Who Is YOUR Neighbor?

I know my blog only reaches a few people each week, yet I take the words I write very seriously.  I believe God wants to use my own life to speak hope into the hearts of those who need it.  Not because of who I am - I'm no expert and don't have any official credentials.  I just have past experience and my own journey, but most importantly I have God.  His inspiration is really what I rely on with the words I write.  I pray I never misrepresent him in the way I share with each of you.  

So this morning as I woke up knowing this computer screen would be on my to-do list today, I asked God for inspiration.  In response, these words came to me: 

"Who is my neighbor?"  

These are very poignant words for us today.   Jesus wasn't well-received by the religious leaders of his day.  The words he spoke and the way he lived stood in opposition to their own life's work.  They always sought out to trap him.  When they asked this question, Jesus answered with a story (because Jesus was the bomb when it came to wise responses).  

He told the story of the Good Samaritan.  The Samaritan to the Jews was something a kin to an African American being the hero in a story told to KKK members.  

Jesus' point was clear - the hero is the one who walks the heart of God.   

Maybe you struggle with racism on a level that someone of color being a hero is offensive to you, but most of us aren't that extreme.  The point is still there for all of us - the outward appearance, social standing, or even political leaning isn't what God sees, its the heart of someone and how they care for others.   

We get so busy with our lives and forget there is a world out there in need.  We are often unavailable to be used of God because we only see the things on our list, and miss the person God placed on our path with purpose. 

But guess what?  Your to-do list doesn't go with you when you leave this earth.  God has plans for us beyond the grind of work, chores of home and errands we must run.  God's plans include us connecting with all of his children.  

What does that look like for you?  That depends on your life and your circumstances.  I am also not advocating doing it all, because you aren't responsible for it all, just what God places on your path.  

It might mean keeping non-perishable sack lunches in your car to pass out as you see people along the road, or even giving away your own lunch to feed another.  It might mean using your vacation days to serve a community here or abroad instead of relaxing on a beach.  It might mean sacrificing your tv or book time to lend a listening ear to that person who drives you nuts but really needs a friend,  or it might mean being present in the moment and seeking God and seeing what he's placed in front of you. The key is inconvenience, loving others often means putting someone else's needs in front of our own.  

What do you need to sacrifice for the benefit of someone else, including those who might seem below you?  Below you could be different ethnicities, but it can also be homeless, or even someone on the other side of the political spectrum.  

That is where we need the most sacrifice today - loving someone in a sacrificial way who's life views seem counter to our own.  I watch my social media feed as both my conservative and liberal friends trash each other, but I don't have to agree with your views to care for you.  

Can we live above the standard that just keeps dropping with each year?  Doing so will change the world.  When loving our neighbor comes second to the top priority of loving God, we know its important to the way God wants our world to work.  What are you waiting for?  Get at it.  

Two Ways To Overcome the Weird In Your Head

I don’t think I’m an ugly woman, but I often think if people could see the mess of junk going on inside my head - they might see a different woman than what’s depicted through the physical body before you.  

Its like that episode of Gilmore Girls where Lorelai is trying to write a letter but the words just don’t come.  Her rant ends in the conclusive line, “its a big bag of weird in there.” This.  This is exactly how I feel.   Sure I am a nice, kind-hearted person and that is beautiful, but there are other sides of me that aren’t so pretty. 

One of those uglies lurking inside is a struggle with anger.  Years of counseling lead me the epicenter of my angry outbursts - anxiety.  

 A little over a month ago, my son had surgery.  He had his tonsils and adenoids removed.  

We got up early and took my daughter to my parents’ house.  

We then made the almost hour drive to the surgery center in Fresno.  

After we got my son checked in and he was wheeled into surgery, my husband and I took our seats in the waiting room.  

That morning had been hard on my anxiety levels, so I decided it was a good idea to get out my binder and start on a worksheet that has been a part of a book I’ve been working through utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Techniques to overcome anxiety. 

One of the many exercises involves writing down all negative thoughts associated with a particular anxiety incident.  Usually, I have a variety of related emotions, but this time they were pretty well concentrated in the fear section of the emotional scale.  

My husband was curious as to what I was doing so I read him my list of negative thoughts associated with this particular day.  When i finished reading my list, my husband, in shock, replied, “I would have never even thought of half of those.”  I wasn’t just worrying about more than he did, I actually had thoughts about particular aspects of the day that didn’t even occur to him! 

This struggle has been so crucial to me because it is incongruous with my religious beliefs.  God tells me to be anxious for nothing (Philippians 4;6).  Its easy to see ways in which our every day life is out of touch with what the Bible calls us to be.  

So what do you do? 

1. Do Your Part

  Instead of beating up on yourself, something I often do, for missing the mark, identify the root.  Take inventory of your thoughts and feelings so you can begin to weed out what doesn’t belong.  You can’t replace the crap until you know its there! 

One of the next steps in the exercise I was doing on the day of my son’s surgery was to write out a positive thought for each of the negative thoughts on which my brain fixated. Its replacing the lie with the truth.  This process, while laborious, is necessary to make sure, how I live and what I believe, stand side by side. 

2. Let God Do The Rest 

I have heard one story where a surgeon performed a ground-breaking operation on himself, but typically a surgeon performs the surgery and the patient lays still, usually unconscious. This is a great picture of our spiritual life.  God does the work in us, sure we may prepare the way for the work with everything I discussed above, like a patient may fast or take certain medications prior to a surgical procedure.  But the rest is God's job.  I can tell you the most meaningful change is when God took my faithfulness and transformed me in the midst of a challenge.   

The encouragement is - God is always working.  Even when we get stuck in a holding pattern and feel like we aren’t getting very far with our goals, God stays the same.  He's always there, using our lives to direct us into the people he created.  He wants to be close to us, and wants to see us reach the stars he designed for us to grab.   

So go do the work you have to do to prepare for the work God is already doing!

The One Thing I Want For My Kids

Last week I had one of the best days ever!  My son and I went into his room, closed the door, turned off the lights and turned on this colorful strobe bulb he won as a prize a few years ago and we cranked up the music for our very own dance party.  I love music and love to dance so adding my son to this equation was just all of the amazings there ever was!  (Yes, I recognize that last sentence isn't exactly grammatically correct, but sometimes you just have to say it how it comes out). 

When it was time for a break we sat on his bed.  He excitedly asked to show me a few songs he loved.  I searched YouTube for the videos he described and discovered several worship songs he sings in school chapel that made him light up the room brighter than any color coming from that strobe bulb.  The joy began to gush from my heart. 

This morning on the way to school we had a worship dance session as I blared one of those songs in the car along the drive. 

I was reminded of a thought that circumstances in life have been bringing me back to a lot lately.

Let me first say, I am great mom, sometimes.  Sometimes, I am the worst mom.  Yes, I know I am hard on myself, but I think that sentence is empirically accurate.  My own fears, anxiety and anger can take over and can destroy my ability to impart greatness to my kids, and that is definitely a regret as I walk this mom path. 

I strive to better myself and dwell on the moments I rock as a mom so I don't solely focus on my failures. As I evaluate the fruit of my overall parenting, I have concluded there is only one thing I want for my kids when it is all said and done! 

I am going to screw stuff up and my kids will have areas of life to sort as they grow into adulthood, but if I can make the way for them to have this one thing, I will be content with the job I have done and continue to do.  

Can you guess what that one thing is? 

It isn't that they will be responsible, have good grades, have a ton of friends, be polite or anything else along those lines. Don't get me wrong, I want my kids to be those things, but another item rises to the top of the list for me - every time.  What is it? 

I want my kids to love God and have a strong, solid relationship with Jesus!  That is it.  If that foundation is solid, they will inevitably have everything else that goes along with it because God calls us to love others and to be doers of his word.  That includes some of the items above and so much more, but the key is this. 

Even if my kids are responsible adults with a good job and stable income, well-loved by others and polite to all they meet and DON'T have a relationship with God, I won't be satisfied.  I will see my job as not yet completed and will continue to pray for that one thing. 

Knowing this aim helps me to adjust how I parent.  It lets me test what I am emphasizing and filling their time with to evaluate if it accomplishes that one thing.  It also challenges me to keep my relationship with God at the forefront of all else both for my own personal goals, but also as an example to my children. 

Whether you are a parent or not, this reflective thought has value for your life.  What is your one thing?  What do you prize above all else in the person you are, and if you are a parent, in what you ultimately want for your kids?  Are you on track or do you need to adjust?  Find your internal compass and change direction where needed, or encourage yourself if you are on course. 

When the Timeline Doesn't Make Sense

This past Saturday, my son was watching a cartoon, Bible story.  He was glued to the screen in the accounting of the story of Joseph.  I was busy in the kitchen but heard sections of the dialogue as I worked.  I was impressed with this version of the story because of the raw emotion Joseph shared throughout each journey of his life. 

This Bible story always causes me to take pause - a boy sold into slavery by his brothers, taken to a foreign land, sent to prison after being falsely accused of a crime he did not commit.  At this point in the story, it doesn't sound like God is caring for this young man.  He seems in all accounts - forgotten!

Finally, he is called upon to interpret the Pharaoh's dream and because of what he has interpreted he is put second in command to Pharaoh to help save people from the coming famine.  It isn't until this point in Joseph's life that is all makes sense.  God has purpose in positioning Joseph at each step along the way.  God had the end game in view when all Joseph could see was the now portion of his life.

I too often look to my circumstances as the indicator of how my life is going.  One can always ask where God is in the midst of challenges and yet God is always working even when we don't see it or feel a void of his presence in painful seasons. 

God continued to speak to me through this story in the communion meditation at church the following day.  Nancy shared a story and challenged us to remember God is always in control. 

I then went to youth group where we are working through a lesson series on Eternity and was reminded by Francis Chan that our years on earth are just a tiny section of our life when compared with the eternity we will share with Jesus. 

As I prayed over this apparent lesson God was throwing in my lap, I suddenly had this picture in my head. 

I love to organize and purge and let me tell you my house definitely needs it!  I never finished being able to Konmari my house as my toddler would take off with my piles and it seemed this was not the season to do such a decluttering, but my own declutter story is not the point of this blog so let me continue with the visual. 

When I want to organize a cabinet or my closet, I first have to empty its contents.  Then I can clean out the area and begin to separate my piles: trash, donate, keep.  Once I have finished this I can sort what remains and place it properly in its new home.  The process necessitates some temporary disorder to bring about the desired outcome.  If you stop and look at my work when everything has been thrown about a room in chaos, you would question my methods, but if you wait, you will see the order behind the apparent mess. 

This picture found an instant connection to the life of Joseph and my own.  Joseph's life had purpose from day one and it never changed even when the security of his surroundings did.  God was at work at every stage in the process.  It was a bit disruptive in the middle, but it was with purpose.  There was some organizing that God was doing with his people and it meant temporary chaos.  True Joseph is more than the sweater thrown on my bed while I sort out the piles, but the principle still applies.

When we look in a particular moment we can miss the big picture, because a moment does not define our life's work.  We know the beauty of Joseph's story because we read it from beginning to end, but for Joseph he had to trust God even when it downright sucked to do so. 

This isn't the first time I've blogged about Joseph or even this lesson, but I am still in process with it so it continues to resonate with me. I think this is a timely word for this world.  Our country and our world are a mess, but I believe God is positioning and preparing us for the eternity we will spend with him!  It doesn't discount the impact of the tragedies we encounter, but we still have to trust and have faith - God is in control! 

Afraid to Speak

I don't know if you have been watching Leah Remini's Scientology documentary on A&E, but I have since Season One last year.  This show has struck a chord with me for a variety of reasons.  I am not going to go down that list here (that's a whole other post in the making), but last week's episode (Season 2, Episode 6) featured Paul Haggis, a former celebrity member of the cult. As he was talking about his journey out of the cult and the backlash he received moving forward, he stated a few sentences that pierced my heart with a force that stopped me in my tracks.  I literally wept, because of the conviction I felt in that moment.  

Here is my best attempt to quote him from the episode:

"When you learn certain things, what really is just a responsibility you have to tell the truth, it’s not really a choice.  I felt that I had to speak out and whatever happened, happened, and I knew there would be a big fallout and there was."

Even though I am opinionated and consider myself a fairly open individual, I know I don't always speak up the way I should.  In certain circles or on various topics, I can honestly say, I am afraid to speak.  Not because I don't believe in my convictions but because I don't trust in the masses to hear my heart and be intent to share my truth as I intended. I let the fear of judgement keep me from the obligation to speak the truth.

Social media has taken the term "fake news" to a completely other level.  Its staggering the misinformation that gets propagated in our culture faster than a wild fire through a forest in drought.  Its rare for the average person to check their facts before spreading the truth of the hour.  That coupled with the eradication of relational care in a computer generation that has no thought for the feelings of the people on the other end of the screen is a scary reality. 

To see, for example. a teacher's personal information spread across the internet and their family's safety put in jeopardy as a result of a viral video that turned out to be an outright lie is nothing short of frightening. 

But regardless of the cost, I have a voice, and I am the only person with this exact voice.  

I can't be responsible for the way its received or passed on.  I am responsible to lovingly speak the truth I know.  Yes, it can get ugly, and wisdom should always be at the helm, but I cannot allow the crazy, that is our world today, to stop me from using my voice.  My voice is not just for me, its also for others who need to hear it. 

What about you?  Are you living in that boat?  

This conviction probably won't result in me sharing endless perspectives on social media because I think people get overloaded and its not finding the results its seeks to aim. I will however, share as I feel led and stop allowing fear to keep me silent regardless of how it may be received.  

I want to have the confidence I heard in Paul Haggis' voice as he spoke, knowing the resistance and downright hurtful hatred was coming yet, not letting someone else deter him from standing for truth.  He knew he had no choice but to share the truth about Scientology, because the truth trumped the negative fallout.  Even if you have never been in a cult like Scientology, there can be lies you see in our world that need to be corrected.  We have an obligation to share and to help people avoid the dangers they are headed toward, otherwise we are cowards. 

May we together continue to speak where our heart speaks and in return hear those who are listening. 

Are You A Christian?

What would you say if I told you I was a doctor, but my only credit to this title was a one hour Nursing class in college that I deem the only qualification needed to practice medicine?

Anyone lining up to get a check up?

Probably not.

One class in my undergraduate studies does not a doctor make!

What is funny is that 70.5% of the American population considers themselves a Christian and yet only 11% of that group has read the Bible in its entirety, and only 9% having read it more than once.

True, you don't have to read the Bible to be a Christian.  Christianity is not earned, its willingly received.  That trips people up though because becoming a Christian isn't an item on a checklist but a new beginning.

Christianity is an understanding that we can't do life on our own.  The standard of perfection is not attainable for us humans and we need Jesus' gift of life because of his perfect life on earth and death on the cross and resurrection to be forgiven of all the wrongs we have done.

Christianity is surrender - surrender to Jesus and his ways.  This surrender is often counter to our culture but honestly, it's also counter to our human nature.  The Bible is, simply put, a letter.  Yes, its more than that - its history, its poetry, its prophecy but at its heart its a letter, a story given to his children (that's us).  Its God way of speaking to us.  Yes, it can be intimidating but its not impossible.  It starts with a step, followed by another step.  How can you know who God is, what God wants with us and from us if you don't read the Bible?

The beauty of Christianity and the Bible is balance, and when someone goes too far one direction they lose the beauty of it all.  The teeter totter holds truth on one side and grace on the other.  When you stand in the middle of the two, you have found the sweet spot.  Sustaining that takes daily connection with God.

Religion is common place, but the relational focus of Christianity is unparalleled.  We must enter into a relationship with our Savior and daily walk with him to find the road and stay on it.

Unfortunately, this is not happening and I can't imagine what that discord must look like to God.  We are all his children and we are fighting and killing each other.  We have abandoned the hallmark of who he is - love.  We have walked away from truth in search of popularity or happiness and yet we haven't found what we thought we would.  The label of Christian is doing more harm than good in some corners of this country, because like my doctor analogy, people are claiming a faith they have no knowledge of.

When I moved to Germany my junior year, the two years that followed weren't marked with the poor choices I made that led to two decisions of regret.  No, the big problem when I arrived was one sentence that broke me.  You see when I headed to Germany, I was walking away from some bad years that left hurt inside my soul.  Not dealing with the pain I'd experienced, left me open to bitterness and bad choices.

 I uttered to God, "I don't like what you have done with my life, and I am taking over."

I abandoned God.

That was what led me to a breaking point my Freshman year of college.  Sure my wrecked virginity and subsequent abortion contributed to that pain, but when I FINALLY cried out to God, do you know what I found? It wasn't condemnation or judgement.  I heard God say, "Carrie, I have been waiting.  Waiting for you to give all of that to me, so I could fill you with my best."  That day in the basement of my dorm hall, I wept and I gave God back what was always his - control of my life.  He is a gentleman so he never forced me to follow him, but he let me see what my control led to - a mess.

At almost 39, my life is not perfect.  I am still a mess, but God is directing my path and in him I am finding all the joy, comfort, direction I need.  No one has ever loved me like God, and when I trust him with my life and seek him daily in Bible reading and prayer, I find what I need for today!  He has my life in his hands, and I can trust He knows what He is doing!!!  That is a Christian.  Are you a Christian?

4 Things I Know...That I Don't Really Know

Sunday morning before heading to church, I got a call.  The news on the other end shocked me.  A woman at church, who I had just seen, had a heart attack and died the night before.  She wasn't young, but I still didn't see it coming.  She was making plans for upcoming events, trips with her husband, we had even just discussed food for a Christmas Event later this year.  The news of her death seemed surreal.  I can tell you, her death isn't the first one to take me off-guard either. 

Having this reaction got me thinking.  You see I know: 

1. Life is Short -

I know there is no guarantee for the days we are given. That is a truth I know, that I know, that I know and yet when the reality of this truth hits me in the face, I am reminded, I actually live life as if it will keep going as it always does, without recognizing we never know what is really around the corner.

As I contemplated the vast chasm between a fact I knew in my head and acted out in my life,  I wondered, what other truths do I know that apparently, I don't really know? 

Here are some others that came to mind:  

2.  Life Isn't Fair -

I know good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.  I know just because I deserve something, it doesn't mean I will get it because life isn't fair and yet when I am faced with a situation that is definitely unfair, I am forced to reckon myself to a truth that I have suddenly forgotten. 

This reminder hits me once a week when I watch American Ninja Warrior with my son.  Here are competitors who train all year for this event, and yet, one slip of the foot on the first obstacle can take down even the most seasoned athlete.   

3.  I Have Absolutely No Control  -

Similar to the first two items, I often find myself in an anxious mess over hurdles in life because I have bought into the deceptive lie that by worrying, I can affect the outcome of anything in life. I have no control over a million things that can influence my life.

This truth seems to resonate pretty strongly through our country right now as people face evacuation from their homes in hurricanes and fires.  You drive away, after doing what you can to protect your home, without guarantee all will be well when you return.  One can't control a natural disaster or the obscene amount of traffic you encounter on your exit or reentry after the storm.  

Lack of control does not just touch us in disastrous circumstances; it also touches us in the every day world - rush hour traffic, repairman wait times, your toddler's behavior, a spouse walking out, your cable going out at the exact moment its supposed to tape your favorite show, losing a loved one to an accident or disease.  From momentous to the mundane, we have NO control over so many outside influences that affect our lives.  That can be a scary reality.  

4.  God is in Control -

Here's the great news I often (way too often) forget.  Not only is there a God in control, but he is a good God.  When life goes sideways and I experience one of the above, I can eventually find solace in this truth (you know, once I stop trying to be God in my own life).

Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us that God sees and knows things we cannot comprehend.  He sees the full picture and regardless of what is happening in the moment - he's got it.  There are moments when this reality hits me like a two-by-four, as I find myself comparing reality with what I would do if I were God.

I don't see all He does so my decision will always be based on limited information.   I may one day understand why he did what he did in a particular situation but I also may never know this side of heaven. 

Truthfully, this list could continue on indefinitely, because as human beings, I find putting beliefs into practice can be easier said than done.  I just hope as you read this list, you will examine your own belief gaps and seek the truth you need to narrow that gap - if even just a bit. 

Find encouragement today in whatever mess you find yourself in, because you are not alone.  The rest of us humans are floundering too, like fish out of water.  We don't have to have it all together or be the best, we just have to continue to seek God and live a life that takes the best out of each moment.  There are no guarantees and just because we fail to recognize truth, doesn't change it from being true.  Happy Wednesday!