Begin with the End In Mind

Friday, I was at a funeral.

Sidebar: I've actually been to more of those than the average person. I have a big family, so growing up I was always at a funeral for some great uncle or aunt, and over the past sixteen years, I've worked at a church with a sizable elderly population.  That means a lot of funerals.

I know a lot of people hate funerals.  Truthfully, I really love what a funeral reminds me of.
* It reminds me of my purpose in life.
* I also love honoring people.  You always learn more about someone and the life they led.  Any life is worth celebrating, because there something good in everyone.
*Showing up for them and their families feels like an amazing gift too.

Friday, I was reminded that one conversation or even smile can make an impact for 40 to even 70 years in the heart and life of those around us because we never know what insignificant thing to us makes an impact in the life of someone else.

When I was in college, I remember being asked to write out my eulogy.  I've done it with the teens in my youth group over the years too.  I mean, how can we know if we are on track unless we look at where we want to be.  We only get so many years, are we making the most of the journey?  I don't believe in reincarnation so I don't think I will get another shot.  This life is it.

Looking at what we want in the end also lets us see what we've already accomplished. That is a great encouragement.

Besides the eulogy, there's also asking the question: What do I want people to say at my funeral?

What do you want people to remember?

When we look at goals, sometimes we become too short-sighted and just think what we want right now and forget long-term perspective.  Life is a marathon, not a sprint.

For me, relationships matter most.  I love my relationship with Jesus, my Savior and the beautiful people in my life.  I cherish people and making an impact in their lives, and that is what I want in the end.

What do you want your eulogy to say?  Write it, post it where you can see it and be reminded where you want to go.  It helps in getting there!

God bless you this fine January day! Make the most out of the one life you get, because trust me, it matters!!!

Before You Make Resolutions

I made a comment in a recent post about the damage of perfectionism.  I mentioned how living in the perfectionism world, kept me from getting to know myself.  I didn't realize until after I'd written the post just how profound that concept really was.  It's lingered in my mind and heart ever since.  I'm working on a book right now about the art of knowing ourselves and until I wrote that sentence I never gave much thought to the hurdle of perfectionism in the journey to self-awareness.

This perked my interest again as I thought about this next week.  By the time I write again next week, it will be a new year.  People will be hot on the trail of whatever resolutions they have set for themselves.

The thing is, come February, most people will be back to pre-resolution status quo.

Perfectionism and comparison seem to have some culpability in this quick rebound. Far too often we see the common resolutions and we see what others are aiming at and we jump on the bandwagon.  Its not just because we want to do what others are doing, in fact, I don't think that is our motivation.  We see what we hope to have, we see others going for it and we decide to join them.

So what's the problem with that?  We don't factor ourselves into the equation.

I need to lose a good 40 pounds, but honestly, that is no where on my goal list at the moment.  Its important but its taken a back seat to my zeal for mental and emotional health goals.  Being in a good head space and hitting other marks is more in my sights.

I have to take the time to look back and see what this past year's journey has been and celebrate the journey.  I can tell you I didn't always walk the path I started, wandering off course did happen for me in 2018, but not in a bad way.  I consciously decided in some places through out the year to change course.

I have to take the reality of this last year into consideration as I look to the year ahead.  If I want to aim at something big, I've got to count the cost, and decide if that is worth it.  I also have to have a plan to do what I want to do or its really just a fun conversation more than it is an actual goal.

Please don't just jump on the common resolution bandwagons.  Take some time to:

1. Take yourself into account (and if you don't know yourself that well, then maybe that should be your goal).

2. Consider what you did this year.  Do you want to stay at the same pace?

3. Count the cost - in order to change that pace you have to decide if its worth the sacrifice.

4. Plan how you will accomplish your goals.  Set benchmarks and deadlines for that so you will stay motivated.

5. Get someone to hold you accountable and do it with you.  Alone means you probably won't get it done.

Share with me something on your list.  I'd love to hear it.  My priorities are organizing my space and eliminating clutter.  I also want to get most if not all of my book done this year.  I want to be consistent and keep it simple, eliminating distractions.  Now its your turn.  Comment below or message me!!! I want to hear from you.

You Can

Recently, I sat across from a woman I've known since before she was a woman.  We met under duress, as she has honestly, been avoiding me.  Her life isn't what it should be right now, and even though we live in the valley, the life before her is a figurative Mt. Everest and she hasn't been training, so to climb it seems impossible!

As I sat across from her and gave her a mix of straight talk, love and boundary-filled support, I realized her overwhelming reality, is something so many understand because life can be overwhelming. Even if our struggles are different the battle always seems to be the same. 

 The biggest battle isn't the challenges we face, its actually the one in our minds.  Our thoughts direct our path and following lies and negative self-talk only leads us down a dangerous path.  

We begin to follow thoughts like:

You've tried so long and haven't done it yet, you never will 

You aren't worth the effort 

You will never do it 

Don't even try 

No one cares if you just quit

Everyone is better off without you

Those thoughts are dangerous roads and they don't lead to anywhere good.

Trust me when I say, if you have a mountain to climb - you can!  You can't wait until you feel you can, because feelings lie! You have to decide what you need and make the plan to get there.  The feelings will come later.  

The reality is, if you are facing a life mountain, you might need some help.  Don't try to do alone what was meant for a team.  Those ideas that you have to do it alone only lead to failure.  Ask for help from trusted sources and let them help you.  

I believe in Jesus.  I have since the day I was 4.  I have come to know that the Bible is full of encouragement for us as we go down the road.  So here are few verses to help you, whether you believe in God or not, as you climb your mountain.

Matthew 19:26 - With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.

I John 4:4 - Greater is He that is in YOU, than He that is in the world. (Paraphrase)

I Thessalonians 5:11 - Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

Isaiah 40:31 - but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 43:2 -  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.  When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, the flames will not set you ablaze.

God has got this!  Yes, you do have to do some work and retrain your thoughts and be intentional in all you do, but God will carry you.  In that I am confident!  

Start with the sentence - I can! See the victory in your thoughts and that will lead to victory in life.  If you quit in your thoughts, its already done, just put a fork in it!  So change that mindset, ask God for help, create a plan, lean into friends and start that journey! Don't quit - trust me, it will be worth it in the end!!!