The Last 10 Years

I don’t know about you, but I love the Holderness family. Their videos are so funny and right on point with life.  Their humor gives me the laugh I need as a pick me up for my day.

Their video released just before Christmas (which I can't find now, so if you find it, let me know) was about the ten year review from 2010 to 2020. As I watched their video I began to cry not just because of the progression of their family but because when I thought about what that 10 years meant for me I realized how much reality had changed, transformed really.

January 2010 I was a woman living a reality different than where I stand today.  Kevin and I got married in 2005 and I stepped right into the step-mom role.  I love those bonus daughters of mine (though it wasn't even close to easy in those first few years), but I desperately wanted my own kids.  We tried but I was the woman who had been waiting 5 years to have a baby. I had been calling out to God wondering if I would ever have children on my own.  It was a dream I had no control over and was left with a decision to trust God and promise to love him even if I never had children of my own.

But here I stand 10 years out with two beautiful babies of my own. My son is almost 9 and my daughter is almost 5 and I couldn’t be happier with the role of mom, and having gone through such a hard time and having the children in the first place makes motherhood all the more precious.  I see the hand of God not only in the timing, but in how he has changed my heart in the motherhood process.  I can tell you while life isn't always perfect, I am truly happy! I have joy with my family in the midst of bad days and that joy prevails because it comes in contentment and gratitude to God.

Life is funny, we hit hard times and we move past them.  We are changed for going through them, but when you look back on life, sometimes you can begin to ask yourself, "Did that even happen?"  Of course it did, but the events of my life seem like these stories that are part of me and some are horrors and some utter delights and yet they aren't my reality, today.  Sometimes I feel like I've already lived several lives.

I can’t even imagine what the next ten years will hold, except in 10 years from now I will be the mother of a high school senior and an eighth grader and that is completely crazy to me. I’ll also be 51 so let’s not talk about that!

Let's end by talking about you, not me.  Where are you?  Have you come out of something horrible or are you in the midst of something you'd rather be done with?  Remember time is slow in the moments but fast in the years.  How can you bring more joy into the next 10 years?  Surrender what you can't control and be proactive where you do have choices.  Don't let life pass you by.

This year I want to be more proactive in writing my story and publishing a book (a first of many, if you know me, you know I have all the words).  What about you?  Tell me.  Tell me your journey, tell me your goals, I'm listening!  Also, Happy New Year!!!

Full Circle

As a girl, I never really felt like I had a place.  I was loved, but with my parents divorced, each creating new families, made it hard for me to feel like I had my own family.  

When I married Kevin, I distinctly remember a family trip to Disneyland where I realized, I had married into the same position I had growing up.  I loved my husband and step daughters, but they were a family before I came a long and I wasn't really sure where I fit.  

Obviously, we powered through the growing pains of our new family, but its been remarkable how adding our two littles has given me what I never had before.  Sure I have a definite place as mom, but the true blessing has been has its restored the heart of that little girl in me.  Raising them with Kevin and being a family has done a remarkable job of healing the wounds of my childhood.  Watching my kids live the benefits of mom and dad in the same house, has given me what I never got.  

Isn't God amazing?! All those years, God was walking with me through the hard times even if I didn't see him and to show his love for me in unique ways because the truth is, I always had a place in his family.  I was always wanted and always part of something beyond myself, even if I couldn't see it.  God saw it and God saw me. 

We live in a world that is cruel at times and we encounter people that don't always use kindness as their compass, but God is there and his time table isn't the same as ours, but not seeing it, isn't the same as it not happening.  

As we look at Turkey Day approaching and we make our thankful list, let's look at the ways God has been good to us, not only in this year but in our life.  

Can you think of some way you felt you were forgotten that later you saw the story come full circle?  

God loves you and is always working in your life.  Its not about what makes sense in the moment, but when we know we can trust our Creator and Savior, we can trust that he is there even when life is not what we hoped it was.  

Besides the story above, I can't tell you how many times God showed me was listening and cared.  

I had a major crush on this guy in high school and we went out once or twice, but it just never came together.   We rediscovered each other in college and ended up dating for a couple years.  He wasn't the one, but while we were dating, I found an old high school journal where I asked God to let me date him.  There was more to it than that, but I thought, "wow, God saw me."  

In high school while living in Germany, we went to Israel and visited the Holocaust Museum.  They have a Garden of Remembrance where trees are planted in memory of those non-Jewish people who risked their lives to save Jews during the Holocaust.  A tree is planted once that person dies.  When I was there, Corrie Ten Boom had just passed away.  I loved her and her story and wanted so desperately to see her tree.  It was time to go and I still had not found her tree.  I told God just how much I wanted to see it and asked if he would let me find the tree. Another woman in our tour and I were talking and as we talked I discovered we'd gotten lost and had been separated from the group.  As we turned to head back the way we had come, I looked down and guess what I saw?  You guessed it - Corrie Ten Boom's tree.  That wasn't a life altering request but it mattered to God, because I matter to God!  Being seen and valued is one of the greatest gifts we can ask for. 

Isn't that worth being grateful for?  Have a Happy Thanksgiving everyone! - Carrie  

Time to Say Goodbye

Just before my junior year of college at TCU, I flew out during Summer Break to a city called Visalia, CA.  My parents had just moved to Visalia from El Paso, TX.  Transition was upon us as my dad retired from the Army and traded his parish church on Post as a Chaplain for a civilian congregation as a pastor.  I remember driving to a gated community as my stepmom showed me the beginnings of what would be their home.  It was a new subdivision and their's was one of the first homes going up.

In the interim, they were staying at a mobile trailer with my two sisters on the ranch of a family at the church my dad would be the pastor of.  The Johnson's were kind enough to host us and I lived in that trailer with them during my visit.

I had no idea I would move to that same city just a year and a half after graduation.  I had no idea I would move into the guest house in that home that was being built, and I had no idea I would be a youth pastor at the same church my dad pastored.  None of those realities floated in my thoughts about the future.

Here I am eighteen years later, having lived in Visalia myself for over fifteen years, watching on as I stay here with my husband and kids, working the same job that had me moving here all those years ago as my parents say goodbye.

My dad is retiring from the church and the two of them are moving to Texas, this time near San Antonio.  While my dad's last day as Pastor isn't until September 30th, their home has sold and they find themselves in the same place they started: back on the Johnson's Ranch in the same mobile home.

Yesterday, they sent this picture as the last photo in front of the house that had become my home as well.  It is time to say goodbye.

Truly, I am not ready.  While I spent my childhood and young adult years traveling and going between homes and states and even countries, Visalia is the place I've lived the longest.  I have become used to working with my dad and living less than two miles down the road.  I've gotten accustomed to having them at every holiday and all the little moments in life in between.  I have watched on as my kids have fallen in love with their grandparents and giggle at the prospect of seeing them several times a week.  I love the joy in my son's face to have his grandparents there for special events at school and my heart is broken at all of that going away.

But here I stand in reality and life is changing once again.  It is time to say goodbye.

Yes, I may be more sentimental than most, but I am not the only one on earth that struggles with emotions about reality.  The best thing I can do and you can do as well is process those emotions.  Ignoring them or rationalizing them away doesn't actually make them go away.  My parents have a great house being built and there will be new adventures ahead but I can't just trade my sadness for joy like a can an item at Target.

Processing emotion also doesn't mean moving and staying put at that emotion for life, instead its exploring and experiencing with the intent to move on.  This is an emotional season that I want to work through so when it is over, its over.  I hope you are able to be present in your life.  Be honest with your support network about where you are and allow others to help you on your journey.  This too, shall pass!   Happy Wednesday and I'd love to hear your emotional journey.  Send me a message or leave a comment!!!

Planning The Best Party

I will say, I am pretty good at planning a party or event (spent 10 years as a wedding planner and let's face it, being a Youth Pastor includes a lot of event planning). 

I think its fun! 

Pinterest is a great asset when collecting ideas, but its also a huge pitfall in the planning process as well because you can get lost in the details and go down the rabbit hole of possibilities.  Keep it simple is the name of the game (the more details you want, the less people you need to have).

 

When I compare my daughter's first birthday and my son's recent 7th birthday, I see two different approaches.  

I loved my daughter's party and it was a masterpiece.  The biggest problem is after all that work, I wanted to leave it up for a month and had to take it down three hours later.  All that work and it was over.  I didn't regret it for a minute.  The key was borrowing!  I could do the details because I borrowed from those who have done it before and it took a lot of the work out of the equation while allowing me to have all the extras.  Where did I borrow? Facebook groups and friends.

 

My son's recent party was less decorated but still a lot of fun.  After my rejection of the work that went with our original theme of "America Ninja Warrior," we landed on Nerf Wars! Since, I got my new Cricut Machine for Christmas, I was able to make him the shirt he wanted that said, "Attack."

 

 

 

We ended up inviting a ton of people and most of them came! Again, like my daughter's party, I piggy backed, but this time in reverse.  Instead of borrowing, I created items that our church could reuse this summer for VBS and that meant, supplies got left at the church and didn't end up back in my garage!!!  

 

Let me first say, we don't do parties every year.  That is just too much.  We do celebrate every year and we have traditions for each child, but parties are best when spaced out.  Kids remember the fun more that way.  You have to mix it up.  This however, is the party year.  We have 4 birthdays in our home in a less than a two month span so it gets crazy.

 

 

We got to work and my first step was the invitation.  I used the slo-mo video option on my phone to get a video of him shooting the nerf gun then took screen shots of the video until I FINALLY (because it was like 30 times) got the bullet in the shot.  I then used my two favorite photo apps - Aviary and Over to create the right effect on the photos and create an invitation.  

 

 

 

I went light on the decor - just created a course (cardboard, pallets and tires) and then got nerf colored plates and silverware. I got nerf colored gatorades and waters and then used my nonexistent cake decorating skills to order a Costco sheet cake that only had writing and a border then decorated the cake with an actual nerf gun and darts.  

 

 

The activity was the party, but I made sure to get extra darts (600 count on Amazon) which I put in buckets on the sidelines of the course.  I got protective eye wear on Oriental Trading and also got some face paint sticks so they could get ready for battle.   

 

 

we also had a bounce house for smaller kids and to give kids a shooting break, but we had to drag the kids away to do pizza, cake and gifts.  I also planned a game of Capture the Flag and made simple arm bands from cutting fabric I got at Hobby Lobby, but the kids preferred a free for all. 

 

 

 

 

Our gift bags came from Oriental trading and the loot came from a combo of Oriental Trading and a local resource, Rick's Vending.  With up to 60 kids, I had to go light - candy and 3 toys (slime, finger rockets, whistle) and we were good to go.  I let my son put them together so he could have some ownership in the party.  We also had a small army of family help us set up.  

 

 

 

The great part was, I actually got thank you's from several parents, and was told kids talked about it all weekend and again at school, Monday.  So if you are looking for a theme that is a blast, this is it!!!  For any party don't forget: if you want a lot of details keep the invite list small and if you want a big party, pair down the decorations and extras - borrow, borrow, borrow and most of all have fun!!! Here are some more photos of the day...

 

 

 

 

The Best Gift You Can Give!

This morning, I looked down at the counter, which is always a mess!  (I try to keep it cleaned off, but my attempts just don't seem to meet with much success).  There amongst some papers was a notecard.   It was addressed to me so I looked at the return address.  It wasn't an address I recognized.  I curiously opened the envelope and discovered a thank you card.  It was filled with sweet, encouraging words from a woman on staff at my son's school.  A few weeks ago we got to chatting as I was heading out from my monthly recess duty.  She is a delightful woman.  Her words spoke of the encouragement I brought to her, but it was her words that brought something wonderful to my heart this morning.

I have sent several cards out to friends and family on my heart this past month.  You know what I've realized this morning? I need to do it more!

I know you can like a friend's social media posts, you can text a nice meme or comment on their sweet instagram picture, but even with all the ways to connect - there is still something about a handwritten letter in the mail!  

We live in a time saving world with insta-everything.  We get more done and yet time is a wonderful gift.  When we sit down to write a letter, we have to stop and think about what we say.  Sure, we can use white out if we make a mistake, but its harder to do then to delete and re-write on the keyboard.  Its that time and effort that

1. still our hearts to think about someone
2. communicates care.

Don't we need more care?  Look at our world.  Take out all the opinions we fling around like a verbal food fight and look at just the "out of our control" experiences.  This week alone, we see:

* fires raging in Gatlinburg,
* a plane crash with a promising Brazilian soccer team all casualties,
* a car/knife attack on the Ohio State campus

those are just the highlights and its only Wednesday!

We need more encouragement.  We need to know, we are loved, we are in community and its gonna be okay.  We can't look to get those things from our government or even our religious leaders, we need to be a part of the solution and through some encouragement around.

People are going nuts on shopping deals right now, trying to get the latest for their kids or best deals for Christmas gifts so Christmas morning can be magical, and yet sometimes the best gift we can give someone is recognition that they matter.

Challenge:  Write a hand-written note each day during the month of December?  Can you think of thirty-one people who you could encourage or communicate your heart with?  

All you need: Paper, envelopes, pen, addresses and stamps.

Easy!

Don't know how to write a note?

It doesn't have to be long, just start:

Dear ____________________,

I was thinking of you.  I wanted you to know FILL IN WITH YOUR FEELINGS OR WHAT YOU APPRECIATE.  I am always encouraged by your FILL IN WHAT MAKES THEM SPECIAL.  

Then wish them a Merry Christmas.  You may even let them know you are there if the holidays are hard for them because of a lost loved one.

Sincerely,

Your name here

DONE!

Make it your own, but just start.  It will get easier as the month goes, but take time to send something that isn't fast.  Write out your heart, your thoughts, your thanks or whatever comes to mind.

Let me know if you are gonna do this with me.  I'd love to have a team to help spread the love.

What are you waiting for?  Get writing, December starts tomorrow!

A Dose of Family

After spending the weekend in Jackson for my grandparents anniversary, I realized just how lucky I am to have the family I do.

We are all wacky and heck were family so of course we each have our own dash of dysfunctionality, but we have a great time. We know how to enjoy each other's company and I always have a fabulous time. My cousin Conor and I played on Hilary's computer making funny pics, this one is more sweet than funny, but I loved it.

We started the weekend out at dinner to celebrate my grandparents. It was lots of fun, just ask Uncle Mike. My dad made this great slideshow and it was wonderful to reminiscence (at least for the ones that were taken in my lifetime). We celebrated and ate then we just went back to the hotel. Saturday was wonderful bonding time with board games and then the guys went to see Gran Torino and all the gals went to see Bride Wars (12 of us ladies laughing). Then it was back to the house for a family dinner.

Sunday we all went to church (took 3 rows) and then went to my dad's favorite restaurant (Taco Bell) for lunch before heading home. Having time just to catch up with everyone was fantastic. I have such a great family. I am truly blessed. Both my mom's and dad's side of the family are big and love to be together. It couldn't get any better.

The bottom picture has all the female cousins and my stepdaughter, Stephanie.