Shoot the Ducks

Earlier this month, I spent time at a Women's Retreat up at Hartland Christian Camp.  The weekend was great.  I have been going up for years to do a workshop for the ladies.  I have done talks on the serious and the silly of spirituality and life.  

This year I was asked to do a workshop on marriage.  It was a humbling topic.  God has been speaking to me recently through the Bible studies and books I have been reading.  They all seem to deal with the same topics (honestly it was unintentional) - dying to self, facing fears, trusting God.  So as I prepared my workshop, I had Luke 9:23-24 on my list of scriptures to share.  

And He was saying to them all, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.

Funny thing, because unbeknownst to me, that was the retreat theme verse and the main speaker shared several things that seemed to be speaking just to me.  

She shared about how in life she realized fear was the Lord of her life and not Jesus.  She realized she had to get God in control and not fear.  My heart echoed with this truth.  Fear has had way too much control in my decisions and actions for too long.  Some of it is fear of the unknown and the bad things that happen and other parts are just fears of being perceived as a bad mom or something similar.  I try so hard to have life controlled and ordered. 

The next morning she shared another quote that hit me between the eyes.  She shared that God said to her, "Laura, you want to get all your ducks in a row, but shoot the ducks and follow me."  

That one phase stuck with me all weekend, in fact, you may even see me wearing it on a t-shirt one day because I love it.  

SHOOT THE DUCKS! 

Stop trying to keep everything perfect, shoot those ducks in a row and just follow Jesus!  That is the recipe for the best life, not checking all the boxes.  

What hoops are you jumping through to orchestrate your life?  Is it causing you stress or peace?  Chances are, its causing you to lose your mind, not have the mind of Christ.  Following Jesus won't always look like your neighbor or that perfect woman who sits two rows in front of you in church (p.s. she's not really perfect, she probably is losing her mind with all her ducks).  Following Jesus will look different, true its all under the umbrella of scriptural truth, but how God plays that out in us will not look the same because we are all different.  

If we are the body of Christ all with different gifts, as the Bible says, then we weren't made to look the same.  We were made to do what God created us to do.  Seek him and find what that looks like, not the standard of perfection for women in 2019.  

There is no YouTube video for how God wants you to do you.  You have to seek him in his word and study the Bible.  Getting that time to connect with God and understand how he made you allows you to put it all together and find the freedom to be that special person he designed. God's plan is better than anything you could ever imagine!!!  So who is with me?  Who is ready to shoot the ducks and follow Jesus?  

Are You Tempted To Quit?

I will be honest, I get tired of my own issues.  I work hard to be the best I can be.  I am always learning and growing but I still fail - A LOT!!!  My mom lovingly helped me recently to see, despite my lifetime battle with the same issues, I am making progress.  I rebound faster and when I fail its not the train wreck status it was in the past. 

January of this year I got hit pretty hard and wrote the following.  Unfortunately, I'm just getting around to sharing it with you.

I often feel unworthy of the words I write in this blog.  This past week was no exception.  After reading the mantras I needed to feed the positive in my thoughts, I found myself in my pit of despair speaking the lies I am fighting so hard to conquer. 

When I feel like an utter failure, like the one mistake God made, and when I hear myself question if I even deserve the life I live, I am encouraged to know I am not alone in this struggle.

My thoughts can often be my greatest battle.  Books have been written about the spiritual battlefield of the mind.  I am not just fighting for myself, but anyone else who battles the inner demons.  This is the first week of this new year and I've already fallen, but its not going to keep my down.

I don't know how you are starting your year off, but if its less than those sparkly ideals you envisioned, don't give up!  Remember, you aren't alone, God is speaking to you and working in you and he wants you to get up and keep going.  If my life can be an example of the ways God leads you down that path, then let it be.  Truth is I am not a failure, but I do fail because I am a human. 

When I define myself with my missteps I am doing no one any favors.  We are in a fight every day against the enemy and against our personal issues.  I have to keep fighting for myself and for the people that rely on me.

I don't know what you get up and face, but I do know you are worth the fight.  Change the script and begin to call out the thoughts that don't belong in your self-talk.  Speak life and truth and be the kind of friend to yourself that you would want to be to someone else. 

If you remember anything from these words, remember you are worth it.  Don't judge yourself by the number of times you fall on your face, but the number of times you get up.  You will get there, even if it takes 90 years.  Here are a few scriptures to give you encouragement today!!!

Deuteronomy 31:6 - Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the one who goes with you.  He will not leave you nor forsake you. 

Psalm 55:22 - Give your worries to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will never let good people down.

Ephesians 2:10 - God created you to do amazing things. (paraphrase)

Romans 15:13 - I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in him. Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Psalm 46:1 - God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 

Lamentations 3:22-23 - The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

The Person Most Often Ignored

My mom and live on opposite sides of the country.  Because of that we don't get to frequent the same events.  I was recently blessed, compliments of the internet, to listen to my mom's closing testimony at a local women's conference. 

As I listened, I was proud of her for sharing her story and being vulnerable for the benefit of whomever was listening.  Beyond that feeling, I was also impacted by one of the main points that she made. 

She described two women. 

One woman was given all the advantages in life.  She was gifted intellectually and well liked by her peers, she was in total - remarkable.

The second woman was just the opposite.  She had gone through our system because of family issues, had been misused by people all along her life and had made mistakes with lasting consequences. 

As she closed the talk, she acknowledged that she was in fact, both women. 

I am extremely hard on myself.  If someone is upset with me over an offense I've committed, chances are I've already given myself a mental flogging over it.  Sure, I make mistakes but if anyone was as hard on me as I am on myself, they would not be allowed in my life, so its high time I give myself some grace. 

The reality check of my mom's comparison of the two women, has been a HUGE encouragement to me over the past week.  Some of my greatest weaknesses and "issues" have reared their ugly head in my life and caused me to experience a lot of guilt over my inability to stop doing things that I hate.  It is easy to begin to beat myself up and allow myself to drown in a sea of self-doubt and self-deprecation.  The bad in me blinds me from seeing the good. 

However, understanding that two people live in me simultaneously, grants me the grace I need to stay out of the devaluing pool.  Sweet and loving Carrie is still there, even if I don't acknowledge her.  If I just look into the flaw mirror, I can forget the wonder in which God placed in me.  Those beautiful places are still there in the midst of the pain and challenges of life. 

I don't think its just my mom and I that live with this reality.  I choose to share my struggles so that all who read will be encouraged. You are not alone. 

What beauty do you block out when you are operating in your negative zone?  Sure, we keep working on ourselves and allow God to make us more like him, and I am in no way excusing bad behavior or habits. 

That is not the same thing as what I am addressing in this post.  We are all human and by design will make mistakes (remember that is why we needed a Savior in the first place)! Those mistakes are not the only thing that should be used to define us, and yet it often is. 

God walks with us daily if we let him and we may even take steps in the right direction every day.  The journey is birth to death and God has grace for that journey.  We need to see it too! 

May this simple thought bless you today. 

  

I AM INSANE!

I am insane.  There are no men waiting at my door to place me in my own white jacket, though I’m sure my husband thinks there should be sometimes.  Its just when I take a step back and look at some of things I do or struggle with I can honestly say, its nuts!  

I had another post planned for today but thought I would take a moment to breathe and share something from my real life in real time.  

Do you ever step back and watch yourself from a bird’s eye view?  As if you were some reality tv star being able to see your daily routine, ok so not entirely the same as there is nothing real about reality tv, but you get my point.  If you haven’t, you should - you will be amazed! 

Today, I am going out of town for two nights. I am going to a conference and will be sitting in classrooms all day.  Packing should be a simple task. Yet, if you’d watch me try to get ready to leave, you think I would be going away for a year.  I have lived in 6 states, 2 foreign countries, I have lived in at least 21 different houses/apartments and have travelled to 27 countries.  Packing shouldn’t be difficult for me but the truth is: 

I CANT PACK! 

I suck at it.  I also run around like a crazy person.  I had this conversation with my husband this morning,

 a man who has raised two daughters before I came around and is fully capable of running the house despite the copious notes I have left for him.

What is wrong with me?  

The simple answer is - I am human and I struggle with anxiety.  So there you go, but when I see it play out sometimes it completely makes me want to laugh.  I am going crazy over scenarios that haven’t happened, and preparing for the apocalypse and I am just going to be a few hours drive away!  

When I read the Bible, I often wonder why God repeats himself so much and I am pretty sure the answer is because we need it! Don't we all act insane at times?  We need God and more importantly we are a hot mess without him.  

If you are reading this, I hope you see the humor in my words because I know we are also wonderful, competent people.  But at our worst, I think insane is a good word.  

You know what?  Even when you are acting like me - a chicken with their head cut off obsessing over things that don't matter, God loves you.  He died for me when I was a hot mess! (Romans 5:8 - note that is a Carrie paraphrase, the Bible does not actually say hot mess).  

You know when I have a day like today, I have to take a step back and not take myself so seriously.  Sometimes I can laugh at my imperfections and issues because if you were at my house watching me today, you would chuckle at my craziness.  I know my husband does.  

I am so grateful I have a God who loves me as much as he does!  If you need a dose of love today, read I John in the Bible (its towards the back) and see just how much God loves you.  He gave his life for you and that is a sacrificial love that changes people.  

Happy Wednesday!  And if you think of it, pray for me as I leave this house! 

Be the Be

I have a real struggle with contentment.  Its not that I don’t love my life because I do.  I know I have a stellar family and am so happy with that reality.  

This discontentment comes when I look in the mirror (usually on a figurative level).  I have a hard time loving and embracing myself.  I see the beauty God has created but I also see the human with all her cracks and flaws and its easy to begin to compare to others around me.  

Before I know it I begin to think "if only" I looked like that, had their money, had that job, lived in that neighborhood, had their temperament, had been raised by their parents, and the list continues.  This is such a big deal because much of it happens on a subconscious level.  

I’ve become aware of what I am thinking and it astounds me just how much I have a “wish I had that…” thought. 

The real battle happens in our minds.  I’ve seen so much research on the power of our thoughts and its very surreal to think the real issue isn't what we have or don't have, but is our thoughts! Re-thinking a few things could be just what is needed to bring about the best results.  

Even the Bible speaks to our thoughts:  

I Corinthians 10:5

5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Those mental roadblocks are supposed to be destroyed so we can stay on mental task.  

As I thought about all this (while driving, by the way), I thought we need to “Be the BE!”  By this I don’t mean be the "b" word; instead I mean, begin to live from where we are, not where we want to be.  We need to get good at being ourselves.  Its very hard to do in a culture that constantly throws comparisons in our face.  

Sometimes it just seems easier to be like everyone else.  I see this person finding success by doing motherhood or business a certain way and my brain just wants to copy their method and be them.  But the world doesn't need that.  I was made with a purpose and by living out me, I make the greatest impact.
  

Yes, it can be hard because there are things about myself, that crush me.  I’m not talking about my stringy hair or any other superficial quality but areas of character that motherhood has exposed in me and left me embarrassed.  

Its become apparent that I don't always deal well when things don't go as planned and often I can lash out when I feel out of control or when I'm operating in an anxiety induced episode.  The woman that emerges is someone I am less than proud of.  She's been around my whole life, but now I see her emerging in my kids and the horror grows.  

But remember the battle is in the mind.  When I set my focus on that, I can in fact bring her out more.  When I slow it down and center myself and remind myself of all the good qualities I am passing on, the monster I see looks a bit smaller.    

Perfectionism has been at the root many a time; unable to see the whole picture narrowing in on the missteps and the failures unable to look them square in the eye and wanting so badly for them to just go away.  

But no one is perfect, even if the image they present looks it.

There is always something.  Embracing ourselves warts and all is the best way to live.  Not because we can’t change and everyone better just get used to our negative qualities but because accepting reality is really the first step to make changes.  

Why am I sharing all this with the world?  Its not because I need you to feel sorry for me or come tell me I’m great or suggest I see a counselor.  I am sharing this because I am not alone.  Many of you need to also -  

BE the BE!  

What ways are you allowing discontent thoughts and comparing yourself with others?  What ways are you narrowing in on your flaws to the exclusion of your beauty?  How can you embrace yourself, and be the person you were created to be?  It starts with a look into your emotional mirror and a decision to start with you not the you, you wish you were. You were created with purpose as is. Go forth and rock life!