The Problem

Life happens to all of us.  Its not because God doesn't care or because He loves some more than others.  We only see our own pain with unique, close-up perspective, and that perspective can warp what we see in the lives of others.  

We spend so much time asking, "Why?" Instead we should be asking, "What now?"  To have a little pity party when life falls a part isn't wrong, and honestly is probably in order.  The length of the pity party is where we can find the problem.  

Do you ever feel stuck?  Like you know you want to be over there or even just somewhere else but you don't know where or how to get out of the current mess?  

The problem is we too often run from the obstacle instead of running right into it.  We have to run into it so we can understand why we are still there (sometimes under the watch of a trusted therapist).  

I've mentioned before that I have several people in my life right now that are facing addiction.  Its caused me to pause as I speak to them, hug them and pray for them.  I want to shake them and tell them to just stop, but its not that simple.  I can't do anything for them - that's called co-dependency and it doesn't yield anything beneficial. 

As I was talking to one of the people on that list recently, I asked what the issue was.  I probed into the self-talk and what they saw in themselves.  I was met with instant emotion.  I had hit a nerve because I think whether its addiction or any other life obstacle, the biggest place we get stuck is how we see ourselves.  

No amount of compliments can change the negative self-talk that is on repeat in our heads.  It can change but that change doesn't just happen, its has to be met with an action-plan that takes time and effort.  

You have to stop the lies that feed you and the only way to do that is to face them head on! 

What are those sentences you hear over an over again? 

Write them down.  

You should have them memorized because you hear them ALL.THE.TIME! 

What is the message those sentences are speaking to you?  Are they true?  Trust me when I say they aren't.  You aren't worthless, you aren't a loser, you aren't crazy, you aren't a nothing, you aren't the sum of your actions or the sum of the actions of others.  

YOU HAVE VALUE - because and only because GOD PUT IT THERE! 

You need to feed your brain the truth.  

Go check out websites like this one that tell you who you are in Christ.  Right those down and read them to yourself and if you need more on this topic - read about my, "I AM" journal.   

Start today but stopping the negative messages and replacing them with positive ones. 

Recently I was feeling abandoned.  I put on my essential oils (yep, I'm that lady) and I started searching for the antonyms to abandonment.  Then I wrote down those in "I statements" - I am supported, I am accepted, I am adopted...I went to work to reverse the lies playing in my head.  You can do the same, but know if you've been listening to the junk for awhile, it will take awhile for the positive messages to take hold and stick.  So keep at it! You've got this. 

Was there a friend that this made you think of?  Share it with them.  Everyone can use some encouragement!!!  

Finding Freedom

If you've been on this blog for anytime at all, you know I had an abortion when I was 18.  To say I regretted my abortion is the biggest understatement EVER and the pain I felt, forced me to deal with it and the other junk in my past. My own healing led to helping others because when you know how bad something sucks, you have no choice but to be there for others in your shoes.

 Because of this, I'm on a group on Facebook for those who regret their abortion.  Its a group that is free from political positions and just a place of support.  A woman recently posted on the group seeking some help.  She explained her story and felt her decision was the best choice for her and yet she's really regretting it now (a story I hear ALL.THE.TIME because seriously pro-choice or pro-life has nothing to do with emotions). In her post she was wanting to know how other people managed to live without thinking about it all the time!

Truth.  You can't.  When you are dealing with any inner conflict, distracting yourself is the same as putting a band-aid on an open wound that needs stitches. 

The best way to heal from any emotional issue is to do two things no one ever wants to do...

1. Ask For Help

2. Face It

Running from our past and our pain doesn't make the problem get better, instead that pain grows and we just have more to deal with later.  We have to dive right in and face whatever crap we are afraid we will see when we examine our thoughts and feelings.  I say ask for help first because when its a big emotional issue, facing it alone can take us to a dark place and we need someone there to keep us from going there. 

This isn't just abortion.

I know friends with drug and alcohol addiction that doesn't stop because they are afraid to face themselves and they can't ask for help.  Doing those simple things takes a TON of courage!!! 
You have to be so sick of the pain that you will do anything to be better. 

So if you have something sitting in your emotional closet that has been haunting you for awhile and you want to be DONE WITH IT - start with the two steps above. 

Please note:  Dealing with your junk doesn't mean it will never affect you again.  Scars don't just apply to our physical bodies, there are emotional ones too, but there is a difference between daily being plagued by emotions and being triggered every once in awhile. 

I get emotional about my abortion because if I could find a time machine, I'd go back and do it differently, but I can't so I made peace with it, I let myself  heal from my pain, I corrected to dumb lies that played in my head and I now walk in healing. 

If you hear one thing from this let it be:

DON'T LIVE TRAPPED BY PAINFUL EMOTIONS!!! GET HELP AND BE WHOLE!!!

Trust me its worth it.  If you have walked something difficult - loss of a parent or child, abuse,  addiction, abortion, divorce, slavery etc, and you are free from that now, HELP SOMEONE ELSE! Don't let that pain echo in the lives around you.  Trust me there is someone out there that needs you.  Just open your eyes.

Happy Wednesday and everyone have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

What Is Your Name?

A few weeks ago my dad and stepmom were visiting.  My stepmom had some time to hang out but it was in the time frame I usually work out so she accompanied me to the gym.  What started out as one work out class, ended up being two classes back to back! What seemed like a good idea after the first class felt like a horrible one when the second class ended. By the time we were done, we were wiped out!

The second class had a fill-in instructor.  When she introduced herself she said,

"My name is Angela, but if you don't like the class its Whitney."

I thought it was funny when she said it, but as the day went on, I truly thought it was a genius idea - two names. 

I decided I needed a second name!

I thought about it for awhile and thought about names I didn't like and then it hit me.  I have an almost name.  My parents almost named me Summer because Stephen King's "Carrie" was popular around the year I was born.  This would be a perfect second name.  That way, if my husband was mad at me, he could call me Summer, so that I would know where we stood.  I also would love to put off disputes by telling people, "I'm sorry, you will need to take that up with Summer.  She isn't available right now, but I can have her contact you when she's available." 

This might sound a bit insane and silly, but the truth is we sometimes need tangible ways to deal with issues we encounter in life.  All those negative thoughts we have get jumbled with our true identity.  What if you put all of that on a second name?  Separate the junk and be mentally productive. 

We run too often from conflict and its a reality of life that is never going away, so its best to address it head on.  Maybe you need a second name to have the freedom to do that.

Regardless, get creative and find your way out of your current box.  We have to do what works for us in life and understand that thinking outside the box can often offer us great solutions to overcome life's obstacles. 

So if you had a second name, what would it be? How would you use it? 

There is something else I want to share with you before we end our time together today.  You know that double class that I thought killed me?  Well as day one and day two muscle soreness approached, I discovered I wasn't as sore as I thought I would be.  The challenge of that day actually revealed to me just how far I've come in my work out.  Its good to find that nugget of joy in the midst of pain.  Want a scripture for this? Check out James 1:2-4 -

"Consider it all joy, my brothers, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." 

Have a great Wednesday folks and take that next step to the best you possible, the you God had in mind when he created you!!

Are You Listening?

In 1999 (yes I know a million years ago) I was living in London.  I was there for a semester abroad and it was a time filled with fun memories, life lessons and moments I will never forget.  In the four months I was there, I was introduced to the term stimulus overload and soon after my move, I embodied the concept.  

At first London was overwhelming.  Everything was noisy and fast-paced and different that anything I'd lived near prior.  It was shocking how quickly my body adjusted.  The overwhelming was not something I could function with everyday, so my brain just tuned it out.  For example, the constant sirens in the neighborhood I shared with a local hospital soon became something my brain no longer recognized.  

This experience has been revisited in a new way over the past five plus years as the internet has taken over our lives.  Living online is something most of us do.  Its given us a great deal of connection in places we never had before, and its allowed us convenience, that I can't imagine living without.  The internet has also introduced us all to stimulus overload.  

The amount of messages, platforms, agendas, information, studies, life happenings, current events, perspectives, opportunities to serve and give has been beyond excess.  Mentally and emotionally we can't process all of it without tuning it all out and just becoming hardened to the issues our world faces.  Its important to ask some questions and add some intentionality to the seemingly mundane of everyday internet life.  

So here is my question: 

What speaks to you? 

What defines you and what do you give value to? 

There are many things vying for a place at the table but there isn't room for it all.  Its impossible to adequately care about all of it.  

It can all be important, but it can't all be important to you.  Giving a little to a lot means nothing is getting your undivided attention.  

Take some time today to narrow the field.  If we don't find purpose even in the messages we receive it all just becomes noise.  Noise is annoying.  

So where is your passion and how can you find more of that today?  What needs to go away from your brain space so you can focus on what matters?  

Organizing our thoughts and feelings is just as important as organizing our kitchen cabinets. 

Are you missing the important stuff because you've just shut down?   When the priorities speak, are you listening? 

Take some quiet time to take inventory and really think about how this applies to you.  I know I need this for myself.  Happy Wednesday folks!!! 

Best Costume Yet!!!

I'm not the biggest Halloween fan, in fact before having kids I pretty much boycotted the holiday.  Its a combination of reasons, one of which includes I don't do scary.  I can explain all that another time, because even though I'm not a Halloween fan, I am a fan of dressing up.  I can remember having a dress up trunk when I was 7 years old.

I'm also competitive, so having a chance each year to dress up my stepdaughter, Katie, for her various contests, is fun.  My kids pretty much want the "purchase and wear" costumes at this point and aren't yet ready for the "mom's getting creative" costume, so getting to do fun stuff with Katie is a hoot! I will definitely show some of my favorite costume creations below.

But all of it got me thinking, about why dressing up is so fun.  There are a lot of different reasons, one of which includes being something other than ourselves.  Yes, we are great but its not everyday you get to be a super hero or your favorite celebrity.  So why not?

In real life sometimes we need to get dressed up mentally and be what we hope to be, not what we see ourselves as IRL.  I'm not saying you shouldn't be yourself, but actually find the courage to be the real you.

I have had way too many conversations with people lately who are refusing to give it their best because all the see in the mirror is a loser.   Its not that they don't want to give it their all, its just that they see their lack and can't imagine themselves any more than that.  Its frustrating when I can see the possibilities and I am the only one in that boat.  I know its not just an issue with a few select folks, all of us have areas where we lack foresight into the possibilities of who we were made to be. We get stuck and lost in a self-doubt funk and I say its time to get out!!!

So guess what? Its time to put on the best costume yet!  Dress up like the person you can't imagine being and just pretend you are that person.  Don't let your head game get in the way.  Be that best version of you that looks like fiction and pretend you are dressing up in a costume.  Take it out into the world and see what happens.  You may find that the possibilities others see, the ones that seems fiction in your own mind, really is a reality!

Embrace the best version of you and do what it takes to be that person.  Sure, it takes work, but so does some of those fabulous costumes out there.  You get what you give.

I hope you found encouragement in this and in some of my other posts.  This is really supposed to be a place where people can come and feed their souls. Sure I push us all to grow, but why not?  I don't know who reads these things and I can't possibly personally know each and every person, but I can say I want the very best for you.  Its true.  As promised before you leave, here are some costumes I've made for my sweet Katie, that I will share with you.  There is one or two in here of me as well.

My Biggest Regret

I can't remember where I was this past week, but something in life sparked a thought that resonated in my heart.  I immediately made a few notes in the notes app on my phone because I knew with my life going a million miles an hour, I would forget this heart moment when it was time to write about it.

Sure enough, I remembered I took notes on what I was thinking in that moment, but remember NOTHING about what inspired me.  

In my 40 years, I have done some stupid stuff.  

I have financial regrets,
moments I took my life in may hands and by the grace of God survived,
I have big regrets like the person I lost my virginity to and having an abortion.
I regret times I didn't go for my goal
and trust me this list goes on, but none of those are my biggest regret.  

My biggest regret is not being me.  Honestly, this regret affects some of the items above.  When I allowed someone else dictate who I should be, I made compromises far greater than the consequences to the poor choice.  I lost a piece of myself.  Public opinion of Carrie seemed to outweigh Carrie.  

That is my biggest regret!  

Carrie Guy might not be famous, trending or going viral, but Carrie is important.  I have value and being myself is so important because God made me like this for a reason.  God doesn't make mistakes.  

So many times I felt conviction about something and when met with criticism or resistance, I caved to public opinion.  What I wanted was to be a virgin when I got married.  After being molested a few times, I wanted a pure relationship built on friendship and trust, not sex.  Even with that, I wanted to be liked, so I gave in and then found myself pregnant.  I had nothing against my baby, but I wasn't in a place to get married and my idea was to have the baby in secret, but once again I was persuaded both by others and fear of public opinion to abort.  Doing what someone else wants leaves us with ammunition later to assault ourselves.

Truth is the only person we have to live with the rest of our lives, is ourselves! If we don't stand up for who we are and do what we know is right or listen to our inner voice we betray the only human who will be with us 365 days a year for every year until the day we die.

Being me is a gift.  Being you is a gift.  Don't forget that.  Each us were made to be different, unique. A world of lemmings and step ford wives is boring and unoriginal.  How are you being you right now in life?  Have you betrayed yourself?  Do you need to take some quiet time and make peace with yourself?  Do you need to connect with your maker and discover who you are?  What were you placed on earth to do, be and share?  Maybe you are trying too hard to be enough that you aren't cherishing just being you.

Stop.  Let's quit the regrets and be intentional to be you.  If you share this regret with me, you may need to take some time to contemplate who that is.  When we practice being what others want, we can lose sight of who we are in the first place.  Let's recalibrate and do it right!

Who's with me? Let hump day be a new day.  You have half a week to do it differently.  Happy Wednesday!!!

What Do You See?

This week I got back from a week in Arizona.  My friend and I went on a road trip for our 40th! I forgot how much I loved road trips.

As a kid, I did several with my dad and stepmom.  Military life means moving and it also means being in new, unexplored areas.  Road trips are a great way to experience different cultures see the beauty around us.  Let me say, this trip let me meet people from around the world as well as see some amazing sights! I loved having planned parts of our journey and spontaneous moments that let the road take us on a beckoning adventure.

I also had a lot of time to think, particularly about seasons.  I don't mean fall, spring, winter, summer, but instead life seasons.

I commented to my friend as we started our journey that I didn't take full advantage of the freedom I had before husband and kids.  I just didn't realize how remarkable the freedom to make decisions and be spontaneous really was when I was in my early twenties. I had a lot of fun adventures, so I don't feel I wasted that time, but I just didn't appreciate it to the fullest.

Far too often we set our focus on what we don't have, not on what we have.  In those years, I was desiring a husband and family and the uncertainty of that reality felt daunting and often distracted me from the life before me.  In contrast its easy now to see what I had then as I live life with my family.  I miss my ability to think most days and have freedom to just be, but truthfully I am sure one day I would trade my quiet thoughtfulness for the noise of my children.  Again, its easy to get caught up in what's missing.

Recognizing the value of your current season allows you to be present in life.  As my grandma Pat often said, "You can do it all, just not at the same time."  Living in the now is the best way to get all of the blessing out of life.  Now, I love the connection I share with those who live in my home.  I love seeing the joy of life through the eyes of my kids in places that have become everyday for me.  I love hearing my kids giggle and seeing them just be kids.  I love being a mom! Sure I get overwhelmed or frustrated when I'm being disobeyed, and its easy to desire the freedom that was before they were.  If I focus on what I don't have now, I will miss out on my motherhood that I can never get back.  I can also miss out on the friendship with my husband and the way we co-parent our children.

Having a vacation with my friend was an amazing blessing and break from the norm and it allowed me to remember parts of myself that have been dormant.  It also helped me to feel appreciative for my current life season.  Tomorrow it will no longer be an option, so I best enjoy today to the fullest.

What is your reality?

Are you looking at what's missing or what is there?

There are obviously things we can't control.  Sure, you see your friends with jobs able to spend more on stuff for themselves, but they miss out on the classroom time you have.  Sure, single parenthood is a challenge but maybe you get more time to yourself or alone time with your kids.  I'm not saying ignore the negatives in life and just plaster a Pollyanna face on throughout the day to day, but embrace the beauty of whatever your life is TODAY.  Tomorrow will come soon enough and moving forward is the only direction we can truly go, so if we disengage from today, we will lose it forever!

Take some time to think about what you have now?  How can you appreciate it more than you currently do?  Happy contemplating!