You Matter

This month the topic is self-care. So many people don't take care of themselves and so it begs the question: why not?

A common thread among so many today is that when they answer the question, "do you matter?" They would answer, "no."  I mean if you ask them, they would verbally say "yes," but that voice in their head says something different.

The only way to overcome something is to face it because often the fear of facing it is worse than the actual issue itself.  We are scared if we take a mental inventory and assess the thoughts that keep us down, we will be challenged at a value level.

Step 1:

Take note of everything you are thinking.  What are the doubts and self-worth statements that are cutting at your value?  Is it:

I'm not good enough

I'm not important

My value is based on what others say or think

I don't have what it takes

I can't do this


That list just keeps going and sure we may say, "I don't believe those things," but in truth some variation of those statements above or something like them replay in your mind on a loop and that is keeping you from understanding your worth.

Truth: Life is hard.  I love this post on Instagram from @galiacollaborative

Reality is, we often rush to blaming ourselves when life doesn't go well instead of understanding that life isn't going to always go well.  Its not an indicator that we are the issue.  We all have issues but again, we aren't an issue.  Do you see the difference? 

Step 2: 

Once you've identified those mean thoughts start looking up some antonyms to those nasty thoughts.  I was processing some negative emotions recently and was feeling abandonment even though I wasn't actually being abandoned.  I got my emotion oils, and my journal and looked up those antonyms, then wrote out the opposite of abandonment in a personal way. 

I told myself, I am reclaimed, redeemed, wanted, secure.  Those were truths even though I wasn't feeling that way. 

I also listened to God's word because He tells me I matter.  

Matthew 10:31 ESV

Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Psalm 139:13-14 ESV

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Matthew 16:26 ESV

For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?

That last one reminds me why we fight for our value.  We can focus on money and busy days with life check lists and lose ourselves and when we do, is it worth it?  

You are worth fighting for.  

Step 3: 

Repeat the truths of step 2, post them everywhere so you are being reminded of truth.  Our brains need repetition to create new neural pathways, so hearing yourself say the positive opposites to your go-to thoughts is what you need to replace them.  Eventually your brain will replace the bad ones with the good ones.  

Step 4: 

In all of this don't forget you are not alone.  Connect with friends and find a community that will encourage you along the way.  

Don't forget the best way to be diligent with self-care is to first say, "I matter." Only when you know your value can be able to make self-care a priority.  Happy Wednesday!  

Why Forgiveness Is Not Enough

Last Sunday I filled in for our Pastor (aka my dad) who is in Israel right now.  I decided to add to a sermon series he’d concluded the week prior..  Our final act for  his series on the heart, was to write down the lies we believed or the grieves we were holding onto, on a sheet of paper, that we then took out to a fire pit and burned.  It was a beautiful symbolic act and something I applaud.

Being able to identify the load of crap you've bought into or being able to face the parts of your past that seem to still have a grip on you, all by itself, is a miracle.  Dr. David D Burns shares in his book, "When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life" that most outlined steps to change, seldom recognize the first obstacle is getting people to want to change.  Change and self-reflection are subjects we talk about but often do nothing about.  That means writing things down and burning it is a breakthrough, but the problem is, the symbolic gesture of letting go isn't enough. 

Yes,God has forgiven me.

True, I can't live in the past. 

But, saying those things and pretending you have moved on when,  in fact you just ignore the pain, isn't enough! 

Let's be honest, life sucks.  Sure it doesn't all suck and perspective is a huge factor in our quality of live, but obstacles and loss are a part of life.  We don't live in a society that takes the time to grieve and process that loss, so if we are an admired member of society we just trek on and pick up some new socially acceptable addiction that allows us to push through life and survive. 

I don't want to survive.  I don't want to settle for the status quo.  I want freedom and I want to succeed and thrive, not just in my business but in my life.  I want to sleep and go to bed without guilt of what I've done.  I want the freedom to be myself without the confines of my past shame or regret. I believe if you are reading this, you want that too!

That only happens when we:

1. Face the Past
2. Replace the Lies Or Redefine Our Norms
3. Create a New Path

God knows life is hard and he knows we get hurt by the junk we encounter and he wants us to properly handle it which is why he tells us to demolish those lies and take our thoughts captive.  (2 Corinthians 10:5) 

To get to a good place, we must wallow in the mud of our stuff.  That process looks different depending on what you have walked. 

When I sew something (usually very basic) and the stitching is bunched up or in the wrong place, I have to go in there and rip out the thread.  I have to do it carefully so as not to damage the fabric.  This is the same process when we allow ourselves the space to heal from our past - it takes time and attention, and I have to take the old out before I can redo it. 

Just like a fender bender can leave a dent in your bumper, when we get banged around in life, we experience emotional bumps and bruises.  We accumulate these messages about ourselves that often are misguided or outright lies and they change the decisions we make and the thoughts we entertain.  We then lug these hurts around with us and allow them to taint how we see ourselves and the world around us.  Forgiveness and a choice to be done with it prepares us to actually get in there and replace the faulty patterns. 

Isaiah 43:9 says - "For I am about to do something new."

My freshman year of college, I ugly cried for hours (without a much needed box of tissues) and when I was done yelling at God for the pain I'd been carrying for years, I heard God say, "Finally, I have been waiting for you to get that out so I could pour myself into you."  It was like a pitcher of filthy water that I had to dump so that God could put clean, drinkable water into that pitcher. 

Where are you in this process, and what is your next step.  The truth is, I've already done this with two major parts of my past and am in process on a third right now.  In the process of properly handling my past, I'm learning skills to help me process the present and that, my friends, is amazing!  Will you join me?  We can't change the past, but we don't have to let it keep changing us!  If you are someone walking through a rough time, let me encourage you to go against our culture, grieve and inventory all that is coming at you, but take your time.  Don't rush away from pain, yes it hurts, but healing takes time and you don't want to come back to it later because you didn't let yourself heal. 

Its okay to be in process, living any other way, is just FICTION!