There are seven stages to grief. Shock, Denial, Bargaining, Guilt, Anger, Depression and finally, Acceptance.
With my recent miscarriage, I feel like I quickly experienced shock and denial and passed by bargaining and guilt straight to anger. I have parked my car there with a quick trip to depression on the occasion. I find myself spouting off things I can and can't do now that I am not pregnant. Kevin asked me who I was mad at and I don't have an answer for that, but I am angry. Angry my life just can't be easy at any step of the way. Nothing has come easy for me and that is frustrating. I am not angry at God because I know he knows what he is doing. I just wish it could be easier than it is. I have no desire to ask,"why" I just want to know, "what now?" What should my attitude be? How should I approach my life? These are all questions I don't have answers for, and I'm fine with that for now. My emotional process has been interupted by the current physical pain. I had no idea a miscarriage would be so painful. I didn't want to have to have a D&C as it would remind me of my past abortion, and I am thankful that I had the miscarriage a day after discovering it was my envitable future, but I did not expect both the pain the reality of all that would happen. It was shocking and slightly traumatic, but it was nice to have a distraction from my emotions for awhile as I let my body heal.
