Finding Your Tribe

There is something amazing when you can look back over the past few months and see God working in your life.  Have you ever experienced that?  You know, like when you have 3 conversations with people in completely different circles and they all say the same thing!  When I was in junior high I had two people in two different countries share with me the exact same scripture.  I remember thinking - I better pay attention to this!

October of last year, I attended the Organic Outreach Conference in Monterey, CA.  It was amazing and if you want to know more about it, go check out their website. 

I can tell you, I took copious notes at the conference.  I am a note taker, not just from the speakers but all the ideas their thoughts spark in my own brain.  Generating ideas is kind of my jam - following through on all the ideas, is not!  Pretty sure if I had both skills mastered, I'd be a millionaire by now. 

Anyway,  one of the many people I found quotable, was a man named Mike Brock.  He shared a sentence as a side note toward the end of a breakout session that resonated with me. 

While I don't have a direct quote, what he said went something like this:

We need to reconcile our pretentious nature, when we think "God told me...", and recognize if he told you, he told thousands of other people.  Instead of standing up and saying, "God said.." find those others God spoke to and partner with them.

I have loved the journey that those words sent me on.  I didn't start out seeking a tribe of like-minded visionaries, but it definitely opened me up to the lessons I was learning.  I've already talked about the Brené Brown quote that Lindsey Teague Moreno referenced in her book, "Getting Noticed."  I was floored when I discovered this woman (much smarter than me) with the same passion.  I started off in college looking at Social Work as a major, but quickly realized my overly sensitive heart would get swallowed alive in that field, and chose Communications instead.

I love people and discovering how they tick.  My own path as created a desire to see people find their voice and walk in freedom from the pain of their past.  This woman in her talks on shame, vulnerability, emotions and daring to live bravely as we rise strong after falling, was in sync with my mantras and personal journey. 

I'm obviously not joining Brené in her research or tagging along for her speaking engagements, but seeing that common thread being spoken from someone of her caliber has given me cause to celebrate.  Its inspired me to keep moving forward because I'm not alone.  I don't need to be any of the women who have inspired me over the last few months (and that list is growing exponentially), but I've been empowered by their stories and themes to be myself.

Its easy to feel alone and while a surge of pride can be appealing when you feel God has spoken to you, that pretentious nature doesn't foster community or even promote confidence, because if we seek to be the lone wolf in the fight for our cause we will in fact be, alone.  Who wants that life?  Okay so I realize that appeals to some people, but I am not one of them.  I want my alone time but I have no desire to be isolated in this world.  Hearing that Brené's research has revealed most people struggle with the same insecurities I have, is freeing.  As she says (and I paraphrase), we may be crazy, but no more than the next person.

I need to keep going and fighting because others need me, not because I am some superwoman. Its my responsibility to speak from my life as an encouragement to others and protect that connection with my tribe - those of you being real and putting yourself out there for the benefit of others.  Why else are we here?!  I'm glad I paid attention to what God was trying to speak into my life.

Do you need that encouragement to fight on and be you? Is God trying to get your attention?  Do you need to find those with the same voice and change the world together?   Your voice is louder when its focused and joining the song of others with same song.  Look for God's guidance, go forth and make a difference through the power of connection and numbers.

Rejected

I think most of us would love for everyone to like us.

As I look back over the story of my life, I realize, for many years that was my goal, but in order for that to happen, I'd have to change my identity and there is nothing beneficial about doing that.

God made a world full of unique people because he wanted the variety.  He loves each of us, the way he made us, but with that comes the reality that I won't always be liked or well received.

In the center of that reality comes one of my greatest fears.

Its not snakes or spiders, but it is rejection - okay, I'm afraid of snakes too!  Rejection seems to be a haunting reality that speaks to the core of our questioning - "am I good enough?"  Rejection can seem like a megaphone into the depths of our identity, but it doesn't have to be! 

 

No one can speak to my value unless I let them.  The only being able to do so is God and when he was done creating, he said, "It was good."  God has packed me (and you) with value and its my job to allow his voice to stand above any person who might say otherwise.  

In a book I've been working through on anxiety, I've become familiar with a counseling technique to overcome anxiety, called flooding.  Flooding is a method of facing ones fears by jumping into the fear.  The author shares a story about his fear with blood and how one encounter with a burn victim in the ER cured him because his involvement was necessitated by the circumstances.  

Despite the pangs of pain it might create, over the last month or so, I've been motivated to completely uproot any remaining insecurities from my childhood.  Doing so involved facing the "R" word, so I've put myself out there.  In one particular event recently, I asked for connection with people and got rejected - every time!  Over ten requests and not one yes.   But in the process of rejection, I decided to keep going.  It was hard, but I discovered that the rejection wasn't me, because each "no" came with a reason.  Some had legitimate responses, while others seemed more suspect.  I was offering an encounter which would require vulnerability and not everyone can deal with that word, which means it has nothing to do with me.  Despite the discouragement, I did not allow the rejection to speak to my heart.  

Blocking the internalization of that rejection, allowed me to see just how often I inject my own, limited interpretation into the comments, encounters and responses of others and draw conclusions I have no ability to accurately do.  You know the saying, to assume "makes an ass out of you and me." While I'm not sure the origin of that saying, it is pretty accurate.  When we assume we make judgements on partial information, and that can never aid us in knowing people or being known.     

As I referenced last week, Brené Brown, shares in her book, Rising Strong - people are doing the best they can.  If I believe this, then I am required to stop injecting encounters with my own bias. I must instead get more information, be honest with myself and others about the stories I'm creating and must seek to keep going in the midst of obstacles like rejection.  

Truth moment - the fear of rejection is much worse than rejection!  Its not making everyone like you, its finding people who inspire you, share common vision and spark growth that we should add to our tribe.   Beyond that we all have bad days and won't always be in sync even with the best people on the planet.  We must put ourselves out there, because the flip side to rejection is connection and that is something we all desperately need!  You know what else, rejection has its own benefits - I am learning a lot about myself and the world around me.  No experience is completely without merit.  When we survive the challenges we learn what we are made of! 

I don't know what you fear, but I know we all suffer from the human condition and have something that holds us back, the question is, will you let it continue to keep you down?  Break free and chase after the life God intended! You are worth it!

What is Lurking Below the Surface?

Have you ever felt like something that comes so easy for virtually everyone else, seems nearly impossible for yourself?  I find myself feeling that way with rapid frequency in our ever-changing technological world.  But staying up with the changes in social media or marketing isn’t the only area I have and do feel this divide.  

Recently, I read a book that was actually the perfect antidote to the issue of being behind the internet world, and I found it a big help as I wander into cyberspace, but the biggest impact this book made on me was actually something a great deal deeper.  

You know how icebergs deceptively lurk below the water’s surface?  What you see before you is nothing in comparison with its size below the open waters.  I often think that is a fitting description of humans.  As much as we know about who we are and how we tick, there is always so much more to glean.  Being a student of yourself will always lead you on an amazing journey.  

As I read the pages of the aforementioned book, I sensed I was entering into my own personal iceberg territory.  Something was there, that I was just seeing the tip of but so much more was inside waiting to be discovered.  

The truth I saw in the pages of that book was the fact that I am not good at being me.  

I am not void of a personality, opinions or even personal taste, so that sentence may sound surprising and even absurd.  But its true.   When most kids were being kids and figuring out the core of who they were, I was dealing with real-life, or maybe adult-life experiences that interrupted that process.  I will say as I’ve grown into adulthood, I have been able to regain some of those lost experiences, but I do at times still feel behind in the discovery process. 

That wasn’t all of it, though, what I really saw in the book was that I am not comfortable with all of who I am.  There are things about me that I have tried to hide.  Seems pretty hypocritical for the girl who preaches being yourself, but truthfully, until reading the words on those pages, I never saw it.  

That is why the journey to you is so important.  It may be scary because you don’t know what you will find. If we keep seeking God and being set on knowing him, we can’t help but get to know ourselves. Not just any self, the self God made us to be -the one that can only truly connect with him.  In order to get to know him, we must first come to terms with the ways life has blocked us from being who we were truly meant to be.  

 

The truth is I have nothing to be ashamed of, but because I never knew the depths of this issue, I never worked on it.  Now, I can!  I can get to the root of why I am ashamed of who God made me to be and allow him to bring healing to any remaining places of pain.  Isn’t that wonderful?!  

 

I am safe in this process when God is leading the way.  He has plans for me (he has plans for you too)!  Its time I got out of my own way.   How about you?  Maybe you have a completely different struggle or issue but are you still a student of yourself?  Are you allowing God to touch that process and allow you to be free from the junk life has deposited in your soul?  I don’t know what the road holds, but I know its worth it! 

Connecting with Jesus in a New Way

Today while reading "Walking With God, God's Way" by William Wyatt, I read that our purpose is to be transformed into God's image. Because God doesn't need us, our steps in ministry are to walk alongside God in what he is already doing. Each step of life is about knowing God and becoming more like him. I also read that when we go through awful things (the author shared a story about a missionary rape victim) we get to share in just part of the suffering Christ experienced on the cross. It just got me thinking. The horrible experiences are a connection with the horrible suffering our Savior lived out on the cross. Its an offering of intimacy. Now I am not saying God zaps us with tradegy. Don't forget our God is good, but he allows it and hopes that through it we will find him and know him in a new way.

I have a story that captures some of this, it may be something I've already written about in a previous post. Many years ago, my mom was married to a man named Kurt. Kurt had a difficult childhood. He was exposed to pornography and child abuse from his dad. His mom would just sit back and watch while this would occur. Kurt drank. That is how he coped with tumultuous emotional agony he journeyed. When he drank, he hit my mom.

Our lives with Kurt included hiding, yelling, fighting, pushing, hitting, and inappropriate touching. However, Kurt found God through our life with him. Fast forward about 20 years. Kurt was sick, and dying. Eventually he died. My mom officiated the funeral. Weird, yes, but amazing at the same time. Kurt at one point almost killed my mom. As a girl I watched him try to stab her with a screwdriver after beating her mercilously. Years later she had to have back surgery as a result of the injuries she incurred in that marriage. She will forever be marked physical due to the marriage, but God has healed the heart. God replaced pain with forgiveness and empathy for a hurting man. As I walked through my emotions during all of this, God revealed to me that the worst years of my life, were the best years of Kurt's. I realized that those years showed him God, and I came to a place in my heart of gratitude and acceptance. It was worth all the pain if Kurt found God through it. Those feelings weren't there for any other reason except God put them there.

I felt the amazing glow of 2 Corinthians 4:7 in my own life:

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves." (NLT)

My suffering in those years (and a few other issues in my life) have allowed me to share with others and be empathetic to the life experience of those around me. May God bring you to this place as you have walked and continue to walk in a place of pain. May God be your rescue, your guiding light and your sacred companion. Let that light shine through your cracks, and may you find comfort in his understanding as he held all of that pain on the cross.