Resetting Life Expectations

Life is hard, isn't it?!  I feel like I was always looking for the time in life when it would be easy, but even in this amazing stage of life I find myself in, I am still struggling with challenges.  I wanted the white picket fence, the perfect family, house, etc.  Here I am living it and its just not the problem free reality that I envisioned and desperately hoped for as a girl.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life, but where along the way did I pick up the notion that the good life was a perfect life?  Where did I gather in the info that a problem-free existence was possible.  I've been a Christian all my life, and I've studied the Bible, but does it say that anywhere in that book?  No, in fact, it says just the opposite.  We are told about the problems of life.  It shouldn't be a surprise!

John 16:33 
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace.  In this world you will have trouble.  But take heart! I have overcome the world."  

Its no accident that John 15 comes before this verse.  John 15 talks about God as the vine and us as the branches.  He discusses the vital truth of being close and connected to God to grow and thrive.   We need this truth in order to survive life. 

There was a time in my junior high days that the first chapter of Jeremiah struck me with a nugget of truth. Read part of it with me: 

Jeremiah 1:4-10 

The Call of Jeremiah
4 The word of the Lord came to me, saying,

5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

6 “Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”

7 But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.

9 Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth. 10 See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.”

Now go back and look at verse eight.  Do you see that word, "rescue?"  God doesn't promise we won't go through the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day," or days as it usually goes in life, and he never promises the perfect, scripted life.  Instead he promises never to leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6, Joshua 1:5-9, I Kings 8:57, Genesis 28:15, Hebrews 13:5)  and he promises to rescue.

Why does God promise that?  Because he knows when life is hard, we feel alone, defeated and inadequate. Jeremiah wasn't just some random guy having a bad day, Jeremiah was a prophet that God sent out to share his truth and love, knowing Jeremiah wouldn't be received with open arms.  He knew he would be treated badly, but he still sent him because God loves people and wants the best for them.  God also loved Jeremiah, which is why he assures him he will rescue him.

Often in scripture, God sent people on missions by giving the job description and then promising to be there.  He doesn't say it will be easy, he promises his presence, which means something when you are an all-loving, all-powerful God.  When God says he will do something, he will do it.  It doesn't matter if the promise seems impossible.  Man and God don't operate in the same realm.  He doesn't have our limitations.  In fact, our God didn't just send us, he also sent himself in the form of Jesus, who did everything he told us to do. He led by example.

Also, have you ever noticed the richest life usually comes as a result of the passage through the "terrible, horrible, no good, very bad" experiences?   The sweet life isn't being a Stepford Wife - in fact there perfect existence is in reality, no existence at all.  Messy life is the best life.

I can't finish this without reminding my Christian readers out there, that this Bible filled with people like Jeremiah doesn't just stop with the men and women in this book.  We have been given a mission.  Matthew 28:16-20 is God's mission for us.  Go read it if you don't know it, and if you do, go get reminded.  These promises are still for us today as we walk the same road that has already been walked.  As you struggle to love that woman that trash talked you, face cancer, stand up for truth in a loving way, share love with the homeless, listen attentively to that annoying talker, invite that friend to church or Bible study, be loving to a spouse that is on your last nerve and the list goes on, remember you are on a mission from God.

So what are the keys to a good life?  I think its pretty simple.

1. Know Your Mission
2. Know Your God
3. Enjoy the Beauty Amidst the Storms
4. Press On In Love

Maybe its time to throw out the childhood expectations you had for life.  I know I need to and re-calibrate what I am aiming for.  God will rescue you if you let him.  Being his means having a peace in the one true God no matter the circumstances, but it doesn't mean problem free. Sometimes I need reminded of that reality.  God loves me and he always has.  He loved the girl with the abusive stepdad, with all the baggage after divorce and abuse as much as he loves the wife and mom I am today.

Do you need to reconnect with God today?  Do you need to clarify your mission and get to know your God, your master, a little more?   Do you just need the encouragement that you aren't alone and you are seen?  Take this truth and keep on.  You are needed.  Happy Wednesday!  - Carrie

A Question We Need to STOP Asking

"Church" is an interesting word. What it means and how it is used are often two very different things. When we read the Bible we see the church is not a building with a name on the outside and a list of service times. In the Bible, church is a group of people. Jesus called us to be his church - a group of people who’ve accepted him as Savior, working together for a common mission of loving others and sharing his good news with the people around us. 

Church is a mission and a mindset, not a place we go. So what is the question we need to stop asking? Within the Christian community, a common question asked is, "What church do you go to?" Or the reverse of that is telling someone you what church you attend. The problem with this comment or question is that it makes the church is a building or place you visit once or twice a week before returning to every day life. This hurts us and our ability to be the church, because we check it off our list. “I went to church this week.” 

Instead we should ask people, “what church are you in community with?” Or, “what is your church community?”

This may seem like I’m nitpicking or just trying to cause some kind of problem over a semantic argument, but the truth is the words we use make a big difference in our mindset. We think of something in relationship to how we talk about it and when talking about church, that can limit how we walk out our faith. 

The great commission gets forgotten even if we talk about it because in our mind we already went to church, but the reality is we are to be the church everywhere we go, because we are ambassadors for Christ. We share the image of Christ with everyone we encounter and if we aren’t living mindfully of that, then we can forget and begin to lose the heart of Christ to share his love with those who don't know him. 

The Bible tells us that the world will know we are Christians by our love. I don’t think that passage is true at all for American Christians, Christians in America don’t lead with love. Let’s just set aside for a minute the hot button topics we disagree about, and look at our every day life. Can we see the love of Christ permeating through our lives? We have allowed the "have it your way" society to trump our mission and Christ-centered way of living. We become more consumed with getting to where we need to go on time and treating the people around us rudely in the process, than we do about sharing the love of Jesus with people and allowing others to be more important than ourselves. 

Now am I saying that if we start asking a different question about church that will change all of that? No. It’s a bigger topic than this mental shift and there change that needs to happen, but I will say that changing our mindset and the way of asking what church you go to will make a step in the right direction.  Change starts in our mind.  One foot in front of the other, going in the right direction, gets you to where you need to go. 

Stop merely going to church and start being the church. That doesn’t mean that you’ll stop attending a service on Sunday morning, but it means you’ll be a part of a church that knows that they are more than just a Sunday service.  The change in mindset will change the questions you ask and how you make decisions within your church community.  Join a group, a community, a body of people who know they are on a mission.  When we do that we may see we need to change how we do things because we will stop making decisions for us and shift what we do to accommodate the world around us who needs Jesus! 

Always Be Gift Ready

A woman in your church finds out her dad is dying of cancer, she needs to go back and forth between her family and her dad and you know she needs help.  Trouble is, you aren't sure what to do.

Its a friend's birthday and you don't want to just get a gift card, but you aren't sure what to get and its too late to get clues without being super obvious.   What do you do?

A co-worker got dumped and its having a rough morning.  You would love to show up with a treat, but you aren't sure their go-to comfort food or drink and you feel it will ruin the surprise to ask.  So how do you get her something without being awkward and asking?

I have an answer.  Its called notes.  Your phone contact list has a note category.  Its the perfect place to keep track of those things the people in your life love.  Maybe you get a favorites list off Pinterest and give it to all your friends then add it to their contact so you have it when you need it.  Or maybe you just ask questions and take notes.  Either way, doing this will make you not only a great gift giver but a considerate person.

The key is knowing ahead of time.

So maybe you find out what you can do to help before they need it.  Sure you can always take someone a meal going through a hard time, but sometimes you want to do something different and in the age of food allergies, it can be a challenge sometimes to take a meal.  So finding out what you can do to lighten the load is important.

This past month I got two stand out gifts.  One had me a hot mess on Instagram Live.  I didn't win the lottery or anything and the gift wasn't even purchased.  My mom sent me something I wanted and didn't even know it because she was listening to a conversation of me just sharing a childhood memory that I tried to recreate, even though I didn't have the bowl I had as a kid.  She sent me the bowl and I melted into the floor and felt like the most loved person on the planet.

The day after Christmas a friend and I went out shopping for the clearance deals.  I talked with her about a vintage Santa mug I wanted but realized it too late and everywhere is sold out.  Two weeks later she showed up to church with a gift bag and guess what was in it.  A Santa mug.  So sweet.

One of the easiest things to find out is what someone's Starbucks drink or go-to drink is.  I was headed to a friend's house and told her I was stopping at Starbucks on the way.  I not only got her a drink, but made note in my contacts of her order so that a few months after that, she was having a bad day, I could show up with a drink.  It made her day.

A few years ago I got my sister and her husband's favorite treats via email and saved it for future reference so I can bless them from time to time with what they love.  Life is busy and crazy but being a thoughtful person is important and the best way to be there is to listen, ask questions and take notes!

Another friend just lost her sister.  We were talking and she mentioned the day of the funeral.  I wasn't able to go, but made note in my calendar so I could text her that morning and let her know I was thinking about her.

Little things make a big difference and if you start doing this, it won't take big effort.

We got this!!!

10 Tips I Learned in 2019

Yes, I have my word for 2020 and I have some dreams for this year, but I also want to make sure I soak up all the lessons from this past year so that I can move forward, making the most of all the lessons this past year had to offer.  Too often I feel we are so busy looking ahead that we don't make the most of what we just went through.  We then end up being the quote below.

I want to learn from my history so here is a random list of things I learned this past year.  Some are just simple life hacks and others are more strategies.  I hope my path also helps you.  Here we go!

1. Spray Glitter - This year I started following the YouTube channel, "Do It On A Dime" and I love her.  I got so many cool tips from Kathryn about Dollar Tree and decorating.  She talks about other stuff too to include real life emotions and cleaning.  Most of the cleaning stuff doesn't apply to me because I'm eliminating toxins and most cheap cleaners are filled with them, but one tip I did love and wanted to share was to spray glittered items with hair spray first.  It was great.  I found some cool glitter letters and a few ornaments that I put on packages and they were a mess until I sprayed them with hairspray and let them dry.  No more glitter dandruff.  Hooray!!!   Try it out and let me know how you like it.  Also, go follow this woman, you will love her!

2. Do Least Favorite Tasks In Batches - What do you hate?  I hate grocery shopping and meal planning and so I avoid it.  What I have found, is that if I batch the task and do it less frequently, its much easier.  So guess what?  I actually planned 3 months worth of recipes.  I didn't assign them to a date, but I did ready them so when I do my shopping twice a month, I have a plan and can get it done.  This has worked for other things as well.  Dividing it up in the daily works for some people, but for me, setting time to do it and affording myself the ability to not do it again for awhile really helps.  Try it and let me know what you think.  (Also, if you want to save money, I've heard several people share the tip to check your pantry and freezer and use recipes with what you have to save on your grocery bill.  Its a great thing to do periodically!)

3. Less Is More - I desire to be good at organization, despite my clutter.  I've read a lot of the stuff out there and watched a lot of videos, and what I have come to understand is.  The first step is less.  If you don't get rid of stuff, the other fun tips won't work.  The true key to organizing is less.  I also discovered with a successful organization of the craft/game closet and coat closet this past year,  like bins work best together once you have decluttered.  Do It On A Dime showed me some great Dollar Tree options for corralling your stuff.  Again, whether you Konmari or something else, if you don't first eliminate, you will be back to square one before long.  

4. Have Your End of Life Stuff Ready to Go - Funerals and death have been a big part of my year.  As a pastor and empathetic person, I spend a lot of time by the side of those facing loss and it has been a teacher for me.  In particular it has taught me to be ready when your day comes.  Just like number three above, less is more, and do you really want your loved ones going through your things as is today?  Maybe you are super amazing, but there is a lot of stuff no one could find in my mess.  You need to have a will and have some way to share with your loved ones not only what is valuable monetarily, but what is valuable on a sentimental level.  

They may not care, but they really won't if they don't know.  I'd go as far as to say, write your own obituary.  Sure its gonna change, but family in the face of loss is shell-shocked and they don't always know all the facts about you to share in the paper or at a service. I will probably start a photo slideshow too because sometimes there are just too many photos to know which ones to share.  Sure, my family can make changes as they wish, I won't be here anymore, but I want them to have as much help so they aren't overwhelmed.  This has been motivation for further organization for me too.  What do you think about this?  

5. Ask, who is this about? 5b Bonus: Learn to ask the right questions.  Self-awareness is a big deal to me, I write about it a lot because I encounter so many people oblivious to how they come across or why you are doing what you are doing.  So start asking, "who is this about?" When you are upset or acting differently, start asking yourself this question.  You may be surprised what you learn.  Part B - Sometimes the question everyone is asking, doesn't do anything for you?  Try a different question.  For example when I read Lindsay Teague Moreno’s book, "Boss Up," I learned that finding out my passion wasn’t working for me because the way the question was worded wasn’t connecting with me. Instead Lindsay says to ask,"What makes you want to throat punch someone?" That question resonated with me and helped me to have a better glimpse into my passions.  Sometimes all you have to do is change the question to get the answer!  

6. Use Your Text-to-Talk for Productivity - I have known about text-to-talk and used it for sending a text or quick notes.  That was it.  As I read a book by Joanna Penn about writing a book, I was shocked that people actually write books with this function and it was a breakthrough for me.  My mind usually thinks at a faster rate than I can type and I can easily forget ideas I have about a blog post, or book chapter, and if I didn't write enough to jog my memory its lost.  I actually wrote most of several recent blogs with text-to-talk.  It was amazing.  Obviously, I had to fill in some gaps later or correct any errors, but it upped my productivity game.  What can you do faster with your voice than you can with your hands?  Have you utilized this function as much as you could?  I know this was a big deal for me.  I hope it helps you.  


7. Five Minute Jobs - I actually blogged about this so if you want more, go read the post.  But I love my 5 minute job list and setting the timer.  If I feel stuck its a great way to get going on my list and get out of overwhelmed paralysis (does anyone else deal with this - get so overwhelmed by all you have to do, you just do nothing?). Note: When I went to link my blog, I realized I blogged on this in 2018 (man does time fly by), but this is still a great tool that I used this year.  I hope it helps you. 

8. Know your zones – This is something else I learned from Joanna Penn.  Our brain's muscle memory, connects spots in our homes and offices with its function and remembers it so that you will desire to do that action in that zone.  So if you always watch TV on your couch, then when you plop down on the couch, you will be inclined to turn on the television. So if you want to get some work done or a book read, then you should probably avoid the couch.  You brain has made that association already so its a natural reflex.  To break the cycles you have, you need to know your zones and find new ones to complete the things not getting done.  Isn't that cool?  

9. Discover How You Learn and Make Decisions  - If you haven't read a book by Dr. Caroline Leaf, I highly recommend it! I'm a bit of a personality test junkie, so usually I just find out more of the same with a new name, but Dr. Leaf really taught me something new in learning my customized way of thinking.  It has helped me find more success when I hit something in life that is new or a challenge.  

10. Know Your Mantras and Use Them - I love to memorize scripture and I often have a verse for what I face in life to help me move forward, but I have also found two sentences from great ladies that I have adopted in my vocabulary to help me face the world.  One is by Brene Brown, who says, "assume people are doing the best they can."   This helps me give the gift of grace and be more understanding than demanding. The other is the title to a book I finished this year.  Marie Forleo's new book, "Everything is Figureoutable"  - I read the book and that one line has really helped me when I need to keep on and I want to quit.  Is there a scripture, quote or mantra that you need to add to your life?  The scripture for me this year is John 16:33.  Definitely a great reminder when life is tough.  

Well that is the end of the list.  I hope you benefited from at least one (and hopefully more) of these tips and life hacks.  Tell me what you think and how you feel about 2020.  Happy Wednesday! 

The Last 10 Years

I don’t know about you, but I love the Holderness family. Their videos are so funny and right on point with life.  Their humor gives me the laugh I need as a pick me up for my day.

Their video released just before Christmas (which I can't find now, so if you find it, let me know) was about the ten year review from 2010 to 2020. As I watched their video I began to cry not just because of the progression of their family but because when I thought about what that 10 years meant for me I realized how much reality had changed, transformed really.

January 2010 I was a woman living a reality different than where I stand today.  Kevin and I got married in 2005 and I stepped right into the step-mom role.  I love those bonus daughters of mine (though it wasn't even close to easy in those first few years), but I desperately wanted my own kids.  We tried but I was the woman who had been waiting 5 years to have a baby. I had been calling out to God wondering if I would ever have children on my own.  It was a dream I had no control over and was left with a decision to trust God and promise to love him even if I never had children of my own.

But here I stand 10 years out with two beautiful babies of my own. My son is almost 9 and my daughter is almost 5 and I couldn’t be happier with the role of mom, and having gone through such a hard time and having the children in the first place makes motherhood all the more precious.  I see the hand of God not only in the timing, but in how he has changed my heart in the motherhood process.  I can tell you while life isn't always perfect, I am truly happy! I have joy with my family in the midst of bad days and that joy prevails because it comes in contentment and gratitude to God.

Life is funny, we hit hard times and we move past them.  We are changed for going through them, but when you look back on life, sometimes you can begin to ask yourself, "Did that even happen?"  Of course it did, but the events of my life seem like these stories that are part of me and some are horrors and some utter delights and yet they aren't my reality, today.  Sometimes I feel like I've already lived several lives.

I can’t even imagine what the next ten years will hold, except in 10 years from now I will be the mother of a high school senior and an eighth grader and that is completely crazy to me. I’ll also be 51 so let’s not talk about that!

Let's end by talking about you, not me.  Where are you?  Have you come out of something horrible or are you in the midst of something you'd rather be done with?  Remember time is slow in the moments but fast in the years.  How can you bring more joy into the next 10 years?  Surrender what you can't control and be proactive where you do have choices.  Don't let life pass you by.

This year I want to be more proactive in writing my story and publishing a book (a first of many, if you know me, you know I have all the words).  What about you?  Tell me.  Tell me your journey, tell me your goals, I'm listening!  Also, Happy New Year!!!

Why Being in Your 40's in 2019 is Amazing?!

Let's be honest, aging isn't always the greatest.  I mean I have wrinkles and saggage (I just made up that word, but you know what it means) in areas that weren't even a thought in my twenties.

I've also worked with teenagers for 20 years and while its fun and rewarding, it can easily make you feel even older.  The vocabulary, styles and humor are constantly changing so just when you think you are tracking, something changes again and you are once again reminded that YOU ARE OLD!

You can all but feel like an idiot when the latest social media outlet or popular device updates and now that program you use every day is unknowable and you have to relearn it, and once again you feel dumb or old, when you know you are neither one of those things.

Your 40's aren't old!!!! They are enough experience to have learned from some mistakes and able to walk in wise directions and you still have half or more of your life left!  That is something to celebrate.  Technology advances and constant changes mean, if you are in your 40's you've seen more change than the generation above you and you've be able to adapt to an ever-changing world coming on your heels.

Ellen Degeneres, on her show, Ellen, has done a few segments highlighting the Baby Boomer/Millennial gap.  Let me tell you it has been HILARIOUS!  Take a minute to watch them, then come back and finish reading, because not only did it make me laugh, it gave me a thought that answers the question in the title of this post.

The first one I saw from about a month ago, introduced old technology or items we used pre-technology and challenged a millennial to use them. Then Ellen did it again in this episode.

Weren't those great?! I am not a Baby Boomer.  As someone who is born in 1978, I am Generation X, sometimes called Xennial, as a micro generation for someone in between the Generation X and Millenial.  So I don't fit either of the generations highlighted in Ellen's show segment, but as I watched the video, my first thought was, every Millennial (1980 - 1995) and even Gen Z (1996-2009) should watch this and more importantly do this challenge with some older technology so that they come to understand that older people aren't stupid, its just not what they know.

Because if you watch the videos above the high school and college student look like idiots and its because they don't know what they are doing, its not because they are actual idiots.  In fact, both demonstrate with personal facts about themselves, that they are in fact, smart.

So what does all this have to do with 40 year olds being awesome? I will tell you.  I alluded to this in the beginning, but we are the best lifeline to both generations.  We remember what it was like to use a rotary phone and be tethered to a phone cord as we talked with friends on the phone.  We remember life before caller id and before voice mail.  We lived before the internet or cell phones were a thing and that means we understand how to tell time on an analogue clock and how to read a map.  We knew what is was like to get up to turn the tv channel as a kid and make sure you were there to watch that show you loved because it wasn't getting taped, but we also have migrated with the times.  We've gone from cassette tapes to CD's to MP3 players to smart phones with streaming services and digital downloads.  We had a myspace account and know what "You've Got Mail" is talking about.  You may not have a Snapchat account, but you know what it is.  We are the timeline and that is beautiful!

We are the past and the future in one and I think that might make us the smartest people on the planet :).  When this world has you feeling old, just remember you know how to do so many things and you are up to continue on the learning journey.  We will have fun as we get most of the jokes along the way too!  Happy Wednesday! Christmas is next week, so I will be sharing back on here in two weeks.  Enjoy your Christmas and if you don't have a lot of people to celebrate with, look out for others in the same boat and make it more fun for all!

The Point of Church

Church.  Do you go? Statistics say most people don't anymore.  I have gone pretty much my whole life.  Some churches I've attended had pews, others had chairs and some even met in homes.  The building or the traditions really aren't the point.  Some people get stuck thinking those small details are crucial and they usually end up watching as their church become a sinking ship in a sea of  what once was.

What is the point of church?  Do we need to do it in a certain order? Do we need to all be together or kids in one room and adults in another?  Do we pass an offering plate or allow people to support the church via online website?  Do we sing a certain type of song or sing a certain number of songs?

The point of church has nothing to do with any of those questions, in fact when we say church, in truth, we aren't even talking about a building.

The Christian church is in fact, God's people.  Those who have chosen to accept Jesus as their Savior and work together as a body of believers.  We are the church.  I hear people all the time say something and either precede it or finish it with "I probably shouldn't say this in church," as we stand talking in the building we call "our church."  Obviously, its okay to still call the building church, but its important we know that we are the church.  Our bodies are temples for God's dwelling so the question should be about what we should do with our lives no matter where we are.

The point of church is really connection, worship of God and growing in Him.  That comes through songs and a message, but it also comes in a Bible study or small group setting.

This is an important distinction as we seek to make our "churches" places people in 2019 (soon to be 2020) will attend.

When we hold to tradition more than content, we are failing ourselves and those around us.  The content is what is important.

I recently had a discussion with a few different people on kids in church.  Many older than me feel kids need to be sitting in church with their parents during the service, and quite frankly, if a parent feels that way about their child, then I am not going to disagree.  That is their right as the parent, but I actually have a different perspective.  I want my kids to fall in love with Jesus.  I want them to learn about him, but also connect with him.  My relationship with him is not theirs' so to expect them just to carbon copy my experience is not only ill-informed, its naive.  For my kids to continue going to church, they don't need to see how I do it, and watch me sing along with worship songs or take notes, during a sermon.  They will see my faith every other day in real life.  That is what makes the impact.  I want them to learn as little kids on their level and build on that, so when its time to be in a church service next to me or in their own church as adults, they have the foundation to build on and can be seeking to grow on their own because it matters to them.

I have a relationship with God because I learned the basics, studied the Bible on my own and because I talk to God as an active part of my life.  I talk to God throughout the day and that was because I learned to as a kid.

I don't want my kids to get good at sitting in a pew (or row of chairs), but I want them to be good at going to God and knowing who he is and who he made them to be.

We do need each other and that is why church is so important.  We need to be solid on the foundations of Bible knowledge, and we need to be acting like the body of Christ, all working together as we each do our part, but how that is accomplished on a Sunday morning, really is more about the people gathering than it is about tradition.

We live in a different world than the one I grew up in, and we need to do things differently to reach and care for those around us.

If you go to church, why do you go?  Have you ever asked, "what is the point," in connection with the aspects of your worship service?  Are there things that have become more important to you  than the point?  If you don't go, and you consider yourself a Christian, do you know why you don't go?  It is important that we go deeper and ask the questions.  We need to understand the patterns of our daily living and choices.   Only then can we grow.