Everyone seemed to be enjoying the selection process. Green tags were 99 cents so we were scanning for what we could find on the cheap. Everyone went to the front to pay and then took turns changing outfits. It was then that the mood took a turn from festive to fearful.
I heard people saying, "I'm not wearing this." "Do we have to go to dinner?" "I just want to stay here, you guys can go without me." My reply was a loving, but firm, "We are all doing this." I didn't have a lesson planned but one was organically developing right before my eyes.
Everyone changed, we took photos and then threw our normal wear in my car. The Goodwill in our town is located on a busy street with lots of restaurant options. The plan was to trek it to In-N-Out for some great burgers, but then we hit another snafu. One member started crying and didn't want to go. She was describing her experience as a panic attack.
I didn't want to appear heartless because, honestly, I could relate to what she was experiencing and I love this young lady, so I didn't want to push her too far, but I didn't have many options. I explained to her that as the only adult, I couldn't leave her alone at a store that was closing shortly, and if I allowed her to call her parent and we waited for her to be picked up the rest of group wouldn't have time to get dinner. She had to go.
She obliged and I spoke the group about going to a dinner spot a bit closer. We landed on Jimmy Johns and when we arrived we were the lone group in the empty restaurant, save the 4 males behind the counter. We ended up sharing with the employee at the register what we were doing to which he pointed to the outfits and gave his opinion of them each. When he got to the young lady who had been terrified to go in public dressed as she was, he commented specifically of the normalcy of her outfit. He was sculpting this lesson with even more detail.
As we sat and ate, we had a very nice discussion about our time together. We noted two things:
1. We care too much about the opinions of others and often when we care too much we are prey to the bullies around us. Confidence, while it can be a target, often puts to rest any negativity because we aren't giving heed to the neigh sayers. People tend to be attracted to the personality, giving no notice to the details of dress.
2. What seems crazy to me might be normal to you. There are enough people with variations of personalities, style and opinions that you really have nothing to fear. If you like it, someone else will, you just have to find those people.
We also discussed how we were in this together. No one was going alone, instead we were protected by our group. We talked about learning to be more confident in who were, and owning it instead of waiting to be rubber stamp by the general population. We also discussed comfort zones and how hard it is to walk outside them. I can't put down the girl who was scared at the prospect of going out in her crazy outfit because even though it didn't bother me, something else with a different set of circumstances might. If I throw any stones her way, I'm just giving her ammo to lob them back at me when the shoe is on the other foot.
I was proud of this group of students who learned something new and had fun even outside their comfort zones. They all got on board and became team players. It ended up a fun night!
I am sharing all of this because I know these lessons apply to all of us. Fear of being judged is huge, probably more of an issue that fear of missing out. But please know that no one can label you unless you let it stick. If that label doesn't fit, take it off and keep going. Embrace others for who they are and encourage them to grow from where they are not from where you are. Encourage someone to leave their comfort zone with the promise that you won't leave them, and do something that makes you a little uncomfortable. Those moments usually make for a good time!
On a side note, I thought this exercise would make for a fun first date. Just a note to anyone single out there. What a way to get to know someone and have fun! Happy Wednesday to you all!!
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