To Know or Be Known

 Its been crickets on my blog over the past few months, and I am sorry for that.  All that has been 2020 just seemed overwhelming, and there have been so many voices, that it seemed to quiet my own.  

I've still been here with encouragements and opinions, but not really feeling like that should be shared in blog form.  But lately I've been having conversations (some with myself) that seemed to be begging to be shared once again from my blog posts.  

We will see how they come out, but I want to return to writing because I love it.  

This morning I was listening to a book (via Audible) that we are doing as a church staff and going over each chapter during our weekly staff meetings.  The book is called, "The Emotionally Healthy Leader," by Peter Scazzero.  Its been wonderful and very contemplative.  

I got done with the chapter we were going over today and continued listening to the next chapter and was struck by a distinction in discussing a Bible verse.  The author was talking about Christian leaders in the church who do great things without having a relationship with God.    I should mention at this point that I have also been reading another book by Michael S. Heiser entitled, "What Does God Want?"  I've loved the simplicity this book adds to the story of God and why he created us, why we face so much heartache in the world and what God wants.  Spoiler alert, but the reason God created humans was because he wanted a human family to join his celestial family.  God is about relationships.  Hes about family and connection, so when I was listening to Peter share the passage below my ears perked up: 

Matthew 7:22-23

Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your nae perform many miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you.  Away from me, you evildoers!"  

Before Peter started into his commentary, I knew at the mention of knew it didn't mean literally, "I don't know who you are."  God knows all of us, we are his creation.  He knew us when we were in our mother's wombs, he knows the hairs on our heads (Jeremiah 1:5, Psalm 139, Luke 12:7, Matthew 10:30, Psalm 56:8).  Its not about knowing who we are, its not about recognition, but instead its about being known.  Why is that so important?  For one reason its the purpose of all of this, we are invited by God into a relationship.  A way was made for us to connect with the God of the universe and really God of the universes, through the death of Jesus (God in human form) on the cross and his resurrection from the dead.  We could not do it on our own so when we set out to do works of God that don't involve him, its like we reject his gift.  We pretend we are enough without him to overcome all the wrong in the world.  His grace is enough and sufficient for us (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Life wasn't always easy for me and human connection hasn't always been easy either, but I learned early to run to God.  I didn't always get the answers I wanted and even got mad and ran away from him for awhile, but I did always get acceptance.  I did get embraced for who I was more than I have from any person in my life.  I know there is a God, but that is nothing compared to knowing Him. I forget that sometimes as I get busy at life or in the business of sharing Him with the world, but without it, I run out of steam and really become the worst version of myself. I want to know God intimately and for Him to know me.  

What about you?  Do you just know there is a God or do you know God and are you known by God?  I'm sure there may be an atheist or two who stumble on my post, and I'd love to hear why you believe what you believe.  I've read some compelling evidence for God's existence and I'd happily share some resources for anyone interested.  I hope all of you are doing well, or as well as is possible in the midst of our crazy reality.   

Parenting Perspective

Can I just say my kids are growing up WAY TOO FAST! My youngest is about to hit five and I don't know what to do with myself. She may act like a teenager with her larger than life personality, but shes still small so I can hold her, but she's getting so big so fast!

P.S. I tried to carry my son the other night because he fell asleep on the couch and that did not go well, because his eight year old man body is WAY TOO BIG for me to carry! Let's just say he was awake by the time we made it to his bed.  

This mom thing is a serious job.  Sure, I will always be there mom and they can come to me anytime, but the time I have to shape them is just going so quickly.  I often wonder if I'm doing it wrong.  
Parenting is the hardest thing I will ever do.  There is some irony to the hilarity of our world -  all the time and money we spend to get college degrees to be proficient in the work place, yet all we have to do to become parents is have sex, no training, no tests, just go and don't screw up these little people looking to us for life direction.  

Growing up, I always thought there would be this moment when I became an adult.  This switch that made me "adult Carrie" versus "girl Carrie."  But that moment never happened. 

Sure I've matured and grown, but I'm still Carrie.  My inner soul mirror still reflects the same person it did from elementary kid til now throughout the timeline. So feeling equip to raise little humans just doesn't seem possible, but it's the job that is in my lap and its a job that does expire.  The formative years are short and I need to make the most of them. 

I started reading Proverbs this week and I decided I didn't just want to read it, I wanted to study it.  Lately, I've been reading in my grandpa's Bible.  My uncle gave it to me when my Pappy died and even though its not my favorite translation, I feel connected to him when I read it.  What I do love about the Bible is the plethora of scriptures noted beside the verses.  So I can go on this journey to find other passages that add to the meaning.  I've also been highlighting and noting key words.  So I feel like I'm getting more out of Proverbs than ever before.  

In chapter one, Solomon, the author of the book, warns young people to listen to wisdom and pay attention to the instruction of their parents.  He warns of fools and the misdirection they may try to lead them on.  As I went through just that chapter two things struck me.

1.  My job as a parent is not just to make sure my kids get a good education and have great experiences, my job as a parent is to train my kids in Christ.  It is to help them know the dangers they might face in life and give them the tools to overcome it.  The question became, am I spending too much time on the wrong things?  

I choose to live in a humble place of always grappling with that question.  Earlier this year, I attended a conference and the idea of inoculating my children to the bad ideas they may encounter was introduced.  Too many times we try to shelter our children, when we should be letting them know what they will encounter out in the real world and why certain things don't work the way they are sold to us and why.  Kids need to know what they believe, why and how to defend it.  That right there is the most important part of my job.  

The second thing that struck me: 

2.  The person Solomon is warning growing men and women about weren't random strangers in the world but people from within their circle.  As I started reading the connected passages, it gave more detail of the fools and those who ignore wisdom.  It was a message of something like - be careful of those around you in your church or in your Christian circle who may try to lead you down the wrong path.  Sounds like of fitting since being a Christian in 2019 can mean 3 billion variations of "Christian."  

We do need to be wise about the people we look to for guidance.  Not everyone has our best interest at heart or has their compass set in the right direction.  If our aim is to honor God, then we need to know him and to use what he says as our guide.  We have to be ever watchful and know what to allow in and what to stay away from. 

Proverbs 1:7 tell us, "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, but fools despise wisdom and instruction."  Fear doesn't mean horror movie type fear but reverence or honor.  (Though it might feel like the horror movie type if you are talking about your boss and unbeknownst to you, your boss comes up behind you.  That moment of discovery might make you freak out.)

Can I tell you just how reassuring it is to have that plumb line?! The truth is, I don't have to have a college degree in parenting to raise my little humans, but it does help to be connected with the Creator of it all.  

Today's post is really about realigning your life with your purpose.  Its about making sure you keep the main thing, the main thing.  We so easily get caught up in the rat race that we forget what we are supposed to be doing.  I'm not saying you don't keep doing life, I'm just saying, make sure you haven't lost your intentionality when it comes to life and parenting.  Make sure you are connected with the source, so that you have what you need to lead.

We only get eighteen years, which may seem like a long time when we get up at 3am to do a feeding or change a diaper, but trust me, we spend more of our life without our kids than with them and we need to make sure we are pointing them in the right direction.  

Happy Wednesday! 

Two Ways To Overcome the Weird In Your Head

I don’t think I’m an ugly woman, but I often think if people could see the mess of junk going on inside my head - they might see a different woman than what’s depicted through the physical body before you.  

Its like that episode of Gilmore Girls where Lorelai is trying to write a letter but the words just don’t come.  Her rant ends in the conclusive line, “its a big bag of weird in there.” This.  This is exactly how I feel.   Sure I am a nice, kind-hearted person and that is beautiful, but there are other sides of me that aren’t so pretty. 

One of those uglies lurking inside is a struggle with anger.  Years of counseling lead me the epicenter of my angry outbursts - anxiety.  

 A little over a month ago, my son had surgery.  He had his tonsils and adenoids removed.  

We got up early and took my daughter to my parents’ house.  

We then made the almost hour drive to the surgery center in Fresno.  

After we got my son checked in and he was wheeled into surgery, my husband and I took our seats in the waiting room.  

That morning had been hard on my anxiety levels, so I decided it was a good idea to get out my binder and start on a worksheet that has been a part of a book I’ve been working through utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Techniques to overcome anxiety. 

One of the many exercises involves writing down all negative thoughts associated with a particular anxiety incident.  Usually, I have a variety of related emotions, but this time they were pretty well concentrated in the fear section of the emotional scale.  

My husband was curious as to what I was doing so I read him my list of negative thoughts associated with this particular day.  When i finished reading my list, my husband, in shock, replied, “I would have never even thought of half of those.”  I wasn’t just worrying about more than he did, I actually had thoughts about particular aspects of the day that didn’t even occur to him! 

This struggle has been so crucial to me because it is incongruous with my religious beliefs.  God tells me to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4;6).  Its easy to see ways in which our every day life is out of touch with what the Bible calls us to be.  

So what do you do? 

1. Do Your Part

  Instead of beating up on yourself, something I often do, for missing the mark, identify the root.  Take inventory of your thoughts and feelings so you can begin to weed out what doesn’t belong.  You can’t replace the crap until you know its there! 

One of the next steps in the exercise I was doing on the day of my son’s surgery was to write out a positive thought for each of the negative thoughts on which my brain fixated. Its replacing the lie with the truth.  This process, while laborious, is necessary to make sure, how I live and what I believe, stand side by side. 

2. Let God Do The Rest 

I have heard one story where a surgeon performed a ground-breaking operation on himself, but typically a surgeon performs the surgery and the patient lays still, usually unconscious. This is a great picture of our spiritual life.  God does the work in us, sure we may prepare the way for the work with everything I discussed above, like a patient may fast or take certain medications prior to a surgical procedure.  But the rest is God's job.  I can tell you the most meaningful change is when God took my faithfulness and transformed me in the midst of a challenge.   

The encouragement is - God is always working.  Even when we get stuck in a holding pattern and feel like we aren’t getting very far with our goals, God stays the same.  He's always there, using our lives to direct us into the people he created.  He wants to be close to us, and wants to see us reach the stars he designed for us to grab.   

So go do the work you have to do to prepare for the work God is already doing!

The Problem With Church

If you want to get fit, which is the BEST OPTION?

1. Watch Cooking Shows and create a Pinterest pin board with examples of healthy eating, and binge watch workout videos on YouTube.

Or

2.  Fill your diet with healthy food and eliminate processed foods and sugars, as well as begin a workout routine combining cardio and strength training. 

The obvious answer is number two!  To get fit you have to engage in activities that develop a fit body.  Watching shows or reading articles on fitness will do nothing for any muscle other than your brain.  Yes, a healthy brain is important but really not the point in this discussion. 

Most people understand the importance of being active and eating healthy in achieving their fitness goals, and yet that knowledge doesn't translate well when it comes to our spiritual life. 

Many Christians utilize church more like a movie theater than a gym.  Yet, church is meant to be a gym NOT a movie theater. 

Do a google search on the decline of church attendance over the past decade and you will see, while the statistics seem to vary a bit, all agree that church attendance is declining.  There is a lot of thought on the reason for this, but I think it is because of a lack of proper focus.

1.  Church is not a building.  Sure, this can come down to a semantical argument and yes, we do "go to church" referring to a service in a building, but the Bible is clear - the church is Christians collectively.  We are often referred to as the body of Christ because God intended for us to be different yet work together just like our physical bodies.  We often get distracted by the building and forget we are the church. 

2.  We have become spectators.  Christianity is NOT a spectator sport.  It isn't a to-do list that one checks off.  Going to a weekly service is not our Christian duty.  There are no brownie points for extra weekly Bible studies or service projects.  You don't get an award for putting more money in the offering plate than your neighbor and there are no wings to gain if you volunteer in the children's department.  Of course, we do need to engage in a local church with some of the above activities but the point is where the problem can be found. 

Our Christian duty is knowing Christ and making him known. (Please note: I am not referring to the guy shouting from a public square that you are going to hell).  If you want to be a Christian and grow spiritually, that is found in reading your Bible, studying what you have read, spending time with others who are like-minded and spending time in prayer.  Spiritual growth comes in putting the needs of other's first and seeking what God might want with your time and money.  Remember the greatest commands are loving God and loving OTHERS as ourselves (Matthew 22:34-40). Christianity isn't about being perfect but instead allowing God to work in you.  That doesn't happen overnight, it usually takes a good 80 plus years. Trust me! I have been a Christian for 34 years and I still have a list of ways God needs to work in my life.  I am as human as anyone else.

I haven't been to the gym in awhile and when I go back I won't be benching 250 lbs.  I will start where I am, which is more like 10 lb free weights.  Spiritual growth works the same way.  We have to offer God ourselves where we are now and not expect to be ready for a spiritual body building competition next week.

In my 34 years walking with God I have seen God work in me and through me and while I still have a way to go, I still desire God's guidance change me as we walk out life and I relish that because of God, I am never alone.  I love that I have a hope in something bigger than our country, political system or my career.  I love church because of the body of Christ - the people with which I get to share community.  I love praying with friends and walking out life together.  I love seeing where I can grow and adjusting my life to allow God to do so.  I love doing Christianity as one would go to a gym. Obviously, a movie theater is more fun, but a gym is essential to our physical health.  Being active in our faith helps promote a better connection with God, others and ultimately, ourselves.

When we shift our focus we will see less fights about the worship songs we sing on a Sunday morning or how we would change the weekly schedule.  We would focus more on loving the world and pointing them toward Jesus instead of being so focused on a church staff making us comfortable. 

Its time we get out of the spiritual entertainment mode and grow some spiritual muscles!!!  Believe me you will be better for it!!!! 

The Day God Used My Son to Correct Me

I recently woke up to find my Kindergartener had gotten up ahead of me and cut his own hair, mind you, this happened three days after he got a summer buzz cut.  That means he had bald spots sprinkled about his head.  Kid right of passage or not, I was pissed.  My cute son looked silly and I didn't respond well.  I got on him, said some not so nice things and frantically contacted about 5 people to see what I should do.  They all responded much differently than I did.  It is safe to say, I over-reacted. After I realized this was my problem, I apologized, and let him know if he liked it, it was fine.  His small act that morning was truly a Bible verse come to life in my own life.

Proverbs 27:17
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

When you read that passage do you envision sword sharpening?  I do -  I can even hear the clang of metal.  Any refining process no matter the medium is not pleasant.  Depending on the item it could use pressure or heat or some other extreme measure to bring about the desired results.  In our microwave society we can forget that what really matters takes sacrifice and time to attain.

God is always at work in each of our lives.

It is what He does.  We are his children, and He sacrificed his life in the ultimate show of love for our benefit; so that we wouldn't have to die.

We often want the life of others around us.  Life becomes this constant comparison game of who is prettier, thinner, richer, has better friends or family, has a better job, better house, greater sense of style, more athletic, more talented, more spiritual (ok this list can really keep going, but I hope you get the point)!

What we have in life are the very things we need to be the people we were created to become.  God has planned it out, it is on purpose and we are that important.  There was no cosmic mistake here and we were not the forgotten one on planet earth.  We weren't made to have what others do or to be like someone else, we were made to be us and do what God purposed for us to do.  Simple and yet we tend to complicate it.

On this particular day, the "self-hair cut" day, I got to see God working for the purpose of me.  God used my son to reveal my personal issue of caring too much what others think. It was my very own, God ordained Proverbs 27:17 moment.  I also got to share this with my kid.  In this house, he doesn't get a model of perfect parenting, but I do try to model how to deal with the missteps and mistakes we make.  Later that day before Caleb went to bed, I thanked him.  I told him I didn't like him cutting his hair and I didn't want to see him do that again, but I wanted him to know God had used him to help me be more Christ-like.

The truth is, that hair cut wasn't a big deal and it didn't define my son, and had I not freaked out he would have gotten a lesson in being you, no matter what.  Those are lessons that are good to learn now before the pressure gets turned onto full blast.

Instead, I got the lesson.  I learned that he was fine with his chunk cut and it will in fact grow out.  Its something to laugh at not stress over.  I was gently reminded not to major in the minors and that I only have an audience of one - Jesus Christ.  That is the only opinion I should be concerned with in the micro moments of life.

When Your Best Isn't Enough

Do you ever feel like your best just isn’t good enough?  

I think most of us can answer, “yes” to that question.  

The truth is -  my best isn’t good enough.  

I can’t do it all.  

I wear a lot of hats and they can get exhausting.  I wasn't made to do all that I do.  

I was created with limitations and needs for things such as rest and relationships, both of which require a pause button from the rat race I run in daily.  

I am both a working mom and a stay-at-home mom.  I live the best and worst of both worlds.  Usually when I am rocking it in one area, I am behind or bombing in another area.  

The feminist movement has given us a lot of freedoms as women, but its also given us some unfair expectations.  We are expected to work and raise a family simultaneously, while looking good in the process!  That is a lot of pressure and as a result, we end up expecting too much out of ourselves subsequently beating ourselves up when we don’t hit the mark.  

My “to-do” list is always full and even if I go strong all day knocking items off the list, I still won’t come close to getting it all done.  Here's two things I hope will help.  

1. God Has A Plan Beyond What We See 

Today, a friend shared with me a few bumps in her road of late, but because of her time in the Bible and in prayer with God, she was prepared to view those setbacks with spiritual eyes.  It gave her the ability to see God in the midst of the issues she had encountered.  Instead of letting that pit her against her Lord, she sat in the lap of Jesus and got on board with his plan.  

2. God Takes Our Mistakes and Makes Miracles

I distinctly recall a moment when I was talking to God about my many issues as a mom.  I felt like the latest test had found me lacking and I was wallowing in self-pity and giving myself a good figurative flogging.  In the midst of my tear-filled verbal purging, I heard God say in my spirit, 

“Carrie, I know you will make mistakes as a mom, but it is in those shortcomings that your kids will get to meet with me and walk it out in our relationship.”  

It blew my mind, to think God had intention for my mistakes.  God had a plan - even for my overloaded mommy explosions.  He planned to use it for his glory as he fulfilled his word in Proverbs 27:17, when he says: 

As iron sharpens iron,

    so one person sharpens another.

We weren’t called to do it all, raise the perfect kids or aim at perfection in life at all.  We were created for relationship with God and others.   We serve a God that is big enough to do it all.  When we surrender our path to him, we can find him in each turn along the road.  We can see him work in spite of our full plate and the dropped balls along the way.  

I find each day that I start with God, I end up accomplishing exactly what I need to - nothing more, nothing less.  It doesn’t all get knocked off the list but the important things do.  

Are you struggling to find that balance between work life and mom life?  Are you drowning in a sea of to-do lists?  Time with God isn’t just about adding something else to your list - its about adjusting your list to be in alignment with his will; knowing that God breaths life into even the most devastating of days.  He’s got this - YOU can trust HIM!

The Most Important Thing You Do Everyday

Do you spend time with God everyday? If so, what does that look like? If not, why not? Yes, life is busy and we have a lot on our “to-do” list, but how far in that list would you get if you gave up sleep and food because you were just too busy?


Being a Christian is more than a title, its a way of life. Its like paying for a gym membership, never going, yet expecting to be fit. Time with God is our oxygen for life. For me, I admit, I don’t always have that quiet time everyday. Some days its letting my phone read me by daily passages while I run around town, but that can’t sustain me on a daily basis! I need quiet, quality time with God.


Whether you are talking about God or people, you can’t trade quality time for quick sound bites here and there or on social media and expect the relationship to deepen or grow. Quality beats quantity every time.


This year, I am reading the Bible chronologically. There are definitely benefits to mixing up my Bible plan each year. Maybe you don’t read the Bible in a year, but its a great goal to work towards. Daily time with God is very crucial to our walk as a believers and if you aren’t used to it, starting small is beneficial. Eventually you need more. Brad Edgar hits the nail on the head when he says, “You can’t be a good egg your whole life. You either need to hatch or you will rot.” Simple daily devotionals are great, but they aren’t all we need. We need time in God’s word. Those devotionals stay pretty superficial.


We weren’t created for the superficial. We were made to grow in our relationships, with God, with others and with ourselves. It takes vulnerability to do that, and we are losing our ability to connect in this fast-paced, social media-driven society. A lot of us out there are rotting eggs. If this is you, its not too late to start over.  God says when its over (sorry fat opera lady), and as long as you are here on this earth, you have a chance at a new start with God. Knowing God means knowing his Word and allowing that word to permeate your life.


Monday, I took my daughters’ two hour nap time slot and just delved into God. I was about 3 days behind in my reading and I am at the beginning of the New Testament. Sometimes, reading chronologically can be monotonous when you reach a story told in several places and you have this major deja vu experience. Monday, I found it refreshing. Each gospel writer told a story slightly different and I felt the entirety of their shared experience gave me more understanding in what was happening and why. When Matthew’s account left me with questions about some of the reasons for why something happened, I found Luke or Mark would give more information to answer my question.


I had been struggling with some blog topics and how to even handle certain situations in my life and as I read, God just spoke to me. It was as if he said, "this is all you need to get the jobs in life done."  I now have pages of ideas and quotes and answers to questions. They aren’t all answered, but God gives us our daily bread. So my questions will get answered as I need them as long as I continue to spend quality time with God.

Parenting Life - Mirror, Mirror Down the Hall, Who's the Mother of Them All

We all remember the wicked Queen in Snow White with her magic mirror. She was happy as long as the mirror only showed her what she wanted to see, but the moment it reflected the fairest Snow White, the real conflict began. I've discovered in my mother journey that I also have a magic mirror - its called, MY KIDS! 

 I'm a self-proclaimed, "work in progress." Having grown up with my fair share of dysfunction, I've always made it a mission to face the issues from my past and properly learn to process anything that crippled me from living a healthy life. I decided not to stop with a Bachelor's Degree and have worked hard since college to make my spiritual and emotional state a field of study that is turning into a life long course.

 

As a Christian, I have seen the hand of God leading me down the path that brings me closer and removes the barriers that separate me from Him. If I take a peek behind me on the road I've walked in life up until today, I can see I've come along way, but the truth is, I have a long way to go. The biggest indicator of that fact has been my children.

 At first it was cute to see that my son was so much like me. His loquacious, bubbly, never short for words demeanor reflected a side of myself that I love. I was touched to see him mirror my tender heart toward the people around us and I laughed as he approached humor with the same silliness I do. As he grew the reflection in the mirror before me began to reveal some aspects of my personality and parts of myself that I didn't like. The mirror down my hall was changing his tune from time to time and at first it was very unsettling. 

 My son mirrored the same angry temper and emotional outbursts that I display when I'm overwhelmed or don't know how to work through what I am dealing with in a moment. When he was feeling bad about himself I saw the same self-deprecating remarks that I also use in low moments and I was forced to take a hard look at areas that still need a touch from God.

 Its easy to get discouraged and feel like I am failing as a mom, after all, I take this life-shaping job very seriously. I don't want to do anything to mess up a human being. Despite that pressure and seeing things I don't like, I have learned from Jerry Bridges in his book, Pursuit of Holiness, "a failure isn't someone who fails, but someone who stops trying." In those words, I get my reminder that the cement hasn't dried. I still have time to make important changes. I still have time to be real and honest, own my failings, learn how to process anger and allow God to heal the damaged self-image that can at times emerge. 

 I've allowed this reflection to be motivation not discouragement. I decided to venture out into better mommy boot camp and model what I want to be reflected toward me.  My goal isn't perfection! Let's be honest, there is no such thing as a perfect parent and you can't raise perfect little people. My goal, instead, is to be equipped and to learn to equip my babies to process anger and walk through life with a healthy sense of self and boundaries with those around us. 

 God has lead me to some great resources as I study being a parent and honestly, being a healthy woman. Its easy to get into life and not stop and take time to be intentional but I find when life starts to go south the one area I have neglected is my quiet time with Jesus. He's my best friend and yet I can forget to sit at his feet. I need that time to survive, let alone flourish. When I give myself to God, I'm a better woman, wife and mommy! 

 I've also found some great articles online using that resource we call Google. I found a great book for my own struggle with anger by Gary Chapman called, Anger Taming A Powerful Emotion. Now its time to study, I need to know the good stuff I've read and put it into practice. Here we go! 

 What do you see when you look in your mirrors running down the hall? Do they reflect the woman you want to be? Do you like what you see? Do your littles reveal areas you need to give over to God and make a conscious effort to change? Maybe you are a well-balanced woman excited about the ideals you are modeling for your babies, but have neglected your time with God. God uses anything he can to bring us closer to him, after all isn't that the goal?! 

 Yes, we are raising our children, but God is using our children to work in us. Don't forget to truly evaluate what you see and hear coming from your mirror and don't let the truth make you mad like the Queen. Instead embrace the opportunity to walk closer to Jesus!! If you aim for God, he will never let you miss!

Connecting with Jesus in a New Way

Today while reading "Walking With God, God's Way" by William Wyatt, I read that our purpose is to be transformed into God's image. Because God doesn't need us, our steps in ministry are to walk alongside God in what he is already doing. Each step of life is about knowing God and becoming more like him. I also read that when we go through awful things (the author shared a story about a missionary rape victim) we get to share in just part of the suffering Christ experienced on the cross. It just got me thinking. The horrible experiences are a connection with the horrible suffering our Savior lived out on the cross. Its an offering of intimacy. Now I am not saying God zaps us with tradegy. Don't forget our God is good, but he allows it and hopes that through it we will find him and know him in a new way.

I have a story that captures some of this, it may be something I've already written about in a previous post. Many years ago, my mom was married to a man named Kurt. Kurt had a difficult childhood. He was exposed to pornography and child abuse from his dad. His mom would just sit back and watch while this would occur. Kurt drank. That is how he coped with tumultuous emotional agony he journeyed. When he drank, he hit my mom.

Our lives with Kurt included hiding, yelling, fighting, pushing, hitting, and inappropriate touching. However, Kurt found God through our life with him. Fast forward about 20 years. Kurt was sick, and dying. Eventually he died. My mom officiated the funeral. Weird, yes, but amazing at the same time. Kurt at one point almost killed my mom. As a girl I watched him try to stab her with a screwdriver after beating her mercilously. Years later she had to have back surgery as a result of the injuries she incurred in that marriage. She will forever be marked physical due to the marriage, but God has healed the heart. God replaced pain with forgiveness and empathy for a hurting man. As I walked through my emotions during all of this, God revealed to me that the worst years of my life, were the best years of Kurt's. I realized that those years showed him God, and I came to a place in my heart of gratitude and acceptance. It was worth all the pain if Kurt found God through it. Those feelings weren't there for any other reason except God put them there.

I felt the amazing glow of 2 Corinthians 4:7 in my own life:

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves." (NLT)

My suffering in those years (and a few other issues in my life) have allowed me to share with others and be empathetic to the life experience of those around me. May God bring you to this place as you have walked and continue to walk in a place of pain. May God be your rescue, your guiding light and your sacred companion. Let that light shine through your cracks, and may you find comfort in his understanding as he held all of that pain on the cross.