Finding Freedom

If you've been on this blog for anytime at all, you know I had an abortion when I was 18.  To say I regretted my abortion is the biggest understatement EVER and the pain I felt, forced me to deal with it and the other junk in my past. My own healing led to helping others because when you know how bad something sucks, you have no choice but to be there for others in your shoes.

 Because of this, I'm on a group on Facebook for those who regret their abortion.  Its a group that is free from political positions and just a place of support.  A woman recently posted on the group seeking some help.  She explained her story and felt her decision was the best choice for her and yet she's really regretting it now (a story I hear ALL.THE.TIME because seriously pro-choice or pro-life has nothing to do with emotions). In her post she was wanting to know how other people managed to live without thinking about it all the time!

Truth.  You can't.  When you are dealing with any inner conflict, distracting yourself is the same as putting a band-aid on an open wound that needs stitches. 

The best way to heal from any emotional issue is to do two things no one ever wants to do...

1. Ask For Help

2. Face It

Running from our past and our pain doesn't make the problem get better, instead that pain grows and we just have more to deal with later.  We have to dive right in and face whatever crap we are afraid we will see when we examine our thoughts and feelings.  I say ask for help first because when its a big emotional issue, facing it alone can take us to a dark place and we need someone there to keep us from going there. 

This isn't just abortion.

I know friends with drug and alcohol addiction that doesn't stop because they are afraid to face themselves and they can't ask for help.  Doing those simple things takes a TON of courage!!! 
You have to be so sick of the pain that you will do anything to be better. 

So if you have something sitting in your emotional closet that has been haunting you for awhile and you want to be DONE WITH IT - start with the two steps above. 

Please note:  Dealing with your junk doesn't mean it will never affect you again.  Scars don't just apply to our physical bodies, there are emotional ones too, but there is a difference between daily being plagued by emotions and being triggered every once in awhile. 

I get emotional about my abortion because if I could find a time machine, I'd go back and do it differently, but I can't so I made peace with it, I let myself  heal from my pain, I corrected to dumb lies that played in my head and I now walk in healing. 

If you hear one thing from this let it be:

DON'T LIVE TRAPPED BY PAINFUL EMOTIONS!!! GET HELP AND BE WHOLE!!!

Trust me its worth it.  If you have walked something difficult - loss of a parent or child, abuse,  addiction, abortion, divorce, slavery etc, and you are free from that now, HELP SOMEONE ELSE! Don't let that pain echo in the lives around you.  Trust me there is someone out there that needs you.  Just open your eyes.

Happy Wednesday and everyone have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

What Memories May Come

The human ability to remember is amazing to me.  All our memories and moments are stored in our brains and yet we can equally recall the past as well as forget sections of it.  I am in awe of what we actually remember and what gets forgotten.

I recently shared my car with a new friend who escaped an abusive marriage.  My heart has been open to her because of my own experiences.  Along this car ride she shared with me her story and it was heartbreaking not just because of the acts she was subjected to, but because of what it revealed about women and how they learn to cope with realities that should never be.

As she shared, I shared.  

The last time my step dad abused my mom was a big day and yet its the most menial moments that I remember most.  

What I remember most, once it was all over, was sitting in the hospital ER reading a People magazine article about what Kim Bassinger looked like without makeup.  That fact absolutely cracks me up because there was so much more going on and that is what I remember most!  But as I shared, it was as if remembering that trivial moment was a key to unlock other memories.  I then remembered Kurt showing up in the ER wanting to see my mom.  I was so upset that I tried to attack him and a nurse had to restrain me.  I was appalled that this man would show up to see the damage he had done.  Can you imagine this young teenage girl going after a grown man in a hospital waiting room? Bringing back those memories also brought back emotion.  I had to hold back tears as I drove.

I now understand why he did that, because Kurt wasn't a bad man, he was a hurting man.  He had himself been abused.  He carried a great deal of pain and when the emotion cleared I can only imagine the amount of regret and self-loathing that replaced the anger that had led to him hurting my mom, the woman he'd loved and married.  Regret is what brought him there.

Even though the recounting evokes emotion its also what helps bring healing.  I know God has healed my heart from those years.  I can say, as I have said before in other posts, I don't hold any unforgiveness or hatred toward Kurt because as I processed I saw his hurt, and my heart was able to not only forgive but have compassion for a man that brought pain into my own life.  If I had kept running from those memories that healing would never have come.

Truth moment - being moved to emotion or having feelings triggered does not equate to not having dealt with the pain.  Dr. Henry Venter, a counselor that specializes in Reproductive Grief, once told me the sign you have healed from a wound isn't in whether or not emotions can be triggered but in how it affects your day to day life.  Carrying a burden you can't let go of is one way to know you have to heal from it.  

I've encountered several women lately who are walking a rough road.  They are all, like me, at different stages in the process, but far too many of them are stuck in running away from the memories and emotions and its keeping them from facing up with themselves so they can heal.  Find a safe space to see what memories may come and allow God to heal those broken places.  My mom is an excellent example - today, she is a beacon of light to many women because she allowed God to heal  her and allowed God to use the challenges she's walked.  Honestly, she's one of my heroes (as is this women in my car) because as I stated before a hero isn't defined by what they face but how they respond! 

I may or may not know you, but if you are carrying a burden isn't it time to get help and find healing?

1. You can't do it alone.
2. You can't wait till you're ready
3. You can't worry about what others think
4. You do matter.

I promise you, you can overcome this (whatever the "this" is for you). I am not done in my overcoming journey because I had several things to overcome, but I have overcome too large obstacles from my past and it serves as a reminder that I can overcome the one I currently face.  If you aren't sure where to start, message me and I will happily help you find your starting place (a good counselor, support group etc).  God bless you this Wednesday.  Don't give up on your journey because you are so worth the fight!

Don't Wait Til Its Too Late

Let's get real for a minute.  I have about 5 unfinished posts in drafts that will one day appear or will be deleted, and part of that is because I get thoughts ALL THE TIME!  Little flashes that if I don't write down right away will drift off never to be explored again, well at least not in the original state. So I have notes to myself everywhere.  If I can pick them up when I have time to write and the motivation behind it is still alive within me, then it becomes a post, but if that thought just feels stale when I go to write it, then it goes to my writing cemetery.

Yesterday, I got up and wrote a post, but decided it needed a bit more to be worthy of you, my reader.  So I had every intention of editing it to be read today, but instead, I opened my planner during staff meeting (yes, I still like paper) and noticed a thought I'd scribbled down a few weeks ago that I have yet to explore and decided that would be better to share.

The thought was this:

"By the time you feel thirst, you are already dehydrated."

I had heard this sentence in a video I had to watch before getting into the lottery for a permit for a hike a friend and I wanted to do on our trip this upcoming October (we didn't get the permit by the way - sad day).

The fact is, this is also true for life.  Often by the time we recognize an issue in our life, we are already in trouble.

As I have met with others in their own life messes lately and even sat in my own, I have discovered that too many of us life with our head in the sand when it comes to the obstacles that keep us from living the life we want.   We have to be intentional in understanding who we are, what we need, and where our weaknesses lie, so that we can protect them.

Guess what, the body needs water to survive, even if you aren't climbing a mountain in the desert.  If we fail to give our body what it needs it will shut down.  The same is true for our soul.  If we fail to recognize our emotional needs and push ourselves to the limits, we will break.

We are human.  Say it with me, "I am a human. I have limitations."

Its not okay to ignore reality and act like we are fine when we are not.  That doesn't mean we announce it to the world or introduce ourselves with our downfalls, because we are not defined by our weaknesses and shortcomings, but if we ignore them or hide them we only feed them and allow them to take over.

Asking for help is hard to do and admitting you have messed up or have issues can be humbling, but we all have them.  We need to start with reality and do what we need to thrive so we don't end up emotionally and spiritually dehydrated.

Are you prone to depression? Ignore your tendency to seclude yourself and build in a solid, encouraging community.

Do you overspend and leave yourself financially unstable?  Get rid of credit cards and have someone help you set a budget and hold you accountable to stick with it.

Are you an addict?  Get help from a counselor or treatment center.

Do you get stressed by over scheduling? (This is one of mine) Do less and give yourself the time you need to recover from the day to day.

Maybe this seems over simplified and on some level it might be because these are generalizations and you are an individual, but the truth is, we often get frozen by fears and lack of desire to change, when we need to just move in a positive direction.

Don't wait until you are dehydrated, but if you do, realize, at the state of dehydration, its beyond just drinking water, you may need medical attention.  If you have let an issue go too far, you are beyond the point of self-regulating and you need to involve trusted experts or medical professionals into the process.

Maybe you aren't yet dehydrated but you are on your way and you have to stop and drink some water.  That may just be admitting you are not giving enough attention to an issue in your life and creating a plan to make a change.  Just know you are worth it!  Fight for yourself! I'm here if you need to talk or need direction in where you need to turn, but just know we all have problems and issues and you are not alone.  Let's give our bodies, mind, spirit and emotions what they need to not just survive, but thrive.  Happy Wednesday!

Spiritual Life - God is like Amazon

I've known what Amazon is for a long time, but didn't become the frequent buyer I am today, until I had my little boy. Kids and shopping can be a pain and being able to click and have it shipped in 2 days is a huge blessing. I've gotten some bad product and have had the privilege to see Amazon does really well with returns. They are a good company and I have come to trust and rely on them. So how may you ask is God like Amazon?

Well, I am glad you asked. A couple of years ago, I did a workshop at the Hartland Women's Conference on the "Power of Praise." The Bible seems really clear about the role of praise in our lives. We are to be thankful in all circumstances (I Thessalonians 5:18), we are told the Lord inhabits the praises of his people (Psalm 22:3) and we need to have faith in the victory before we see the results (I Corinthians 15:57).

So, as I processed this recently with some current situations, I thought, God is like Amazon. I know I have bought something when I pay for it, not when I receive it. I have faith that my package will come. It is mine the moment I confirm the purchase. Our answers to prayer happen when Jesus died on the cross. He made it possible that we could be his. He made it possible for sin and death to have no hold on us (Romans 6:14), should we decided to turn our lives over to him (Romans 8). So when I ask for things with faith (James 1:5-8) and ask according to his will (I John5:14-15). I can have confidence in his power to overcome what I face. When I praise him for that I am making the path available for his work (Psalm50:14)when we praise, it releases the power and glory of God into our lives. We often wait to praise when the work is completed, but the work is completed before we see it, just like our packages with Amazon.

We look at circumstances and think God is absent or just doesn't care, but we aren't looking at it from his perspective. He sees what we cannot (2 Peter 3:9) and doesn't just want us happy or physically healed. He wants our spirit healed first and foremost. Not only is his priority our spiritual walk, but we can block his work that belongs to us with negative or anti-faith words (James 1:5-8).

Next time you go before the throne of God, remember God is like Amazon and what you ask for in his will is yours when you ask, not when you see the answer. Walk in faith and make way for the Lord in your life. But be aware: when you allow God to move, he will, and you will never be the same!

What Pain Really Means

As I watched the end of "Marley & Me" tonight and saw the pain in the faces of the characters as they said goodbye to a dear friend, it brought me to the journey of pain I have experienced over the past 6 months. I realized that each area of pain is present because of hopes and dreams and relationships. Its the presence of an open heart to the people around me that even allows me the chance for heartache. If I were closed off I would not be able to experience anything good or bad in this life.

The loss of Sandie pained me so because she dwelled within my heart and I allowed her to mean something to me beyond the title, "mother-in-law," and Kurt's news of cancer hurt me because I had allowed God the opportunity to create warmth in my heart where deep brokeness once lived. I allowed God to let love flow for a man that I never thought I could love. Of course, the pain of a miscarriage for what I wanted and what now had opened the door to be, yet was taken away.

Pain is present because I am present in my life. I am not just sitting by while the days pass tuning into the latest drama of reality tv to fill my heart, but I living, loving, hoping, dreaming, and allowing whatever may come to just be. I accept, though at times I want to pick what comes my way. Even in the face of so much pain, I will embrace this thing called life.