What Will Your COVID-19 Story Be?

Hello friends, its safe to say life has changed drastically in a matter of minutes.  Our world is not the same as it was even a week ago.  I see a lot of information, panic, memes, and opinions all over the news and my social media feed and the one thing that seems clear - we will remember this.  

This strand of the coronavirus will come and go, but the public reaction, financial and political happenings will stay with this.  This time in history won't be forgotten.  The question is - what will your COVID-19 story be?  

Twenty, thirty, forty years from now when you retell your story of what happened and how you reacted, what will it be?  

Today, I was scrolling through the crazy and found a poignant post from a high school friend.  When I read her post, I asked if I could share because her answer is magnificent.  She agreed, so read with me the beautiful words of Laura Simon, then decide how you will respond.  God bless you all, if you need anything, please reach out.  I am here.  Take it away Laura...

On a beautiful, cloudless day in September of 2001, life as I knew it collapsed with two towers in New York. I was nearly 23, living in a brand-new apartment with a brand-new roommate, and student teaching for my final semester of school. (Yes, if you’re doing the math, I was doing the 4.5 year college plan. College was not my finest hour.)
One minute, life was beautiful and uncomplicated. Then my cooperating teacher pulled me aside, told me something terrible had happened, and sent me to the counseling office to watch live while she took charge of the eighth graders. It was a gift to me that I didn’t have to see that unfold with an audience of young eyes; I certainly wouldn’t have handled it well.

The following days very much resembled the ones we’re living in now. Crazy rumors led to runs on commodities that we feared would be in short supply. Instead of toilet paper, we lined up for miles to get gas. Gas stations sold out and shut down. We rushed to the grocery for non-perishable food. (In case you’re wondering, my provisions included cases of Dr. Pepper, M&M’s, Lucky Charms, and ramen noodles. Nothing else, really.) We were afraid to go to large, public places for fear that the terrorist next door (they were everywhere, we know) would target them. A rumor flew around that a large-scale attack was planned for malls nationwide. Schools felt vulnerable and many people kept their kids home. We were, quite literally, afraid to breathe, as if the air might be laced with explosives.

My roommate was housesitting for friends, which left me alone in our apartment, sprawled on the couch watching around-the-clock coverage of all the things we thought we knew. (As you can probably imagine, time revealed that much of that early reporting was completely inaccurate, but I didn’t have the perspective to realize it.) I didn’t even have cable, but I did have Dr. Pepper, which I consumed in abundance. The isolation was probably the worst thing that could have happened to me; lacking any good personal habits for dealing with anxiety, I watched, ate, and tried to find anything that would make me feel better.
It turned out that two things were quite helpful in doing just that. The first was shopping. As the fog lifted and things re-opened, the country began to realize that life probably would, actually, continue. The malls, desperate to lure in wary shoppers, offered deep discounts. Apparently, I am willing to risk death by suicide bomber if there’s a chance to score Express jeans for half price. A new wardrobe improved my mood remarkably, so I shopped often, in spite of the fact that I wasn’t getting paid for my student teaching gig. That’s why God invented credit cards, no?

The other opportunity that soothed that fear in my heart was happy hour at the TGI Friday’s right down the street with my new colleagues. Only it wasn’t really an hour – it was more like seven. For someone who’d rarely ever had a drink, that was a lot of alcohol. And all that alcohol masked the fact that my newfound community – which I desperately craved – wasn’t really what I was looking for. They were good people, but not on the path I wanted to be on. Still, it felt good to be with someone – anyone – in those early weeks, so I found a boyfriend in the happy hour crew and let the alcohol fix my misgivings.

Eventually I got rid of the boyfriend, and eventually I paid off the debt. Life went on, and offered me more personal 9/11’s. Each time, I flailed and writhed and grasped for anything to make me feel better. Each time – as it always does – life eventually moved on.

But the last one – just two years ago – finally changed me. That time, when my world bottomed out, I leaned in to God. Instead of binge-watching Friends, I walked the darkened halls of my house, opening my hurting heart to a father I barely knew. I read the actual Bible, and found a lot that I didn't know was in there. Friends – real friends – came alongside me and spoke truth. I found a counselor who was willing to ask the right questions, to look below the surface, to help me see things in myself I didn’t want to see. I begged God to fix things, and instead He opened my eyes. I was begging for a bandaid when I was bleeding out from a full-blown puncture wound. I didn’t know who He was or how He felt about me. The people I was trusting weren’t worthy of my trust. I was trying to earn what was freely given, and letting shame bully me into ignoring the truth.
God began to show me how to come to Him first, how to rest in what He was doing instead of fixing things myself. He began to show me that I can trust him, regardless of what people on earth decide to do. He began to rewrite my response to things that cause me anxiety.

And then last week happened. And this week. Every day, life as we knew it seems more and more impossible. If I let myself linger on social media, the bad news hits in regular waves. Just like 2001, the future we imagined seems gone forever. And just like 2001, my body is riding waves of anxiety. My appetite is gone. I’m tempted to stare at my phone all day. Sometimes my body just shakes. All day long, I just want to sleep. And then at night, sleep eludes me.

I’ve been given the same opportunity I was given almost 20 years ago, but this time I know this is where God is. In the scary and uncertain, He will do things I couldn’t imagine just last week. He will mold more than just my external situation; He will change my heart in these moments.

I still hate it – all this change and uncertainty and, most of all, the isolation. But I also know this is where we find him. If we’re brave, this is where strongholds finally break and victories finally happen. This is where we change. And this time, I’m here for it.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9   

The Power of Us

"Trending" seems to be a word we hear a lot. To sell your product or even yourself, paying attention to what is trending and getting yourself that title seems to be the name of the game.  

Since the rise of the internet, the trends seem to change at rapid speed.  The culture has shifted from generations to micro-generations and with each new shift, old age gets younger and younger.  

I am blessed by two amazing gifts in my past.  When I was 7, my mom and I moved in with my grandpa and I spent four years of my childhood living with him and spending time with his sisters.  It wasn't your typical childhood, but its an experience that I more deeply cherish the older I get.  I was given an appreciation for people at a variety of ages and the traditions that can be passed down. 

The other gift was travel.  My parents divorced when I was two, but my dad's military career meant that summers where spent wherever the Army sent him.  The last two years of high school, I got the privilege of living with him in Germany.  Travel birthed in me an admiration for different.  I love seeing the many ways "normal" is played out among people groups and cultures around the globe.    

Sure I love to have my way, but I also have an ability to see how the contrast from others can add to my life and my perspective.  

Recently, I've had some conversations that touch on this subject.  We tend to think if something isn't now its not worthwhile.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  Each generation has a skill the ones that bookend it don't have.  The best value comes when we come together.  

Family is an excellent example.  We don't kick grandma out when she gets too old, grandma always has her place.  From birth to death, each age presents a gift that is best treasured when we are together.  

In the church I hear people who are older getting upset when change is mentioned.  They don't want to add the newer ideas to their rituals, but never changing is not a sustainable model. 

On the other end of the spectrum is younger people saying that church must fit a list of the latest offerings.  This perspective is just the same as their older counterparts.  Demanding church be your way fails to appreciate each other.  It fails to embrace different and to love your brother you first must see him.  Instead we must all ask, "how can we take old and new and create something wonderful?"

If we fail to see the gifts in those different from us than we miss the point of the gospel itself.  "For God so loved the world (not just a subsection of it) that he gave his one an only son..." (John 3:16)  

Getting the view of all of God's people expands our view of God.  I'm not saying we all agree or rubber stamp every choice but I am saying that your perspective should include a broader view than your own personal box.  

How can you apply this to your life today or decisions that have yet to be made?  Are you bucking an idea just because its different without further examination of its merits?  Are you dismissing someone in your life because they are too old or too young?  Let's quit using those labels and see the people without the descriptors.  See who they are.  

Happy Wednesday! 

  

Heartless

Last week, I sat in a hospital room with a family I've known for years.  The mother lay in the hospital bed in her last days, actually hours, as she died two hours after I went home that night. 

 Two weeks ago, I was on vacation and got word that a missionary friend got sick and took a sudden turn for the worse and died without notice it was coming.  

Three weeks ago as I left for vacation I was missing the funeral for a friend who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and died two months later.

If you ask me, that's a lot of death to cross my path in one month.  I am an empath, which means I feel things.  I love and hate that fact about me.  It allows me to reach out to people and be a comfort in hard times, it allows me to see both sides of issues and find common ground, but it also can overwhelm me.

 I in no way ever want to make someone else's pain about me and take attention away from their grieving, but I still feel the suffering.  The reality is, as one who works in pastoral care for a church, my business is to be there.  I love to be there for others. I want it no other way, but as I sat and looked at a woman I had conversations with, and shared life with, I realized, I need to be careful.

I can't let the grief around me swallow me whole and leave me in depression city, but on the flip side I also can't let it turn me into someone heartless.  It could be easy to flip the switch and just stop feeling, but that would help no one.

I love this song by Adrien Reju! I heard it on a Hallmark movie, searched and found the song and artist.  I learned to play it on my guitar and sung it for a voice recital several years ago.  I think her words remind us of the importance of finding that balance in life between letting the turmoil around us take us down or alternatively, harden us.

Instead I have to find the balance. It takes work.  For me the relationship I have with Jesus and time in scripture help me.  My relationships with others is also a crucial component to my mental health and lastly, all things funny, help me keep my balance.  I have to be encouraged, loved on and laugh.

Have you ever thought about the extremes you are prone to?  What helps you live in balance?  What do you need to be careful of?  Are you paying attention to those things or just ignoring them and then getting discouraged when life seems to crash and burn?  Maybe its time to find what that looks like for you.  I know finding it for me, is crucial in life! Happy Wednesday! 

Why Parenting Is So Hard!

I think anyone who has kids, of any variety, knows parenting is HARD! Don't get me wrong, it is also amazing!! Becoming a mom awakened a part of me that didn't exist before.  I am in awe of these mini-people who fill my life with frustration and happiness of equal and epic proportions. 

But why is parenting so hard?  That is a bigger question than this blog post could ever answer, but the answer that is currently resonating with me is because of what our kids reveal in us.  Even though kids are unique, they still reflect the best and worst of us, as parents. 

My son is just like me so finding the parallels of my personal issues in his behavior has never been hard, but my daughter is another story.   When I found out my youngest was a girl, I cried. I cried because I wanted a boy.   

At the time I didn't fully understand what was happening in my soul, but as I've been her mom, I see now it was fear.  I was afraid to be a mom to a girl, because I was afraid to look at parts of myself I was subconsciously avoiding. 

As God has walked with me into the darkness of my hidden self-loathing, I have faced my fear of not being enough in being her mom. 

Let me be clear, I love my daughter and I wouldn't trade her for the world.  I also welcome the journey of self-discovery that raising her has led me on.  I am one who wholeheartedly believes, the best life is one that is free from past junk! Despite the pain of facing my inner demons, I am eager to be baggage-free. 

But all of this just enforces the challenges of parenting.  We are humans in process, after all.  Having to do everyday life and then be sent the unexpected self-awareness curveball through your child's behavior is downright, overwhelming!   You never know when your child will playback your greatest fears and worst habits in their tantrum about homework, or be hurt by a friend and be crushed in a way you remember happening when you were younger.  What is that one thing you hate about yourself?  Seeing it in that face you'd die for or wish you could rescue them from your flaw you despise  - is terrifying!    We can't stop our kids from being like us - human or from getting hurt. 

The good news is, we aren't alone and God has a plan.  He will use every ounce of our good and bad parenting to shape their character and purpose and to heal our past in the process if we let him.  Some of my favorite traits were birthed out of the hardest challenges I faced, so I have to allow my kids to do the same.  When I look at this in reverse, I can tell you, I know my parents faults, but I love being like them in spite of those traits. 

How great is God that he uses our kids to draw us out of our comfort zones and allows us the space to grow in our relationship with him, self-awareness and desire to heal?! 

As I am reading Job right now in the Bible, I am reminded how often we feel the need to give advice when what we really need to do is offer encouragement.  Sure advice is necessary at times, but we don't have all the answers so engaging others like we do, isn't always helpful.  Job had three friends with loads of advice, but failed to give him what he needed - someone to remind him, he wasn't alone and to encourage not to give up. 

So here I am, letting you know - you aren't alone, so don't give up!  If you need more relational time, make space in your schedule to spend time with people - face to face, so you can grow your friendships and take care of your soul.  Keep going - God is bigger than whatever you face.  Ask him to show you just how big he is, then stand back and watch!!!  Happy Wednesday! 

Finding Your Tribe

There is something amazing when you can look back over the past few months and see God working in your life.  Have you ever experienced that?  You know, like when you have 3 conversations with people in completely different circles and they all say the same thing!  When I was in junior high I had two people in two different countries share with me the exact same scripture.  I remember thinking - I better pay attention to this!

October of last year, I attended the Organic Outreach Conference in Monterey, CA.  It was amazing and if you want to know more about it, go check out their website. 

I can tell you, I took copious notes at the conference.  I am a note taker, not just from the speakers but all the ideas their thoughts spark in my own brain.  Generating ideas is kind of my jam - following through on all the ideas, is not!  Pretty sure if I had both skills mastered, I'd be a millionaire by now. 

Anyway,  one of the many people I found quotable, was a man named Mike Brock.  He shared a sentence as a side note toward the end of a breakout session that resonated with me. 

While I don't have a direct quote, what he said went something like this:

We need to reconcile our pretentious nature, when we think "God told me...", and recognize if he told you, he told thousands of other people.  Instead of standing up and saying, "God said.." find those others God spoke to and partner with them.

I have loved the journey that those words sent me on.  I didn't start out seeking a tribe of like-minded visionaries, but it definitely opened me up to the lessons I was learning.  I've already talked about the Brené Brown quote that Lindsey Teague Moreno referenced in her book, "Getting Noticed."  I was floored when I discovered this woman (much smarter than me) with the same passion.  I started off in college looking at Social Work as a major, but quickly realized my overly sensitive heart would get swallowed alive in that field, and chose Communications instead.

I love people and discovering how they tick.  My own path as created a desire to see people find their voice and walk in freedom from the pain of their past.  This woman in her talks on shame, vulnerability, emotions and daring to live bravely as we rise strong after falling, was in sync with my mantras and personal journey. 

I'm obviously not joining Brené in her research or tagging along for her speaking engagements, but seeing that common thread being spoken from someone of her caliber has given me cause to celebrate.  Its inspired me to keep moving forward because I'm not alone.  I don't need to be any of the women who have inspired me over the last few months (and that list is growing exponentially), but I've been empowered by their stories and themes to be myself.

Its easy to feel alone and while a surge of pride can be appealing when you feel God has spoken to you, that pretentious nature doesn't foster community or even promote confidence, because if we seek to be the lone wolf in the fight for our cause we will in fact be, alone.  Who wants that life?  Okay so I realize that appeals to some people, but I am not one of them.  I want my alone time but I have no desire to be isolated in this world.  Hearing that Brené's research has revealed most people struggle with the same insecurities I have, is freeing.  As she says (and I paraphrase), we may be crazy, but no more than the next person.

I need to keep going and fighting because others need me, not because I am some superwoman. Its my responsibility to speak from my life as an encouragement to others and protect that connection with my tribe - those of you being real and putting yourself out there for the benefit of others.  Why else are we here?!  I'm glad I paid attention to what God was trying to speak into my life.

Do you need that encouragement to fight on and be you? Is God trying to get your attention?  Do you need to find those with the same voice and change the world together?   Your voice is louder when its focused and joining the song of others with same song.  Look for God's guidance, go forth and make a difference through the power of connection and numbers.

4 Things I Know...That I Don't Really Know

Sunday morning before heading to church, I got a call.  The news on the other end shocked me.  A woman at church, who I had just seen, had a heart attack and died the night before.  She wasn't young, but I still didn't see it coming.  She was making plans for upcoming events, trips with her husband, we had even just discussed food for a Christmas Event later this year.  The news of her death seemed surreal.  I can tell you, her death isn't the first one to take me off-guard either. 

Having this reaction got me thinking.  You see I know: 

1. Life is Short -

I know there is no guarantee for the days we are given. That is a truth I know, that I know, that I know and yet when the reality of this truth hits me in the face, I am reminded, I actually live life as if it will keep going as it always does, without recognizing we never know what is really around the corner.

As I contemplated the vast chasm between a fact I knew in my head and acted out in my life,  I wondered, what other truths do I know that apparently, I don't really know? 

Here are some others that came to mind:  

2.  Life Isn't Fair -

I know good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.  I know just because I deserve something, it doesn't mean I will get it because life isn't fair and yet when I am faced with a situation that is definitely unfair, I am forced to reckon myself to a truth that I have suddenly forgotten. 

This reminder hits me once a week when I watch American Ninja Warrior with my son.  Here are competitors who train all year for this event, and yet, one slip of the foot on the first obstacle can take down even the most seasoned athlete.   

3.  I Have Absolutely No Control  -

Similar to the first two items, I often find myself in an anxious mess over hurdles in life because I have bought into the deceptive lie that by worrying, I can affect the outcome of anything in life. I have no control over a million things that can influence my life.

This truth seems to resonate pretty strongly through our country right now as people face evacuation from their homes in hurricanes and fires.  You drive away, after doing what you can to protect your home, without guarantee all will be well when you return.  One can't control a natural disaster or the obscene amount of traffic you encounter on your exit or reentry after the storm.  

Lack of control does not just touch us in disastrous circumstances; it also touches us in the every day world - rush hour traffic, repairman wait times, your toddler's behavior, a spouse walking out, your cable going out at the exact moment its supposed to tape your favorite show, losing a loved one to an accident or disease.  From momentous to the mundane, we have NO control over so many outside influences that affect our lives.  That can be a scary reality.  

4.  God is in Control -

Here's the great news I often (way too often) forget.  Not only is there a God in control, but he is a good God.  When life goes sideways and I experience one of the above, I can eventually find solace in this truth (you know, once I stop trying to be God in my own life).

Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us that God sees and knows things we cannot comprehend.  He sees the full picture and regardless of what is happening in the moment - he's got it.  There are moments when this reality hits me like a two-by-four, as I find myself comparing reality with what I would do if I were God.

I don't see all He does so my decision will always be based on limited information.   I may one day understand why he did what he did in a particular situation but I also may never know this side of heaven. 

Truthfully, this list could continue on indefinitely, because as human beings, I find putting beliefs into practice can be easier said than done.  I just hope as you read this list, you will examine your own belief gaps and seek the truth you need to narrow that gap - if even just a bit. 

Find encouragement today in whatever mess you find yourself in, because you are not alone.  The rest of us humans are floundering too, like fish out of water.  We don't have to have it all together or be the best, we just have to continue to seek God and live a life that takes the best out of each moment.  There are no guarantees and just because we fail to recognize truth, doesn't change it from being true.  Happy Wednesday! 

One Mistake That Needs To Be Corrected

I have been a Christian since I made that choice for myself at age 4 in my preschool class.  My relationship with God has had its high points and low dips.  There was even a time after some tumultuous years when I verbally told God,

"I don't like what you've done in my life and I was going to take over." 

He let me, and I made an even bigger mess of my life, making two of the biggest mistakes to date. 

Even with that season, I would say I am close to God.  In moments of life, all I have had was God and he showed up in a GIANT way!

I recently put together curriculum for a youth retreat that rocked my soul! I came across a video (that has since been deleted).  It shared words and background set to connect with the song Names of God by Laurell Hubick.   As I watched the video and listened to the words, I began to cry.  Before I tell you why, let me share a story.

I can recall one night, as a junior-high student, going to bed feeling more alone than ever before.  I called out to God saying I needed to be held.  I needed to feel someone hug me, like you would if a human being held another human being.  I went to bed that night and literally felt God's arms around me. 

HE ANSWERED MY PRAYER! 

That God hasn't diminished in my life. 
He is just as big as he ever was. 
He still speaks to me and yet,
I have made a major mistake!

I have let my life become bigger than my God. 

I have allowed anxiety, fear and worries take over and it has become my default to accept the broken circumstances that are handed to me. 

GUESS WHAT?! 

I don't have to. 

That video sparked this awakening in my soul that reminded me of the God I believed in all those years ago in that bed all alone - the God I still follow today.  I realized I am not living in a way that acknowledges the love, gentleness, strength and power of my God. 

My God is
Elohim, my Creator (Genesis 17:7, 8),
he's Jehovah Shammah, The Lord is There (Ezekial 48:35),

Adonai – My Great Lord/My Master – 2 Samuel 7:18-20

El Elyon – Most High God – Genesis 14:20

Yahweh – The Lord I AM – Exodus 3:13-15

Jehovah Rohi – The Lord Is My Shepherd – Psalm 23:1

Jehovah Mekaddishkem – The Lord Who Sanctifies You – Leviticus 20:7-8

Jehovah Tsidkenu – The Lord is Our Righteousness – Jeremiah 23:6

El-Roi – The God Who Sees Me – Genesis 16:7-16

Jehovah Nissi – The Lord Is My Banner – Exodus 17:8-15

El Shaddai – All Sufficient One – Genesis 49:22-26

Jehovah Jireh – The Lord Will Provide – Genesis 22:9-14

Jehovah Rapha – The Lord Who Heals – Exodus 15: 22-26

Jehovah Shalom – The Lord Is Peace – Judges 6:16-24

Jehovah Sabaoth – The Lord of Hosts  - I Samuel 1:3

El-Olam – The Everlasting God – Genesis 21:33

Christ – The Anointed One – Matthew 16:16

Love – God is Love – I John 4:8

Abba – Our Father – Romans 8:15-17

I sat there and confessed where I had strayed and in the next week, God called me to live out what I had confessed. 

Days before the retreat I was to lead, my daughter started to develop symptoms to a virus that would keep any of us from attending.  That wasn't an option.  I began to panic and then I remembered the Names of God.  In that list is God my provider and God my healer.  I took this to him and asked others to pray. 

My mom, as wonderful as she is, spoke words that grabbed me.  She said, "Carrie, God cares more about your daughter and those teens, than you do! He will take care of it." 

I stood in that truth and saw my God work.  My daughter was healed and is fine.  More importantly, I was healed of the anxiety that was plaguing my heart.  Sitting in that truth and resting in all that my God is, I was able to relax.  I knew God had it all worked out the way He wanted and needed it to go, regardless of what happened with my little girl. 

Where have you let life become bigger than God?  Where do you need to rest in God and see him be the BIG, AMAZING God HE IS?!

Maybe you don't know God.  Do you need a Savior?  God is there.  If you are reading this, and like me, you have let God become small, NOW IS THE TIME, to see the BIG GOD you serve.  If you don't have a God but need him, he is also there.  I am here, if you have questions or want to know more, let me know.  God bless you.  Happy Wednesday!!!

Maybe We've Got It All Wrong

People are stupid.  There I said it.  We chase after things that don’t really matter and fight for freedoms that damage us.  

I just don’t get it.  

Why is the “life”, the party life?  Why is it best to have the freedom to have sex with anyone?  Why is it best to fight to have an abortion when typically it wrecks our soul and leads us to make other choices that hurt us?  Why is it best to live a life that leads us to lonely places?  Why do we give God such a bad wrap for being too strict when the reality is everything he wants for us is what is best for us?  

Being in a committed loving relationship and sharing our heart in a real way is best for us - not sleeping around till you get an STD or wasting perfectly good humans to protect your right to have sex with anyone at anytime.  Sex isn’t the end all, be all of life - relationships are.  Living in freedom from addiction and knowing our true purpose is the best way to live.  

Its not freedom to drink but its being free to say no when you shouldn’t drink and free to say no to relationships that are toxic.  Its living a life free from fear of facing yourself and your inner demons but instead facing our own issues head on and moving past them.  

Yes, God has rules but he doesn’t lead with those rules.  He leads with love and when we discover who he made us to be and how we can best be like him to the world, we discover the rules are actually the path to freedom.  Each stage in life isn’t something to run from because we want what another stage has, instead its something to embrace because of what it offers us and how it prepares us for what is next.  

Then we know what is really worth fighting for because there are issues in this world worth fighting.  In knowing God we know the enemy that we fight.  We put on spiritual weapons and fight against the root, not a symptom of the problem.   

Have I just oversimplified life?  Maybe.  But when we chase after the right things then we discover so much more than we ever dreamed possible.  Humanity doesn’t need more freedom but accountability to each other so we can live in love.  Our decisions do impact others and its not just about ourselves.  

We need to focus on what matters and have frank conversations (often with people who have completely different world views) on how that can best be accomplished for the benefit of all.   I had a friend recently tell me, as we discussed issues that would have us living in opposition, that we weren’t really that different.  We saw past the labels and discussed the heart of the issues and what we saw was common ground.  That is something we need more of today.  

Do you ever stop and reflect at what is driving your positions and decisions?  Is it fear?  Is it judgement?  Is it anger?  Is it love?  Is it hope?  Is it bravery?  Where have you gone off your path?  Where have you misstepped?  Or maybe you are right on track and someone else needs your direction?  Be in community, be in relationships.  Seek God where you are, not where you will be good enough for him.  

Yes, maybe I have oversimplified because well each of these topics I’ve touched on could have books written on them highlighting all sorts of angles and caveats, but I become saddened when I see people time and time again wreck their world by overcomplicating and selling themselves short or fighting for the very thing that will kill their destiny and their soul.  

Benefit of Brokenness

Today, I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a post from a childhood friend.  Like me, she has been through her own trauma in life.  She now gives back to her community in her daily employment.  Reading her post about a new realization about herself as she researched how people process trauma in life, got me thinking as well.  

I will be the first to tell you.  I am a hot mess.  I am a sweet, loving woman with a big heart and a good head on her shoulders, but I also battle anxiety daily as a result of some of the experiences I have walked through.  I struggle with anger and yelling and keeping my cool in areas of personal and societal injustice.  i am at times overly empathetic and can face depression when I look too deep into the hearts of the hurting.  I am also resilient.  When I fall, I get back up and keep going.  

I have also come a long way.  I have never been one to shy away from personal betterment and have sought to face my inner turmoil instead of hide from it.  I believe in a big God and often invite him into my mess to help me overcome one more of my issues.  I’ve slowly learned to trust and jump into life in spite of the fear.  I have allowed my heart to heal from pain its felt along the path of life.  

Despite my imperfections, I am better because I was broken.  

Its like the bubble of a “good life” leaves this protective shell over us.  That shell keeps us safe but it also leaves us self-focused and generally unimpacted by what is happening around us.  

When I was broken, I was hurt.  With intentional focus, counseling, prayer, Bible study, support groups and a great community of friends and family, my broken places have been mended, but in the process my shell was shattered.  I am now gifted with an ability to empathize with people in the midst of hardship or their own pain.  I am able to walk with people in genuine relationship and offer real love to a world that needs it.  Jesus is my Savior and the ultimate example in love and sacrifice.  He has shown me how a walk through hell can bring a bit of heaven to others.  

Romans 5:8 - But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

There is always a flip side to every trial we face.  Often the benefits aren’t realized until we have some distance between us and the trial faced. It is too much to ask someone in the midst of a storm to see the rainbow.  In the midst of a storm you must stay safe and protected not look out at the rainbow coming.  

But if you, like me have walked through a few storms in life, and are now living outside of that past experience; it may be time to see just how special you are as a result of surviving.  You may need to face some pain and allow those wounds to heal, but once that has taken place - see how that trial has transformed you into a crucial solution to the agony people around you undergo.  

What has your broken bubble given you in a perspective that can touch someone else in a real way?  What is your next step?  Be intentional with your life, don’t just roam aimlessly with the remaining years you have on this earth.  

I would love to hear from you, what is next?  What unique perspective do you offer this world?  

Its worth it, I promise!

The Most Important Thing You Do Everyday

Do you spend time with God everyday? If so, what does that look like? If not, why not? Yes, life is busy and we have a lot on our “to-do” list, but how far in that list would you get if you gave up sleep and food because you were just too busy?


Being a Christian is more than a title, its a way of life. Its like paying for a gym membership, never going, yet expecting to be fit. Time with God is our oxygen for life. For me, I admit, I don’t always have that quiet time everyday. Some days its letting my phone read me by daily passages while I run around town, but that can’t sustain me on a daily basis! I need quiet, quality time with God.


Whether you are talking about God or people, you can’t trade quality time for quick sound bites here and there or on social media and expect the relationship to deepen or grow. Quality beats quantity every time.


This year, I am reading the Bible chronologically. There are definitely benefits to mixing up my Bible plan each year. Maybe you don’t read the Bible in a year, but its a great goal to work towards. Daily time with God is very crucial to our walk as a believers and if you aren’t used to it, starting small is beneficial. Eventually you need more. Brad Edgar hits the nail on the head when he says, “You can’t be a good egg your whole life. You either need to hatch or you will rot.” Simple daily devotionals are great, but they aren’t all we need. We need time in God’s word. Those devotionals stay pretty superficial.


We weren’t created for the superficial. We were made to grow in our relationships, with God, with others and with ourselves. It takes vulnerability to do that, and we are losing our ability to connect in this fast-paced, social media-driven society. A lot of us out there are rotting eggs. If this is you, its not too late to start over.  God says when its over (sorry fat opera lady), and as long as you are here on this earth, you have a chance at a new start with God. Knowing God means knowing his Word and allowing that word to permeate your life.


Monday, I took my daughters’ two hour nap time slot and just delved into God. I was about 3 days behind in my reading and I am at the beginning of the New Testament. Sometimes, reading chronologically can be monotonous when you reach a story told in several places and you have this major deja vu experience. Monday, I found it refreshing. Each gospel writer told a story slightly different and I felt the entirety of their shared experience gave me more understanding in what was happening and why. When Matthew’s account left me with questions about some of the reasons for why something happened, I found Luke or Mark would give more information to answer my question.


I had been struggling with some blog topics and how to even handle certain situations in my life and as I read, God just spoke to me. It was as if he said, "this is all you need to get the jobs in life done."  I now have pages of ideas and quotes and answers to questions. They aren’t all answered, but God gives us our daily bread. So my questions will get answered as I need them as long as I continue to spend quality time with God.

Spiritual Life - Tethered?

Tether in its simplest definition means being connected to something else that restricts movement. When you use a rope to tether a dog to a tree, it keeps the dog in an area around that tree that is restricted by the rope’s distance.

There are many things we are tethered to in life, whether we recognize it or not. Some are pleasant experiences, others are not. I am tethered to Kevin Guy in marriage; I am tethered to Verizon Wireless in my phone plan with a contract. I am tethered to a job, a house, a car, bills, kids and the list goes on. Tether is a connection but a connection that can be restrictive, dependent upon to what you are connected. What are your connections?

If you are tethered to something that adds to your life then the tether really isn’t a bad thing, in fact, it probably keeps you from bad things, but if you are tethered to the wrong thing, it can be an awful, limiting and possibly even dangerous experience. It’s important to know what you are connected to and pay attention to how we get tethered. You may think of tethered in the scope of marriage or employment, but it goes beyond that. When you hang out with people or get into a book series or tv show you are being tethered through their beliefs. What you believe isn’t just seen in what you would say in a conversation with someone, but in how you live your life. If you believe someone is a bad influence you would show that by choosing to stay away from that person.

Our connections with the world around us can limit us in our relationship with God and that can be a dangerous to our spirit. We often don’t realize this reality until it’s too late. We find ourselves believing things that aren’t Biblical and inevitably putting distance between us and God. Take some time to mimic the words of David and ask God to reveal to you where you have strayed and lead you back to him. (Psalm 139:23)

Spiritual Life - God is like Amazon

I've known what Amazon is for a long time, but didn't become the frequent buyer I am today, until I had my little boy. Kids and shopping can be a pain and being able to click and have it shipped in 2 days is a huge blessing. I've gotten some bad product and have had the privilege to see Amazon does really well with returns. They are a good company and I have come to trust and rely on them. So how may you ask is God like Amazon?

Well, I am glad you asked. A couple of years ago, I did a workshop at the Hartland Women's Conference on the "Power of Praise." The Bible seems really clear about the role of praise in our lives. We are to be thankful in all circumstances (I Thessalonians 5:18), we are told the Lord inhabits the praises of his people (Psalm 22:3) and we need to have faith in the victory before we see the results (I Corinthians 15:57).

So, as I processed this recently with some current situations, I thought, God is like Amazon. I know I have bought something when I pay for it, not when I receive it. I have faith that my package will come. It is mine the moment I confirm the purchase. Our answers to prayer happen when Jesus died on the cross. He made it possible that we could be his. He made it possible for sin and death to have no hold on us (Romans 6:14), should we decided to turn our lives over to him (Romans 8). So when I ask for things with faith (James 1:5-8) and ask according to his will (I John5:14-15). I can have confidence in his power to overcome what I face. When I praise him for that I am making the path available for his work (Psalm50:14)when we praise, it releases the power and glory of God into our lives. We often wait to praise when the work is completed, but the work is completed before we see it, just like our packages with Amazon.

We look at circumstances and think God is absent or just doesn't care, but we aren't looking at it from his perspective. He sees what we cannot (2 Peter 3:9) and doesn't just want us happy or physically healed. He wants our spirit healed first and foremost. Not only is his priority our spiritual walk, but we can block his work that belongs to us with negative or anti-faith words (James 1:5-8).

Next time you go before the throne of God, remember God is like Amazon and what you ask for in his will is yours when you ask, not when you see the answer. Walk in faith and make way for the Lord in your life. But be aware: when you allow God to move, he will, and you will never be the same!

Spiritual Life - This Soap Box Moment is Brought to You By...

Marriage demonstrates that God has a sense of humor. He'd have to, right?! Two people becoming one. Spend 3 seconds in my home and you will see that my husband and I are very different people, and to say we are of one mind could be a bit in a comedy sketch by any comedian of our day. Yet, marriage isn't funny!

Marriage is a commitment not only between two people, but most importantly, God. Marriage is sacred, but the lack of respect paid to this sacred union in our country today, has made me heartsick. I hear a lot of complaining from the Christian community about their issues with homosexual marriage being legal, but the truth is we need to rewind that tape for a long time before we begin to discuss the problems we have in dishonoring God's Word. Divorce is also listed as a sin in the Bible, yet over 50% of marriages end in divorce, and there is no difference in that statistic within the church. So if we hold God's Word and commands to such high esteem that we are willing to crucify homosexuals for their choices, why aren't we tar and feathering everyone who has been through a divorce or willing to walk away from their marriage without any real work in making it better. Let me not get derailed, this article has nothing to do with homosexual marriage, it has to do with divorce, and let's face it, our disregard for the commandments of God which begins before we even get to the topic of marriage. Sex is also considered a sin outside of marriage, but we somehow pick what we will choose to abide by and what we will blatantly disregard, meanwhile, shaking our finger at the sinners around us while we place a "do not disturb" sign above our own disobedient decisions. We have problems "Godly people." I'm not speaking from a place of perfection, I am a woman who had sex in high school, got pregnant and had an abortion. I was wrong and I am married to a man who has been married two times before I came on the scene. We all make mistakes, but there is a difference between messing up and repenting and making mistakes and calling them good.

Lately, I have watched on as men have turned their marriage into a joke as they have cheated on their spouse and left their children in the dust to shack up with their mistress. I have read books where the lead just storms out with child in tow from the one they vowed to stand by "til death us do part" and asked us, the readers, to get excited in the next chapter when their former boyfriend comes back into the picture in hopes to be the new "til death us do part." Then I have watched one of my favorite tv couples demonstrate through a scripted dialogue just how easy it is to throw away something that is divine. If we don't look into this reality and see we have a problem, then we have issues much bigger than sexually related. We have a misunderstanding of who God truly is. We have devalued the authority of God and humanity as well. Don't get me wrong, I do see couples doing whatever it takes to make their marriage work and still ending in divorce, but if those were the only cases of divorce, divorce wouldn't happen in 50% of marriages. Marriage is not dating. It isn't the same and when I see people treat it similarly leaving marriages as often as people date and break up, it upsets me greatly, especially people claiming to be followers of Christ. Reality would say we are in fact, not followers of Christ, but followers of self, walking where our desires lead us.
Why am I so angry? As I stated in the beginning, my husband and I are two very different people, we have walked quite the challenging road over the 10 years we've been together, and 8 years we've been married. There have been moments when I wondered if we would still be married at this point. At each turn in the road we have continued to fight for this commitment we made before God. I feel like each person who walks away, like they found a better job, spit in my face and mock the work I have put into my marriage. Marriage is worth fighting for and when people decide to break up someone's marriage they aren't just messing with a man and his wife but with God himself. One day we will all see what a mistake that truly is. In the meantime, I will rant. Thanks for hearing me out. I know this might not be a popular post, feel free to comment accordingly. Its quite late, and I need to sleep. Good night.

Only Be Still

Exodus 14:14 - “The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

It seems sometimes the only way to get good customer service is by being an assertive, and sometimes downright rude! We have been conditioned to push for our way, and to fight for our rights. It’s so pervasive in our culture that it’s just a natural response in certain situations. Unfortunately, this conditioning has left us at a spiritual disadvantage.

When we look at what Jesus did on the cross we see an example of someone else’s act meeting the requirements for our lives. It’s our inaction that makes the cross so powerful – we don’t have to earn it, we just have to accept it. This principle is true for our entire walk with God. It doesn’t mean we become lazy people that just sit on the couch and watch television all day waiting on God to boom in with a great plan. We do need to take initiative in life, but it does mean that his ways are higher than our ways(Isaiah 55) and we must submit to his direction. In moments in life when we are being treated unfairly or slandered, we must trust that God will take on our defense. He will stand for us with his all mighty power. Our human methods will only carry us so far, it is God who will fight for us.

We read in other passages (Psalm 46:10) that it is in stillness that we will know God. How often do you take time to be still? Are you making room in your calendar to wait on and hear from the Lord? Where are you fighting battles in your life that are not your responsibility to fight? Seek direction from the Lord and find rest for your soul (Jeremiah 6:16). When we are doing God’s will, we will be at peace and rest(Matthew 11:20).

Listening

Today a good friend told me, "God is talking, are you listening?" For someone like myself, who talks a lot, its easy to forget to listen. Listening is an important part of communication, in fact in my study of Communications at TCU, I took a class solely on listening. The bible even tells us, be slow to speak and quick to listen (James 1:19). I guess I've got a lot of learning to do in that area. So God here I am closing my mouth and silencing my chatty thoughts and asking you to speak. I'm listening.

Mountains in the Road

Its no secret life is hard, and if you don't know that you are either delusional or incredibly lucky. The thing is no matter what each day brings, and how hard it can get, I see how God has a plan. He shows me that he hears me and takes care of the things that are really important to me.

As a girl, I dreamed of growing up and having an easy life. I dreamed of everything going exactly perfectly with few hiccups, if any at all. Unfortunately, that just isn't reality. Just as I get past one mountain, I only walk a short way before I come up to another seemingly insurmountable hurtle in the road. The truth is they will keep coming on this side of heaven. Its not trusting God to keep them from coming, but trusting him to take care of me in the midst of them. I can rest in him to carry me through. I don't know what tomorrow brings, but God does and he will direct my path.

The fact is, he already has. As I approach another difficulty, I see God's hand. I see situations in my recent past that let me know he was preparing me and giving me his best at just the right time. That gives me hope and encourages me through the journey. God cares about my deepest desires and he is at work in each part of my life. That's pretty cool if you ask me.

Oprah's last day

Even though I was never an avid Oprah watcher, it was sad for me to see something that has been around most of my life, come to its completion. Its just something that's been there - and as other areas in life, change is always hard. The reason I bring all of this up is not to discuss change, but to discuss deception. Why you may ask? Well yesterday Oprah brought up God and as she discussed God she hit some points of truth but also spoke of a God who isn't my God. It sounded quite universalist and it got me thinking. I talked with God about it at length in the shower (or at least the as at length as you can get in a shower when you have a baby) and in that discussion admitted that these times scare me. I can come against outright deception pretty easily but a chunk of truth with a dash of deception is much harder to speak up against because it sounds good. There have been a lot out there lately that seems to be redefining the Christian faith and I wonder, are people even noticing? The truth is we do not all serve the same God and to lump them all together is lunacy. The Islamic God is our Satan so how can I worship Christ my Savior and Satan in the same sentence - its not possible. All roads don't lead to the same place. Oprah said yesterday (I'm paraphrasing) that God is light and all of us need to find that light in us. But if we aren't serving Jesus Christ we don't have the light in us - how are you gonna find it before finding him. We need to be wise as serpents and innocent as doves as we face our cultural future where revered leaders and cultural icons are speaking close truths (otherwise known as lies). We need to be careful not to jump on band wagons of spiritual misconceptions. Are you taking everything to the light of scripture before deciding if its truth? Just because it sounds good, doesn't mean its true.

Curiosity Can Do More than Kill the Cat...

While the phrase “curiosity killed the cat” has its merits, I am afraid that curiosity has gotten a bad rap. Sure, we all yell at the girl in the horror movie not to go after the noise she hears, to run away from danger, and yes curiosity paired with stupidity will surely get anyone into trouble, but curiosity is a good thing. Wise curiosity allows us to know God, the world around us, and ourselves. I love the curiosity in children to get into things, take things apart and to delve into life with a sense of discovery. It’s a beautiful thing to behold and to experience and somewhere in those teen years we become more concerned with how we appear to others and we lose our curiosity at the expense of our reputation. We stifle our inquisitiveness to avoid wandering into a place that might be socially unacceptable. We stumble into curiosities, we never had ourselves, to appear cool to those around us. All that really does is waste precious time. Those years are precious. Curiosity will lead us to purpose and direction. Direction that will get us farther the earlier we find it. Like Austin Gutwein who was curious about those orphaned by HIV/AIDS in Zambia – wondering what it would be like without parents. His questions led him to compassion and to starting up a fundraiser that would change lives – all this at the age of 9. Hoops of Hope, his organization has raised $1 million and counting to build hospitals, schools and provide shelters for the children and people of Zambia. He put his curiosity to good use and allowed himself to seek to answer the question, “What is possible?” The answer was beyond his wildest dreams. The teen years are often seen as the selfish years, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Austin, now 13, is only one example of this principle. There are other examples of teens who have stepped outside of themselves to see what is possible. The great thing is – you could be next? What are you curious about? What could you do to change the world? How are you limiting the possibilities of what you could accomplish? What fears stand in your way? Maybe its time to let the cat out of the bag and seek after what we find curious in God’s word and in his world? What is stifling your curiosity? Ecclesiastes 12:1 says, ”Remember your Creator in the days of your youth, before the days of trouble come and the years approach when you will say, ‘I find no pleasure in them’.” We only get one chance at life and while the going with the flow has its benefits in keeping us from negative emotions, it can also steal an abundant life from our existence. Get out there and live life to its fullest!

Familiar City Redefined

I’ve had the privilege to experience planet earth as a playground as I’ve travelled to 27 countries on more than 3 continents. Experiences have made places on the map come alive in my heart and mind; the treasured memories of certain spots have made me downright giddy at the thought of them. When we frequent a city often enough it is cemented in our minds with distinct definition.

This is true for a teenager in my youth group, Jessica Parker. Jessica has ventured around the city of San Francisco most of her 14 years. While she lives 4 hours away, San Francisco has offered an array of experiences journeying with her mother, a florist, to various venders in the area and growing in the knowledge of a city which holds her family’s baseball obsession, The Giants. Close friends have had season tickets all her life and going to games has become a tradition throughout the years in the Parker household. It is a city that Jessica not only knows, but loves. But this past spring something changed.

When Jessica signed up for the youth group trip to San Francisco for Spring Break she had know idea the metamorphosis that was about to take place. We took a small group with leaders from Project Sixty-One, a ministry of YWAM (Youth With A Mission) Pismo, to the YWAM San Francisco base to serve. Though only a few blocks from Union Square the YWAM base sees far less tourist traffic as its sits in the heart of the Tenderloin District. While there are many variations of the story of how the district came to the name of “Tenderloin,” the most commonly accepted is that in years past police officers were paid higher wages to work in that area due to crime rates and nefarious activities. Because of this higher wage they could afford a better cut of meat, the tenderloin.

Needless to say, it’s a rough neighborhood with more than its fair share of homeless, harlots and heroine addicts. During our time there we were granted access to the lives of those on the street as we served hot chocolate and prayed for the needs of the people. We were awakened to the high number of massage parlors being used as store fronts for human trafficking, more specifically sex trade and learned the power of prayer as we walked the streets praying for each of these known locations to be changed into something glorifying to our Creator.

Jessica noted buildings she walked by in the past with no idea that women were being sold for sex inside. During our trip God broke Jessica’s heart for the women of the city. Jessica, a girl not prone to emotion, cried steadily for hours at a time, uncomfortable with this newfound emotion as she felt the pain of others. While her love for the city has not wavered her perspective has changed and she mourns now for the women who cry alone with no hope. In essence San Francisco was redefined and her family’s playground has now become her spiritual battlefield. I am proud to say I saw God grow in all in our group now dedicated to pray for a city in bondage to so many vices.

Fighting Hard

Lately I have had some pretty brutal conversations with God. Conversations I have had to apologize for - let's face it - God could easily take me out. He is someone I need to respect, but the lack of control over my life has had me in fits. Its the only thing I can do as nothing will change as a result of my complaints. God does not operate like the customer service department of a major cooperation. He is supreme and my issues are not going to change his mind. He does care about the smallest issue in my heart, but my complaints don't dictate his actions.

Life is infact a process, one I am no doubt in the middle of - while a mulligan would be nice - its more like an art project where you use the mistakes to create your masterpiece - there is no such thing as do over - it is what it is. I must go from here - no turning back, no guessing what could have been - its what might be from this point. So I've had to come to God and face what is my life. I found a great book I am currently reading which has me facing what I want to run from. I want to have a baby, a new job, and my step kids to love me. Nothing is changing. I am not pregnant and with each period I am outraged at one more month that mocks me. I am working for a church with part-time pay where the volunteer leadership team treats me with comtempt and I slave over a plethera of odd jobs to make ends meet. My 18 year old stepdaughter dispises me and spends all her time with anyone but me. She has no desire to imulate me or enjoy that which is Carrie Guy. She seeks to be as far away as humanly possible. So at the end of the day my life looks at me and laughs knowing nothing is as it should be.

So what are my choices? That is where the book comes into play because the book by Jill Briscoe called, "8 Choices That Will Change a Woman's Life." So here I am choicing pain to purify me instead of running from it like fugitive. I must accept my lot in life. I must love it and even embrace it even though all of me wants to rebel and demand a refund for the emptiness I feel. If that were an option I would have a new life by now, but instead I must allow my crappy circumstances to change me into a better person. It kinda sucks, but here I come. I know I am not alone in my steps to acceptance of what I have. There is a world out there of unhappy people. People I hope will choose with me to be better for the stuff they live that they hate. Join me in acceptance of disappointment for the purpose of happiness, will you?