Its Okay To Cry

The past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster.  Tonight, I leave for a road trip with my friend as we celebrate our 40th birthday and last week I was at Disneyland.  The week before that I turned 40 and had a surprise gift in the arrival of my mom from my dad and stepmom! In that same time frame, I watched my dad preach his last sermon and then said goodbye to all three of my parents.  My mom flew back to Ohio and my dad and my step mom who have lived 2 miles or less from me the past 15 years are moving to Texas. Its been A LOT! I am an emotional girl so you bet I cried.  Its how I roll.  I feel and process emotions and that isn't changing.

The thing is I'm often embarrassed by my public displays of emotion and truthfully I don't need to be!

I was encouraged the other day in my Bible reading.  I came to John 11.  Its the story of Lazarus which I have read countless times, but in this emotional time of life, I found solace in verse 35, the shortest verse in the Bible - "Jesus wept." 

Jesus was friends with Lazarus, Jesus knew he was going to bring him back to life, but knowing he would see Lazarus in fifteen minutes didn't keep him from crying for a friend.

I hate when people tell me not to cry because at least they aren't dead or I'll see them again or whatever silver lining someone wants me to see at that moment.  I'm allowed to cry.   Guess what, so are you! Maybe you aren't a crier, but truth is you probably know one.  They will be okay.  Its okay to cry! Its more than okay, its actually good!  I've had people approach me wondering how I am and the truth is, I'm fine.   Processing emotion simply means I'm connected with my reality.  If we ignore our feelings, they don't go away, they get worse.  When we fail to process emotions they fester and come up when we least expect it emotionally and even physically.  Face reality - its a must for emotional, physical and spiritual wellness!

Thank you Jesus for the encouragement of that short verse.  Jesus loved and so he felt loss.  (Did you see the period there).  He didn't have to cry, because he was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, but he loved his friend, so he cried.  I stated that twice so you wouldn't miss it.

We can't live in emotions but we must process them.  Those are two different things.  Are you avoiding any hard emotions that you need to face?  Maybe you can find encouragement in John 11.  I'd love to hear from you!!!

Happy Wednesday!!!

What My Tears Don't Mean

I felt inspired by an article my friend shared on Facebook.  The article was about helping a friend after the loss of a baby.  As I read the author's words, the sentence below struck me. 

"Of course I might cry when you bring it up in the grocery store. But of COURSE I want you to acknowledge what Sheryl Sandberg calls “the elephant in the room” – in my case, the fact that my baby has died."

You see, I haven't lost a baby recently, and while I can identify with all this article shares after my abortion twenty-one years ago and my miscarriage 7ish years ago; it was actually the bit on crying that gave me pause. 

I am a crier.  It is crazy the way people respond to my show of emotion.  I get it, its awkward and if my tears are in response to the real-life trial I just shared with you, I usually give voice to the awkward, but I am not apologizing for those tears. 

Why? 

Crying is normal.  Pretending it isn't, is what is not normal. 

My tears in response to life don't mean:

1. I'm weak

2.  You should leave me alone

3. You should just restrict our talks to butterflies and Kardashians.

4. I need you to fix my problems


If I trust you enough to share my heart with you and be vulnerable, then swim in the awkward with me.  That is the path to true relationships. 

When I preached two weeks ago, I said the following which I whole-heartedly still agree with:

"Truth, authenticity, vulnerability and humility, birth - compassion, kindness, patience and true relationships."

We live in a culture that is zapping the true, authentic vulnerability out of our existence and we are lacking a compassion for those around us and a necessary connection as a result. 

Sure its hard to sit in silence with someone who's facing grief, or hug a friend when you aren't a hugger, but the things that really matter, typically are hard. 

This truth doesn't just apply to me, it applies to us all.  In the past few months, I grieved with friends going through divorce; friends at a funeral of a loved one.  I've talked with friends walking in grief from the loss of a mother, friend or child and just got a call last week, that my sister's friend abruptly passed away.  I have family battling cancer and friends who kids are also warring against that evil disease, I have friends who lost a job and are not sure what will happen, and friends struggling with depression or substance abuse. 

Crying is a way to process our hardship and feelings. Crying is a healthy expression of emotion.  Sure there is a time and place for everything, but when in the company of friends and family, we should all feel safe to share our heart. 

Let's be real, and give others the space to do the same.  Life is hard enough without having it have it all together and pretend we are all good, when we aren't. 

 

• Do you need to give yourself or someone in your life space to cry? 

• Do you need to swim in the awkward without having to have all the answers or make someone feel bad for their ability to show up in the conversation? 

Go be a friend and a listening hear, offer a hug and let people be where they actually are, even when its uncomfortable or stop pretending you are okay when you are truly struggling.  Being real is where the journey begins.  God bless your week!