional and I have to build in time for the relational duties that don't often get noticed and take more time, but they are important.  I could be my husband, but what good is that, he has that covered, I need to be me.  Who I am and how I do life affects what I accomplish and how I accomplish it (this is why comparison is pure junk)! 

So there you go.  There is a lot here.  Digest it and process this.  Let me know what you think.  Did I miss a point in all of this?  Tell me.  I love hearing from those of you who read this blog of mine.  You are the reason I write it after all, what you think matters to me! Happy Wednesday! 

Seasons

Life in America is a rat race.  We all seem to be running for that proverbial carrot, except, it begs the question - is that really worth all the stress? I feel very lucky. As a girl, I traveled a lot around the United States and the world.  The benefit of moving and traveling is that, I got to see, early on, that my way wasn’t the only way.

Much of the world understands something that many Americans miss.  They know what they are working for.  Life is more than a job and to enjoy life means investing in you and the relationships in your life.

When I was living in Germany, my step mom got 6 weeks vacation.  That was not after years of service - that was to start!  Rest and family time was important and valued as a culture. During my semester abroad in London, I worked for a PR company.   I was required to be gone for a full hour for lunch and on more than one occasion I was asked to stop working so fast.  The pace was something I’d never experienced at a job in the US.  Europeans know there is more to life than just "geterdone." They work to live not live to work.  They understand that a well rested human produces more because they have more to give.

Recently,  I was communicating with a friend via Facebook comments.  She had a baby a few months ago.  She, like me, is a recovering overachiever, and was struggling with the lack of managing her to-do list.  When a baby comes into your life, that to-do list needs to go away.  Babies need our time and attention and the bar of what we can accomplish needs to drop considerably.  I reminded her about this season and the expectation adjustment that needs to take place.

I also reminded her of the Israelites in the desert.  After Moses leads the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, they spend 40 years wandering in the desert (it wasn't supposed to be that long, but they had a bad moment that needed time allow them to move on). So the question is: was their live less valuable because they wandered in the desert 40 years? No! Our value is not found in what we can accomplish and yet, I know I’ve unwittingly believed that lie at times (who am I kidding, I believe it all the time).

This is a hard reminder because many of us, work to gain value.  We feel like we are only amazing when we are slaying our day, but truthfully, our value is constant and not dependent on what we do.  People are valuable, period.

We need to understand that there are times in life when we need to change the expectations.  There is value in taking it slow and enjoying life.  There is value in giving people the time and attention they need. There is value in resting so your body can heal or stay well.  There is value in taking moments of quiet mediation so your brain can regroup.  We also need to have patience with those who have lost their way.  Yes, the recovering drug addict may have regrets from years they let drugs control their life, but they are still valuable, which is why they fight to overcome the addiction.

Take some time to understand your season.  The opposite truth is also worth looking at.  Maybe your kids are grown and you have time and freedom you didn't have and now you need to add a bit to your life plate.  Where are you in life?  What season?  Are you taking that into consideration as you organize your days, weeks and months?  We need to make the moments count, but that won't look the same for all of us.  What does that look like for you?

Procrastination

Any procrastinators out there?  I am a procrastinator.  Its a topic I've heard a lot about, because, well, I can relate.  The thing is there is both good and bad out there on the subject. 

In college, I had a professor discuss the benefits of procrastination.  He shared that the adrenaline we get from procrastination actually fuels our ability to be productive.  Where it goes into the negative zone, is when we overuse it and can only be productive when we are amping up the adrenaline in constant procrastination, this can cause adrenal fatigue, thus hurting our bodies.

I've heard many people talk about procrastination as just a way to be lazy, and someone just putting off work.  I'm sure there is truth there, but probably the most accurate assessment for me of procrastination came from Kevin Leman.  Dr. Kevin Leman is a psychologist who studies and speaks on subjects like parenting, birth order, personalities, and marriage.  I find his birth order work to be insightful and I've enjoyed reading his books over the years. 

Kevin shares that procrastination can be a result of perfectionist influences.  Those who grew up with perfectionism as a guiding standard tend to procrastinate because they are avoiding the judgement of their process.  Doing it last minute gives less time for being judged on their work and also gives an excuse if they are judged because they just did it last minute.  

This completely makes sense to me.  It rings true, just as well as getting the adrenaline rush from doing things with less time.  Not only do I get a rush of adrenaline when I'm flying about, but I often feel better about myself for accomplishing my list in record time, but I'm pretty sure that is a false high and truthfully would have been more responsible to give the tasks the time and attention they deserve.  

The lesson that has helped me, is to just do it now.  Haven't we learned that the hare doesn't win in the end, the tortoise does.  Taking the work load and being consistent wins every time.  

Rushing often brings mistakes and seems to keep our brains from processing all it needs to, leading to forgotten tasks along the way.  
When I am finishing up after an event, I find, if I don't put everything away when I am done, stuff can sit around for weeks and pile up with the rest of the things I haven't accomplished.  

My motto has become, "Why put off for tomorrow, what I can do today."  

The Bible in James 4:14, reminds us that we don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I can't tell you how many times I have forced myself to finish something only to get a sick kid, or a friend in crisis who needs me, or some other life happening the next day and realize, I wouldn't have been able to accomplish it.  

We never know what will come up in life and we have to be diligent to accomplish what is on our plate.  I'm not an expert in this, I am a human in process, trying to apply what I have learned along the way and in turn, share it with you.  I know I am not alone in this and I want to share what God is teaching me.   

Evaluating why I procrastinate is a valuable lesson in self-discovery as well as self-improvement.  Saying self-improvement after discussing perfectionism seems crazy, I know, but for me improving means being less perfect and more forgiving of myself.  Its becoming more healthy as an individual.  Worrying about what others think or letting their opinions keep me down isn't healthy and I don't want to live with that weight on my shoulders.  

I'm not concluding this by saying procrastination is bad.  I am saying, evaluate why you procrastinate and deal with what you need to and remember - a little procrastination goes a long way.  

Life Mud

Sundays are busy days.  Not only do I work for a church and have three events in one day, but my husband is a professional volunteer at our church and has his own lengthy to-do list.  Getting out the door can be a challenge, and if there are unusual happenings in the morning, then things can go sideways quick.  

Two Sundays ago, was such a Sunday.  There was a potluck after church that I needed to go early and set up for it; I also needed to bring food for the event when we left for church, plus I had some things people needed for upcoming events I needed to take with me, and I promised a friend I'd leave some things outside my front door for her.  

Guess what? 

I left the house and left the food on the counter.  Thankfully my husband grabbed it and brought when we he came five minutes later. After setting up I realized I'd left those papers I needed at home.   I ran home (thankfully its only five blocks from the church) to grab them.  After getting back to church, I realized I hadn't set out the items for my friend.  

At this point I was engaging in some negative self-talk and was beating myself up for making so many mistakes in my morning and forgetting so much.  I drove home with my head hanging and pulled up to the house the same time my friend did.  This is a women I've known and run into over the past 8 years but haven't spent a lot of time with in recent years, aside from Facebook encounters.  We started talking and kept talking for 45 minutes.  Life had happened and connection was needed for both of us in that moment. 

I drove back to church and felt something.  I felt like divine intervention had taken place.  Had I been on my game and remembered to set out what she needed, I would not have been there when she arrived.  She would have grabbed it and went on her way.  That would have been fine, its not like our one talk was life altering or anything, but to me, it felt special.  It felt like an unplanned gem in the day.   

Here was my take away: Being wise with our time is important.  While life is more than our to-do list, we do all have things that we need to get done - its just reality. But by merely living by the list we could miss out on the unplanned beauties in life. 

I'm a Christian, and I believe God is always at work and is working for us in ways we don't even know about.  Being included in something God is doing is magical, especially when you don't see it coming.  I once felt God told me to say hi to a woman I passed by coming out of Costco.  When I said hello, she started talking to me.  She shared her journey with cancer, and I was able to hug her, pray with her and encourage her. My mind was blown and I was blessed by the interaction.  How many people do we pass by each day with no knowledge of who they are and what they need? But God knows and if we are open to him, he will use us and trust me it can blow your mind!

Isaiah 55:8-9 - "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

 Getting stuck in my head and trapped in my perfectly planned schedule means I miss out on the sweet spots in life.  And when I don't get it right, instead of beating myself up, I must embrace the imperfection because I will find a blessing in the mix.  This also applies to you.  Love the life mud because it can be fun!  

Time Debt & 5 Ways to Help!

I've said it before and I will say it again - the shower is the best think tank.  The other day, I was once again hit with an idea while in the shower.  It was the concept of time debt and really how to determine how much you have and how to get out of time debt. 

My husband and I went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University several years ago and honestly its time we go get a refresher course.  If you don't know who Dave Ramsey is, he is a financial guru.  He explains how to know what you are spending and making, how to make a budget, how to get rid of debt and save for the future.  His program is amazing!  

As I thought about his principles of finance, I realized they also applied to time.  Time management is the theme for this month and its great to start out with time debt.  The truth is time mismanagement
 often happens without much thought.  We end up signing up for more in life than we can deliver on.  This is a problem for a lot of reasons.  We can come across as a flake and get a bad reputation, but it can also cause a lot of stress in our lives when we always feel behind.  The pressure of not getting it done can be a heavy burden!

Just like in finances, with time, your first step is in discovering where your mismanagement is happening and finding a solution is: 

1. Create Categories 

Start this process by listing all the areas of life that you have.  I did this with circles, like plates, because life so often feels like spinning plates.  I wrote a category in each circle:  Family, Friends, Work (that maybe be more than one plate if you have a side hustle or two), Household Duties, Spiritual Life, Self-Care, Volunteer Commitments, etc.  

2. List Out the Duties

Next make a to-do list for every category.  I know this will take some time and thought, but its worth it in the long run.  

3. Cost it Out

Go through each list and assign in an average time to accomplish.  So cleaning the house might be 4 hours a week and shuttling the kids around is six hours a week, etc.  You may have to track some of these in a given week or two to get a good feel for how much time you put into laundry each week or a certain work task. 

4. Add It Up 

Add each column, then add up all of it.  Depending if you did it for a day, week, or month, you will then add up the amount of time that is available in that time frame, and make sure you added sleep in there! 

5.  Take a Look and Begin to Ask Questions

Look at the lists. Do you have more time commitments than time available?  Were you surprised by the length of some versus other lists?  Take note of a few things.  If you have time debt, how much do you have?  What does the time per category communicate about your priorities?  Does it line up with what's most important to you?  If you have time debt, what can you take off your plate?  What needs to be readjusted.  Do you have time to say yes to the requests of others or is it time to say no?  

Getting a handle on where your time goes, really helps you to understand the value of what you say yes and no to.  Change can happen when we are able to take a look at the issues and be empowered to do something about it.  

Did you find this helpful?  Let me know!  Sharing from my life and what I'm learning makes the challenges I face so worth it.  I told God long ago, "If I have to go through it, you better use it!"  He's taken me up on that time and time again.  Happy Wednesday!  Let's see how we can face time management together this month.  

The Five Minute Solution

I think I'm a pretty likable person and I know God has gifted me with a good amount of talents, but I am also aware of my faults.  Rising to the top of that list is the fact that I am easily distracted.  While I have the ability to focus, my desire to do a lot, means there is always a ton of stuff floating around my head.  That easily distracted trait has left me with a propensity to run late and often find myself procrastinating. 

Over the years I have discovered some solutions to this issue.  The latest solution proved very profitable so I thought I would share it with you! 

Have you ever made a list of the tasks you had to do, only to get distracted on your phone?  Or maybe you started to do one thing only to be met with five other tasks in the midst of doing the first task? Getting lost in the many lists of life can be easy to do!  However, that to-do list only gets done if you attack it. 

I'd heard about making a list of five, ten & fifteen minute jobs around the house (or even the office) so when you have a free moment you get a chance to knock your list out.  The list is great, because without it, you will end up wasting the free time in figuring out what you should do. 

Last week, my family left for AWANA.  I had an hour and a half to get something done and I knew it would be easy to get lost in Instagram and find myself with five minutes to spare running through my house trying to accomplish something before the garage door opened. 

I decided to make a list of five minute jobs.  It wasn't long before I realized the list included tasks that clearly lasted longer than five minutes.  But I left them on it anyway.  I did stick with the five minutes though and set the timer on my phone.  If I got done with the five minutes and the task wasn't finished, I simply reset the timer and kept on going.  I managed eighteen, five minute, time blocks in the moments before my family returned.  While I may not have gotten eighteen different jobs accomplished, doing this birthed a wonderful result - I got a lot done! 

Dividing an hour and a half into five minute time blocks kept me from getting distracted.  If I got distracted half-way into a task, the five minute timer ensured, I would quickly be awakened back into my task-list reality.  It was amazing!!! 

I encourage you if you are easily distracted or just need to stay motivated to get'er done, that you try this method.  Live a few hours, five minutes at a time and see if your productivity doesn't go up.  If you need to answer a text or email, just give it one five minute slot then power on back to the list. 

I'd love to hear how this worked for you.  So try it and comment or message me your results!  I can't wait to hear what you got done!!

Bonus: Message me with the number of times I said five minute/s in this post (don't forget title and labels) and I will send you some happy mail (so make sure I have your address too)!