When You Are Not Enough

Note to Reader:  This is an interactive post.  I have questions that I want you to answer, so if you can't take some time now, be sure to schedule time in the next week to answer the questions below. Yay!!!

Have you ever felt like you run out and life still needs more?  Have you ever felt inadequate to live the life you lead?  If you do, I have some good news...you are not alone.  Feeling that way may seem like you are the exception not the rule, but reality says its the other way around.

Walk into a nearby Target or scroll through your IG feed and chances are you will find someone who seems to have what you don't have.  Someone who looks like they are killing it in life.  The problem with that idea is that its drawing a conclusion with only a small percentage of the story.  We see all of us and only part of others.

Craig Groeschel says social media is people sharing their best 5%.  That means you are missing 95% of the story.  If you were solving murders with only 5% of the facts, you'd be a horrible detective! 

We need to stop comparing our whole lives with a snapshot of others lives.  But lets take comparison off the table for a minute and lets talk about you.

I have some questions.  So do me a favor, get some paper and a pen and settle in for a moment of reflection.  Don't have time to answer now? Jot these down and answer them later! 

1. What is the standard you are using to measure success (and failure)?  

2. Where did that standard come from?  Is it a healthy source or is it rooted in dysfunction? 

3. Do you need to adjust the standard? 

4. What are you doing out of obligation and not because it flows with the life you want to be living? 

5. What are you over-committing to? Is this a time management issue or a self-worth issue?  

6. What do your best friends see in you that you don't see?  (Don't know - ask them!) 

You guys, I love renovation shows.  I have a handful I watch, and I love when there is a dump of a house, or so you think, but it just seems that way, because us viewers don't see what is actually there. Sometimes we are like these old houses.  We let ourselves just live in a reaction state to life instead of a place of leadership and ownership.  We let hardship and haters define us and wear the junk we pick up along the way because we feel we are supposed to instead of fighting to be who we were made to be. 

Throw some grace on yourself.  You are the only one doing you.  Celebrate that!  Sure, we have areas we need to grow and change, and we want to do us in a way that honors who God created us to be, but can you see what you are doing well?  Is that life glass half empty or half full?  If you are only seeing the mistakes and the inadequacy, then you are missing the beauty of you.  

Let's regroup, shall we?! Here are some steps: 

1. Gather your friends and ask them to fill your love bank.  Ask them to share what they love about you and take notes!!! If you are really struggling write it up pretty and put it on the walls so you are see it every day.

2.  Speak new truth into your life.  I've talked about my I AM Journal, and you need to do your version of that.  Write out in faith what you are or what you are becoming so that you can make a path for a new you.  Lead the way.  

3.  Read up.  Books by women like Dr. Caroline Leaf or Brené Brown will help you to understand the hurdles you have to leap.  Seeing how the brain works and what you need to do to overcome the mental blocks, will help you to go in a new direction.  

4. Write out a realistic day.  What areas of life are priorities and what time do those things take?  I know I can often write out a week's worth of to-do's in one day and that is just silly and setting myself up for failure.  Taking mental note of this and costing out the time helps reveal the things you need to cut.  

5. Take you into account.  Sure women can do it all, but it doesn't mean we should.  What I add to my family is different than what my husband does. I am emotional and I have to build in time for the relational duties that don't often get noticed and take more time, but they are important.  I could be my husband, but what good is that, he has that covered, I need to be me.  Who I am and how I do life affects what I accomplish and how I accomplish it (this is why comparison is pure junk)! 

So there you go.  There is a lot here.  Digest it and process this.  Let me know what you think.  Did I miss a point in all of this?  Tell me.  I love hearing from those of you who read this blog of mine.  You are the reason I write it after all, what you think matters to me! Happy Wednesday! 

Rejected

I think most of us would love for everyone to like us.

As I look back over the story of my life, I realize, for many years that was my goal, but in order for that to happen, I'd have to change my identity and there is nothing beneficial about doing that.

God made a world full of unique people because he wanted the variety.  He loves each of us, the way he made us, but with that comes the reality that I won't always be liked or well received.

In the center of that reality comes one of my greatest fears.

Its not snakes or spiders, but it is rejection - okay, I'm afraid of snakes too!  Rejection seems to be a haunting reality that speaks to the core of our questioning - "am I good enough?"  Rejection can seem like a megaphone into the depths of our identity, but it doesn't have to be! 

 

No one can speak to my value unless I let them.  The only being able to do so is God and when he was done creating, he said, "It was good."  God has packed me (and you) with value and its my job to allow his voice to stand above any person who might say otherwise.  

In a book I've been working through on anxiety, I've become familiar with a counseling technique to overcome anxiety, called flooding.  Flooding is a method of facing ones fears by jumping into the fear.  The author shares a story about his fear with blood and how one encounter with a burn victim in the ER cured him because his involvement was necessitated by the circumstances.  

Despite the pangs of pain it might create, over the last month or so, I've been motivated to completely uproot any remaining insecurities from my childhood.  Doing so involved facing the "R" word, so I've put myself out there.  In one particular event recently, I asked for connection with people and got rejected - every time!  Over ten requests and not one yes.   But in the process of rejection, I decided to keep going.  It was hard, but I discovered that the rejection wasn't me, because each "no" came with a reason.  Some had legitimate responses, while others seemed more suspect.  I was offering an encounter which would require vulnerability and not everyone can deal with that word, which means it has nothing to do with me.  Despite the discouragement, I did not allow the rejection to speak to my heart.  

Blocking the internalization of that rejection, allowed me to see just how often I inject my own, limited interpretation into the comments, encounters and responses of others and draw conclusions I have no ability to accurately do.  You know the saying, to assume "makes an ass out of you and me." While I'm not sure the origin of that saying, it is pretty accurate.  When we assume we make judgements on partial information, and that can never aid us in knowing people or being known.     

As I referenced last week, Brené Brown, shares in her book, Rising Strong - people are doing the best they can.  If I believe this, then I am required to stop injecting encounters with my own bias. I must instead get more information, be honest with myself and others about the stories I'm creating and must seek to keep going in the midst of obstacles like rejection.  

Truth moment - the fear of rejection is much worse than rejection!  Its not making everyone like you, its finding people who inspire you, share common vision and spark growth that we should add to our tribe.   Beyond that we all have bad days and won't always be in sync even with the best people on the planet.  We must put ourselves out there, because the flip side to rejection is connection and that is something we all desperately need!  You know what else, rejection has its own benefits - I am learning a lot about myself and the world around me.  No experience is completely without merit.  When we survive the challenges we learn what we are made of! 

I don't know what you fear, but I know we all suffer from the human condition and have something that holds us back, the question is, will you let it continue to keep you down?  Break free and chase after the life God intended! You are worth it!