Two Kinds of People

I sat in church recently and just gazed at my son sitting next to me.  I am in awe sometimes of who he is because even though my husband I had part in making him, he grew in my body, I birthed him and we have raised him since then - he is his own person.  As parents we help him grow but part of that journey is discovering who he is.  At the end of the day, God made him. 

I pulled him close and whispered something into his ear that I wanted to share with you. 

There are two kinds of people in this world.

1. People who want to discover who you are and get to know you.

2.  People who judge you and try to make you something they want you to be. 

Show love to everyone, but make sure the people you spend time with are people in the first group.  Be around people who want to know you, instead of the people who tell you who to be.  That can be hard in our world, where people say they are individuals yet put their energy into being just like everyone else.  Yet being ourselves is necessary for personal happiness, holiness and freedom.  God made us with a purpose and the world is suffering if we aren't being ourselves.  God may transform us more into his likeness as we seek him in relationship but that comes from the freedom of living in the shoes he placed us in. 

I didn't end the lesson with that point because I felt it imperative I finish up the lesson by adding - you also need to be the first person.  Its easy to judge people, but its harder to dig deeper and find out who they are and what makes them tick.  Doing so is worth it.  Deeper relationships happen through authenticity.

Last night I was at a local summer book club.  We are reading through, "UnAshamed" by Christine Caine.  One of the discussion questions was something like, "Do you hang out with people with the goal of friendship and fitting in or for respect?"  As we discussed, we noted as teens and young adults our aim is often to fit in and be accepted, and its not until we get older that we realize the importance of being respected.

Dr. Henry Cloud shares in his book, "Changes that Heal," that true bonding isn't possible without proper boundaries.  Respect is a part of that.  We can't get close to people who don't respect where they end and we begin.

Do you foster relationships that bring healing to your life and bring out the best in you and others or do the relationships in your life bring about pain and unhealthy conflict?

We get to choose how we want our lives to be - well, at some level. Too often we complain about the things we can't control and passively accept the circumstances and people we have a say about.  I'm not advocating mistreatment of others, instead, I am encouraging you to be and be around the first type of person I listed above.  Show love to the second time of person but keep your emotional distance.  They need to learn to be the first type of person and you can model it for them by being the first person.  We all deserve the best relationships, do you have those in your life? What are the biggest obstacles you face in being the first person? I'd love to hear from you!  Happy Wednesday!

Having It All

When we think about having it all, we often think of having the perfect spouse and kids, perfect job, great car, dream home...you get the picture.  Today, I read a post from a local acquaintance who shared a photo of her porch after someone had helped themselves to her bench and cushions during the night.

As I thought about this tragedy I realized, we have it wrong when we think about "having it all."

Yes, the person who took her stuff, now has a new bench set or the money from illegally selling it, but they left something on that porch that they can't get back.  When they made the choice to take something that wasn't theirs, they traded in their character for it.  They lost a part of themselves.  Sure, people who do these things usually lost those things a long time ago, but who we are is more important than the possessions or accolades we acquire.

I'm sure many of us can agree with that statement, but I can tell you when I yell at my kids for accidentally breaking something in our house - the disrespect I show in response to a mistake is sending a message that things matter more than they do and that is not a message I want to send.

Truly, having it all is accomplished by character building experiences and self-denial as we love those around us.   The things in our heart, the people we are, that is what we take with us when we die.  So grabbing for what belongs to others so we can have it, isn't doing us any favors.

Matthew 6:19-21 (NIV) 

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Some of you might be asking, "How does this apply to me? I don't steal stuff off people's porches?" But how many times do we put things before character or before others?  How often do we do things to be liked someone else or to fit in?  If we miss out on being ourselves, we are being robbed of that gift.   This lesson is for all of us in some way.  Maybe its to have compassion for the person stealing because they have got the aim of life all wrong.  Loving people the way Jesus did means caring for them without conditions.  Yes, Jesus expected people to stop with the destructive behavior but he loved them first.  Love is what drew them to him and in that love he spoke truth into their lives.  When we care for people we understand the lies they believe that have led them to where they are now.  It doesn't mean we let them get by with bad behavior, it just means we look beyond the offense and see the person.  Can you imagine the better world we would have if everyone did that?  Where are you off the mark with how you live your life and have it all?  What are you grabbing for that isn't yours in the first place?  I'd love to hear how this truth applies to your life - you may be able to teach me something!!!  Happy Wednesday!

Afraid to Speak

I don't know if you have been watching Leah Remini's Scientology documentary on A&E, but I have since Season One last year.  This show has struck a chord with me for a variety of reasons.  I am not going to go down that list here (that's a whole other post in the making), but last week's episode (Season 2, Episode 6) featured Paul Haggis, a former celebrity member of the cult. As he was talking about his journey out of the cult and the backlash he received moving forward, he stated a few sentences that pierced my heart with a force that stopped me in my tracks.  I literally wept, because of the conviction I felt in that moment.  

Here is my best attempt to quote him from the episode:

"When you learn certain things, what really is just a responsibility you have to tell the truth, it’s not really a choice.  I felt that I had to speak out and whatever happened, happened, and I knew there would be a big fallout and there was."

Even though I am opinionated and consider myself a fairly open individual, I know I don't always speak up the way I should.  In certain circles or on various topics, I can honestly say, I am afraid to speak.  Not because I don't believe in my convictions but because I don't trust in the masses to hear my heart and be intent to share my truth as I intended. I let the fear of judgement keep me from the obligation to speak the truth.

Social media has taken the term "fake news" to a completely other level.  Its staggering the misinformation that gets propagated in our culture faster than a wild fire through a forest in drought.  Its rare for the average person to check their facts before spreading the truth of the hour.  That coupled with the eradication of relational care in a computer generation that has no thought for the feelings of the people on the other end of the screen is a scary reality. 

To see, for example. a teacher's personal information spread across the internet and their family's safety put in jeopardy as a result of a viral video that turned out to be an outright lie is nothing short of frightening. 

But regardless of the cost, I have a voice, and I am the only person with this exact voice.  

I can't be responsible for the way its received or passed on.  I am responsible to lovingly speak the truth I know.  Yes, it can get ugly, and wisdom should always be at the helm, but I cannot allow the crazy, that is our world today, to stop me from using my voice.  My voice is not just for me, its also for others who need to hear it. 

What about you?  Are you living in that boat?  

This conviction probably won't result in me sharing endless perspectives on social media because I think people get overloaded and its not finding the results its seeks to aim. I will however, share as I feel led and stop allowing fear to keep me silent regardless of how it may be received.  

I want to have the confidence I heard in Paul Haggis' voice as he spoke, knowing the resistance and downright hurtful hatred was coming yet, not letting someone else deter him from standing for truth.  He knew he had no choice but to share the truth about Scientology, because the truth trumped the negative fallout.  Even if you have never been in a cult like Scientology, there can be lies you see in our world that need to be corrected.  We have an obligation to share and to help people avoid the dangers they are headed toward, otherwise we are cowards. 

May we together continue to speak where our heart speaks and in return hear those who are listening.