Why THIS is so Hard

2001 was the year I graduated from college.  I'm gonna be honest, the fact that I'm turning 42 at the end of this year and that college graduation was 19 years ago, seems surreal.  

After college I came to Visalia for the summer and stayed with my dad and step mom.  I assisted the youth pastor at the church before heading to Colorado that August for a one-year Discipleship Training Program.  This was not the normal Bible training, because most of the experience was working as live-in help at a residential care facility for troubled teens.  

To say that it was a hard year is seriously an understatement.  Immediately, it was hard.  The training we received two weeks before moving into the house, couldn't come close to preparing me for what I was in for, but that could be said of getting married and having children as well.  We never know what something takes until we actually do it.  

My first moments on duty were hearing someone making noises in the bathroom and going in to find a girl had snuck in a razor blade and was cutting.  We definitely hit the ground running!  Each day we got Bible training while the teens were in school and we met with the on-staff counselors.  The beauty of that experience was, we had a plethora of encounters each day to offer up and get help on how to be better.  

It was also intense because we were on 24 hours a day, 6 and a half days a week.  You read that right.  We each got 12 hours off a week, that was it.  We were bound to the property, except for weekly trips to Costco, that a few got to go on each week, or any other outings that were part of the program.  

I always tell people it was experience that I wouldn't take out of my life, but I'd never do again.  It was hard on so many levels.  Being stuck in one place means you can't run from challenges or things you want to avoid.  I remember watching the daytime staff drive off one evening and wishing I could go too, being in the same place practically every day for a year was a intense.  The good news was, I wasn't alone.  We had plenty of interaction with everyone living there, care staff and residents, and I do feel like now, 19 years later, I'm connected with those people in a unique way, because we went through it together.  

I jokingly posted to those friends last week (I think it was last week) about how we should be experts in this COVID-19 quarantine because we've done this before.  Then I found myself leaving the grocery store in tears, because I remembered the hardship it was to lose your freedom.  I shouted out to God as I left the parking lot, "I told you, I didn't want to do this again!"

Yes, there is beauty in this shelter in place season, but comparing it to my year at Shelterwood has had me doing some soul searching into why it was so hard. Here are some of my thoughts and really some food for thought for us all as we navigate this challenging time.  

1. Loss of freedom - As Americans we can for the most part do whatever, whenever we want.  Yes, there are rules but when compared to other, less free, nations, they are fairly easy to live within and give us a lot of decision making ability.  So to be told to stay home and to cut ourselves off from the world, without any say in the matter, feels foreign.  It's a hard place to be.  Lack of control is challenging to say the least.  

2. Loss of interaction - I love the Holderness Family, and they said they hated the term "social distancing," because really its "physical distancing,"  we are still social online, and with those in our family, but we can't have physical interaction with people in our lives.  Nothing like a quarantine to show you just how many people you encounter everyday.  Hugs, handshakes, fist bumps, close conversations, lunches out, coffee dates are just some of the ways we engage with people, daily.  Obviously, the extroverts like myself, have a much greater list, but that human contact feeds an emotional need.  We aren't just physical beings, we have a soul and we have needs that go into the emotional and spiritual realm.  Losing some of that does affect us, maybe even more than we ever realized.  

3. Loss of time and purpose - Do you know what day or date it is today?  Being left without the schedule that marks our days and weeks, means it all meshing together and that can keep us from feeling anchored in our lives.  The difference with Shelterwood was that we were on our own compound and had a daily and weekly schedule.  I also knew when my time was up.  I signed a year contract and when times got tough, I could count down the length of time I had left or the time til my next 12 hour break.  With this current situation, we don't know how long this will go on.  Not knowing is hard because there is no way to build up the proper endurance to keep going.  Also, without tracking our weeks, we can lose a sense of purpose which can impact our emotional health.  

4. Loss of finances - Many families are living in uncertainty because they have no idea how they are going to make ends meet when neither spouse is working, or one spouse is working, or knowing how long they will be able to sustain their temporary solution.  Small businesses are being affected and that not only effects individuals, it affects us all.  Our communities, resources and emotional health are all affected in this financial problem.  

Did you notice, each item uses the word, "loss," that is because there is some grief involved in this process.  We are mourning the lives we had before the new norm of shelter in place.

So is that it?  

Are we just going to look at the problems and why this is so hard?  No.  So much of this is out of our control, but so much is in our control.  Understanding what we are feeling helps to identify the solutions.  Once we understand the issues at play, we can turn our focus onto what we can control.   

We need to be mindful of not only our needs, but the needs of others.  We have an opportunity to build community like never before.  We have a chance to think outside the box and build financial success in new ways.  We can create a calendar of activities and goals that we build into our weeks so that it isn't just some time dump with nothing but isolation.  We can embrace the people stuck with us or face the stuff we've been avoiding.  We can celebrate the slow down and refocus our goals and what truly matters.  

What thing have you wanted to do, try or change?  Where can you focus and build new habits or develop new skills?  What family members have you not talked to in awhile?  What are you doing to monitor your own emotional and physical health?  

You get to choose if you will give in to depression or put things in place to fight against it.  You get to choose if you will be more intentional with working out and caring for your body or giving into the snacking and gain more weight.  You get to choose if you will stay on autopilot with your parenting or get more involved in a real relationship.  

Yes, there is definitely a lot of suck with all of this, but there is also hidden blessings.  My year at Shelterwood brought passages of the Bible to new light.  I felt like the 2D words had 3D meaning in my life like never before.  Once again, I see that with our current situation.  I already mentioned that I felt more connected with the people that survived it alongside me, and I'm seeing more connection and less division online.  We needed that! 

Can you find the hidden blessings and go for the best experience?  Are you finding the depth of scripture like never before? I find asking God, "why," is not nearly as beneficial as asking him, "what now?"  

So that is my final question for you?  What now?  Take some time to think about what is the hardest part for you in all of this.  What can you learn about yourself and how can you move forward?  Will you make the most of this opportunity?  Only you can answer those questions. 

If you need someone to talk to, I'm hear.  Just reach out.  
Happy Wednesday! 

Triggers

This month we will look at processing hard emotions.  If you know me at all on social media, you know this last week my life got turned upside down.  My 4 year old daughter, out of no where, started seizing.  She went into a comatose state until the EMT's arrived, then started seizing again.  When she got to the ER, she experienced respiratory failure.  She was transported to the Valley Children's PICU and we were then transferred to the Discovery Wing when she got out of PICU.  She is now home and we start the process of meeting with a neurologist because we don't have answers yet, but that isn't the point of this post.  The point of this post is triggers. 

Do you know what a trigger is?  

Its that thing that brings up a memory or past experience, often ones that were difficult.    

Not only was this past week challenging for us emotionally, physically and financially, but it was also a source of triggers.  

1. My husband's oldest had some issues as a baby to include some epilepsy and is special needs.  He went through a lot with her, medically speaking, in the beginning of her life.  His second daughter was discovered to be diabetic in her pre-teen years while she was on a trip with us and the youth group of our church.  She was careflighted to Valley Children's and was in the PICU for some time.  So to be in the ER with a 3rd child was filled with all kinds of triggers.  Triggers can often bring back fears and memories as if they just happened, even if it were years ago.

2. My friends showed up at the ER to support me and drove with me up to Valley Children's.  The one that sat with me in the car, lost her almost two-year old several years ago.  As we talked I knew this was triggering all kinds of past memories for her.  She lovingly told me it was okay, but I know her support for me took courage.

3.  As we were being transferred from PICU to Discovery, I was taken back to over ten years ago when we walked these same halls with my stepdaughter - triggered.

4.  Another friend messaged me, full of emotion with what we were facing because she had been in this same hospital with her son, fighting against some physical issues they face. Triggered.

5. I've talked with several mamas who have faced similar issues with their kids and some of them shared emotions with me that revealed they too were triggered.

Triggers happen all the time.  We never know when one will hit.  A women walks through a crowd and smells a cologne, the same cologne as her grandpa, that passed away or the same cologne of her attacker in college.  That smell might instantly take her back to a memory, a place or a moment.

Someone talks to you in a way that an adult talked to you as a child and whether or not they mean the same disrespect can trigger defensiveness or pain.  All of us have our own triggers.  They may just be different from others. Some we learn to anticipate and protect ourselves, others take us off guard and can put us in a vulnerable state.

So what can you do? 

1. Identify you are being triggered - Being self-aware is a great gift and if you aren't great at it, start practicing.  Ask yourself what are you feeling at any given time and what is triggering it.  When we practice self-awareness, we get better at it.  Then we can know what triggers us and when its happening.  Understanding ourselves, our past, and how we engage with triggers and the world around us, helps us to be prepared in life. 

2. Take a moment to process - Okay, so if you are in front of a classroom or boardroom and something happens that triggers you, you might not be able to take a break, but if you can, do it! Excuse yourself to the restroom or take walk.  Do something to allow yourself the space to feel what is happening and get control before moving on.  

3.  Reframe - The brain is an interesting muscle in our body.  Like a filing system, our brain will file like experiences and emotions together.  If a situation feels similar to a bad past experience, the brain may group it together and it could trigger past pain.  That doesn't mean it needs to stay grouped together.  Taking a minute to evaluate if the situation is actually the same will help you to refile.  If they are similar than it may be time to draw some new boundary lines in the relationship.  

4. Create Rules - Set yourself up for success next time that trigger comes along.  Decide what to avoid and what to be ready to reframe. We can't live a trigger free life, but we can know, that as a mom who's lost a baby, being on social media or out in public on Mother's Day may not be a good idea.  If we have been through trauma, then going to see a real-life dramatic movie about those particular circumstances, may also not be a good idea. We can learn to protect ourselves.  

As a note in closing, being triggered is not a sign that an issue is unresolved.  Even though I live without daily grief or guilt from my past abortion, there will always be events that will trigger a grief response to the loss of my child and the regret surrounding that experience.  Resolving past pain happens when we are able to do our day-to-day lives without that pain affecting us, but if that is a camp you live in, maybe its time to see a counselor or process a part of your past with a friend.  What are your triggers? Share them with me, I'd love to hear them.  

Time Debt & 5 Ways to Help!

I've said it before and I will say it again - the shower is the best think tank.  The other day, I was once again hit with an idea while in the shower.  It was the concept of time debt and really how to determine how much you have and how to get out of time debt. 

My husband and I went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University several years ago and honestly its time we go get a refresher course.  If you don't know who Dave Ramsey is, he is a financial guru.  He explains how to know what you are spending and making, how to make a budget, how to get rid of debt and save for the future.  His program is amazing!  

As I thought about his principles of finance, I realized they also applied to time.  Time management is the theme for this month and its great to start out with time debt.  The truth is time mismanagement
 often happens without much thought.  We end up signing up for more in life than we can deliver on.  This is a problem for a lot of reasons.  We can come across as a flake and get a bad reputation, but it can also cause a lot of stress in our lives when we always feel behind.  The pressure of not getting it done can be a heavy burden!

Just like in finances, with time, your first step is in discovering where your mismanagement is happening and finding a solution is: 

1. Create Categories 

Start this process by listing all the areas of life that you have.  I did this with circles, like plates, because life so often feels like spinning plates.  I wrote a category in each circle:  Family, Friends, Work (that maybe be more than one plate if you have a side hustle or two), Household Duties, Spiritual Life, Self-Care, Volunteer Commitments, etc.  

2. List Out the Duties

Next make a to-do list for every category.  I know this will take some time and thought, but its worth it in the long run.  

3. Cost it Out

Go through each list and assign in an average time to accomplish.  So cleaning the house might be 4 hours a week and shuttling the kids around is six hours a week, etc.  You may have to track some of these in a given week or two to get a good feel for how much time you put into laundry each week or a certain work task. 

4. Add It Up 

Add each column, then add up all of it.  Depending if you did it for a day, week, or month, you will then add up the amount of time that is available in that time frame, and make sure you added sleep in there! 

5.  Take a Look and Begin to Ask Questions

Look at the lists. Do you have more time commitments than time available?  Were you surprised by the length of some versus other lists?  Take note of a few things.  If you have time debt, how much do you have?  What does the time per category communicate about your priorities?  Does it line up with what's most important to you?  If you have time debt, what can you take off your plate?  What needs to be readjusted.  Do you have time to say yes to the requests of others or is it time to say no?  

Getting a handle on where your time goes, really helps you to understand the value of what you say yes and no to.  Change can happen when we are able to take a look at the issues and be empowered to do something about it.  

Did you find this helpful?  Let me know!  Sharing from my life and what I'm learning makes the challenges I face so worth it.  I told God long ago, "If I have to go through it, you better use it!"  He's taken me up on that time and time again.  Happy Wednesday!  Let's see how we can face time management together this month.  

Before You Make Resolutions

I made a comment in a recent post about the damage of perfectionism.  I mentioned how living in the perfectionism world, kept me from getting to know myself.  I didn't realize until after I'd written the post just how profound that concept really was.  It's lingered in my mind and heart ever since.  I'm working on a book right now about the art of knowing ourselves and until I wrote that sentence I never gave much thought to the hurdle of perfectionism in the journey to self-awareness.

This perked my interest again as I thought about this next week.  By the time I write again next week, it will be a new year.  People will be hot on the trail of whatever resolutions they have set for themselves.

The thing is, come February, most people will be back to pre-resolution status quo.

Perfectionism and comparison seem to have some culpability in this quick rebound. Far too often we see the common resolutions and we see what others are aiming at and we jump on the bandwagon.  Its not just because we want to do what others are doing, in fact, I don't think that is our motivation.  We see what we hope to have, we see others going for it and we decide to join them.

So what's the problem with that?  We don't factor ourselves into the equation.

I need to lose a good 40 pounds, but honestly, that is no where on my goal list at the moment.  Its important but its taken a back seat to my zeal for mental and emotional health goals.  Being in a good head space and hitting other marks is more in my sights.

I have to take the time to look back and see what this past year's journey has been and celebrate the journey.  I can tell you I didn't always walk the path I started, wandering off course did happen for me in 2018, but not in a bad way.  I consciously decided in some places through out the year to change course.

I have to take the reality of this last year into consideration as I look to the year ahead.  If I want to aim at something big, I've got to count the cost, and decide if that is worth it.  I also have to have a plan to do what I want to do or its really just a fun conversation more than it is an actual goal.

Please don't just jump on the common resolution bandwagons.  Take some time to:

1. Take yourself into account (and if you don't know yourself that well, then maybe that should be your goal).

2. Consider what you did this year.  Do you want to stay at the same pace?

3. Count the cost - in order to change that pace you have to decide if its worth the sacrifice.

4. Plan how you will accomplish your goals.  Set benchmarks and deadlines for that so you will stay motivated.

5. Get someone to hold you accountable and do it with you.  Alone means you probably won't get it done.

Share with me something on your list.  I'd love to hear it.  My priorities are organizing my space and eliminating clutter.  I also want to get most if not all of my book done this year.  I want to be consistent and keep it simple, eliminating distractions.  Now its your turn.  Comment below or message me!!! I want to hear from you.

My Bathroom Project

When Kevin and I moved into our current home, we were still newlyweds living with his two girls.  Stephanie, the younger one, was 14 at the time.  She decided to decorate the bathroom in a ducky theme.  

Now, Stephanie is 27, married and expecting her first baby this next February.  I figured it was time to change the bathroom! Let's be real - it was beyond time to change the bathroom!!!  

Katie, my oldest stepdaughter, who is special needs, still lives with us, but she now shares the bathroom with her 7-year-old brother and 3-year-old sister. Because of this mixed group, I wanted a look that wasn't too feminine or masculine but had some fun kid character to it.  

I really wanted to do a bit more than just paint and change pictures on the wall.  I actually wanted a new vanity as the current one is awkward, but there just wasn't money in the budget or time in my schedule to make that happen.  

Truth: I'd been collecting items for the room for about a year, and part of the motivation to do it now was the need for the space those items were taking up.  

My first item was to pick a paint color and I selected black and white.  Next I decided to find some mirrors to replace the original full wall mirrors attached to the walls.  I also grabbed some floating shelves.  

I wasn't sure how to remove the wall mirrors, but I found this youtube video and thought I could do it myself. I when I went to Lowe's to get my paint, I also got some wood shims.  Thankfully a friend came over and was able to help me grab the mirror as it came loose so it wouldn't break.  I admit, I felt very accomplished having done this just from watching the video.  Our mirror unlike the one in the video did also have clips so I had to remove those first up top, then once I had used the shims, we had to slide it out of the bottom bar and then remove those.  I also removed the towel rack and took all the ducky themed pictures on the wall.  I was able to sell it all to someone through a Facebook resale group I'm a part of - so its getting more use somewhere else! 

The mirrors were off!!! 

Then I wiped down the walls and taped it for painting.  This is where I made my first mistake.

Painting tip:  Painting Semi-Gloss on Semi-Gloss (the paint needed in the bathroom because of moisture) is not easy to do because the paint won't adhere.  You either need to sand down the walls or purchase a product called TSP at Lowe's or Home Depot to help the process.  The people in the paint department can easily get it for you.  I did neither so that meant that when I pulled that tape off all of the painting I'd done came off with the tape so I had to do a lot of touch up! 

Once the painting was done, I put up the mirrors.  We discovered the light fixtures we had kept had been put on crooked on the back wall, and later discovered we had a bigger issue with that wall - it wasn't straight! The drywall was put in and instead of being straight was beveled in the center.  We really couldn't fix the issues with the wall or the fixture right now so my husband helped me put the mirrors up and replace the towel rack with the floating shelves that took 4 hours to put up because of the curvature in the wall.  We had to screw in the shelves in the center just so that would go up against the wall.  

I then used my Cricut machine to make stencils with freezer paper.  I painted "Rise and Shine" on the back wall above the shower and then repainted a framed wood piece with a heart pattern I found online.  Originally, the wood piece had lyrics to the song, "Bushel And A Peck," but my husband had also cut out the song lyrics in metal from a design I sent him.  We decided we liked that best.  The song has significance with my kids because its the tickle song.  I sing it and tickle and hug them along with the lyrics and we also end up laughing.  

As far as the little touches. The shower curtain came from Target and I got the hooks from Home Goods.  The clock came from TJMaxx.  The hanging art were the homemade pieces I'd already talked about (even though we thought the metal sign needed a frame, so my husband made one).  I got the bathmat and colorful washcloths from Target and grabbed the colorful knobs from Hobby Lobby.  I got my silver switch plates at Lowes.  The items on the shelves came from a variety of places the sand art box with the G, I made (Hobby Lobby) and I made both the framed saying (something significant as it was on the basement door growing up) as well as the wood box saying.  I had the glass piece that houses cotton balls, and the two succulent holders (one with q-tips and one with a fake plant from Target) are available in a set of 4 on Amazon, (note: I couldn't find them but found some other cute ones with link)  but I got them from the same resale group I sold my ducky art on.  

I do want to paint the vanity base, but for now I'm really happy with the room and doing little projects like this one bring me joy as creative endeavors are one of my outlets.  What activities help you find your inner calm?  I'd love to hear about it! 

7 Ways To Train Up Prayer Warrior Kids - Part 2

Last week, I started the discussion of prayer and our kids. If you missed it, please check that one out first for the top 3 of my list!  I asked for feedback and I can't wait to hear how it went!  Let me know - trust me, I am listening (well reading, but you get the point). 

 
Here is the rest of the list:


4. Home Anointing - My home isn’t just the place I come to every night, its the place where I want to serve people and offer solace.  My home is part of my ministry.  I believe praying over every room and anointing the doors of every room gives my home to God and reminds me of the purposes of my life on earth.  Heck, when I get a new car, one of the first things I do, is anoint it. 

I am not here just to build a fortune and die, but instead to share the love of Jesus with the world.  Teaching my kids to anoint our home, can help them see the bigger picture spiritually. 
 

5. Praying For Each Other - My kids see me pray.  I pray for them and on the flip side of that I invite them to pray for me.  I want them to know that I need their prayers as much as they need mine.  It adds to the "us" of family, which I think is important.  Team dynamics will be a key for them well beyond the 18 years they spend in our home.  

6. Spirit Led Prayers - We aren’t practiced in the art of being quiet and still.  We live in an ever moving society, yet being in tune with God, with ourselves and with each other requires breaks from the noise. 

 

Being able to hear the Spirit of God quietly speak to your heart allows you to pray for things that you have no knowledge of and connect again with the body of Christ. 

 

Another aspect of this is praying for people as they come to mind.  This is another great place to utilize "prayer knots" - give your kids a string to take on their day and find out who came to mind.  We never know what people face but God does, so allowing Him to lead in this discipline is an amazing gift!  

7. Be a Prayer Gifter - Sometimes the best gift you can offer someone is prayer.  It lets them know you care and takes the time to engage in the deep places in their lives. 

 

I don’t like to settle for superficial in my relationships and the best way to care for the heart of someone is to pray.  I want to teach my kids to ask first, but I can’t tell you how many times, as someone has poured out their life to me the impact that was made just by asking, “Can I pray for you?" Give the gift that doesn't make the list, but is always needed and appreciated!

 

So what did you think? 

Which of these is your favorite? 

Do you have things to add?

I would love to hear from you. 

Comment below or find me on one of my social media pages.  This only works if we do it.  Don't have kids? Don't worry, invest in your own prayer life and see who God has plopped in your path that you could teach these things too.  So many of my kids are the teens and children that I have around me in life.  They don't have to call me mom, to produce a positive impact!  Go out there and be a part of the solution!!!

7 Ways To Train Up Prayer Warrior Kids- Part 1

This isn’t my first post about who I want my kids to be when they reach adulthood.  Their faith, character and integrity are definitely integral parts of what I am aiming at in my parenting strategies.  I definitely get a lot wrong because parenting is such a challenge and I am learning as I go, but seeing the end in mind in the middle of the moment is definitely key at making the parenting years count. 

One of the best tools my mom gave me as a young girl was the gift of prayer.  Prayer helps me lean into God when I don’t have enough on my own.  Prayer gets a bad wrap these days because so many say the word without actually doing the job of praying, but true prayer is powerful and life changing!

If you are like me, you want your kids to be people of prayer. 
 

I have come up with seven ways you can help kids become people of prayer.  My list was long so you will get it half today and half(ish) next week. 

Here are the first three:

 

1. Prayer Walks - Walks aren’t just for exercise, engaging your mind in knowing your surroundings and engaging your spirit to connect with God in the places you walk is making the most of that experience.  Last week I took my youth group on a prayer walk of our downtown.  Each stop represented areas we wanted to pray for in our city.  The teens responded really well. 

We also used "prayer knots" which gave them something to do on the walk.  As God brought things to mind, I asked the teens to pray and make a knot for that prayer.  We discussed what their knots were afterwards.  

Prayer walks can be connecting locations with topics of prayer or praying for each of your neighbors as you walk past their house.  Teaching your kids to be intentional in this discipline is an amazing skill.  

2. Environmental Prayers - I can recall two years ago, my son and I were in the car headed to preschool.  He called out to me that we needed to pray.  I asked why and he told me he saw a flyer for a missing cat and that cat and family needed us to pray. 

 

It completely blessed me to hear him note that and bring it to my attention.  I had never told him to pray for missing animals.  I had taught him to stop and pray whenever we heard or saw an emergency vehicle. 

 

Being aware of your surroundings is a good skill for safety but it is also a spiritual tool too.  Now when my kids see a homeless person we can offer them a grace bag of nonperishable food but also take a moment to pray.  When we hear a siren or pull over to let one pass, we pray. Thanks to Caleb, when we see lost pets, we pray.  There are so many other reminders of prayer all around us, we just have to pay attention.  What other ideas can you add to my list? 

3.Insomnia Intercession - I don’t struggle with insomnia, but when I do wake in the middle of the night, its my signal to pray.  You never know what people are going through around the world, or if someone is calling out to God and you are the one he woke to intercede (purposed intentional prayer) for them, you are blessed!  We are after all, the body of Christ - all equals and all interconnected.  Sure you can count sheep, or even count blessings like Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney in "White Christmas," but I prefer to pray.  Teaching my kids to do the same is a legacy I want to leave for the future.  

Do me a favor - try these out this week.  Comment below on how they worked and come back next week for the rest of the list. 

Training our kids to be spiritual powerhouses is the best gift we can give them.  Prayer works so well because its not just asking for the request asked in Sunday School, but it engages in spiritual things that we may have no knowledge about.  That right there is amazing!!!

3 Reasons Why You Won't Change

 

Have you ever wanted to lose weight? Get a better job? Organize your house? Be more efficient? Be a better communicator?  Use that gym membership?  Save money?  Or do anything that just never happened? Ever wonder why you couldn't do it? Well I'm about to tell you 3 reasons why change isn't happening. 

 I am always striving for better, and I admit, I'm a bit of self-help junkie. I love reading how-to's, but recently I read a book and when I was finished, I realized: I didn't learn anything new. 

I don't know it all, but I've read enough articles and books, been on the best email lists and followed some great leaders through social media, videos and podcasts, to know the 4 keys to success or the proper order to a clean house.  The problem comes in applying the knowledge.  I have to put the plan into action and that is the hardest step. 

I am almost done with the book, "When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life," by Dr. David D. Burns.  It is a great book and has actually presented me with some amazing options for overcoming anxiety.  In his book he states the issue with the lists I referenced above, is that telling someone 5 ways to (fill in the blank) is that they ignore the first step - someone has to want to change.   

Change is hard!  You will only succeed if you:

1. Decide to change and do something different than your current routine.  That is why letting someone else in your process is important because they can be the impetus you need to change by keeping you accountable. Knowing how the change can take place doesn't matter if you don't resolve to do life differently. 

Why don't we want to change? There are a number of reasons but mainly homeostasis is easier.  Routine is just that - routine.  We can keep going.  The other reasons often include facing fears, and taking a look at the stuff we use our devices and favorite shows to avoid.  Avoidance and denial have kept the entertainment industry on top! 

2.  Focus on thriving not surviving.  I don't know your life, but I do know mine.  Sure, I would love a clean house and a thinner version of myself looking back at me in the mirror, but those things come  at a cost and usually in order for more to happen, my chill time is what gets traded for the work.  Life is hard and I am tired, because I go, and I go, and I go.  Changing my juggle, would probably mean I would drop a few balls in the process and would create more work, even though the work now would be payoff later.  Its easy to just try to survive, but we were made for more. 

Change isn't happening if you are looking to just survive, because surviving means doing the minimum.  Trust me there is no shade thrown your way if you are maxxed out and surviving is the name of your game, but don't expect to meet goals.  Goals get met when we go after more.  For me, its the abundant life Jesus talks about in the Bible (John 10:10).  Abundant life is the best, but it involves sacrifice, giving, being uncomfortable and facing the junk in your emotional closet. 

3. Face those fears and insecurities that haunt you.  I have walked through the pain of a past abortion and the skeletons from an abusive step parent.  Those emotional victories were amazing, but I have to be real when I say -  neither of those were as hard as looking into my heart and facing the negative crap I've repeated for more than 30 years (we aren't saying how many more than 30 years). 

I have had some mean things said to me in my life, but nothing as bad as what I've said to myself.  Change means retraining your thoughts, words and behaviors and doing so means looking at why they are there in the first place.  My recent epiphany that revealed some internal hatred of parts of me, not only shocked me, but its been scary at times to look at what is really going on and face it.  BUT, IF I WANT TO CHANGE, I HAVE TO FACE IT!!!!

Change is possible. 

The best change in me has always come with my team.  My team includes my God, Jesus Christ, at the head of the whole thing, and then the people he has planted in my life.

The key to change is loving community.  The common string to everything above is that its easier with others.  When we are fearful, surviving and stuck, we tend to want to isolate, but isolation doesn't cure, instead it further infects.  That is the recipe for making things worse.  You may have to find your team and that isn't easy either, but worth it!

 Do something different, get accountability, refocus on thriving and replace those negative thoughts with ones that are full of grace and truth.  You got this!  Oh, and please, make sure to tell me about it!!!

Planning The Best Party

I will say, I am pretty good at planning a party or event (spent 10 years as a wedding planner and let's face it, being a Youth Pastor includes a lot of event planning). 

I think its fun! 

Pinterest is a great asset when collecting ideas, but its also a huge pitfall in the planning process as well because you can get lost in the details and go down the rabbit hole of possibilities.  Keep it simple is the name of the game (the more details you want, the less people you need to have).

 

When I compare my daughter's first birthday and my son's recent 7th birthday, I see two different approaches.  

I loved my daughter's party and it was a masterpiece.  The biggest problem is after all that work, I wanted to leave it up for a month and had to take it down three hours later.  All that work and it was over.  I didn't regret it for a minute.  The key was borrowing!  I could do the details because I borrowed from those who have done it before and it took a lot of the work out of the equation while allowing me to have all the extras.  Where did I borrow? Facebook groups and friends.

 

My son's recent party was less decorated but still a lot of fun.  After my rejection of the work that went with our original theme of "America Ninja Warrior," we landed on Nerf Wars! Since, I got my new Cricut Machine for Christmas, I was able to make him the shirt he wanted that said, "Attack."

 

 

 

We ended up inviting a ton of people and most of them came! Again, like my daughter's party, I piggy backed, but this time in reverse.  Instead of borrowing, I created items that our church could reuse this summer for VBS and that meant, supplies got left at the church and didn't end up back in my garage!!!  

 

Let me first say, we don't do parties every year.  That is just too much.  We do celebrate every year and we have traditions for each child, but parties are best when spaced out.  Kids remember the fun more that way.  You have to mix it up.  This however, is the party year.  We have 4 birthdays in our home in a less than a two month span so it gets crazy.

 

 

We got to work and my first step was the invitation.  I used the slo-mo video option on my phone to get a video of him shooting the nerf gun then took screen shots of the video until I FINALLY (because it was like 30 times) got the bullet in the shot.  I then used my two favorite photo apps - Aviary and Over to create the right effect on the photos and create an invitation.  

 

 

 

I went light on the decor - just created a course (cardboard, pallets and tires) and then got nerf colored plates and silverware. I got nerf colored gatorades and waters and then used my nonexistent cake decorating skills to order a Costco sheet cake that only had writing and a border then decorated the cake with an actual nerf gun and darts.  

 

 

The activity was the party, but I made sure to get extra darts (600 count on Amazon) which I put in buckets on the sidelines of the course.  I got protective eye wear on Oriental Trading and also got some face paint sticks so they could get ready for battle.   

 

 

we also had a bounce house for smaller kids and to give kids a shooting break, but we had to drag the kids away to do pizza, cake and gifts.  I also planned a game of Capture the Flag and made simple arm bands from cutting fabric I got at Hobby Lobby, but the kids preferred a free for all. 

 

 

 

 

Our gift bags came from Oriental trading and the loot came from a combo of Oriental Trading and a local resource, Rick's Vending.  With up to 60 kids, I had to go light - candy and 3 toys (slime, finger rockets, whistle) and we were good to go.  I let my son put them together so he could have some ownership in the party.  We also had a small army of family help us set up.  

 

 

 

The great part was, I actually got thank you's from several parents, and was told kids talked about it all weekend and again at school, Monday.  So if you are looking for a theme that is a blast, this is it!!!  For any party don't forget: if you want a lot of details keep the invite list small and if you want a big party, pair down the decorations and extras - borrow, borrow, borrow and most of all have fun!!! Here are some more photos of the day...