10 Tips I Learned in 2019

Yes, I have my word for 2020 and I have some dreams for this year, but I also want to make sure I soak up all the lessons from this past year so that I can move forward, making the most of all the lessons this past year had to offer.  Too often I feel we are so busy looking ahead that we don't make the most of what we just went through.  We then end up being the quote below.

I want to learn from my history so here is a random list of things I learned this past year.  Some are just simple life hacks and others are more strategies.  I hope my path also helps you.  Here we go!

1. Spray Glitter - This year I started following the YouTube channel, "Do It On A Dime" and I love her.  I got so many cool tips from Kathryn about Dollar Tree and decorating.  She talks about other stuff too to include real life emotions and cleaning.  Most of the cleaning stuff doesn't apply to me because I'm eliminating toxins and most cheap cleaners are filled with them, but one tip I did love and wanted to share was to spray glittered items with hair spray first.  It was great.  I found some cool glitter letters and a few ornaments that I put on packages and they were a mess until I sprayed them with hairspray and let them dry.  No more glitter dandruff.  Hooray!!!   Try it out and let me know how you like it.  Also, go follow this woman, you will love her!

2. Do Least Favorite Tasks In Batches - What do you hate?  I hate grocery shopping and meal planning and so I avoid it.  What I have found, is that if I batch the task and do it less frequently, its much easier.  So guess what?  I actually planned 3 months worth of recipes.  I didn't assign them to a date, but I did ready them so when I do my shopping twice a month, I have a plan and can get it done.  This has worked for other things as well.  Dividing it up in the daily works for some people, but for me, setting time to do it and affording myself the ability to not do it again for awhile really helps.  Try it and let me know what you think.  (Also, if you want to save money, I've heard several people share the tip to check your pantry and freezer and use recipes with what you have to save on your grocery bill.  Its a great thing to do periodically!)

3. Less Is More - I desire to be good at organization, despite my clutter.  I've read a lot of the stuff out there and watched a lot of videos, and what I have come to understand is.  The first step is less.  If you don't get rid of stuff, the other fun tips won't work.  The true key to organizing is less.  I also discovered with a successful organization of the craft/game closet and coat closet this past year,  like bins work best together once you have decluttered.  Do It On A Dime showed me some great Dollar Tree options for corralling your stuff.  Again, whether you Konmari or something else, if you don't first eliminate, you will be back to square one before long.  

4. Have Your End of Life Stuff Ready to Go - Funerals and death have been a big part of my year.  As a pastor and empathetic person, I spend a lot of time by the side of those facing loss and it has been a teacher for me.  In particular it has taught me to be ready when your day comes.  Just like number three above, less is more, and do you really want your loved ones going through your things as is today?  Maybe you are super amazing, but there is a lot of stuff no one could find in my mess.  You need to have a will and have some way to share with your loved ones not only what is valuable monetarily, but what is valuable on a sentimental level.  

They may not care, but they really won't if they don't know.  I'd go as far as to say, write your own obituary.  Sure its gonna change, but family in the face of loss is shell-shocked and they don't always know all the facts about you to share in the paper or at a service. I will probably start a photo slideshow too because sometimes there are just too many photos to know which ones to share.  Sure, my family can make changes as they wish, I won't be here anymore, but I want them to have as much help so they aren't overwhelmed.  This has been motivation for further organization for me too.  What do you think about this?  

5. Ask, who is this about? 5b Bonus: Learn to ask the right questions.  Self-awareness is a big deal to me, I write about it a lot because I encounter so many people oblivious to how they come across or why you are doing what you are doing.  So start asking, "who is this about?" When you are upset or acting differently, start asking yourself this question.  You may be surprised what you learn.  Part B - Sometimes the question everyone is asking, doesn't do anything for you?  Try a different question.  For example when I read Lindsay Teague Moreno’s book, "Boss Up," I learned that finding out my passion wasn’t working for me because the way the question was worded wasn’t connecting with me. Instead Lindsay says to ask,"What makes you want to throat punch someone?" That question resonated with me and helped me to have a better glimpse into my passions.  Sometimes all you have to do is change the question to get the answer!  

6. Use Your Text-to-Talk for Productivity - I have known about text-to-talk and used it for sending a text or quick notes.  That was it.  As I read a book by Joanna Penn about writing a book, I was shocked that people actually write books with this function and it was a breakthrough for me.  My mind usually thinks at a faster rate than I can type and I can easily forget ideas I have about a blog post, or book chapter, and if I didn't write enough to jog my memory its lost.  I actually wrote most of several recent blogs with text-to-talk.  It was amazing.  Obviously, I had to fill in some gaps later or correct any errors, but it upped my productivity game.  What can you do faster with your voice than you can with your hands?  Have you utilized this function as much as you could?  I know this was a big deal for me.  I hope it helps you.  


7. Five Minute Jobs - I actually blogged about this so if you want more, go read the post.  But I love my 5 minute job list and setting the timer.  If I feel stuck its a great way to get going on my list and get out of overwhelmed paralysis (does anyone else deal with this - get so overwhelmed by all you have to do, you just do nothing?). Note: When I went to link my blog, I realized I blogged on this in 2018 (man does time fly by), but this is still a great tool that I used this year.  I hope it helps you. 

8. Know your zones – This is something else I learned from Joanna Penn.  Our brain's muscle memory, connects spots in our homes and offices with its function and remembers it so that you will desire to do that action in that zone.  So if you always watch TV on your couch, then when you plop down on the couch, you will be inclined to turn on the television. So if you want to get some work done or a book read, then you should probably avoid the couch.  You brain has made that association already so its a natural reflex.  To break the cycles you have, you need to know your zones and find new ones to complete the things not getting done.  Isn't that cool?  

9. Discover How You Learn and Make Decisions  - If you haven't read a book by Dr. Caroline Leaf, I highly recommend it! I'm a bit of a personality test junkie, so usually I just find out more of the same with a new name, but Dr. Leaf really taught me something new in learning my customized way of thinking.  It has helped me find more success when I hit something in life that is new or a challenge.  

10. Know Your Mantras and Use Them - I love to memorize scripture and I often have a verse for what I face in life to help me move forward, but I have also found two sentences from great ladies that I have adopted in my vocabulary to help me face the world.  One is by Brene Brown, who says, "assume people are doing the best they can."   This helps me give the gift of grace and be more understanding than demanding. The other is the title to a book I finished this year.  Marie Forleo's new book, "Everything is Figureoutable"  - I read the book and that one line has really helped me when I need to keep on and I want to quit.  Is there a scripture, quote or mantra that you need to add to your life?  The scripture for me this year is John 16:33.  Definitely a great reminder when life is tough.  

Well that is the end of the list.  I hope you benefited from at least one (and hopefully more) of these tips and life hacks.  Tell me what you think and how you feel about 2020.  Happy Wednesday! 

What Are You Telling Yourself?

There are no shortage of bullies or bad guys in our world today, but it seems that the worst person to each of us, is ourselves.

Since we are talking about mindset this month, we would be remiss if we didn't address the word/thought connection (I don't know why but writing this made me start singing the "Rainbow Connection" in my head).  Our thoughts are often fueled by what we tell ourselves, whether it be silently or out loud.  It stands to reason that if we want our thoughts to change, our words need a makeover as well.  Yes, we can say encouraging things to help keep ourselves going, but far too often, we are the ones tearing ourself down.

If you did the exercise a few weeks ago, you may have been surprised by the thoughts you had.  How much of it was negative self-talk?

This year my son's school has had the theme, "Speak Life.''  (Psalm 19:14 (NIV) - "May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.")  He came home the first week of school excited to show me a video on YouTube.  He brought up the video for TobyMac's "Speak Life"  - and was so excited to show me how speaking good words helped us to be better people and help others.

The truth is, we are motivated by life giving words.  I'm sure this next sentence is repeat for me, but it needs to be said.  If we were the kind of friends to others that we are to ourselves, we would need new friends.

1. Ask yourself - If my best friend were in the same situation I were, what would I say to them?  We far too often give ourselves permission to belittle ourselves, when we would never speak to someone else in the same way.  So start by speaking to yourself, the way you would speak to a good friend.

2. Focus on your strengths - When your tempted to bully yourself and start a hyper focus fest on the ways in which you suck, take a moment to write down your strengths - the best things about you and begin to look at that.

If I've learned one thing from reading books from authors like Dr. Caroline Leaf or Carol Dweck its that the more you think something, the stronger that thought becomes and the strong thoughts are the "go-to" thoughts as we navigate in life.  So instead of focusing our thoughts on the negative, flip the script and focus on the best things.

If you don't know what your strengths are - gather your friends and ask them.  Take notes if you have to, but leave that time, knowing your best qualities.  Change the filter - you are awesome!

3. Praise God for You and Your Life - A thankful heart prepares the way for God.  Praising him and thanking him has amazing power to open our hearts to receive from God.  God created us, he knows us and honoring him and connecting with him only enhances how we live.

Go into your day with a beautiful view of you.  Next week we will get into the why, which I think is the last remaining piece in this topic discussion, so come on back! See you Wednesday!

What are YOU Thinking?

Have you ever paid attention to everything you think about in a given day?  Today, I offer you one simple exercise.

Take note for one hour (I would suggest at different times) each day for a week about the thoughts that went through your head.  You don't have to share them with others, but it might be helpful to check out any patterns you have.

What do you think about?

How do you think about or think through life situations? 

Did you have a negative or positive thought process to life as it happened? 

Were you surprised by how much you thought about certain things?

If you were to put them in categories, how many thought categories do you have?

What were the thoughts you didn't like? 

What were the thoughts you loved? 

What else stuck out to you in this exercise?  

Most of us want to change, yet few of us actually do anything about it, and I believe its because we aren't willing to do the internal inventory and discover where we truly are in life.  

Taking inventory of your thoughts, helps you to see where you are.  When you decide what you want from life, then retraining your thought life can help you to get there.  If you want to know more about this, then go grab a book by Dr. Caroline Leaf.  

As you take inventory above, I would also ask the question: 

What thoughts do I want in my brain?  

If you didn't like the way you thought about life or yourself or you found yourself stuck in a negative mental cycle, what would you want to replace it with?  

This month on mindset, really is important because how we think about our life is one of the most important building blocks for changing words and actions.  There is so much out of our control, but if we focus solely on that, we can miss what we do have control over.  That is where our time and thoughts should be spent.  

I'd love to hear how this went for you! Happy Wednesday! 

Mindset Matters

You can thank Dr. Caroline Leaf for our theme this month, because I've been reading her book and watching videos of her talks and I felt inspired to focus this month on Mindset.  Our mindset in life is so important. The mind is where life starts, yet so often we trip mindlessly through life, unaware of what we are thinking.

The New Kings James version of Psalm 23:7 says, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he." Other versions say a man thinks first the cost.  Regardless of the version, the focus in on our thoughts.  What we do and say comes from what we think.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (NIV) tells us, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Bad thoughts lead to self-doubt, depression, anxiety (and the list goes on).  Letting them run free can lead us down a bad path.  Thoughts are important!  If I didn't already know that in life, Dr. Caroline Leaf has hit that point home with true precision backed by her work in the field of cognitive neurology.

So here it is, here is what I've learned from her.  If you want things to change in your life, you start with your thoughts and it takes 3, 21 day cycles of intentional thought (7-16 minutes a day) to create a thought strong enough to make its way into our conscious mind and life.  It is work!  But its worth it!!!!! 

I asked God, what thought I should first work on.  I suspected it would be my anger.  I am over losing my temper, but I was wrong.  God told me it was my motherhood that needs to be addressed first.  That's ironic for May and Mother's Day, right?! As I thought about it I realized, how off track I was.  I get annoyed at my kids when they disrupt what I am doing.  I get agitated when they aren't moving as quickly as I need them to be when we have to get going.  Those things are understandable because well motherhood is hard, and trust me, I have NO JUDGEMENT for all you moms out there.  I get it! I just realized I was looking at it wrong.  

A month ago I was sitting in an ER with my baby on tubes worried I was going to lose my little girl, if that isn't a wake up call, I'm not sure what is.  These kids in my home are a gift, and unless we are talking about my 33 year old, special needs step daughter, who gets older but lives the same life every day and every year, my kids will grow up quickly and be gone before I know it.  Eighteen years in the scheme of life are quick. I will spend more time at home without kids than I will with kids.  They spend more time out of my home than in it, and I want to maximize those years.  

I can't live in some perfectionistic mindset with my kids because I have and will screw up when it comes to being a mom, but I can cherish the moments I have with them, and that is my focus in this process.  

Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." We help each other in our encounters with one another to become better people.  We can learn to be more Christ like when we are challenged by human interaction.  That was quite the lesson when I said, "I do," thirteen years ago.  Marriage is the perfect place to understand this verse because becoming better is painful as you work in relationships, especially when you have cemented your life to another flawed human.  

Well, parenting is just another step in the process.  I want to be the best version of me possible.  I want to allow God to refine my places of pride and selfishness.  I get to practice putting someone else needs above my own.  

At the end of the day, I can get frustrated that my kids are interrupting that tv show I want to watch or  I can cherish the moment to be with them.  I understand things need to get done and we can't spend every waking hour playing with the kids, but I admit there are lots of moments when selfish me just doesn't want to do the mom stuff, I just want to be left alone. In those moments, I realize I need a mental shift. 

So here I am day 7 into my first round of 21 days, with a few months to go in replacing thoughts.  

Then I will figure out the next thought pattern I need to change and work on that for 63 days.  

Too many of us are guilty of sharing a daily encouragement with a friend or even ourselves and thinking it will inspire change, but don't be fooled, its not that simple. If it were, no one would have any issues in life.  It takes daily attention for 63 days, according to Dr. Caroline Leaf.  Let give our thoughts the respect, time and attention they need! 

What thoughts do you need to change?  Ask God to reveal your first thought.  Check out this video series if you want to learn more. (Note: I just linked video 1, but there are 3 others that you can watch after it.) Check back in next week for more on mindset!!! 

Getting Unstuck

I'm not gonna lie, I feel a bit beat up lately by life.  It just seems to be one thing after the next and its made my threshold for challenges pretty low.  Monday of last week, I was met with two smaller issues that simply sent me over the edge.

Reality is...life is hard.  It was never meant to be a Thursday night sitcom, where something dumb happens and we figure it out in 30 minutes.  We are going to always have challenges to face.  Some are harder than others.

Emotions like fear, anxiety and anger can become dominating forces that seem to wreak havoc in our daily lives.  

Dr. Caroline Leaf shares in her book, "Think, Learn, Succeed," that fear isn't a innate emotion but a learned state.  We are born into love and fear is a reaction learned from life.  She shares this from a scientific place as a neurologist, but I've seen this unfold in my life and understood its truth as I look at my journey.

I wasn't scared of what would happen to my daughter, until the day one month ago yesterday when I was riding in an ambulance to the ER. (Heck, this morning I saw an ambulance pass by with sirens howling and I started to cry just remembering that day).  In the weeks since that sudden seizure, I have been met with many fearful thoughts.  When she falls or hits her head.  When she starts coughing (what she did before the seizure).  When she looks like something just isn't right.  All of those now bring on an initial fear response.  This has illuminated the truth of Dr. Leaf's research. 

We don't think in "what if" terms until we are met with the reality of worse case scenario.  Fear is an awful beast.  It can be a blessing when it signals danger and we are able to use it to fuel wisdom and get out of a bad situation.  But fear is often misused to control us in ways that keep us emotionally and sometimes even physically paralyzed from living life.  Fear is often a disguised emotion. 

In my years in counseling, one of the biggest light bulb moments was when I realized my anger problem, really wasn't an anger problem but a fear and anxiety problem.  Anger was the beast emerging from me but it was really a signal of internal panic or even stress.  Insecurities, self-imposed pressure or anxiety of the things out of my control unleashed emotions that weren't equal with the weight of the current situation.  

I've seen how important our words are but those words first start as thoughts.  We have to be detectives in discovering who we are and why we are.  This work is important if we ever want to move forward.  I recently heard a talk by Mel Robbins, where she asks, "What is the next chapter of your life?" Introspection is the key to moving forward.  So many things in the physical world, translate well into our spirit/soul world.  Take organizing for example. I don't care who you watch or who your organization Yoda is because they all start at the same place: 

Take it all out.  

If you are going to organize your closet, you first have to get all the clothes and stuff out, then you can determine what you need to keep and get rid of, and then based on what is left decide the right way to organize it.  

The same is true for our thoughts and feelings.  You have to bring them out of cobb webbs and hiding and find out what is there.  Then and only then can you look at what needs to be there and what needs to be replaced.  

Dr. Caroline Leaf says thoughts can be redesigned.  I love that concept.  As long as we keep going in a mindless state, passively allowing life to happen, we will be victims to the mental blocks and bad thoughts that we've allowed to grow.  

Being aware of this new fear response, helps me to redesign the thoughts and move forward with confidence.  As a Christian I believe in a God who has a plan.  It may not always make sense to me, but my God has all the power, but also is a loving God.  Love and power together are a safe zone.  It doesn't mean that everything will turn out perfect, but it does mean that I can trust him, even when it doesn't.  Keeping that fact before me each time I'm faced with my new fear, will be an immense help in finding freedom from the fear. 

Replacing thoughts is not some one and done experience.  You can't read this blog post, think - great point, and just go on in life.  No, there is work that goes into it, that work is daily and takes a while to reach the finish line.  Dr. Caroline Leaf says 63 days is the key for those dendrites to rewire and recreate a new conscious mental pathway. (Check her out - just google search and discover the many ways you can learn about all of this from her).  

Now its your turn, you have a choice. If you don't do the work and develop new habits, nothing will change. What thoughts do have running amok in your head?  Is today the day your evaluate and redesign your thought life? Just know I'm over here with you; a woman in process!

When You Are Not Enough

Note to Reader:  This is an interactive post.  I have questions that I want you to answer, so if you can't take some time now, be sure to schedule time in the next week to answer the questions below. Yay!!!

Have you ever felt like you run out and life still needs more?  Have you ever felt inadequate to live the life you lead?  If you do, I have some good news...you are not alone.  Feeling that way may seem like you are the exception not the rule, but reality says its the other way around.

Walk into a nearby Target or scroll through your IG feed and chances are you will find someone who seems to have what you don't have.  Someone who looks like they are killing it in life.  The problem with that idea is that its drawing a conclusion with only a small percentage of the story.  We see all of us and only part of others.

Craig Groeschel says social media is people sharing their best 5%.  That means you are missing 95% of the story.  If you were solving murders with only 5% of the facts, you'd be a horrible detective! 

We need to stop comparing our whole lives with a snapshot of others lives.  But lets take comparison off the table for a minute and lets talk about you.

I have some questions.  So do me a favor, get some paper and a pen and settle in for a moment of reflection.  Don't have time to answer now? Jot these down and answer them later! 

1. What is the standard you are using to measure success (and failure)?  

2. Where did that standard come from?  Is it a healthy source or is it rooted in dysfunction? 

3. Do you need to adjust the standard? 

4. What are you doing out of obligation and not because it flows with the life you want to be living? 

5. What are you over-committing to? Is this a time management issue or a self-worth issue?  

6. What do your best friends see in you that you don't see?  (Don't know - ask them!) 

You guys, I love renovation shows.  I have a handful I watch, and I love when there is a dump of a house, or so you think, but it just seems that way, because us viewers don't see what is actually there. Sometimes we are like these old houses.  We let ourselves just live in a reaction state to life instead of a place of leadership and ownership.  We let hardship and haters define us and wear the junk we pick up along the way because we feel we are supposed to instead of fighting to be who we were made to be. 

Throw some grace on yourself.  You are the only one doing you.  Celebrate that!  Sure, we have areas we need to grow and change, and we want to do us in a way that honors who God created us to be, but can you see what you are doing well?  Is that life glass half empty or half full?  If you are only seeing the mistakes and the inadequacy, then you are missing the beauty of you.  

Let's regroup, shall we?! Here are some steps: 

1. Gather your friends and ask them to fill your love bank.  Ask them to share what they love about you and take notes!!! If you are really struggling write it up pretty and put it on the walls so you are see it every day.

2.  Speak new truth into your life.  I've talked about my I AM Journal, and you need to do your version of that.  Write out in faith what you are or what you are becoming so that you can make a path for a new you.  Lead the way.  

3.  Read up.  Books by women like Dr. Caroline Leaf or Brené Brown will help you to understand the hurdles you have to leap.  Seeing how the brain works and what you need to do to overcome the mental blocks, will help you to go in a new direction.  

4. Write out a realistic day.  What areas of life are priorities and what time do those things take?  I know I can often write out a week's worth of to-do's in one day and that is just silly and setting myself up for failure.  Taking mental note of this and costing out the time helps reveal the things you need to cut.  

5. Take you into account.  Sure women can do it all, but it doesn't mean we should.  What I add to my family is different than what my husband does. I am emotional and I have to build in time for the relational duties that don't often get noticed and take more time, but they are important.  I could be my husband, but what good is that, he has that covered, I need to be me.  Who I am and how I do life affects what I accomplish and how I accomplish it (this is why comparison is pure junk)! 

So there you go.  There is a lot here.  Digest it and process this.  Let me know what you think.  Did I miss a point in all of this?  Tell me.  I love hearing from those of you who read this blog of mine.  You are the reason I write it after all, what you think matters to me! Happy Wednesday!