My Biggest Regret

I can't remember where I was this past week, but something in life sparked a thought that resonated in my heart.  I immediately made a few notes in the notes app on my phone because I knew with my life going a million miles an hour, I would forget this heart moment when it was time to write about it.

Sure enough, I remembered I took notes on what I was thinking in that moment, but remember NOTHING about what inspired me.  

In my 40 years, I have done some stupid stuff.  

I have financial regrets,
moments I took my life in may hands and by the grace of God survived,
I have big regrets like the person I lost my virginity to and having an abortion.
I regret times I didn't go for my goal
and trust me this list goes on, but none of those are my biggest regret.  

My biggest regret is not being me.  Honestly, this regret affects some of the items above.  When I allowed someone else dictate who I should be, I made compromises far greater than the consequences to the poor choice.  I lost a piece of myself.  Public opinion of Carrie seemed to outweigh Carrie.  

That is my biggest regret!  

Carrie Guy might not be famous, trending or going viral, but Carrie is important.  I have value and being myself is so important because God made me like this for a reason.  God doesn't make mistakes.  

So many times I felt conviction about something and when met with criticism or resistance, I caved to public opinion.  What I wanted was to be a virgin when I got married.  After being molested a few times, I wanted a pure relationship built on friendship and trust, not sex.  Even with that, I wanted to be liked, so I gave in and then found myself pregnant.  I had nothing against my baby, but I wasn't in a place to get married and my idea was to have the baby in secret, but once again I was persuaded both by others and fear of public opinion to abort.  Doing what someone else wants leaves us with ammunition later to assault ourselves.

Truth is the only person we have to live with the rest of our lives, is ourselves! If we don't stand up for who we are and do what we know is right or listen to our inner voice we betray the only human who will be with us 365 days a year for every year until the day we die.

Being me is a gift.  Being you is a gift.  Don't forget that.  Each us were made to be different, unique. A world of lemmings and step ford wives is boring and unoriginal.  How are you being you right now in life?  Have you betrayed yourself?  Do you need to take some quiet time and make peace with yourself?  Do you need to connect with your maker and discover who you are?  What were you placed on earth to do, be and share?  Maybe you are trying too hard to be enough that you aren't cherishing just being you.

Stop.  Let's quit the regrets and be intentional to be you.  If you share this regret with me, you may need to take some time to contemplate who that is.  When we practice being what others want, we can lose sight of who we are in the first place.  Let's recalibrate and do it right!

Who's with me? Let hump day be a new day.  You have half a week to do it differently.  Happy Wednesday!!!

A CHOICE

I got a text.  It was from a friend in rehab (I have a few of them there at the moment).  She thanked me for my card and I quickly responded with the following: 

I LOVE YOU!!! 

Followed by: 

I'm proud of you. 

As I typed that last sentence I had this epiphany.  I'm saying to someone in rehab that I am proud of them, and the "why" is what birthed my deep thought.  I have met several people lately in the middle of their life mess, and honestly, I am in the middle of my own life mess.  I could record and replay the message I hear from people faced with reality - they are awful for where they are and facing it just reminds them of the bad person they are. 

Reality is, we all are in the midst of some type of life situation.  The details are different for all of us, but humanity is in all of us.  It takes courage to face up to life.   

I realized in that moment people have to make a choice in who they become.   

1. Those who face life head on and in spite of the failures and struggles that seek to define them, reach out for the life they want.  These people seek to be whole, healthy individuals.  The struggle is the hurdle, not the defining quality.  These people call out for help when they get stuck so they will ensure they reach their goals and find success.  

2.  Those who hide behind their masks and keep their secrets, thoughts and addictions from the world.  Perfection is always an illusion and those who put up the image of perfection are usually trading relationships for busy work or looking good.  These people are tired from being who everyone else wants them to be and feeling enslaved to self-imposed expectations.  

We often get tricked into thinking we are the only ones struggling with thoughts, insecurities, fears, addictions, weaknesses, temptations, etc, because so many people seem to have it together.  BUT ITS A LIE! There are no perfect people. 

 Of course not everyone's junk is created equal and some of us have more to overcome, but we can choose to cry at reality and keep making excuses, all the while climbing deeper in the pit, or we can face the man in the mirror and do what we have to do to be who we want to be.  We have to speak truth to the lies and realize while we will always be facing new obstacles throughout life, how we respond to them largely affects how they affect us.  

I was proud of this woman as well as a few others I am working with because they are choosing to face all the hurt and pain below the surface.  Usually the addictions or bad behaviors we develop are symptoms of some underlying issue.  

My own choice to have an abortion at 18 was a cover-up mission to hide the pain I had from divorce, abuse and false religious expectation.  Its sad that my turning point came at the cost of my son, but it was where I faced myself and the lies I was holding as truth and began to heal from everything.  

I am proud of people who make the choice, no matter how big or small, to be themselves, face lies they believe and begin to find their voice in this world.  I am proud of people who say, "no," to the things that keep them down and are willing to do the work in exchange for freedom.  

So here's my final question for you, which person are you?  If you are number 1, or see you are number 2 and want to change, hear me say: I AM PROUD OF YOU! We each have some choice in the person we are each day.  Find your choice and make it wisely! Happy Wednesday!!!

3 Reasons Why You Won't Change

 

Have you ever wanted to lose weight? Get a better job? Organize your house? Be more efficient? Be a better communicator?  Use that gym membership?  Save money?  Or do anything that just never happened? Ever wonder why you couldn't do it? Well I'm about to tell you 3 reasons why change isn't happening. 

 I am always striving for better, and I admit, I'm a bit of self-help junkie. I love reading how-to's, but recently I read a book and when I was finished, I realized: I didn't learn anything new. 

I don't know it all, but I've read enough articles and books, been on the best email lists and followed some great leaders through social media, videos and podcasts, to know the 4 keys to success or the proper order to a clean house.  The problem comes in applying the knowledge.  I have to put the plan into action and that is the hardest step. 

I am almost done with the book, "When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life," by Dr. David D. Burns.  It is a great book and has actually presented me with some amazing options for overcoming anxiety.  In his book he states the issue with the lists I referenced above, is that telling someone 5 ways to (fill in the blank) is that they ignore the first step - someone has to want to change.   

Change is hard!  You will only succeed if you:

1. Decide to change and do something different than your current routine.  That is why letting someone else in your process is important because they can be the impetus you need to change by keeping you accountable. Knowing how the change can take place doesn't matter if you don't resolve to do life differently. 

Why don't we want to change? There are a number of reasons but mainly homeostasis is easier.  Routine is just that - routine.  We can keep going.  The other reasons often include facing fears, and taking a look at the stuff we use our devices and favorite shows to avoid.  Avoidance and denial have kept the entertainment industry on top! 

2.  Focus on thriving not surviving.  I don't know your life, but I do know mine.  Sure, I would love a clean house and a thinner version of myself looking back at me in the mirror, but those things come  at a cost and usually in order for more to happen, my chill time is what gets traded for the work.  Life is hard and I am tired, because I go, and I go, and I go.  Changing my juggle, would probably mean I would drop a few balls in the process and would create more work, even though the work now would be payoff later.  Its easy to just try to survive, but we were made for more. 

Change isn't happening if you are looking to just survive, because surviving means doing the minimum.  Trust me there is no shade thrown your way if you are maxxed out and surviving is the name of your game, but don't expect to meet goals.  Goals get met when we go after more.  For me, its the abundant life Jesus talks about in the Bible (John 10:10).  Abundant life is the best, but it involves sacrifice, giving, being uncomfortable and facing the junk in your emotional closet. 

3. Face those fears and insecurities that haunt you.  I have walked through the pain of a past abortion and the skeletons from an abusive step parent.  Those emotional victories were amazing, but I have to be real when I say -  neither of those were as hard as looking into my heart and facing the negative crap I've repeated for more than 30 years (we aren't saying how many more than 30 years). 

I have had some mean things said to me in my life, but nothing as bad as what I've said to myself.  Change means retraining your thoughts, words and behaviors and doing so means looking at why they are there in the first place.  My recent epiphany that revealed some internal hatred of parts of me, not only shocked me, but its been scary at times to look at what is really going on and face it.  BUT, IF I WANT TO CHANGE, I HAVE TO FACE IT!!!!

Change is possible. 

The best change in me has always come with my team.  My team includes my God, Jesus Christ, at the head of the whole thing, and then the people he has planted in my life.

The key to change is loving community.  The common string to everything above is that its easier with others.  When we are fearful, surviving and stuck, we tend to want to isolate, but isolation doesn't cure, instead it further infects.  That is the recipe for making things worse.  You may have to find your team and that isn't easy either, but worth it!

 Do something different, get accountability, refocus on thriving and replace those negative thoughts with ones that are full of grace and truth.  You got this!  Oh, and please, make sure to tell me about it!!!