Seeing God

I have a wonderful relationship with God and have given my life to serving him, but trust has been an issue for me since I was little.  Facing divorce, disease and an abusive step parent at an early age, created this fear.  Even though I see the hand of God through it all and even have gratitude for some of the worst moments because of what they birthed, its still a knee jerk reaction - fear.  Bad things happen in this world.  John 16:33 tells us that. 

 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

As I navigate real life, I find I have to remember that I have access to peace. 

We just got back from almost two weeks in Texas.  It was family time, it was fun, it was exhausting.  We landed in LAX right in the peak of evening rush hour.  We got in our car and got the 405 ready for the long drive home, because we were ready to go home.  As we merged into traffic, our car check engine light came on and then it started to rev loudly and wouldn't shift into the upper gears.  We managed to get off an exit pretty quickly in Culver City off Sepulveda.  We pulled into a parking lot and my husband tried a few things to get the car working.  His attempts didn't work.  

I grabbed his hand as he got back into the car and we prayed.  I asked God for help because my internal panic mode was kicking into gear much better than the car transmission. 

I then searched for autobody shops near us.  The closest one was Rony's.  I dialed and a man answered, it was Rony.  I asked when he closed.  He told me 5 o'clock (an hour before this call), but he was still there, what did I need?  I told him what happened and where we were and he told us to come on over.  Rony checked out the car and promised to make this a priority so we could get home.  He recommended some hotels and told us when he opened in the morning.  He would start working tonight on what the issue could be based on the reading he got from the computer.  

We managed to take our car down the couple blocks to our hotel.  In the morning when my husband took the car down, Rony gave us one of his own to drive back to the hotel.  He promised to have an answer by check out so we would know what our next steps would be.  

The two options were pricey and it looked like a rental car was in our future while the car got fixed.  I prayed again and in the midst of my questions and fear, I also found that peace.  Why? Because as I looked online, Rony's had amazing reviews.  He was honest, decent prices and quality work.  I didn't even look at that before pulling into his lot.  He was close, he was open, we were desperate.  Yet, God led us to this awesome place.  God had his hand on us through the hardship and I saw it.  I decided to thank him and recognize him for it.  I decided to trust.  

The option was in, $1200 and we would have to drive home in a rental car and come back for the car later.  Then ten minutes later came another call and a question about the battery.  Turns out, our newish battery didn't hold a charge while parked for two weeks and it was talking to the computer correctly.  Resetting the code could work.  Rony tried it,  he tested it and all seemed good.  He seemed reticent to let us leave since, he wouldn't be able to do anything if it didn't work, but he was pretty sure the car was good.  He was right.  We went home that day in our car and because it wasn't rush hour, we did it under three hours! The bill was under $200 instead of $1200.  

God is always there, even if the bill had been $1200, but seeing that God was caring for us and directing us, allowed me to understand the peace he gives us.  

I could have focused on the fact that our car broke down in the first place and why couldn't God just let me get home Tuesday night, but instead I chose to see his provisions in the midst of life.  

I hear people misquote I Corinthians 10:13 all the time.  They say, "God won't give you more than you can bear," but that is not what that passage is saying.  Its talking about temptation not hardship.  John 16:33 is a much better passage to hold onto.  This world can suck but God is God in the end and he is with us in the middle of the suck.  

You can trust him and so can I.  Let's focus on that.  How have you seen God in the midst of real life?  Have you been paying attention?  Look for the clues that his there.  I promise you won't be disappointed! 

P.S. If you live near Culver City - go to Rony's! He's a good guy and a mechanic that won't take advantage! 

God Knows

Surrender is a crazy decision, at least it feels that way, but often its the most amazing step in life we can make.  Obviously, the key to surrender is who you are surrendering too.

I made the decision in two parts to follow Jesus.

Once as a four-year-old enrolled in a Christian preschool.  The teacher told us about Jesus and I still remember that day, thirty-six years later.  The letter of the day was I - for Itchy Ivy.  I also remember going home and telling my mom about making the decision to accept Jesus in my heart.

The second part of that decision was my freshman year of college, when I decided to surrender completely.

The years in between were filled with both learning about Christianity both from a "know your religion" perspective and testing the validity of the historical claims.  It was also filled with relational encounters with God and a lot of bumps in life's road.  The bumps led to some distrust in the God who controlled my life.

It wasn't until a basement experience of crying and journaling that I understood the whole story.   I had misinformation about God in the midst of rough road and my earlier conclusion of distrust was unfounded, though understandable.

I'm pretty sure I just condensed an hour conversation into two paragraphs so if you want to know more about what I mean, feel free to ask.

The thing is, that distrust nature lingers often when I get overwhelmed, stressed or fearful and I can try once again to do it on my own.  This week things didn't go as planned in a few ways and as what I planned changed, I once again saw, God knows.  When I make the plans then turn them into him, and let him do, I find things usually work out when its all said and done.  I'm not talking fairy tale here, we all know life is hard, but what I mean is that God sees the curve balls I don't so often when things change from what I thought I could handle, its because God was preparing me for a curve ball he knew was headed my way.

The friend that cancelled plans, left room for me to process or take care of a need that landed in my lap.  The event I was going too that now couldn't work, would have been too much with life that just happened.  That weekly sports team I felt I shouldn't sign my kid up for this season, proved wisdom in God's leading when random life unraveled and I needed down time to recover.  Or sometimes it works in the positive, as in that conference that my friends had a last-minute open spot to, was just the encouragement I needed.

God knows.

He has the proper perspective: he is both with us and above us.  God is everywhere at all times.  He is not bound my time or distance.  He is with us in the moments and that gives us his protection as well as the shared experience of deeper connection.  He can also see the past, present and future, so looking to him gives us the best shot at moving forward and making choices in life.

Its also freeing.  Its great to sit back and just take it as it comes then to feel frantic in the midst of every turn in life.  This week, I realized, its once again time to surrender.  I have been taking the reigns of life and trying to control what I have no control over. The stress of that unresolved conflict has taken its toll and its time.  Time to let go.

What about you?  Where are you in all of this?  Is it time to trust?  Is it time to surrender?  Maybe you aren't sure about Jesus as more than just some story you've heard about, much less a leader you can trust in life.  If that is you, reach out, I'd love to help you tackle those questions and point you to the resources that have answered my skepticism over the years.  Today is a new day and maybe its time for some new ways in your life.  Happy Wednesday!

Before I Die

Last week, I noticed a lumps on the back of my neck and the side of my neck and you know what I thought - I'm dying.  Despite everything I know about positive thinking, the power of God, the promises in scripture and that just because MedMD says, "you are dying," doesn't make it so...

I worried about the worse case scenario!

I called the doctor and the nurse wasn't sure she could get me in, then she asked why I wanted to be seen and when I told her, she had an appointment the very next morning.  Then when I got there, the line for the copay's was so long, I ended up signing into the doctor behind five other people and sat down waiting to sit for awhile and yet, my name was called back almost immediately.  Usually, I wait in the room a bit, but my doctor came in pretty quickly after the nurse.  All of this had me completely FREAKED OUT!!!  I kept trying not to think about the "C" word and yet it was all that kept coming into my mind.

Spoiler alert: I'm not dying and I don't have cancer.  I just managed to cut the back of my head without knowing it, it got infected and that caused my lymph nodes to swell so I was given an antibiotic to deal with the infection.

In those moments between finding the lumps, deciding what to do and hearing from the doctor; I was flooded with worry, but I also got some clarity.

Truth: We don't know how long we have.  We may live til we are 102 and make it on the Today Show for our milestone birthday or we may die next week.

That, my friends, is out of our control.  I don't always get how God works, but I do trust him.  God speaks truth through the Bible, but also through my life.  He's been there through it all.  Yes, there have been times that I didn't feel him or honestly wanted to die, but I know He was always there and I have seen his guiding hand all over my life.  It still scares me to die.  I am not afraid of what awaits me, but I hate the thought of leaving my family behind and not finishing what I started.  I can trust my Savior who knows just how many days I have on this earth, but I also need to be faithful with each one He gives me.

I, like you, have a job to do.  Yes, God gives all Christians a job to do in Matthew 28:16-20, but God also created us each with different ways to share his love with others.  How we walk it out is different for each one of us.  I want to be faithful in being Carrie, the best way possible and to finish what I start.

I realized in those moments of "what if this is the end" that I want to do better at being present in the lives of those I love.  I want to make the 936 weeks from birth to graduation with my kids is the best it can be.  I want to be there for my husband.  I want to go for it in my ministry and business and finish the books that have been waiting to be finished.  I want to share my story, the hope I have and what I've learned with the world (or at least my world).

I am grateful that I don't have cancer but I'm also grateful for the clarity, that scare gave me.  Because its important to know what you would do before you die.  Do you have clarity on that? Is your life in order? May you glean from my own experience.

Which Prayer Are You Praying?

Ever learn a lesson, be excited to learn it, only to find you are immediately tested in it?

Recently, I attended a conference with some amazing speakers.  It was in a breakout session that I was introduced to P. Brian Noble from Peacemaker Ministries.  I could write at least a dozen blog posts and videos just from the information he shared alone.  Dealing with tension in our lives and in our world in a healthy manner is a necessary skill set that is in danger of extinction in the United States in 2018.

Prayer is something I talk about a lot so a distinction he made on prayer, caught my attention. He identified two types of prayer - faith prayer and fear prayer.  As he described the difference, I sat in humility as I realized I am often guilty of praying fear prayers.  What are faith and fear prayers?

Faith prayers recognize the goodness of God, and state that, as we seek to follow God, in the midst of a world that is less than perfect and often filled with pain.  If the purpose of prayer is tuning into God's heart and seeking him in the process of life, then faith prayer is the best way to accomplish this.   So if this is faith prayer, then fear prayer is just the opposite and this is where I was tested.

Sunday morning our group woke up and we headed to the beach before going to church.  As we drove over a speed bump in the beach parking lot, my check engine light clicked on.  I was instantly freaking out.  Fear is a reflex that seems to be first at bat in my mind when life happens. I immediately was worried about not making it home with a van full of teenagers.

I started to start the "please God help..." but then I remembered what I had learned.  Fear prayers come out of panic,  and its a reflex knee jerk to life that has us questioning God and his goodness.  Its almost like saying, "uh oh, God, you dropped the ball and now I'm in trouble, rescue me and do your job."

Instead I said, "Lord, I am fearful right now, and I confess it to you.  You knew this would happen and I've been praying for this trip so I know you will grant me the wisdom to know how to proceed. Lord, thank you for all you are doing and help me to stand in a place of faith instead of running to fear."

Fear stood next to me but I continued to tell it no! I called my husband and discovered by talking with him and a mechanic at our church that as long as it wasn't driving differently and the light wasn't flashing, I should be able to make the three-hour drive home.  No matter the outcome, God had it.  He had a plan and I had to make a choice:

Would I trust him or would I live in fear? I chose to trust him.

Which prayer are you praying?  Can you think of a time you prayed a fear prayer?  How could you change it to be a faith prayer?  Thanking God for what his already doing and asking him to help you to walk it are a great faith prayer in any situation.  Sure, its hard when we stand in ruin or loss, to say, "God is good," but it is true. Truth is always the best place to start in life because it leads to a path of peace.  God is bigger than what we face.  The outcome may not always be what we hoped for, but he never leaves us and always works our best in the midst of pain and heartache. I am praying for you as you allow God to teach you his truths.  God bless.  Happy Wednesday!

Free by Faith

This summer I took a group of teens to an adventure camp in Northern California. On our week there we were able to apply our theme verse and it has been something that has stuck with me ever since. Our verse was 2 Corinthians 5:7 which tells us to "walk by faith, not by sight." Sounds simple enough, but that one short phrase meant so much more as we rafted down Class III rapids and scaled a steep ridge with no harness. My words were tested as I had to walk out what I was teaching the teens. My fear of water was tested that day on the raft, but I knew my only choice was to show the group how to trust those who are trustworthy. Despite my inclination to run from this opportunity, I embraced it as not to be a hypocrite before those I was attempting to teach. It was a wonderful rewarding experience for me.

As I said, this verse wasn't a one time lesson that got left back at camp, but one that has stayed with me as a sacred companion. Last night in my time with God I was reminded, not of this verse, but of this truth. Faith is what is counted to us as righteousness. Faith is what marks our journey, not merely our actions. We read in I Corinthians that our works will be tested by the fire and it is our heart, that only God sees, that tests these actions. Some of our actions seen to others as "righteous works" will be consumed and come out as worthless.

I look at a generation of teens that are consumed with busyness. They fill their calendars with afterschool activities, sports, and clubs. They try to find their identity in the groups they busy themselves with, and that aren't alone. They have taken this cue from the overworked, stress cases they call their parents and mentors. They see adults fitting a new activity in each night of the week and running from one activity to the next. Why are we doing so much and what is the purpose behind it? Are we stopping to ask God before we step?

I propose of new way of life, even for those of us in full-time ministry. I propose we begin to "walk by faith and not by sight." I am suggesting that each step we take in our life or our daily planner gets put before the throne, because it is God's job to direct our steps. Even good things may not be what God has planned for us. Some of us (I live in this camp) try to save the world, but it wasn't us who came to save, but Jesus. We are mere servants doing his bidding, and in that we must acknowledge that He is the one with the daily planner for all. Sometimes some of us who do it all are taking the joy God has planned for others to get involved in the process, and when we take their job, we stand in their way.

Think about the stressfree life that could await you if you only took a moment to ask God what his direction was. Learn to tune in with the voice of God and not just the voice of ministry. Be free from obligation because you are doing the work God has put before you, not what others demand of you. Let your belief in Christ been seen in the way you live your life, for that is the true test of what you believe. Ideas in the head are just that when they aren't acted out in our lives. Faith needs to be more about action and direction of Christ then a philosophical point of view. It is practical application. Be free through faith.