Spiritual Life - Facing Fear, A Journey

I stood in the Staples Center last October, not for a Laker game, but for the Hillsong Conference. As I stood and worshipped God, the song, "Oceans" ministered to me. It became my heart cry. You see a month earlier, God had started me on a journey to show me where I was and where I needed to be. I have seen through the last 6-9 months that if fear were a cancer, I would have only have minutes to live because I am riddled with fear. Yet despite that reality, I seek to be fear free. I seek to do just what Oceans says,

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever you would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wonder, and faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior."

In the fourth grade I remember having a vision from God. I saw a man in my vision with a camping backpack on looking out into a desert and I heard God say, "Carrie, this is you. I will lead you where you have never been before and where you never thought you could go." What I have learned since then is that word wasn't for me then, but was something for my future. God often gives us a word as a hope to hold on to in the journey. We can get discouraged thinking he's forgotten, but he hasn't. So when I sang this song, that vision came back to me and I felt like now was the time. Now was the time to venture out in faith. To seek God in new ways in my life. The obstacle in my way, was and is fear.

I know I am not alone.

Paul walked on water out to Jesus seeking Him, but getting distracted by fear. (Matthew 14)

Elijah came against 450 prophets of Baal (I Kings 18) and killed everyone. He saw fire come from heaven and was empowered by the strength of the Lord, then Jezebel threatened him and he fled. He was distracted by fear.

I have been brought back from the dead, healed from a vegetative state, healed of a rare blood disease, been protected during abusive situations, stood up against the enemy for countless people and seen victory and yet, I get distracted by fear.

Since September 2013 God has been revealing the degree to which I fear. It has astounded me. I really never saw it before at the magnitude that it stands in my life. I have seen how I love my life walking through a minefield of fear. Its debilitating! So I am seeking out to walk in faith and turn from fear. My first step has been recognizing my fear responses so I can replace those with faith responses. Its a glacial speed but I am still hopeful that I will be someone full of faith and rid of fear. Yet, I love the journey. One of my greatest fear facing challenges was seeing that God is like Amazon. I've discovered how crucial praising God is in this journey and the power of our words.

Recently, another area of fear was brought to my attention. Kevin Leman in his book, "Have A New Kid by Friday" discusses how procrastination is a symptom of, you guessed it, fear. He goes on to explain how children of perfectionistic parents often procrastinate as a method to avoid criticism and that the procrastination sets them up for failure and keeps them from moving forward in their lives. It was an eye opening read. As I read it I saw how I don't go for things out of fear. I become like a deer in headlights. I put off and put off, instead of facing it head on.

Maybe you can relate to my journey. I share my soul, not to get advice or as a cry for help, but in the hopes that those of you out there that share in my fear will see it for what it is, give your fears to God and seek to live a life of faith. Often in the journey of life we can get so good at masking our issues and fears that we can begin to feel isolated. We see beyond our mask but only see the mask of others and think, "Its just me struggling with this." But the truth is, we all have struggles and fears and in accepting it and running to God's truths we can find freedom. May you find the freedom from fear in your own life and see what a faith walk can really be like!

Spiritual Life - Focus

Matthew 14:25-33

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them:“Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” "Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.”

Tonight, I was talking to a friend who was just given some pretty tough news. Her heart was broken and as she spoke I could hear the fear in her voice as she looked into the situation with so much uncertainty and resulting questions. This was something I identified with as I often play life out way into the future when there is no guarantee my scenario will even happen. My last words to her were pretty convicting to me. I told her to look at God not at the circumstances. I reminded her that Peter walked on the water as long as he was looking at God. He faltered when he let the waves distract him from Jesus.

Easier said than done, right?!

The truth is, life is extremely hard, there is no guarantee of an easy or even bearable life (the "God not giving us more than we can bear" is often misquoted, but that's a topic for a different day). God makes us the promise that he will NEVER leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He promises he has a plan for us and we can know he loves us and has our best at heart. This is truth, even when it feels so counter to what sitting in our lap at the moment. I John 4:4 encourages us with the truth that the Jesus in us is greater than our enemy, Satan.

We all face something and that something can and will kick our butts if we let it. But if we look at God, we may just beat those hard licks and tell them whose boss. Jesus spoke to the waves and they listened. Are we speaking into our lives with the command of Jesus or falling prey to whatever befalls? The waves were no match for Jesus, he was bigger and no matter what you face, remember to take heart because our God has overcome the world(John 16:33). If we look to him we will know he's got it and we can live at peace in our challenges, but if we look instead to the trials, we will forget the power that Jesus possesses.

A friend of mine is in ICU as I write getting ready to have a large mass removed from her brain. She struggles with Fibromyalgia every day while being the primary care giver for her father with stage 4 cancer. So needless to say, discovering a brain mass the size of a tennis ball wasn't exactly something she'd hoped to encounter. The amazing thing in all of this is her spirit and her attitude. I am in awe, because I'm not sure I could do the same. She is not letting her circumstances dictate her direction or attitude. She is a true example of keeping her eyes on the Father and trusting him to handle it and to hold her in the process. She's an inspiration!

I love the song, "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" because its a reminder of what my job is if I expect to survive this thing called LIFE. If you know the song please sing the words below with me, and if its new to you, then read them and be inspired.

Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus
Look Full In His Wonderful Face
And the Things of Earth Will Grow Strangely Dim
In the Light of His Glory and Grace