For Every Mom, an online Christian mom's magazine, recently posted a response to a similar article in The New York Post.
After reading all three articles, I needed a moment to take it all in. Motherhood is hard, but hearing someone say they regret their motherhood in the face of their beautiful children just broke my heart. It hurts me to hear those words come as truth from someone's heart and it hurts me to think of the child who might one day read their mother's regret of their very life.
As I took it all in, I realized this sentiment highlights a real problem in our world today. Take a moment and picture life in the 1800's. Can you see the Pre-Industrial America fully-equipped with covered wagons - something straight from a scene of Little House of the Prairie? People were tired from hard work, yet rested without incessant distractions. Villages and towns rallied as a family and supported each other. People weren't abandoned and left to their own devices. While I am glad to live with the modern conveniences of the 21st Century, there is one thing they had gobs of that we are in deep need of - community.
As I take an honest look at the stories in the articles linked above, I see a variety of individual issues, and yet I see this common thread. Sure there are some exceptions to this rule, as each of us have varied personalities and life experiences, but in truth, motherhood is a lonely existence and community is crucial for survival. I wouldn't trade being a mom for anything else in this world, but lonely, frazzled, frustrated, depressed are all adjectives I have felt along this journey of early motherhood. As a people-person who loves to be out and about, early-motherhood is a struggle because its so isolating.
There is a solution. The following two things can help us to take back our motherhood and find joy in this stage of life.
1. Choose Another Vantage Point
How we see something largely affects how it impacts our life. Reality is always a good place to start. If you are a mom, you can't look at the "what if's" because they are no longer an option. There is a huge responsibility in raising a child. We have the unique job to shape the live of another human! How amazing is that?! Yes, it can be a daunting task but it is a task of upmost importance and shouldn't be taken for granted. Also, our kids won't be little forever and they will become our friends in adulthood and even possibly our caretakers later in life. Its time to see another side to motherhood and life in this particular season.
2. Build Your Own Community
In high school and college, it was easy to integrate myself into a group of friends, but since those years the places to find friends aren't so readily available. I have to be intentional to create my own community. I have to keep up with people, do things for others and make time in the calendar to put in the time to create and maintain my community. I have to put myself out there and risk rejection because the reward of having a support network is worth the risk. So where do you find a mom community? I have found moms on Facebook groups, theatre rehearsals, the playground, the gym, and even the grocery store.
I met a mom a few years back that invited me to her prayer group. It was amazing. In the yard since it has fizzled out, and this past year I realized just how monumental that group was for me, so I decided to start my own. What do you need? If you don't like play dates, find a mom that will swap with you - you take her kid so she can have some alone time, then she will take yours. You can have your girl time and enjoy some of the perks from your old life now, with a little creative community building.
At the end of the day you've got this, but you can't do it alone so if you are trying to do so, than its time to make a few changes. If you have it all, than maybe its time to find someone who needs you in their community. We are all in this thing called "life" together!
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