Heartless

Last week, I sat in a hospital room with a family I've known for years.  The mother lay in the hospital bed in her last days, actually hours, as she died two hours after I went home that night. 

 Two weeks ago, I was on vacation and got word that a missionary friend got sick and took a sudden turn for the worse and died without notice it was coming.  

Three weeks ago as I left for vacation I was missing the funeral for a friend who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and died two months later.

If you ask me, that's a lot of death to cross my path in one month.  I am an empath, which means I feel things.  I love and hate that fact about me.  It allows me to reach out to people and be a comfort in hard times, it allows me to see both sides of issues and find common ground, but it also can overwhelm me.

 I in no way ever want to make someone else's pain about me and take attention away from their grieving, but I still feel the suffering.  The reality is, as one who works in pastoral care for a church, my business is to be there.  I love to be there for others. I want it no other way, but as I sat and looked at a woman I had conversations with, and shared life with, I realized, I need to be careful.

I can't let the grief around me swallow me whole and leave me in depression city, but on the flip side I also can't let it turn me into someone heartless.  It could be easy to flip the switch and just stop feeling, but that would help no one.

I love this song by Adrien Reju! I heard it on a Hallmark movie, searched and found the song and artist.  I learned to play it on my guitar and sung it for a voice recital several years ago.  I think her words remind us of the importance of finding that balance in life between letting the turmoil around us take us down or alternatively, harden us.

Instead I have to find the balance. It takes work.  For me the relationship I have with Jesus and time in scripture help me.  My relationships with others is also a crucial component to my mental health and lastly, all things funny, help me keep my balance.  I have to be encouraged, loved on and laugh.

Have you ever thought about the extremes you are prone to?  What helps you live in balance?  What do you need to be careful of?  Are you paying attention to those things or just ignoring them and then getting discouraged when life seems to crash and burn?  Maybe its time to find what that looks like for you.  I know finding it for me, is crucial in life! Happy Wednesday! 

4 Encouragements In the Midst of Pain

I don't know about you, but this past week has been really exhausting!

As a youth pastor, this time of year is usually taxing on my schedule with all of the end of the year events, graduations and parties.  I end up running from one thing to the next.  

This week my norm was compounded by grief.  It started when I found out a man I've known locally for over 8 years had a sudden heart attack and died.  He was a year older than my husband so the reality of that situation was difficult to comprehend.  I can't imagine losing Kevin right now.  I know one day I may have to say goodbye, but I look at that day as something 20 plus years from now.  I can only imagine that is what this man's wife is feeling when her plans were thrown out and a new life looks her in the face.  A life she never planned and would probably give anything to relinquish for what she had.  

A few short days later I learned a high school friend had to say goodbye unexpectedly to her 10-year-old son who died after a brain aneurysm.  Life was normal one minute and not the next.  My heart has been heavy for her and just can't imagine what her family is going through right now.  I've know a few other people who have lost a child and it is something I think no one should ever experience.  

The next day I walked out to my front yard to the sounds of sirens arriving just a few doors down from me.  Moments later rescue responders were bend down doing chest compressions on a person in the driveway.  I don't know what happened or even what came of it, but as I watched, I felt done.  

Life is short.  

We have no guarantee for tomorrow.  

But when I felt my lowest in the wake of what others around me were experiencing,  I found encouragement.     

Yes, life is hard but it is also amazing!  

I got to see people do some great things, things we all should do! 

1.  I saw people laugh.  It made me laugh and find joy in life in the midst of whatever we face.  

2.  I saw people rally.  The silver lining of tragedy is that you get see how people respond.  I was touched today in working on a project for someone else, to see so many rally to help out and show love.  Yes, we may life in an online society but ladies and gentlemen, community is NOT dead!  Community is that successful free fall in a trust exercise.  Its beautiful.  

3.  I saw people celebrate.  Last week I talked about being two people at the same time.  The mix of the best of me and worst of me happening simultaneously.  Well the same can be said for the feelings we walk through.  I can mourn and celebrate at the same time.  Monday, I got to attend the funeral of the man I mentioned previously.  Everyone was sad because he was gone and yet we celebrated the man he was, the legacy he left and the God with which he now lives.  

Tonight, I got to cheer on 6 students graduating from 8th grade as they change schools and move on to high school.  To see the light in their face and the joy in their words as they reflected on the years that led them here, was beyond exciting.  

4.  I saw people enjoy today.  Eating ice cream with my kids or jumping into a pool on a hot day are the things that help me stay present in what I have - the moments before me.  Those are the things that matter.  There is nothing wrong in making plans but we have no idea if those plans will come to fruition.  We have to hug more, cuddle more, love more, compliment more and say what we feel.  Its okay to be awkward when its letting someone know we care or we recognize their value.  

Life can beat us down.  We need to revel in the beauty and cherish the things that are worth savoring.  

Don't forget...

 to laugh with those around you!

Rally around people in your life and causes that you care about.  

Celebrate the accomplishments and achievements in yourself and those around you. 

And ENJOY TODAY! 

Now set down your phone and go be present in the life before you!!!