10 Tips I Learned in 2019

Yes, I have my word for 2020 and I have some dreams for this year, but I also want to make sure I soak up all the lessons from this past year so that I can move forward, making the most of all the lessons this past year had to offer.  Too often I feel we are so busy looking ahead that we don't make the most of what we just went through.  We then end up being the quote below.

I want to learn from my history so here is a random list of things I learned this past year.  Some are just simple life hacks and others are more strategies.  I hope my path also helps you.  Here we go!

1. Spray Glitter - This year I started following the YouTube channel, "Do It On A Dime" and I love her.  I got so many cool tips from Kathryn about Dollar Tree and decorating.  She talks about other stuff too to include real life emotions and cleaning.  Most of the cleaning stuff doesn't apply to me because I'm eliminating toxins and most cheap cleaners are filled with them, but one tip I did love and wanted to share was to spray glittered items with hair spray first.  It was great.  I found some cool glitter letters and a few ornaments that I put on packages and they were a mess until I sprayed them with hairspray and let them dry.  No more glitter dandruff.  Hooray!!!   Try it out and let me know how you like it.  Also, go follow this woman, you will love her!

2. Do Least Favorite Tasks In Batches - What do you hate?  I hate grocery shopping and meal planning and so I avoid it.  What I have found, is that if I batch the task and do it less frequently, its much easier.  So guess what?  I actually planned 3 months worth of recipes.  I didn't assign them to a date, but I did ready them so when I do my shopping twice a month, I have a plan and can get it done.  This has worked for other things as well.  Dividing it up in the daily works for some people, but for me, setting time to do it and affording myself the ability to not do it again for awhile really helps.  Try it and let me know what you think.  (Also, if you want to save money, I've heard several people share the tip to check your pantry and freezer and use recipes with what you have to save on your grocery bill.  Its a great thing to do periodically!)

3. Less Is More - I desire to be good at organization, despite my clutter.  I've read a lot of the stuff out there and watched a lot of videos, and what I have come to understand is.  The first step is less.  If you don't get rid of stuff, the other fun tips won't work.  The true key to organizing is less.  I also discovered with a successful organization of the craft/game closet and coat closet this past year,  like bins work best together once you have decluttered.  Do It On A Dime showed me some great Dollar Tree options for corralling your stuff.  Again, whether you Konmari or something else, if you don't first eliminate, you will be back to square one before long.  

4. Have Your End of Life Stuff Ready to Go - Funerals and death have been a big part of my year.  As a pastor and empathetic person, I spend a lot of time by the side of those facing loss and it has been a teacher for me.  In particular it has taught me to be ready when your day comes.  Just like number three above, less is more, and do you really want your loved ones going through your things as is today?  Maybe you are super amazing, but there is a lot of stuff no one could find in my mess.  You need to have a will and have some way to share with your loved ones not only what is valuable monetarily, but what is valuable on a sentimental level.  

They may not care, but they really won't if they don't know.  I'd go as far as to say, write your own obituary.  Sure its gonna change, but family in the face of loss is shell-shocked and they don't always know all the facts about you to share in the paper or at a service. I will probably start a photo slideshow too because sometimes there are just too many photos to know which ones to share.  Sure, my family can make changes as they wish, I won't be here anymore, but I want them to have as much help so they aren't overwhelmed.  This has been motivation for further organization for me too.  What do you think about this?  

5. Ask, who is this about? 5b Bonus: Learn to ask the right questions.  Self-awareness is a big deal to me, I write about it a lot because I encounter so many people oblivious to how they come across or why you are doing what you are doing.  So start asking, "who is this about?" When you are upset or acting differently, start asking yourself this question.  You may be surprised what you learn.  Part B - Sometimes the question everyone is asking, doesn't do anything for you?  Try a different question.  For example when I read Lindsay Teague Moreno’s book, "Boss Up," I learned that finding out my passion wasn’t working for me because the way the question was worded wasn’t connecting with me. Instead Lindsay says to ask,"What makes you want to throat punch someone?" That question resonated with me and helped me to have a better glimpse into my passions.  Sometimes all you have to do is change the question to get the answer!  

6. Use Your Text-to-Talk for Productivity - I have known about text-to-talk and used it for sending a text or quick notes.  That was it.  As I read a book by Joanna Penn about writing a book, I was shocked that people actually write books with this function and it was a breakthrough for me.  My mind usually thinks at a faster rate than I can type and I can easily forget ideas I have about a blog post, or book chapter, and if I didn't write enough to jog my memory its lost.  I actually wrote most of several recent blogs with text-to-talk.  It was amazing.  Obviously, I had to fill in some gaps later or correct any errors, but it upped my productivity game.  What can you do faster with your voice than you can with your hands?  Have you utilized this function as much as you could?  I know this was a big deal for me.  I hope it helps you.  


7. Five Minute Jobs - I actually blogged about this so if you want more, go read the post.  But I love my 5 minute job list and setting the timer.  If I feel stuck its a great way to get going on my list and get out of overwhelmed paralysis (does anyone else deal with this - get so overwhelmed by all you have to do, you just do nothing?). Note: When I went to link my blog, I realized I blogged on this in 2018 (man does time fly by), but this is still a great tool that I used this year.  I hope it helps you. 

8. Know your zones – This is something else I learned from Joanna Penn.  Our brain's muscle memory, connects spots in our homes and offices with its function and remembers it so that you will desire to do that action in that zone.  So if you always watch TV on your couch, then when you plop down on the couch, you will be inclined to turn on the television. So if you want to get some work done or a book read, then you should probably avoid the couch.  You brain has made that association already so its a natural reflex.  To break the cycles you have, you need to know your zones and find new ones to complete the things not getting done.  Isn't that cool?  

9. Discover How You Learn and Make Decisions  - If you haven't read a book by Dr. Caroline Leaf, I highly recommend it! I'm a bit of a personality test junkie, so usually I just find out more of the same with a new name, but Dr. Leaf really taught me something new in learning my customized way of thinking.  It has helped me find more success when I hit something in life that is new or a challenge.  

10. Know Your Mantras and Use Them - I love to memorize scripture and I often have a verse for what I face in life to help me move forward, but I have also found two sentences from great ladies that I have adopted in my vocabulary to help me face the world.  One is by Brene Brown, who says, "assume people are doing the best they can."   This helps me give the gift of grace and be more understanding than demanding. The other is the title to a book I finished this year.  Marie Forleo's new book, "Everything is Figureoutable"  - I read the book and that one line has really helped me when I need to keep on and I want to quit.  Is there a scripture, quote or mantra that you need to add to your life?  The scripture for me this year is John 16:33.  Definitely a great reminder when life is tough.  

Well that is the end of the list.  I hope you benefited from at least one (and hopefully more) of these tips and life hacks.  Tell me what you think and how you feel about 2020.  Happy Wednesday! 

When You Are Not Enough

Note to Reader:  This is an interactive post.  I have questions that I want you to answer, so if you can't take some time now, be sure to schedule time in the next week to answer the questions below. Yay!!!

Have you ever felt like you run out and life still needs more?  Have you ever felt inadequate to live the life you lead?  If you do, I have some good news...you are not alone.  Feeling that way may seem like you are the exception not the rule, but reality says its the other way around.

Walk into a nearby Target or scroll through your IG feed and chances are you will find someone who seems to have what you don't have.  Someone who looks like they are killing it in life.  The problem with that idea is that its drawing a conclusion with only a small percentage of the story.  We see all of us and only part of others.

Craig Groeschel says social media is people sharing their best 5%.  That means you are missing 95% of the story.  If you were solving murders with only 5% of the facts, you'd be a horrible detective! 

We need to stop comparing our whole lives with a snapshot of others lives.  But lets take comparison off the table for a minute and lets talk about you.

I have some questions.  So do me a favor, get some paper and a pen and settle in for a moment of reflection.  Don't have time to answer now? Jot these down and answer them later! 

1. What is the standard you are using to measure success (and failure)?  

2. Where did that standard come from?  Is it a healthy source or is it rooted in dysfunction? 

3. Do you need to adjust the standard? 

4. What are you doing out of obligation and not because it flows with the life you want to be living? 

5. What are you over-committing to? Is this a time management issue or a self-worth issue?  

6. What do your best friends see in you that you don't see?  (Don't know - ask them!) 

You guys, I love renovation shows.  I have a handful I watch, and I love when there is a dump of a house, or so you think, but it just seems that way, because us viewers don't see what is actually there. Sometimes we are like these old houses.  We let ourselves just live in a reaction state to life instead of a place of leadership and ownership.  We let hardship and haters define us and wear the junk we pick up along the way because we feel we are supposed to instead of fighting to be who we were made to be. 

Throw some grace on yourself.  You are the only one doing you.  Celebrate that!  Sure, we have areas we need to grow and change, and we want to do us in a way that honors who God created us to be, but can you see what you are doing well?  Is that life glass half empty or half full?  If you are only seeing the mistakes and the inadequacy, then you are missing the beauty of you.  

Let's regroup, shall we?! Here are some steps: 

1. Gather your friends and ask them to fill your love bank.  Ask them to share what they love about you and take notes!!! If you are really struggling write it up pretty and put it on the walls so you are see it every day.

2.  Speak new truth into your life.  I've talked about my I AM Journal, and you need to do your version of that.  Write out in faith what you are or what you are becoming so that you can make a path for a new you.  Lead the way.  

3.  Read up.  Books by women like Dr. Caroline Leaf or Brené Brown will help you to understand the hurdles you have to leap.  Seeing how the brain works and what you need to do to overcome the mental blocks, will help you to go in a new direction.  

4. Write out a realistic day.  What areas of life are priorities and what time do those things take?  I know I can often write out a week's worth of to-do's in one day and that is just silly and setting myself up for failure.  Taking mental note of this and costing out the time helps reveal the things you need to cut.  

5. Take you into account.  Sure women can do it all, but it doesn't mean we should.  What I add to my family is different than what my husband does. I am emotional and I have to build in time for the relational duties that don't often get noticed and take more time, but they are important.  I could be my husband, but what good is that, he has that covered, I need to be me.  Who I am and how I do life affects what I accomplish and how I accomplish it (this is why comparison is pure junk)! 

So there you go.  There is a lot here.  Digest it and process this.  Let me know what you think.  Did I miss a point in all of this?  Tell me.  I love hearing from those of you who read this blog of mine.  You are the reason I write it after all, what you think matters to me! Happy Wednesday! 

The Hardest Goal to Accomplish

Do you have a goal or New Year's Resolution that always seems to be on your list and never gets crossed off because you miss it every time?

What is it?  

Have you ever really thought about why it never gets done?  Sure laziness may be involved, but laziness isn't the biggest obstacle - we are.  Each of us have something in us that we are afraid to face and look at and I'm not sure we always know what it is because as we get close to it we just run away, never looking deeply into it.  It usually has roots in our value. 

I don't get that job because I can't answer the question, "Why would anyone hire me?" 

I don't go for that passion because what if I'm not enough.

I can't de-clutter because besides asking about Joy, going through my stuff makes me face my past.

I can't get organized or finish a big task because procrastination keeps me from having to face my fear that I am not good enough to do it.

Guess what?! I know these statements or variations of them in my own life and I hear them in those coffee conversations with friends and acquaintances.  I heard so much of this echoed in the writings and talks of Brene Brown because its something many of us experience in our own way.

If we want to accomplish something we first have to have the courage to face the monster keeping us from it.

Get out a piece of a paper and write out the worst case scenario.  What is it?  What is so scary about it?   Ask yourself "so" until you get at what is really at the core. Is it really the end of the world? Usually its worse in our heads than it is in reality.  If that was the worst for your friend, what would you say to them?

 Okay, now write out the opposite of your worst case scenario or whatever you were left with after asking "so".  Is that statement believable? Is it possible?  Is it worth going for?  Are you aiming at the right thing? Everytime you hear the worst, tell yourself the best!  Mentally you need to equip yourself and replace the scripts that have been playing in your mind.   

You, just being you, is enough, maybe not to solve the world's problems but definitely to meet the needs of those who need you - your tribe.  

Do you know who they are?  If you are unsure of this go out and read, "This is Marketing" by Seth Godin.  That book is full of deep questions to penetrate those unearthed areas of your soul.  We no longer have to touch the masses, we just have to reach out to those who need us, that "micro-market" as Seth calls it.  

Who are you?  Why are you valuable?  What do you add to the world? If you don't know the answers to these questions, you won't get far.  Start from the beginning and master that, then move forward. The answers to these basic questions aren't just important for your goal-meeting missions but also for your relationships with God, others and yourself.  God clearly shares with us in scripture that we were made with purpose.  Some of us just roam through life unaware of that purpose and let me say that is no way to live.  Make the years you have count! 

Are you living up to your potential? Are you moving forward or just treading proverbial water? Where are you stuck?  Take some time and find out that core matter so you can build on something solid! Happy Wednesday!! 

Finding Your Tribe

There is something amazing when you can look back over the past few months and see God working in your life.  Have you ever experienced that?  You know, like when you have 3 conversations with people in completely different circles and they all say the same thing!  When I was in junior high I had two people in two different countries share with me the exact same scripture.  I remember thinking - I better pay attention to this!

October of last year, I attended the Organic Outreach Conference in Monterey, CA.  It was amazing and if you want to know more about it, go check out their website. 

I can tell you, I took copious notes at the conference.  I am a note taker, not just from the speakers but all the ideas their thoughts spark in my own brain.  Generating ideas is kind of my jam - following through on all the ideas, is not!  Pretty sure if I had both skills mastered, I'd be a millionaire by now. 

Anyway,  one of the many people I found quotable, was a man named Mike Brock.  He shared a sentence as a side note toward the end of a breakout session that resonated with me. 

While I don't have a direct quote, what he said went something like this:

We need to reconcile our pretentious nature, when we think "God told me...", and recognize if he told you, he told thousands of other people.  Instead of standing up and saying, "God said.." find those others God spoke to and partner with them.

I have loved the journey that those words sent me on.  I didn't start out seeking a tribe of like-minded visionaries, but it definitely opened me up to the lessons I was learning.  I've already talked about the Brené Brown quote that Lindsey Teague Moreno referenced in her book, "Getting Noticed."  I was floored when I discovered this woman (much smarter than me) with the same passion.  I started off in college looking at Social Work as a major, but quickly realized my overly sensitive heart would get swallowed alive in that field, and chose Communications instead.

I love people and discovering how they tick.  My own path as created a desire to see people find their voice and walk in freedom from the pain of their past.  This woman in her talks on shame, vulnerability, emotions and daring to live bravely as we rise strong after falling, was in sync with my mantras and personal journey. 

I'm obviously not joining Brené in her research or tagging along for her speaking engagements, but seeing that common thread being spoken from someone of her caliber has given me cause to celebrate.  Its inspired me to keep moving forward because I'm not alone.  I don't need to be any of the women who have inspired me over the last few months (and that list is growing exponentially), but I've been empowered by their stories and themes to be myself.

Its easy to feel alone and while a surge of pride can be appealing when you feel God has spoken to you, that pretentious nature doesn't foster community or even promote confidence, because if we seek to be the lone wolf in the fight for our cause we will in fact be, alone.  Who wants that life?  Okay so I realize that appeals to some people, but I am not one of them.  I want my alone time but I have no desire to be isolated in this world.  Hearing that Brené's research has revealed most people struggle with the same insecurities I have, is freeing.  As she says (and I paraphrase), we may be crazy, but no more than the next person.

I need to keep going and fighting because others need me, not because I am some superwoman. Its my responsibility to speak from my life as an encouragement to others and protect that connection with my tribe - those of you being real and putting yourself out there for the benefit of others.  Why else are we here?!  I'm glad I paid attention to what God was trying to speak into my life.

Do you need that encouragement to fight on and be you? Is God trying to get your attention?  Do you need to find those with the same voice and change the world together?   Your voice is louder when its focused and joining the song of others with same song.  Look for God's guidance, go forth and make a difference through the power of connection and numbers.

Rejected

I think most of us would love for everyone to like us.

As I look back over the story of my life, I realize, for many years that was my goal, but in order for that to happen, I'd have to change my identity and there is nothing beneficial about doing that.

God made a world full of unique people because he wanted the variety.  He loves each of us, the way he made us, but with that comes the reality that I won't always be liked or well received.

In the center of that reality comes one of my greatest fears.

Its not snakes or spiders, but it is rejection - okay, I'm afraid of snakes too!  Rejection seems to be a haunting reality that speaks to the core of our questioning - "am I good enough?"  Rejection can seem like a megaphone into the depths of our identity, but it doesn't have to be! 

 

No one can speak to my value unless I let them.  The only being able to do so is God and when he was done creating, he said, "It was good."  God has packed me (and you) with value and its my job to allow his voice to stand above any person who might say otherwise.  

In a book I've been working through on anxiety, I've become familiar with a counseling technique to overcome anxiety, called flooding.  Flooding is a method of facing ones fears by jumping into the fear.  The author shares a story about his fear with blood and how one encounter with a burn victim in the ER cured him because his involvement was necessitated by the circumstances.  

Despite the pangs of pain it might create, over the last month or so, I've been motivated to completely uproot any remaining insecurities from my childhood.  Doing so involved facing the "R" word, so I've put myself out there.  In one particular event recently, I asked for connection with people and got rejected - every time!  Over ten requests and not one yes.   But in the process of rejection, I decided to keep going.  It was hard, but I discovered that the rejection wasn't me, because each "no" came with a reason.  Some had legitimate responses, while others seemed more suspect.  I was offering an encounter which would require vulnerability and not everyone can deal with that word, which means it has nothing to do with me.  Despite the discouragement, I did not allow the rejection to speak to my heart.  

Blocking the internalization of that rejection, allowed me to see just how often I inject my own, limited interpretation into the comments, encounters and responses of others and draw conclusions I have no ability to accurately do.  You know the saying, to assume "makes an ass out of you and me." While I'm not sure the origin of that saying, it is pretty accurate.  When we assume we make judgements on partial information, and that can never aid us in knowing people or being known.     

As I referenced last week, Brené Brown, shares in her book, Rising Strong - people are doing the best they can.  If I believe this, then I am required to stop injecting encounters with my own bias. I must instead get more information, be honest with myself and others about the stories I'm creating and must seek to keep going in the midst of obstacles like rejection.  

Truth moment - the fear of rejection is much worse than rejection!  Its not making everyone like you, its finding people who inspire you, share common vision and spark growth that we should add to our tribe.   Beyond that we all have bad days and won't always be in sync even with the best people on the planet.  We must put ourselves out there, because the flip side to rejection is connection and that is something we all desperately need!  You know what else, rejection has its own benefits - I am learning a lot about myself and the world around me.  No experience is completely without merit.  When we survive the challenges we learn what we are made of! 

I don't know what you fear, but I know we all suffer from the human condition and have something that holds us back, the question is, will you let it continue to keep you down?  Break free and chase after the life God intended! You are worth it!

Are You Listening?

Often when I begin to write from my life in this blog, I find myself faced with this same feeling - inadequacy.  

God told me a long time ago, that for me to be used in the places of my life to help others, I had to be a human sacrifice. I had to put myself out there in an effort to give others permission to do the same.  Exposing myself is hard, especially on days like today, when I already feel vulnerable.  

I know I must share what is behind the curtain instead of giving advice as an expert who has it all together.  I am not a broken women, but I am a real human being who has gotten a few bruises and scrapes as I’ve walked through the years.  I have seen victory and joy as I’ve conquered obstacles in front of me, but I am still in process.  I am still working through the junk that I face and as I gain the skills to be a healthy individual, I not only have to apply it to my life today, but also to the skeletons in my closet.  Those things have got to go! 

When I shared my iceberg awareness a few weeks ago, I didn’t yet know what that was.  Since that post, I have started to watch it take shape as I move through the emotions that battle within me.  The iceberg is in fact, the broken child inside of me.  She is begging to be heard and even though it scares me to listen.  I have chosen to give her my attention.  “Getting Noticed” by Lindsay Teague Moreno alerted me to a researcher, storyteller and author - Brené Brown and her book, “Rising Strong.”  Reading this book has given validation to a lot of the emotions and realities I have been processing lately.  

Her encouragement to get curious about your emotion has allowed me to delve into the dark of this place I have avoided for 30 plus years.  I now know why certain upcoming change in my life has evoked such powerful emotion.  The emotion doesn’t match the situation because my broken child is screaming at me with wounds from the past.  Im now swimming in the deep end and examining all the questions and lies that she is screaming - 

“You aren’t good enough” 

“If you don’t make everyone happy, you won’t be loved.” 

“You aren’t worth being loved.” 

“You will never overcome this.” 

“What could you possibly offer anyone else.” 

“You will never be good enough”  

There is this fear that if I go there, I will get stuck in these emotions and even though my head knows the truth, the feelings will never go away.  What’s frustrating is often when I share these emotions with others I get blank stares in response as if no one else understands these deficits.  I get pity as if “poor Carrie is just so damaged.”  But in “Rising Strong” and in her TED talks, Brené shares that that list of lies that my emotions run too when I am hurt, are the core emotions felt by most people.  Not only am I not alone, I am in the majority.  So why are so few people talking about it?  Why does my voice seem to be calling out to the crickets?  

Either people aren’t even aware of their inner voice and the connection their ignored pain has with their failures in life or they are shoving it down hoping it will go away, afraid to even give validation to the common ground we share.  

I have realized that many of my unfulfilled dreams have been a result of my inability to jump out into the unknown because of the paralyzing fear of the lies above.  Well, enough of that!  The time has come to face the giant within and take it down.  God has not given me a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:17) and as I come against the lies I have allowed my emotions to echo, the truth will set them free (John 8:32).  

So now its your turn.  Can you begin to get curious about your emotion?  Do you need to awaken them?  Can you begin that process?  Healing is something God has offered all of us. His love is bigger than our greatest pain.  He will not fail you.  Can you take a step in that direction?  Comment below or message me via Facebook or Instagram and let me know your story.  I'd love to hear it!