Letter to Your Future Self

Life right now is crazy.  My reality is a husband still going to work, me, working from home.  A special needs stepdaughter overcome with grief that her norm has been upset, a 9-year-old, 3rd grader in private school, doing all his work, quizzes and assignments from home. A five-year-old that wants us all to pay attention to her, and currently a kitchen with a sink that refuses to become unclogged.  Trying to make it all work, while trying not to cling too hard to the life rules of several months ago, is exhausting, overwhelming, and a bunch of other emotions I am not fully aware of.

In contrast, I am loving the extra time with my kids.  I love the slowed pace of all the extra things gone.  I love the walks and seeing complete strangers wave to me from afar as if we were besties.  As a girl who grew up in the 80's and 90's, I am reminded of a similar life.  Sure we did a lot wrong back then, and I wouldn't survive now without online connection, but we moved at a much slower pace and I didn't realize just how wonderful that was until it came back with COVID-19.

At this stage in the game, my focus is on a hug from a friend or a coffee date or lunch out.  I desperately want to quietly browse the aisles of a store and get lost in racks of junk I don't need.  I want normal.

One day, though I'm not sure what day, this will all be over.  We will be back to normal life, eventually, at least in some form.  When I think of 9/11, getting back to normal came with permanent changes, but hope still has me longing for some form of the life I lived prior to Shelter in Place.

There is another part of me.  This other part is calling for my attention.  This other part of me wants to take a minute and re-evaluate my life.  What if we could do more than just survive this pandemic?
There is an opportunity before me, don't I owe it to myself to take advantage of it?

Its an opportunity to re-calibrate.  What was in my life before everything came to a screeching halt that never should have been there?  What was I doing to impress others or do what was perceived as expected?  What wasn't happening that needed to be?  How could I keep some of the slow down and narrowed focus as I move out into life again?

Then I thought, I could write a letter to my future self.  I have a notebook of letters to my kids, and as I go through it, I remember some amazing moments that I have sense forgotten.  Being able to go there again, was wonderful and had I not written it down, I wouldn't have remembered it.

So go grab some actual paper.  Write yourself a letter.  What do you want to remember?  What do you want to learn?  How do you need to prioritize?  Put it in the end of your 2020 calendar or attach it to the side of your fridge and add a reminder to your phone to read it in 6 months or a year - sometime in the future.  Take advantage of the lessons our current situation is offering us and thank God for how he can transform us in the midst of what honestly, SUCKS!

Happy Wednesday! I'm pretty sure its Wednesday and I'm pretty sure its still April.  Not gonna lie, when I look at expiration dates in my fridge, it takes me a minute to figure out if they are still good.  I know this is hard, but I know my God is bigger and we all can come out of this with more gifts than we ever expected!  If you need someone to talk to, let me know.  I'm here.

The Beauty of the Poop Storm

Poop is said a lot in my house with a 7 year old boy living there.  I do have a daughter but she adores her older brother so she gets on the "farts are so funny" bandwagon.  

"Carrie, why are you talking about poop and farts," you may be asking? 

I will tell you.  I grew up around a lot of perfectionist influences (people, circumstances etc).  I am a recovering procrastinating perfectionist.  

My natural inclination is: 
I want everyone to like me, 
I want to do it right the first time, every time in everything.  

Guess what?! That is not reality.  You know what else?  

I didn't learn a lot about myself growing up because I was trying to be perfect instead of investing in learning and being me.  I try to celebrate my kids mistakes and failures whenever I can.  I try to help them see that every poop storm in life gives us something.  

Now I've never been completely covered in literal poop, and when I saw the opening scene in "Slumdog Millionaire" and a few other movies with excrement scenes you best believe I was gagging.  I have been pooped and pee'd on in the baby stages and even now in potty training I've cleaned up my fair share of literal poop messes, but again, I've never been covered in literal poop.  

I have been figuratively crapped on.  I have been covered in the fecal matter of life.  Lately, I've faced a few obstacles that make me want to quit, but guess what? Those obstacles, those poop storms are helping me to see my path.  

They are aiding me in seeing myself and refocusing on what matters.  They are helping me to envision possibilities and learn new skills.  Screwing up in hobbies like sewing or iron-on projects with my Cricut machine help me learn the right way to do it and before I know it - I've grown a bit.  The same is true in life disciples.

If you just focus on the poop you might miss the beauty in the lesson.  Are you done talking about poop?  Okay we can call it something else.  

The point is, life is sometimes REALLY UGLY! That is reality for all of us.  We can only take ownership of ourselves and sometimes we have to live with the poor choices and behaviors of others.  But if you can allow it to help you ask more questions, and seek new answers, then you are better for it.  

A week or so ago, I went live on my Carrie Guy public Facebook page, and in that video I discussed the "all or nothing" fallacy.  So many times we get stuck in life fitting into this box or that one, when truthfully we usually have a ton of options.  

We usually need to go out of ourselves for a moment and recognize who is around us that can help us see what we might be missing.  I am a verbal processor so having people to talk it out with is crucial for me to find my path or solutions.  I am often seen talking out loud as I often discuss life with God.  Yep, I talk to God like he's sitting right there with me.  

Its easy to see the junk around us, but have you seen the beauty?  The challenges I've recently faced have been a crash course in Carrie 101, I am learning so much about who I am, what I need and how I can set myself up for success in the midst of challenges.  

In an interview with Marie Forleo, I recently heard Seth Godin discuss his new book, This Is Marketing, and he talked about the people who expect to have a white table cloth without the red wine stain.  He then went on to discuss how unrealistic it was.  Guess what, that is me! I have unrealistic expectations and that will never do.  Lesson learned! 

Don't let life go by without picking up the lessons along the way.  Take some times to explore, what your current set of circumstances are teaching you.  Are you playing it safe?  Is it time to go outside your comfort zone to find the solutions you need?  Lean into your support network and discover the parts of you, that you might not be seeing.  You've got this, trust me! Do me a favor - comment below  a challenge that seems to be popping up in your life.  It could be a negative thought process, a bad relationship, an addiction, a personal weakness (the list goes on).  For me its letting others speak into my life without first filtering out whether they have earned that right.  I am beginning to ask questions when I have negative encounters and find what I need to improve my life and who I need to silence.  Now its your turn.  Join me in the conversation!   

The Problem

Life happens to all of us.  Its not because God doesn't care or because He loves some more than others.  We only see our own pain with unique, close-up perspective, and that perspective can warp what we see in the lives of others.  

We spend so much time asking, "Why?" Instead we should be asking, "What now?"  To have a little pity party when life falls a part isn't wrong, and honestly is probably in order.  The length of the pity party is where we can find the problem.  

Do you ever feel stuck?  Like you know you want to be over there or even just somewhere else but you don't know where or how to get out of the current mess?  

The problem is we too often run from the obstacle instead of running right into it.  We have to run into it so we can understand why we are still there (sometimes under the watch of a trusted therapist).  

I've mentioned before that I have several people in my life right now that are facing addiction.  Its caused me to pause as I speak to them, hug them and pray for them.  I want to shake them and tell them to just stop, but its not that simple.  I can't do anything for them - that's called co-dependency and it doesn't yield anything beneficial. 

As I was talking to one of the people on that list recently, I asked what the issue was.  I probed into the self-talk and what they saw in themselves.  I was met with instant emotion.  I had hit a nerve because I think whether its addiction or any other life obstacle, the biggest place we get stuck is how we see ourselves.  

No amount of compliments can change the negative self-talk that is on repeat in our heads.  It can change but that change doesn't just happen, its has to be met with an action-plan that takes time and effort.  

You have to stop the lies that feed you and the only way to do that is to face them head on! 

What are those sentences you hear over an over again? 

Write them down.  

You should have them memorized because you hear them ALL.THE.TIME! 

What is the message those sentences are speaking to you?  Are they true?  Trust me when I say they aren't.  You aren't worthless, you aren't a loser, you aren't crazy, you aren't a nothing, you aren't the sum of your actions or the sum of the actions of others.  

YOU HAVE VALUE - because and only because GOD PUT IT THERE! 

You need to feed your brain the truth.  

Go check out websites like this one that tell you who you are in Christ.  Right those down and read them to yourself and if you need more on this topic - read about my, "I AM" journal.   

Start today but stopping the negative messages and replacing them with positive ones. 

Recently I was feeling abandoned.  I put on my essential oils (yep, I'm that lady) and I started searching for the antonyms to abandonment.  Then I wrote down those in "I statements" - I am supported, I am accepted, I am adopted...I went to work to reverse the lies playing in my head.  You can do the same, but know if you've been listening to the junk for awhile, it will take awhile for the positive messages to take hold and stick.  So keep at it! You've got this. 

Was there a friend that this made you think of?  Share it with them.  Everyone can use some encouragement!!!  

What Is Your Name?

A few weeks ago my dad and stepmom were visiting.  My stepmom had some time to hang out but it was in the time frame I usually work out so she accompanied me to the gym.  What started out as one work out class, ended up being two classes back to back! What seemed like a good idea after the first class felt like a horrible one when the second class ended. By the time we were done, we were wiped out!

The second class had a fill-in instructor.  When she introduced herself she said,

"My name is Angela, but if you don't like the class its Whitney."

I thought it was funny when she said it, but as the day went on, I truly thought it was a genius idea - two names. 

I decided I needed a second name!

I thought about it for awhile and thought about names I didn't like and then it hit me.  I have an almost name.  My parents almost named me Summer because Stephen King's "Carrie" was popular around the year I was born.  This would be a perfect second name.  That way, if my husband was mad at me, he could call me Summer, so that I would know where we stood.  I also would love to put off disputes by telling people, "I'm sorry, you will need to take that up with Summer.  She isn't available right now, but I can have her contact you when she's available." 

This might sound a bit insane and silly, but the truth is we sometimes need tangible ways to deal with issues we encounter in life.  All those negative thoughts we have get jumbled with our true identity.  What if you put all of that on a second name?  Separate the junk and be mentally productive. 

We run too often from conflict and its a reality of life that is never going away, so its best to address it head on.  Maybe you need a second name to have the freedom to do that.

Regardless, get creative and find your way out of your current box.  We have to do what works for us in life and understand that thinking outside the box can often offer us great solutions to overcome life's obstacles. 

So if you had a second name, what would it be? How would you use it? 

There is something else I want to share with you before we end our time together today.  You know that double class that I thought killed me?  Well as day one and day two muscle soreness approached, I discovered I wasn't as sore as I thought I would be.  The challenge of that day actually revealed to me just how far I've come in my work out.  Its good to find that nugget of joy in the midst of pain.  Want a scripture for this? Check out James 1:2-4 -

"Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." 

Have a great Wednesday folks and take that next step to the best you possible, the you God had in mind when he created you!!

A CHOICE

I got a text.  It was from a friend in rehab (I have a few of them there at the moment).  She thanked me for my card and I quickly responded with the following: 

I LOVE YOU!!! 

Followed by: 

I'm proud of you. 

As I typed that last sentence I had this epiphany.  I'm saying to someone in rehab that I am proud of them, and the "why" is what birthed my deep thought.  I have met several people lately in the middle of their life mess, and honestly, I am in the middle of my own life mess.  I could record and replay the message I hear from people faced with reality - they are awful for where they are and facing it just reminds them of the bad person they are. 

Reality is, we all are in the midst of some type of life situation.  The details are different for all of us, but humanity is in all of us.  It takes courage to face up to life.   

I realized in that moment people have to make a choice in who they become.   

1. Those who face life head on and in spite of the failures and struggles that seek to define them, reach out for the life they want.  These people seek to be whole, healthy individuals.  The struggle is the hurdle, not the defining quality.  These people call out for help when they get stuck so they will ensure they reach their goals and find success.  

2.  Those who hide behind their masks and keep their secrets, thoughts and addictions from the world.  Perfection is always an illusion and those who put up the image of perfection are usually trading relationships for busy work or looking good.  These people are tired from being who everyone else wants them to be and feeling enslaved to self-imposed expectations.  

We often get tricked into thinking we are the only ones struggling with thoughts, insecurities, fears, addictions, weaknesses, temptations, etc, because so many people seem to have it together.  BUT ITS A LIE! There are no perfect people. 

 Of course not everyone's junk is created equal and some of us have more to overcome, but we can choose to cry at reality and keep making excuses, all the while climbing deeper in the pit, or we can face the man in the mirror and do what we have to do to be who we want to be.  We have to speak truth to the lies and realize while we will always be facing new obstacles throughout life, how we respond to them largely affects how they affect us.  

I was proud of this woman as well as a few others I am working with because they are choosing to face all the hurt and pain below the surface.  Usually the addictions or bad behaviors we develop are symptoms of some underlying issue.  

My own choice to have an abortion at 18 was a cover-up mission to hide the pain I had from divorce, abuse and false religious expectation.  Its sad that my turning point came at the cost of my son, but it was where I faced myself and the lies I was holding as truth and began to heal from everything.  

I am proud of people who make the choice, no matter how big or small, to be themselves, face lies they believe and begin to find their voice in this world.  I am proud of people who say, "no," to the things that keep them down and are willing to do the work in exchange for freedom.  

So here's my final question for you, which person are you?  If you are number 1, or see you are number 2 and want to change, hear me say: I AM PROUD OF YOU! We each have some choice in the person we are each day.  Find your choice and make it wisely! Happy Wednesday!!!

Don't Wait Til Its Too Late

Let's get real for a minute.  I have about 5 unfinished posts in drafts that will one day appear or will be deleted, and part of that is because I get thoughts ALL THE TIME!  Little flashes that if I don't write down right away will drift off never to be explored again, well at least not in the original state. So I have notes to myself everywhere.  If I can pick them up when I have time to write and the motivation behind it is still alive within me, then it becomes a post, but if that thought just feels stale when I go to write it, then it goes to my writing cemetery.

Yesterday, I got up and wrote a post, but decided it needed a bit more to be worthy of you, my reader.  So I had every intention of editing it to be read today, but instead, I opened my planner during staff meeting (yes, I still like paper) and noticed a thought I'd scribbled down a few weeks ago that I have yet to explore and decided that would be better to share.

The thought was this:

"By the time you feel thirst, you are already dehydrated."

I had heard this sentence in a video I had to watch before getting into the lottery for a permit for a hike a friend and I wanted to do on our trip this upcoming October (we didn't get the permit by the way - sad day).

The fact is, this is also true for life.  Often by the time we recognize an issue in our life, we are already in trouble.

As I have met with others in their own life messes lately and even sat in my own, I have discovered that too many of us life with our head in the sand when it comes to the obstacles that keep us from living the life we want.   We have to be intentional in understanding who we are, what we need, and where our weaknesses lie, so that we can protect them.

Guess what, the body needs water to survive, even if you aren't climbing a mountain in the desert.  If we fail to give our body what it needs it will shut down.  The same is true for our soul.  If we fail to recognize our emotional needs and push ourselves to the limits, we will break.

We are human.  Say it with me, "I am a human. I have limitations."

Its not okay to ignore reality and act like we are fine when we are not.  That doesn't mean we announce it to the world or introduce ourselves with our downfalls, because we are not defined by our weaknesses and shortcomings, but if we ignore them or hide them we only feed them and allow them to take over.

Asking for help is hard to do and admitting you have messed up or have issues can be humbling, but we all have them.  We need to start with reality and do what we need to thrive so we don't end up emotionally and spiritually dehydrated.

Are you prone to depression? Ignore your tendency to seclude yourself and build in a solid, encouraging community.

Do you overspend and leave yourself financially unstable?  Get rid of credit cards and have someone help you set a budget and hold you accountable to stick with it.

Are you an addict?  Get help from a counselor or treatment center.

Do you get stressed by over scheduling? (This is one of mine) Do less and give yourself the time you need to recover from the day to day.

Maybe this seems over simplified and on some level it might be because these are generalizations and you are an individual, but the truth is, we often get frozen by fears and lack of desire to change, when we need to just move in a positive direction.

Don't wait until you are dehydrated, but if you do, realize, at the state of dehydration, its beyond just drinking water, you may need medical attention.  If you have let an issue go too far, you are beyond the point of self-regulating and you need to involve trusted experts or medical professionals into the process.

Maybe you aren't yet dehydrated but you are on your way and you have to stop and drink some water.  That may just be admitting you are not giving enough attention to an issue in your life and creating a plan to make a change.  Just know you are worth it!  Fight for yourself! I'm here if you need to talk or need direction in where you need to turn, but just know we all have problems and issues and you are not alone.  Let's give our bodies, mind, spirit and emotions what they need to not just survive, but thrive.  Happy Wednesday!

Redefining Hero

Life truth: none of us can control what happens to us in life.  The truly inspirational are those who take the trash they are given and make a beautiful treasure.  (I really don't like lemons to lemonade because lemons really aren't that bad, heck my son eats them plain).

I was amazed a few weeks ago as I watched a man who had lost a leg in an accident and decided not to let it get him down.  He began training for America Ninja Warrior and blew everyone away with how far he made it down the course.  That is triumph.

Not every obstacle is physical and sometimes the hardest to navigate are the ones that no one can see.  Let me introduce you to my friend, we will call her Mira.  Mira discovered a little over three years ago that her husband was having an affair and it wasn't his first.  She found her life instantly changing as he announced he was done and didn't even want to try to work it out, despite their children and many years together.  Can we be honest, this happens more than just to my friend, Mira, doesn't it?! Its easy to tell poor Mira to suck it up and move on because this is reality in 2018.

That didn't happen.

Mira allowed God to reveal areas where she wasn't giving her all to her marriage, but also to HIM.  Mira took a look at herself and decided to meet God in the midst of life.  She leaned into God and discovered a new relationship she had yet to encounter.  I can tell you, she is a different person today.

We hear a lot from Christians on their disdain for the unBiblical life of homosexuals in our world, what we don't hear is their distaste for things like having sex outside of marriage, living with a sexual partner you aren't married to, and divorce itself.  All of those are also wrong, according the Bible.  We aren't allowed to pick and choose, we believe it or we don't.  We don't get to say, "Well, this is my struggle, so I will let this slide, but this over here is yours so I get to stone you with your wrong doings."  The Bible isn't a weapon and it doesn't just state right and wrong but how we are to love in the midst of life.  That often gets forgotten, but I digress.

Mira took her calling seriously.  She committed her relationship with her husband to God.  It was amazing as I watched her prayers create and change things that everyone said were impossible.  Now, I'd love to tell you she and her husband are back together loving each other and God, but that isn't the case.

Mira still believes.  She still hopes in God despite circumstances. While so many would say she is foolish - I see the spiritual warrior that has emerged and it humbles me.  She has become my hero.  God gets the final say and just because the world says something is over, doesn't mean it is.  We don't know what will happen and honestly, that isn't the point.  We do know God is in control and he is working and Mira gets to see what he does at each step. 

Talking and praying with her has changed me too.  I see a faith we were all called to live.  I see the beauty she is creating for herself and her kids as she makes room for God at the helm of her life.  Mira sees that the true enemy is Satan and she won't give up on God's best.  She is fighting with spiritual weapons, the ones far too many of us have left on the ground in our feeble attempts to conquer our own lives.

What trash are you holding?  How can you give it to God, lean in to him and allow his love to change you and create beauty?


Exodus 14:14 says, "The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." (NIV)

I hope you will see the hero inside of yourselves as you seek God in life and allow him to do his job.  A hero isn't always the one who comes in and saves the day - a hero is also the person who hands life to God and says, "What now?" The hero is the one that takes what life has given them and keeps going, refusing to give in to defeat! Trust me, you are worth more than the junk that keeps you down.  The details are different for us all, but the struggle is the same.  Please fight for yourself.  I'm here and I'm praying, so be the hero you were meant to be!!!