The Deception of Suicide

A couple of years ago, I wrote on the topic of suicide in the wake of Robin Williams' tragic death.  Every time I hear someone else has lost the battle with suicide, it breaks my heart.  Beyond the obvious reasons, it breaks my heart because I have contemplated suicide and I know that struggle.

 I fight thoughts that this world would be better off without me.  Please know, I know that simply isn't true.  That thought is a lie, but its one I grapple with in life.  I see my glaring flaws and think, "I'm ruining my kids, they would be better off without the damage I inflict on them."  I begin to think my absence wouldn't be noticed in our world.  These lies run through my mind and I have to be proactive about replacing them with true statements.  I have to tell those voices to shut up and nurture voices that echo my value as a person, in spite of my flaws. 

We can't stop fighting.  We must reach for what is good.  The Bible says in Philippians 4:8

 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

I used to think that was only about moral good, like the stuff I watched on tv, but its also about fighting against the lies our enemy births and we tell ourselves.

This weekend I attended a conference, "The Gospel & Justice." Joshua Ryan Butler discussed many issues in our world that Christians need to get involved in, but as he shared he shared about our identity.  It sparked further thoughts of my own. 

God made us with purpose, he loves us and seeks to see us live in freedom.  God isn't the only one that has an identity to give us. Beyond the general mission of our enemy that the Bible tells us about in John 10:10, to steal, kill and destroy, Satan has crafted a unique lie and correlating identity for us.  We can choose to accept it and crumble beneath its burden, or instead we can choose to reject it and listen for what God says, and embrace the abundant life he offers.

Satan tells me I'm not good enough, and that I am not worth much.  Satan whispers in the face of rejection that something is wrong with me.  Crazy, damaged, broken are all identities the enemy has handed me. 

God tells me I am enough the way he made me, and lets me know I am worth more than precious gems.  He shows me that I am worthy, strong, loving and healed.  God lets me see the love he wants to share through me.  I am gifted in loving others and seeing their souls.  I am gifted in drawing out the heart and touching it with the love of Christ.

Suicide is a deception.  Its believing that our faults define us and that our worth is contingent upon shifting factors.  The deception of suicide goes beyond a lying identity to another lie - the lie that we are alone in our struggle.  We begin to believe if we share our inner abyss, we will be rejected which just leads to emotional isolation. 

If the body of Christ teaches us anything, its that we need each other.  Yes, we need companionship, but having people in your life, you can be transparent with, helps protect you from the lies.  The deception of suicide is more than just the "not good enough" its also a deception that no one will understand and you must carry the burden alone. 

To overcome we also must share the burden with people we trust so they can help point us to the truth.  We are loved!! 

My latest bout with self-worth doubt ended in a very interesting way.  Not only did I hear the voice of God and my own mantras but I heard the voices of those in my life.  I knew they would tell me my value in their lives.  It was the shortest lie moment I've had and I saw victory in it.  I'm sharing this with the world to let you know if this is a struggle for you, you aren't alone.  Find the truth of who God says you are and lean into it.  Be intentional in relationships and find someone(s) you can share your inner heart with - set yourself up for success!

4 Things I Know...That I Don't Really Know

Sunday morning before heading to church, I got a call.  The news on the other end shocked me.  A woman at church, who I had just seen, had a heart attack and died the night before.  She wasn't young, but I still didn't see it coming.  She was making plans for upcoming events, trips with her husband, we had even just discussed food for a Christmas Event later this year.  The news of her death seemed surreal.  I can tell you, her death isn't the first one to take me off-guard either. 

Having this reaction got me thinking.  You see I know: 

1. Life is Short -

I know there is no guarantee for the days we are given. That is a truth I know, that I know, that I know and yet when the reality of this truth hits me in the face, I am reminded, I actually live life as if it will keep going as it always does, without recognizing we never know what is really around the corner.

As I contemplated the vast chasm between a fact I knew in my head and acted out in my life,  I wondered, what other truths do I know that apparently, I don't really know? 

Here are some others that came to mind:  

2.  Life Isn't Fair -

I know good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people.  I know just because I deserve something, it doesn't mean I will get it because life isn't fair and yet when I am faced with a situation that is definitely unfair, I am forced to reckon myself to a truth that I have suddenly forgotten. 

This reminder hits me once a week when I watch American Ninja Warrior with my son.  Here are competitors who train all year for this event, and yet, one slip of the foot on the first obstacle can take down even the most seasoned athlete.   

3.  I Have Absolutely No Control  -

Similar to the first two items, I often find myself in an anxious mess over hurdles in life because I have bought into the deceptive lie that by worrying, I can affect the outcome of anything in life. I have no control over a million things that can influence my life.

This truth seems to resonate pretty strongly through our country right now as people face evacuation from their homes in hurricanes and fires.  You drive away, after doing what you can to protect your home, without guarantee all will be well when you return.  One can't control a natural disaster or the obscene amount of traffic you encounter on your exit or reentry after the storm.  

Lack of control does not just touch us in disastrous circumstances; it also touches us in the every day world - rush hour traffic, repairman wait times, your toddler's behavior, a spouse walking out, your cable going out at the exact moment its supposed to tape your favorite show, losing a loved one to an accident or disease.  From momentous to the mundane, we have NO control over so many outside influences that affect our lives.  That can be a scary reality.  

4.  God is in Control -

Here's the great news I often (way too often) forget.  Not only is there a God in control, but he is a good God.  When life goes sideways and I experience one of the above, I can eventually find solace in this truth (you know, once I stop trying to be God in my own life).

Isaiah 55:8-9 reminds us that God sees and knows things we cannot comprehend.  He sees the full picture and regardless of what is happening in the moment - he's got it.  There are moments when this reality hits me like a two-by-four, as I find myself comparing reality with what I would do if I were God.

I don't see all He does so my decision will always be based on limited information.   I may one day understand why he did what he did in a particular situation but I also may never know this side of heaven. 

Truthfully, this list could continue on indefinitely, because as human beings, I find putting beliefs into practice can be easier said than done.  I just hope as you read this list, you will examine your own belief gaps and seek the truth you need to narrow that gap - if even just a bit. 

Find encouragement today in whatever mess you find yourself in, because you are not alone.  The rest of us humans are floundering too, like fish out of water.  We don't have to have it all together or be the best, we just have to continue to seek God and live a life that takes the best out of each moment.  There are no guarantees and just because we fail to recognize truth, doesn't change it from being true.  Happy Wednesday! 

Spirtual Life - Fear verses Faith

This past weekend, I was at Hartland Christian Camp doing a workshop for their women's conference. I was excited for a great conference and weekend but also a little anxious about being away from my son for 2 nights straight (that may sound silly, but I've never done it). Of course he and I were fine and I did have a great weekend. Because I've done a seminar for them for the past 6 years or so, I have come to know some of the women that regularly attend. So they are my Hartland friends and its nice to see them!

But the weekend presented me with a little more than I'd anticipated. The speaker, Rhea Briscoe, said some things that really puzzle pieced with stuff God has been using to speak to my heart. A few things she said really resonated with me and I had a few light bulb moments. She made reference to Matthew 28:18 which begins the Great Commission and tells us that God has all the power in heaven and earth. Then she asked, "So if God has all the power, how much power does Satan have?" The answer: an obvious zero! He has no real power. He controls me at times with no power, that's crazy right?!

So how does he control us without power? By lying! Yep, he tells us things that aren't true through our inner voice, other people in our lives, the internet, television, movies, music and a lot of other media formats. We in turn, believe the lies, begin to walk in them and in fear and boom (wow, just had a flashback to the movie Couples Retreat), we are in bondage.

In seeing this cycle I realized a few areas of my life where I am walking in fear. I had believed lies of the enemy and was walking that instead of faith and freedom in Christ. I need Jesus and need to bathe in his truth more than I do. I need to stop listening to the enemy and standing up because Matthew 28 goes on to tell us that as believers all his power has been given to us! Hallelujah and Amen!

Somewhere deep inside I feel I should shout, "I'm not Josie Grossie anymore," but I will refrain :). It makes since though right, because God is truth and in him who is also love, there is no fear. He sacrificed his life for us on the cross and we have live in freedom because of his great love. Fear comes from lies. So if you are walking in fear, you are believing lies.

I really have to hand it to Satan for being so crafty. I mean he's really taken us to a new level of fear and lies and has made his job easier by the invention of the internet and cable television. He no longer has to lie to individuals and hope those around them perpetuate it, but he lies in mass production. However, with that said, I am taking my power back and telling him, "no thank you." No more! I am standing on the promises of God and walking by faith. I am dedicating more consistent time to prayer and praise and Bible Study.

One of the things that God has impressed on me in the last month is the importance of praise (I will talk about this in another entry, but the result of all of this is a new step I am taking in my life. In the morning before the day starts and we begin to get going, we sit and use you tube videos with lyrics to sing praises to God. Our own musical worship moment to praise the Lord and invite him into our day. This has been awesome and I'm so glad I'm doing it.

So I leave you with a question: Are you walking in faith of the promises of scripture in God's word or are you living in fear from the lies you believe to be true? Cut the lies out of your life, replace them with the truth of the Bible, stop walking in fear and begin walking by faith! Don't let insults get you down, they are lies. You are beautiful, wonderful and made with purpose :).

Give God entry into all areas of your life! 2 Corinthians 3:17 tells us where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom!

"I'm not Josie Grossie anymore!" (Never Been Kissed)