What Will Your COVID-19 Story Be?

Hello friends, its safe to say life has changed drastically in a matter of minutes.  Our world is not the same as it was even a week ago.  I see a lot of information, panic, memes, and opinions all over the news and my social media feed and the one thing that seems clear - we will remember this.  

This strand of the coronavirus will come and go, but the public reaction, financial and political happenings will stay with this.  This time in history won't be forgotten.  The question is - what will your COVID-19 story be?  

Twenty, thirty, forty years from now when you retell your story of what happened and how you reacted, what will it be?  

Today, I was scrolling through the crazy and found a poignant post from a high school friend.  When I read her post, I asked if I could share because her answer is magnificent.  She agreed, so read with me the beautiful words of Laura Simon, then decide how you will respond.  God bless you all, if you need anything, please reach out.  I am here.  Take it away Laura...

On a beautiful, cloudless day in September of 2001, life as I knew it collapsed with two towers in New York. I was nearly 23, living in a brand-new apartment with a brand-new roommate, and student teaching for my final semester of school. (Yes, if you’re doing the math, I was doing the 4.5 year college plan. College was not my finest hour.)
One minute, life was beautiful and uncomplicated. Then my cooperating teacher pulled me aside, told me something terrible had happened, and sent me to the counseling office to watch live while she took charge of the eighth graders. It was a gift to me that I didn’t have to see that unfold with an audience of young eyes; I certainly wouldn’t have handled it well.

The following days very much resembled the ones we’re living in now. Crazy rumors led to runs on commodities that we feared would be in short supply. Instead of toilet paper, we lined up for miles to get gas. Gas stations sold out and shut down. We rushed to the grocery for non-perishable food. (In case you’re wondering, my provisions included cases of Dr. Pepper, M&M’s, Lucky Charms, and ramen noodles. Nothing else, really.) We were afraid to go to large, public places for fear that the terrorist next door (they were everywhere, we know) would target them. A rumor flew around that a large-scale attack was planned for malls nationwide. Schools felt vulnerable and many people kept their kids home. We were, quite literally, afraid to breathe, as if the air might be laced with explosives.

My roommate was housesitting for friends, which left me alone in our apartment, sprawled on the couch watching around-the-clock coverage of all the things we thought we knew. (As you can probably imagine, time revealed that much of that early reporting was completely inaccurate, but I didn’t have the perspective to realize it.) I didn’t even have cable, but I did have Dr. Pepper, which I consumed in abundance. The isolation was probably the worst thing that could have happened to me; lacking any good personal habits for dealing with anxiety, I watched, ate, and tried to find anything that would make me feel better.
It turned out that two things were quite helpful in doing just that. The first was shopping. As the fog lifted and things re-opened, the country began to realize that life probably would, actually, continue. The malls, desperate to lure in wary shoppers, offered deep discounts. Apparently, I am willing to risk death by suicide bomber if there’s a chance to score Express jeans for half price. A new wardrobe improved my mood remarkably, so I shopped often, in spite of the fact that I wasn’t getting paid for my student teaching gig. That’s why God invented credit cards, no?

The other opportunity that soothed that fear in my heart was happy hour at the TGI Friday’s right down the street with my new colleagues. Only it wasn’t really an hour – it was more like seven. For someone who’d rarely ever had a drink, that was a lot of alcohol. And all that alcohol masked the fact that my newfound community – which I desperately craved – wasn’t really what I was looking for. They were good people, but not on the path I wanted to be on. Still, it felt good to be with someone – anyone – in those early weeks, so I found a boyfriend in the happy hour crew and let the alcohol fix my misgivings.

Eventually I got rid of the boyfriend, and eventually I paid off the debt. Life went on, and offered me more personal 9/11’s. Each time, I flailed and writhed and grasped for anything to make me feel better. Each time – as it always does – life eventually moved on.

But the last one – just two years ago – finally changed me. That time, when my world bottomed out, I leaned in to God. Instead of binge-watching Friends, I walked the darkened halls of my house, opening my hurting heart to a father I barely knew. I read the actual Bible, and found a lot that I didn't know was in there. Friends – real friends – came alongside me and spoke truth. I found a counselor who was willing to ask the right questions, to look below the surface, to help me see things in myself I didn’t want to see. I begged God to fix things, and instead He opened my eyes. I was begging for a bandaid when I was bleeding out from a full-blown puncture wound. I didn’t know who He was or how He felt about me. The people I was trusting weren’t worthy of my trust. I was trying to earn what was freely given, and letting shame bully me into ignoring the truth.
God began to show me how to come to Him first, how to rest in what He was doing instead of fixing things myself. He began to show me that I can trust him, regardless of what people on earth decide to do. He began to rewrite my response to things that cause me anxiety.

And then last week happened. And this week. Every day, life as we knew it seems more and more impossible. If I let myself linger on social media, the bad news hits in regular waves. Just like 2001, the future we imagined seems gone forever. And just like 2001, my body is riding waves of anxiety. My appetite is gone. I’m tempted to stare at my phone all day. Sometimes my body just shakes. All day long, I just want to sleep. And then at night, sleep eludes me.

I’ve been given the same opportunity I was given almost 20 years ago, but this time I know this is where God is. In the scary and uncertain, He will do things I couldn’t imagine just last week. He will mold more than just my external situation; He will change my heart in these moments.

I still hate it – all this change and uncertainty and, most of all, the isolation. But I also know this is where we find him. If we’re brave, this is where strongholds finally break and victories finally happen. This is where we change. And this time, I’m here for it.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9   

Six Lessons From Grandma

Two weeks ago I talked about the memories that come to mind and just the amazing way the brain holds onto some things in our conscious mind and other memories get filed away and never or seldom remembered again. 

This last weekend we celebrated the life of my Grandma Pat.  I had the honor of putting together the slideshow and as I thought back on the times we had together, I realized just how special she was and our relationship was, so I thought in her honor I would share some lessons I learned from my grandma with you!

1. Family is Family - Grandma Pat was my dad's stepmom. I never felt the "step."  She was my grandma and I was her first grandchild.  She made me feel so special on my visits with her and she was someone who made me feel loved.  I knew she was in my corner.  

I never knew until adulthood when I encountered other families that the word, "step" actually created rifts in families and that distinctions of "real" and "step" were made.  It just wasn't in my understanding and its something I continue to try to pass on in life.  

I am about to have my first grand baby, as my stepdaughter, Stephanie, is due in February. I hope that child one day can echo the same words I use when I describe the relationship pictured above. 

2. Its Never Too Late to Start Over - The blended family I grew up in looked perfect to me.  I thought I was amongst the real-life Brady Bunch.  It wasn't until I grew into adulthood that I learned, it was really tough in the beginning.  There were moments when the obstacles that this new family faced challenged its future and as they forged ahead bitterness could have taken hold, but it didn't.  

My grandparents never let age, or bad habits be an excuse for moving forward.  If something needed to be changed, you worked at it until you found success.  I have let this guide me in life as well.  I do a lot wrong, but I won't let that be a quitting spot, but a place where growth will happen.  

I've often quoted Jerry Bridges from his book, Pursuit of Holiness, when he says, "A failure is not someone who fails, but someone who stops trying." I quote it because its a source of encouragement to stay the course.  Whatever obstacle you face, when you fail, dust yourself off and go at it again. 

3.  Gratitude is Everything - We didn't do a traditional service.  It was a lunch and service of our (very large) family at my aunt's house.  We had a lunch of Grandma's favorite recipes, ate candies she loved, drank Fuzzy Navel wine coolers and Sangria (her favorite drinks) and finished the service with pie, as she taught pie making, for many years.  

One of the memories many of us shared was Grandma's strict ways of enforcing the "thank-you" note.  She was infamous for requirement of a "thank-you" note.  While I didn't always agree with the strict standard she held, I know that showing gratitude is a lost art in our society and its something that we must practice more.  Being grateful is a must for the best life possible.  

I loved the touch my Aunt Julia added by having a basket of "thank-you" notes for us to take on our way out so that we could thank someone in honor of Grandma.  I marvelled that despite our objections at times in our childhood, here was a room of thirteen twenty-somethings that know how to write "thank-you" notes and do it consistently.  What a treasure for the generations to come!!!

4. Fun is a Key Ingredient in Life - When I was little, my visits to Grandma and Grandpa's house included playing card games, watching movies in their bed, going on adventures like panning for gold or going out shopping and out to dinner, but my most prized memory is the dress-up time Grandma did with me.  

She would dress me in an old flapper outfit or some other fancy dress.  She'd do my hair and make up and then present me to the family ready in the living room as Glamour Galore, the famous fashion model. Sometimes I was her sister, Glorious.  The way in which Grandma turned the ordinary into an event was an art form and it was a school I loved to attend. 

She had fun! Life is full of junk and sometimes you just have to have fun for no reason at all, other than because life would be too boring without it!  I carry this into my motherhood now.  Sometimes we make the ordinary meal a special event or go on an adventure just because its a Tuesday.  Life has enough serious in it - fun is necessary!!!

5.  Go For Your Goals - Grandma Pat was a supporter.  If she knew you liked something, she was there to cheer you on in those goals.  After all, if you didn't make it, life was full of the neigh-sayers,  but we don't have to be that for those we love.  

As I started to speak more openly about my past, my abortion and how God had healed me, I decided I should tell my family.  I'd rather them hear it from me, than read it somewhere else or have someone else tell them.  After a riveting game of Mexican train, one visit, I told my grandparents my story.  They gave me a hug and sent me to bed.  I later discovered they flipped out in my absence in shock of the bomb I'd dropped in their laps.  

Despite their private freak out, Grandma learned why I was passionate about sharing my story and encouraged me in my public speaking.  One of the first things she did was get me hired as the guest speaker at their local Pregnancy Center's annual banquet! She let me see how to go after goals on my own and to encourage those around us.  What a gift!

6. There's Always A Way to Conquer Those Obstacles - My Aunt Julia shared a story about Grandma, that I loved.  When Grandma was first married, she wanted to make a roast for her husband's boss the night he was coming to dinner.  She'd never made one before and since this was long before google was around, she decided to figure it out herself.  

She called random numbers and acted like she was doing a survey.  She inquired about the ways in which people made a roast.  She then took all the answers and landed on a median recipe on temperature, prepping etc.  Grandma didn't have the luxury of education so many have today, but she was so intelligent (she had a genius IQ) so she learned what she didn't know, any way she could.

Hearing others stories like this one, mirrored the ways Grandma had taught me to get the knowledge you needed to walk down that path you envisioned.  We let far too much stand in our way, and I loved hearing the creative ways, Grandma conquered whatever came her way.  We give up far too quickly in life and many of us need to regroup and go!

Do you ever stop and think what you've learned from those you love?  Which of the lessons above did you most need to hear?  I'd love to hear from you! Happy Wednesday!!!

The Question I Asked My Son

The first day of school each year, the Mother’s Club (much like the PTA) at my son’s school, hosts their first meeting with great pomp and circumstance.  It is pretty wonderful!  Unlike the normal monthly meeting (that I try to attend with my two-year-old in toe), the first meeting of the school year offers free babysitting in addition to the wonderful food and awesome devotion time. 

The speaker the past two years is a local pastor that I have known the entirety of my 14 years in this community and I not only have a great deal of respect for him, but also think he is hilarious!  (If you know me, you know humor is pretty high on my list of amazing qualities people should possess.) 

As he closed his devotion, kicking off our year theme - “Fully Devoted” (Acts 2:42), he put out a challenge.  He encouraged us to ask our kids - without coaching, what they thought mom and dad’s top three personal priorities were?  

So, I did.  

On the way home from school that day, I asked Caleb that very question.  

Here was his answer: 

1. Us (our family)
2. Dad: Sports Mom: Hallmark Channel
3. God and Money (apparently 3 was not enough) 

He let me know they weren’t in a particular order, and even though 2/3 were on point with what I want my life speak about my priorities, I was really hung up on the other two mentioned.  

In my effort to demonstrate value of things and how to properly care for something, I inadvertently made money a higher priority than it should have been.  Money doesn't matter, people do! 

I do like watching Hallmark Movies and my husband is a Sports fanatic and there is nothing wrong with that, but what really got me was this: 

I didn’t want Hallmark to be in my top 3 but I also was perplexed because I didn’t have a definitive answer for what I wanted to replace it.  I could think of about 10 things to choose from but still struggled to know exactly what I desired to be number 3.  

Some of the contenders for that third spot might be: Physical Fitness, Healthy Eating, Caring for the Needy, Serving Others, Encouraging Others, Singing, Theater, Dance - but not TV! 

As I came on it, I realized I want my kids to see me loving on people!  That is what I am called to do as a Christian but its also hardwired into me to love people.  Life is hard and we all need extra encouragement and love.  That means I need to change a few things around so people come before a good movie on Hallmark.  

I can't be alone on the misplaced priority train.  So now the ball is in your court.  This is a great question to ask whether you have kids or not.  Regardless of intention, you are leaving a legacy.  There is no choice in this, but you do have a choice in the legacy you leave.  Are you someone who lives with intention?  Are you spending your time in areas that matter to you or are you wasting precious hours? Is it time for some self-evaluation in these areas?  What do people know you for?  How would your family and friends answer the question I asked my son?  

If you don’t get the answers you were hoping for, then it is time to make some changes.  Find out what you are aiming for then decide what activities are distracting you from your course and need to be altered or eliminated.  

If you got the answers you were hoping for - great!  Help others to live up to their potential.  I don’t believe in reincarnation, so this is the only shot I get at life.  Who will join me in making the most of the years you have left?  

How Do You Measure Up?

We grow up being asked what we want to be when we grow up.  Kids rattle off a list of professions like police officer, astronaut, teacher, or even President.  My six-year-old says he wants to be a Ninja (though last year it was Ninja Elf, but he's dropped the Elf because that isn't realistic. - Ha!) 

We grow up and become a lot of different professions, some with great focus and even dead on with what the six-year-old version of themselves stated they would be.  Others just aimlessly land in some 9-5 just to pay the bills.  But I think we are doing a big disservice to children and to ourselves when we put so much focus on the professional success you will one day find.

I recently lost someone I loved dearly.  Wanda Sharp died just months before her 92nd birthday.  She left behind family but she also left behind a legacy that reached far beyond her own DNA.   Wanda wasn't a successful entrepreneur, and she actually spent most of her work years as a bus driver for special needs kids.  In the years I knew her, Wanda was a faithful volunteer with the youth group I lead.  She never thought she did much to help me, but the love she spread impacted lives.  She was the group grandma for years.  Teens graduated and moved on but they still loved Wanda, because she loved them.  It didn't matter how many times you attended or how well she knew you, she was gonna love on you. 

For those of us in the church, Wanda was mom or grandma.  She filled a void in many, and when she died, there was a group of young people that mourned as much as her family and friends.   On the day we honored her, I sat with typed pages filled with sentiments emailed to me that former students who wanted to share with her family, so they would know what she meant to them.  A woman who grew up with "Grandma" Wanda flew in from Louisiana (a long way from Visalia, California) just to be in attendance at the service.  The room was packed with people impacted by Wanda and the attendees even included one the students she transported all those years ago.

I am sad to lose such a precious woman but so glad she can stand before her maker and feel the love she gave here on earth.  She will understand and be comforted by the value she always had and never truly saw.  

In thinking of this I realized.  Wanda wasn't a success because she went to an Ivy League University or worked as CEO at some fortune 500 company.  She was a success because she was a woman who loved on people.  She made a mark that was indelible in the souls of people.  Wanda didn't let age, background, race or religion keep her from loving on whomever crossed her path.  She was a beacon example this world needs!

So my question is:

How Do You Measure Up?

Is your focus for a life well-lived on the successes you receive along the path to that dream job or is your focus on the people who are in front of you?

The great thing about focusing on the latter question is that it starts now.  Kids don't have to wait until they grow up to be a success.  They get to build character and be loving, kind people NOW!  Doing good for others will only lead them to what they will be when they grow up.

We should encourage kids to live for now.  Of course focusing on a goal for the future has its own merit and they will have to chart a path for the future with their education, but they should be more concerned about who they are than where they end up because ultimately, that is what matters most!

What Are You Doing With Your Dash?

I was recently looking through a jewelry catalogue.  They sold merchandise that could be personalized.  As I perused the back section, I noted a column of symbols that could be added to one’s medallion.  There was a variety of symbols: sports related, nature, animal, hobbies, religious, feelings related, et cetera.  People identify themselves with areas of devotion or likes and hobbies and use symbols to communicate about who they are.  

Beyond the catalogue, there are a lot of symbols in our world.  Symbols can be used on signs to tell you where to go, symbols can be in each country to signify patriotic allegiance - symbols are all around us.  Some symbols have more significance than others. A flag may hold significance for someone who fought for their country.  When I think about a cross,  I see two lines intersecting and yet, it speaks to a powerful sacrifice and gift for us all.  A cross is a life-changing symbol in my life.

Yet today, my attention was brought to another symbol that bears great significance. The dash.  Typically, I just think of the dash as a part of our grammatical library.  I recently listened to an episode of the Grammar Girl podcast all about dashes.  You can use it in some instances instead of a parenthesis or commas.  But where is significance in that?  The dash holds great significance in one use only - in between two dates.  

Yes, today, I went to a funeral.  I heard the stories and character of a woman, who had lived 90 years.  She did a great deal to make a positive impact on this world, and yet, her life is represented on her tombstone by a dash.  

Maybe we should be engraving dashes on our jewelry instead of a heart or fleur-de-lis.  It could be a reminder to make that dash count.  We should make each day count and live with intentionality.  Remembering the dash may keep us aware that we should put down the phone and play with our kids.  Remembering the dash may protect us from acting on the negative self-talk we hear in our heads.  Remembering the dash may motivate us to write that check to support a child in poverty.  The dash is not just our legacy but its perspective.  Life is a marathon, not a sprint and we need to let the small, petty things go and embrace those things that last.  

All life matters and I don’t believe that the quality of the dash equals the quality of the person.  I do believe we get one shot at life and we need to give it 100%.  So much of my dash speaks to the God I serve because much of what I have accomplished is because he equipped me to do it. What do you want your dash to represent?  If you head out to the cemetery, you will see a lot of dashes and yet all dashes weren’t created equal.   Some dashes were wasted by addiction or selfishness, others were impactful but in a cruel and negative way.  Other dashes brought about positive change or gave more than they took.  Some dashes were loving and kind, full of all that is great in the world.  Isn’t that the dash you want for your life?  Remember the dash and keep living, for one day your life will be summarized by two dates, separated by a dash.  

Reflective Life - Leaving a Legacy

The passenger driver side window of my car is covered in fingerprints from, you guessed it, my three year old boy. He knows how to make an impression in so many ways and in this case its using his fingers to mark up my windows. It got me thinking about the marks we leave in life. We all leave our own fingerprints on the lives of the people around us and on the world we live in. The thing is we don't get to chose if we leave a mark, just the type of mark we leave. I don't know about you, but when I think about the word legacy, it brings with it a positive connotation, but that isn't true always true. A legacy by definition is "anything handed down from the past..." which means that a legacy includes the negative stuff too.

I was watching a preview for a show about World War 2 and I just pondered the thought, "Hitler left a legacy." Honestly, I would rather leave little positive legacy than the bombshell negative legacy that someone like Hitler left. When you think about the domino affect of Hitler's choices on the world as a whole its a scary image. A few years ago, I watched a video of the Germans who walked through a death camp at the end of World War 2. They were in horror of what had happened there. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, well this video made the word count rival that of the number of stars in our universe. The Germans did not have a picture of what Hitler was doing to the Jews and those with special needs (and the list goes on) until it was over and they saw the aftermath.

Our actions have weight. How we interact with our own lives matters. I recently heard Francis Chan in a video entitled, "Rethinking Church" compare people in church as one goes to the movies verses going to the gym. One is an onlooker being entertained and the other a participant interacting in her environment. As I have delved into this thought, it occurred to me that this comparison also works for life in general. How many of us live our lives in a passive manner, just dealing with whatever crosses our path? We live as if we are in a movie theatre taking whatever the screen of live throws at us or being a victim being crushed under the daily assault of bad deals, put downs and devaluing interactions. What if we took more ownership of our lives, what if we looked at our life as a gym, building ourselves up, starting where we are? Our legacy isn't about being some great person, its about taking what we have and building on it. To do so we have to start where we are. Often we are too scared to take a deep look in our lives to even see where we stand and therefore don't have the tools to move forward.

Hitler wasn't a bad person because he was born evil. Hitler was a person that faced the hardship of life and allowed it to mold him into a man capable of massacre and cruelty. Had he instead taken control of his life and chosen to be better himself, he may have left a better legacy just as impactful but for the good of humanity. So what will your legacy be? Will you live your life in a passive manner or take control of what you can, face the reality of where you are and seek to be someone that can leave a fingerprint that will help bring healing into the world? The choice is yours. I choose to leave a legacy of healing and love.