Thank You!

Last night I had a conversation with a new colleague and woke up this morning with a conversation hangover.  I realized I word vomited on this new person in my life and was regretting the first impression I know I left. 

 Its not a one time occurrence either.  

I'm pretty sure I've had either a conversation hangover, or as Brene Brown puts its a vulnerability hangover on a reoccurring basis my entire life.  

I know I talk a lot.  Its not something I'm unaware of.  I have a ton of words.  When there is a lot in my head, it can often come out at once and be overwhelming to my message receiver.  In a text world I'm a "let's talk" girl.  I have too many words for a text unless I'm on my MacBook and can message you on a keyboard.  

My poor quiet husband must at times wish he were deaf, but then that wouldn't work either because I know sign language.  I covered all my talking ability options! Its who I am.  Its not the only aspect, but its definitely a defining trait.  

As I thought through all of this,  I realized, I have a lot of people who have to sort all my words on a regular basis and still love me!  You send a one line text, I send a paragraph.  You take 10 minutes to share your day, I take an hour and a half.  You are a saint! 

So this is an official, "Thank You!"  

Most of this is me being humorously self-deprecating but in all sincerity, I'm grateful for those who process all my words and love me in spite or maybe because of it!  

Who do you need to thank for adoring you in the midst of your weak points?  Do you even know what it is you do that annoys people?  Being self-aware is both a gift and a curse, but I think its imperative for a good life.  

You can't go anyway or move forward or even embrace who you are without it.  God made you with purpose and yet you are and ever will be, human.  Good, bad, ugly all wrapped up in one human.  Time to embrace and acknowledge so you can figure out what needs to change and what needs to stay.  Its a process, but we need to be in it! Happy Wednesday! 

Heartless

Last week, I sat in a hospital room with a family I've known for years.  The mother lay in the hospital bed in her last days, actually hours, as she died two hours after I went home that night. 

 Two weeks ago, I was on vacation and got word that a missionary friend got sick and took a sudden turn for the worse and died without notice it was coming.  

Three weeks ago as I left for vacation I was missing the funeral for a friend who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and died two months later.

If you ask me, that's a lot of death to cross my path in one month.  I am an empath, which means I feel things.  I love and hate that fact about me.  It allows me to reach out to people and be a comfort in hard times, it allows me to see both sides of issues and find common ground, but it also can overwhelm me.

 I in no way ever want to make someone else's pain about me and take attention away from their grieving, but I still feel the suffering.  The reality is, as one who works in pastoral care for a church, my business is to be there.  I love to be there for others. I want it no other way, but as I sat and looked at a woman I had conversations with, and shared life with, I realized, I need to be careful.

I can't let the grief around me swallow me whole and leave me in depression city, but on the flip side I also can't let it turn me into someone heartless.  It could be easy to flip the switch and just stop feeling, but that would help no one.

I love this song by Adrien Reju! I heard it on a Hallmark movie, searched and found the song and artist.  I learned to play it on my guitar and sung it for a voice recital several years ago.  I think her words remind us of the importance of finding that balance in life between letting the turmoil around us take us down or alternatively, harden us.

Instead I have to find the balance. It takes work.  For me the relationship I have with Jesus and time in scripture help me.  My relationships with others is also a crucial component to my mental health and lastly, all things funny, help me keep my balance.  I have to be encouraged, loved on and laugh.

Have you ever thought about the extremes you are prone to?  What helps you live in balance?  What do you need to be careful of?  Are you paying attention to those things or just ignoring them and then getting discouraged when life seems to crash and burn?  Maybe its time to find what that looks like for you.  I know finding it for me, is crucial in life! Happy Wednesday! 

Seeing God

I have a wonderful relationship with God and have given my life to serving him, but trust has been an issue for me since I was little.  Facing divorce, disease and an abusive step parent at an early age, created this fear.  Even though I see the hand of God through it all and even have gratitude for some of the worst moments because of what they birthed, its still a knee jerk reaction - fear.  Bad things happen in this world.  John 16:33 tells us that. 

 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

As I navigate real life, I find I have to remember that I have access to peace. 

We just got back from almost two weeks in Texas.  It was family time, it was fun, it was exhausting.  We landed in LAX right in the peak of evening rush hour.  We got in our car and got the 405 ready for the long drive home, because we were ready to go home.  As we merged into traffic, our car check engine light came on and then it started to rev loudly and wouldn't shift into the upper gears.  We managed to get off an exit pretty quickly in Culver City off Sepulveda.  We pulled into a parking lot and my husband tried a few things to get the car working.  His attempts didn't work.  

I grabbed his hand as he got back into the car and we prayed.  I asked God for help because my internal panic mode was kicking into gear much better than the car transmission. 

I then searched for autobody shops near us.  The closest one was Rony's.  I dialed and a man answered, it was Rony.  I asked when he closed.  He told me 5 o'clock (an hour before this call), but he was still there, what did I need?  I told him what happened and where we were and he told us to come on over.  Rony checked out the car and promised to make this a priority so we could get home.  He recommended some hotels and told us when he opened in the morning.  He would start working tonight on what the issue could be based on the reading he got from the computer.  

We managed to take our car down the couple blocks to our hotel.  In the morning when my husband took the car down, Rony gave us one of his own to drive back to the hotel.  He promised to have an answer by check out so we would know what our next steps would be.  

The two options were pricey and it looked like a rental car was in our future while the car got fixed.  I prayed again and in the midst of my questions and fear, I also found that peace.  Why? Because as I looked online, Rony's had amazing reviews.  He was honest, decent prices and quality work.  I didn't even look at that before pulling into his lot.  He was close, he was open, we were desperate.  Yet, God led us to this awesome place.  God had his hand on us through the hardship and I saw it.  I decided to thank him and recognize him for it.  I decided to trust.  

The option was in, $1200 and we would have to drive home in a rental car and come back for the car later.  Then ten minutes later came another call and a question about the battery.  Turns out, our newish battery didn't hold a charge while parked for two weeks and it was talking to the computer correctly.  Resetting the code could work.  Rony tried it,  he tested it and all seemed good.  He seemed reticent to let us leave since, he wouldn't be able to do anything if it didn't work, but he was pretty sure the car was good.  He was right.  We went home that day in our car and because it wasn't rush hour, we did it under three hours! The bill was under $200 instead of $1200.  

God is always there, even if the bill had been $1200, but seeing that God was caring for us and directing us, allowed me to understand the peace he gives us.  

I could have focused on the fact that our car broke down in the first place and why couldn't God just let me get home Tuesday night, but instead I chose to see his provisions in the midst of life.  

I hear people misquote I Corinthians 10:13 all the time.  They say, "God won't give you more than you can bear," but that is not what that passage is saying.  Its talking about temptation not hardship.  John 16:33 is a much better passage to hold onto.  This world can suck but God is God in the end and he is with us in the middle of the suck.  

You can trust him and so can I.  Let's focus on that.  How have you seen God in the midst of real life?  Have you been paying attention?  Look for the clues that his there.  I promise you won't be disappointed! 

P.S. If you live near Culver City - go to Rony's! He's a good guy and a mechanic that won't take advantage! 

Short-sighted

I went into work last week to hear that the night before a local girl had died in a tragic car accident.  Due to a suspicious tweet posted earlier that night, there was question as to whether it was an accident or intentional.   A few minutes later, a girl in my youth group walked in the door with tears in her eyes.  She knew the girl who had died and it was hitting her hard.  It wasn't a best friend, but a person she looked up to.  She noted that she had just seen the girl from the accident a few days ago and the reality of the finality of life, hit hard.  

I remember being her age and getting the news that a friend in Ohio had been in a bicycling accident and died.  I had just moved to Germany but had seen the friend just before leaving.  I wasn't able to attend the service and I was grieving for my friend from a distance.  

We all have suffered loss.  Some of it we see coming and other times we are completely taken off guard.

As I sat next to the my youth group girl, I found myself in a sea of deep thoughts.  I am a Christian.  That means that I believe in a God who created us to be in a relationship, and when something got in the way, He made a way for us to be restored to him - all because the center of Christianity is love!  

The restoration process means there is more than this world we live in.  When we die we go to a place that has been prepared for us.  That life is eternal which is a drastic contrast to our finite life on earth.   Thinking about this girl, I am reminded there is more than just this world.  

Francis Chan compares it by taking a white rope and painting a quarter inch red.  He says life is the red and the rope is eternity.  We should live for the rope instead of the red end. 

 Living with that perspective should make us more loving people because we aren't as concerned with whether someone wrongs us or whether or not we got what we'd aimed for in a certain encounter.  Instead we are focused on the things that matter beyond this life.  The last thing we want is to become short-sighted and miss the whole reason we are here. 

I Corinthians 13:13 says, "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."  It doesn't say our wealth will last.  You can't take your stuff with you when you die. Its deeper parts of ourselves and the way we lived that last.  Being people who love others, who have faith against the odds, and hope in the midst of doubt, those are the things that last.  

My faith in God isn't blind faith.  

The faith we are asked to have as Christians is the same faith I have every day that my house won't collapse on me when I walk inside.  The building was tested and proved sound, so now I live with faith because of the evidence.  The same is true for my faith.  There is evidence in history and archaeology that prove the people in the Bible were real.  There is evidence that Jesus was in fact, who he said he was. 

I can look beyond the 90ish years I have on earth (I mean I have no idea how long I will live) and see the eternal perspective.  I can share that hope, love and faith with others and help encourage them in life.  

Its a reminder to look beyond what is right in front of us and change our perspective.  Get the big picture when we need it to help us and help us encourage others too.   

The Core of the Christian Faith

 I am not afraid of encountering and processing human emotion.   If someone is planning a tear jerker, they are aiming at me.  I am bawling at those golden buzzer, NBA back story, triumphant underdog kind of moments.  I love getting invested in the people around me.  Here's the thing.  A lot of people out there, see religion as another talisman, emotional feelings, riding the energy wave, kind of experience.  It looks like a lot of hype without much substance.  Do they have a point?  Or are those skeptics off base?

I became a Christian when I was four years old.  I was in my Pre-K class learning about the letter I, "Itchy Ivy" was the character on the letter.  My teacher told us about Jesus and I accepted him in my heart.  I even remember going home and telling my mom all about it.

Do you want to know why I am a Christian?  I could answer that I have had a ton of encounters with Jesus in my own life.  I could answer that I was raised in a Christian home, which would also be accurate.  I could also answer that I believe in the Bible, which is correct. Even though all of those are answers I could have, they aren't the reason I am a Christian. I am a Christian because its true.  Sure I've gotten caught up in a worship night filled with Cory Asbury and Hillsong, but I've also researched beyond the feelings.

My life has had its hard times and it has forced me to question God.  At one point in my life, I even told God, "I was going to take control of my life," and I did - the results were NOT good!  Feelings aren't enough to sustain a faith in God, more specifically Jesus Christ.  You need more.  It has to be more than the overwhelming emotion after a moving set of worship music.  Without substance, it wouldn't work.  It wouldn't last.

I have studied the historical data and discovered for myself that the facts point to Jesus being who he said he was.  History proves he was a real person.  He made claims he was God and the evidence that is out there, shows, he truly was (and is) God.  If you want to know more, let me know.  I am happy to answer more questions or point you toward some resources that have helped me over the years. For now, because this month's topic is "back to the basics" I will just share some hallmarks of the Christian faith. 

We were born into a world that degenerates.  People aren't naturally good.  Just look at the news and see things are getting worse, not better.  Christians call this bad thing, sin.  Sin separates us from God. The best picture for me of this is two people trying to hug while holding suitcases.  The baggage gets in the way.  Sin is sin.

Sure, you may go to prison for more years if you murdered someone than if you stole a drugstore candy bar, but wrong is wrong.  Too often we get caught in the trap of justifying what we are doing wrong because we see the person next to us doing something we deem far worse.  Missing the mark is missing the mark.  If I jump from one cliff to another, and I miss the other cliff by a mile or a millimeter, it doesn't matter, I will be plunging to my death in both scenarios.

God (including Jesus) made us.  He wanted a relationship with us and when sin got in the way of that, he made a way for us to still have that relationship.

Christians believe in one God (its called monotheism).  We do see him in three persons that we call the Trinity.  Many look at the Trinity and think we are polytheists and that Christians believe in 3 Gods, but that isn't true.  Nabeel Qureshi, shared in his books and in this video that best way for him, a Muslim converted to Christianity, understanding the Trinity was simply about "what" and "who."  God is one being in three persons.  Being is the what and persons is the who. 

It can be hard to understand because I am Carrie and I am a human being, which means that I am one in being and one in person, but God is actually one in being and three in persons.  We call them God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.  Jesus was God sent to us in human person.  He was still God, and the Holy Spirit is the person of God that stays with us once we accept Jesus.  Jesus came to the world to be a sacrifice for us. He gave his life in exchange for us.   If you owe $10,000 on your credit card, and you didn't have it, someone pays the bill so you don't have to.

After Jesus died on a cross, he came back to life and wants a relationship with us, his creation.  He offers us life if we believe in him as God.  This is much like someone who falls off a boat is offered a life raft to help them swim to safety.  God didn't come into the world to condemn but to save it.

The number one rule of Christianity is love.  If you want a definition of that word check out I Corinthians 13.  We are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.  Part of that love is sharing the good news of Jesus with others and helping them connect with him and grow closer.

Being a Christian means admitting you don't know it all and receiving Jesus as our Lord and Savior, which just means we will live serving and following him.  We do have to surrender our lives to him, but like I said before, doing life on my terms, actually produced worse results than when I followed God.

Baptism isn't necessary to be a Christian but its a great faith step that helps us to not only publicly acknowledge we are serving God, but also is a great symbolic act of being washed by God's sacrifice on the cross.

Its a step by step walk through life with the Creator of the Universe and beyond.  He isn't out to make you someone you aren't, but instead to show you how to be the you he made you to be.  The best version of yourself and the person who can best love the world around them.  I am in awe how God continues to reveal areas I can still grow.  I love it.  I want to be the best me, I can be.  I spent years of my life ashamed of who I was, but God actually made me with purpose.  He made you that way too!  

If you have questions on any of this, let me know.  If I forgot something, I want to hear about that too.  I tried being concise (which is not my strong suit) and also share all the basic points.  So here you have it.  If you have gotten complicated in your religious views, maybe its time to simplify.  Study why the Bible is true, get to the core beliefs and understand what God wants to unfold in your life.

What Happens In the End

Earlier this month, I was writing grad cards for those students who were graduating and even though I try to make each card I write unique and personal for that person, let's face it, the bulk of what I can say is the same..."praying for what God has ahead," "excited to see what God will do in your life," "I know there is so much you can accomplish..."

While writing a card I realized, as I stand in a place of ministry where I have seen the lives people grow into, that just because I see the potential, doesn't mean it will happen.

I can think of former students who I've seen blossom into a spiritual and professional leader.  I've seen people become some of the most amazing spouses and parents, but I've also seen the other side of the spectrum.

Some students in all appearances, threw their life away, not because they made a mistake or bad choice, but some have chosen to just quit on the life that is before them and allow their mistakes to be their life instead of learning from them.

Each of us have potential.  God created us to all be amazing in our own way, and a lot influences who we become, but at the end of the day, that final decision is up to us.  It may not feel like a choice and yet, it truly is that simple.  We can't control the circumstances we face, but we can control how we let it shape us.

The best example I have of this is my grandma and her sister.  They are both gone now, but in their life, they both experienced the same hardships for the most part, but their attitude toward life was in stark contrast.  My great aunt was the quintessential Pollyana.  Life was sunshine and rainbows no matter what day it was.  She wasn't overly optomistic, but sincere in her love of life and others.  She made the decision to filter life through a glass half full perspective.  She was fun to be around!  My grandma was an amazing women, but unfortunately she lived with a pessimistic, glass half empty filter that often resembled Eeyore.  She was my grandma so I loved being around her, but the contrast between her and her sister, was definitely notable.

I have to remind myself often that I get to tell my story and decide how to tell it.  I can look at the negatives or see the beauty in the midst of the hard times.  My family has been hit pretty hard lately, yet my son and I were just watching a video about the slums in India and I realized my worse day is better than many peoples' reality.

Its never too late to change.  Its never too late to turn the tide of your life.  Maybe today is the day for you, or maybe you have a friend you need to share this with so that she can make the critical changes she needs to make.

We are all in this life together.  Our narrative may be different but our humanity is the same.  Let's help each other step up to the life we were created to live.  You've got this!! Keeping this basic reality check in mind can fuel the exact change you were looking for! This week has been crazy for me at work so this is my first time in years that I didn't get a blog post out on a Wednesday, so Happy Friday!  God bless you all!!!

Just Be Basic!

This month we are getting back to the basics.  That is our theme.  Life can get complicated and sometimes we just need to simplify and take it back to the basics. Summer is a great time to do it too! The topics will be the things I can talk about.  This month I thought we'd talk essential oils one week, because their is a lot of information out there so let's simply it! I also want to discuss the basics of the Christian faith because I am a Christian, and again, a lot of stuff out there.  There are a few other areas I'd also love to share, but for today, let's talk about our basic needs.

We all need water, food and sleep (even though moms tend to ignore this one), and there are other basic needs with various nutrients, etc, but our basic needs go beyond this list.

I get easily distracted.  Like a lot! I need lists to accomplish all the stuff.  Timers work well too, a buzz or ding to bring me back to what I am doing.

I need to take care of myself in unique ways so I don't go crazy.  I am one might call an empath.  I am great at empathy and it can become overwhelming at times.  I have to build in time to regroup or I will lose it.  I need to laugh so that I stay sane.  I'm also prone toward getting into my work and forgetting life around me or getting too busy that I end up having a melt down.  I have to schedule down time so that I can recover between tasks. You may relate to my needs, but my needs aren't your needs.  You may need something entirely different.

1. List it Out -
 When we talk basics, its making a list of what we need - physically, emotionally, spiritually etc.  and working our days from that list.  So list those needs out.  What do you need?  If you aren't sure what you need, ask God. He made you so I can guarantee he will have the answers.  When we aren't aware of what we need or aren't paying attention to those needs, we can end up hurting ourselves.

One of the needs I often neglect is water.  I have to often track how many glasses I've had in a day so that I can stay on track with my hydration.  I know if I get dehydrated, I start to fall a part.

2. Calendar Priorities - 
When you calendar life, be sure you know your needs and those get put in first.  Then fill in with all the other stuff.  First things, first is a great way to live.

When you look at that list of your needs, where do they need to go in your day to day life?  I've always loved personality tests, I find the self-discovery in them fascinating, but as I've read the books of Dr. Caroline Leaf, I realize that many of my needs are even more specific.  I've learned what I need when I have to make a decision versus what I need to get a task done.  They are different.  Consider this factor when planning life.  If you know you have a big project or need to make some important choices, what you give yourself to do it, might change.

3. Question the Differences - 
Let's face it the people you are around the most, are the ones you most likely are comparing yourself to.  We each have our own individual list of needs that we often ignore with the groups of people around us.  I know I've gotten caught up in the people pleasing status quo and neglect myself in the mix.  I also compare what my husband can do with what I do, but the reality is, we are different and need different things.

So look at your spouse, siblings, friends, co-workers and ask, how am I different?  If you can see those differences, you may find the freedom to ask for what you need without the weight of judgment.

4. Live with Less - 
In doing the steps above, you may discover you need to simply your calendar and your life.  Once you check all the need boxes and responsibility boxes, you might not have time for some extras in you've said "yes" to.  Framing your life around what works best for you, is a simple recipe for success.

So go out there and be basic.  Its not a slam, its actually a good thing.  You know what's important and you are doing it! Happy Wednesday!