I am outgoing, I love to talk and I crave connection. Making friends was always pretty easy for me when I was younger. As long as I was in school there was always a ready-made audience of people I could engage in conversation with which to build friendships.
I have noticed as I've aged, the opportunities to meet people hasn't been as plentiful. I have found these five things to be helpful in making friends in my 30's (and I'm guessing 40's - even though I don't hit 40 til September so if I'm wrong, let me know).
Not everyone will be your best bud. If you have 2-3 close friends, know you are heads above the rest. In 2006, Janet Kornblum wrote an article in USA Today stating that 25% of people don't even have one close friend. We have a very lonely society and internet dependence isn't helping matters. I've said it before and I will keep saying it - online interaction should enhance your offline life, not replace it! Okay, now that I got that off my chest – onto the list!
1. Be Intentional
We need relationships - some of us more than others so you have to be intentional!!! Don't just expect people to come running, you have to initiate conversations and interactions. When my prayer group dissembled, I decided to start up my own. I didn't just wait for the next opportunity, I went for it. I invited a dozen friends, only one has met with me regularly and a few others come as they can, but I will tell you, that one and I have become close. Join groups, talk to that fellow mom at pick up, invite an acquaintance to lunch - just figure out a way to get in there and put in the effort.
2. Be Uncomfortable
Put yourself out there and engage people even if its outside your comfort zone, yes its uncomfortable and awkward, but friendships aren't made in comfort zones, goals aren't met there either. You have to be willing to be rejected and mocked, knowing that the end game is worth the work. I have so much more to say on this but that is a post all on its own.
3. Be Open
Understand that you may not always know, by appearances, who is going to be your friend. Friendship is based on so many factors – many aren’t obvious at first glance. Being open also means being open to possibilities of why someone isn’t connecting with you. It’s easy to assume a rejection back story, but they might not be able to leave their safe space as easily. That's ok. Assuming someone's motives isn't.
4. Be Persistent
What happens when someone rejects you (for whatever the reason)? You get up and you go again. Starting my own business this past September has taught me to embrace the "no's" and just keep going. Success doesn't come in the absence of failure and rejection but in the persistence to continue despite it. This resonates equally in the area of relationships.
5. Be Genuine
Be yourself. To have a deep friendship you need to be you. I have a funny, loud laugh, I love corny jokes and I cry A LOT! I mean A LOT! I love expressing emotion and the people that get me, get it. I know I'm annoying sometimes, but my best friends love me in the midst of it. It’s not worth the time and energy relationships take to be someone else only to have that friendship fall a part because you weren't doing you.
So there is it. If this was helpful – let me know and share with others. We need more and deeper friendships as a whole in America. Maybe this isn't a problem for you. If that is the case, I hope this helped you understand someone who does and maybe you will be will to reciprocate when someone else reaches out to you. We need each other - don't forget it! Happy Wednesday!
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