I Just Love Him

I remember this time last year. I was fat. Yes, I said it, fat. Well maybe that's not the best description but I was pregnant and closing in on my due date. The last 2 months of my pregnancy just flew by with the hectic holiday schedule. I waddled to the beat of a slow drum trying to keep up with the pace. I was preparing for baby, a baby I had prayed for - let's be honest, I'd begged God for this baby. I was gun shy after a previous miscarriage and was anxious to know this human inside crushing my ribs.

Now, I am approaching the holidays with a baby that will be 10 months by Thanksgiving and it just seems so surrial. Time has just flown by and, with anticipation of this reality, I've tried to savor every moment and it still just flies by. I'm amazed as my 8 lb 10 oz boy tries to walk by palming walls and doors, moving his 27 lb chubby body around the house. He's no longer in tiny baby clothes but is now venturing into toddler zone with his 2T pants on account of his massive, chunky thighs.

I rock him at night and stare at his precious face and I am overwhelmed by this gift that God chose to give me! He is the most beautiful thing I have ever beheld and the wonder of it never wears off. I love so many people so much and yet not with the awe in which I carry for my little boy. So blessed and so happy to have this baby boy in my life. Thank you God!

Inspiration

When life gets me down, I just remember this day - having a baby can teach you so much about life. The best things in life hurt like hell but are worth it when its all said and done!



It goes by fast so take in each moment and let the to do list go from time to time, its gonna end up in the trash when the list is done anyway and a good memory lasts a lifetime.




Today is my lil guy's 8 month birthday...only 4 more months til he's a year. It feels like yesterday that I brought him home. Life is precious!

Adventures in Mothering - Dropping the Ball, or in my Case, the Baby

I had a heart wrenching moment just a week ago. Its taken me this long to write it down because I've been in shock. A week ago I was walking in the house with baby in car seat. I had undone the belt and was walking across the kitchen, when a little rock happened with the car seat just as Caleb jerked, and you guessed it, Caleb came tumbling out - Ahhh!!! My heart fell out of my chest and grabbed for my now crying child. I pulled him to me and ran to the chair to nurse him and hopefully bring comfort. I called the doctor to be sure he was okay, and of course he was. He did have a mark on his cheek for a few days, but the mark in my heart was much worse. I know with kids, especially boys, wounds will be inevitable, but the first time for me was traumatic. A song comes to mind - "The first cut is the deepest, baby I know..." - Cat Stevens and Sheryl Crow would be so proud.

We will be okay and hopefully it will be a long time before he incurs any other injuries, like 18 years, and hopefully it won't be because of me. A mom can dream!

Adventures in Mothering - Poopy No Diaper

Today, I found myself again in a precarious situation. My sister and I went to Target to get a few things that I needed. We were concluding our trip and Caleb got increasingly fussy, I bent down to pick him up out of the carseat and noticed a smell. As I grabbed him I saw wet spots revealing a poop explosion. I grabbed him and the diaper bag and made my way to the restroom. I left my wallet and items with Alexandra and stated a meeting place.

I got to the bathroom took off the dirty diaper, reached for the wipes and diaper to notice, I was diaperless. I had back up in the car, but those would do me no good now with a bear bottom baby. Luckily, one of the things on my list was diapers, but I had didn't have my cell phone. There was another mother in the bathroom waiting to use the changing table so I asked her to borrow her phone.

My sister answered and she brought the unpurchased bag of diapers to my aid. My next issue soon revealed itself - Caleb has grown so fast that the extra clothes in my bag no longer fit (note: they fit just a week before). So here I am with an open bag of diapers and a naked baby. Not one of my finest moments. But we survived.

Adventures in Mothering - Pumping in the Dark

Getting off of maternity leave came at interesting time with my job as a youth pastor. It was just before Spring Break and we had two trips planned. The first trip was to The Revolve Tour, a teen girl conference, and the second a week in the Tenderloin District of San Francisco on a mission trip with YWAM and Project Sixty-One. It was a first step out into life with a newborn baby, a task that looked all to daunting.

Here's a spoiler, but thanks to a great group of teens and a husband that took off work to help make it happen, both trips were a success. However, I didn't go through it without a few stories to tell. Here is the first (I know of many) adventures in mothering.

The Revolve Tour took place in an arena and was a Friday evening and all-day Saturday event. Kevin, my husband, took Caleb during the conference to visit family in the area. I had called ahead of time to be sure I could take in my pump, as I am a breast-feeding mother. I was assured I would have no problem. I was informed that there would be a place for myself and other mothers to pump.

I arrived Friday evening and went to the information desk and asked where I was supposed to pump. The woman looked at me as if I had asked a question in another language and then she got on her intercom and asked the same question. Guess what, there was no place for me to go. They directed me to a meeting room on the opposite side of the arena from where my seats were located. In that meeting area, there was a bathroom. I was told I could use that room.

That night I had not brought my nursing apron so I walked in the bathroom and went to the back stall. I began to pump. A few short minutes into the pumping process, I discovered the bathroom was equipped with motion sensor lights. I was in the dark, literally. However, there were no sensors in the stalls, but by the sinks. So I had to run out exposed, getting wet with milk, flailing my arms, praying no one would walk in so I could be in the light. I knew at that moment this would be an interesting weekend.

Needless to say, I brought my apron the next day and found a place by the sinks so the light would stay on in future pumping sessions.

The Mocker Becomes the Mocked

I used to silently mock those moms who seemed to be all about their kids. I thought to myself, "Don't you have a life or any interests outside of your kids?" Then I had my lil man 5 months ago.

If you were to read my facebook status or see the pictures I post, you would notice they are all about him. Sure I still go to work (almost) everyday, and I still talk to my friends, but my life is now all about him. I love what each new second brings. I love seeing what he's doing different today than what he did yesterday.

I don't seem to notice that I haven't shaved my legs in a week or that I have spit up on my shirt. Yes, I do need a break now and then and thank my sweet husband and fabulous friends and family for coming to the rescue when I need them, but the things that used to matter just don't anymore or at least not to the level they once did.

So label me the obsessed mommy because that is what I am.

The End of Silence

So its been awhile since my last post. In the interim I've had a big life happening. I got pregnant, had a baby and have been adjusting to new life with a baby the past 2 months. I stopped writing after discovering I was pregnant. Last time I got pregnant, I was so excited I shouted the news from the rooftops and then faced a lot of reoccurring pain once I miscarried and had to deliver the news repeatedly. This time I chose to wait until my first appointment to share the news so I laid low but by the time I was ready to share the news I had lost some of my excitement of the moment you first discover the good news. I was honestly nervous the entire pregnancy. While I trusted God I also was worried of repeat. The contrast of both kept me silenced. But I am back and ready to start talking again. I hope to share more of my thoughts with the world. I'd love to have you join me in talking. God bless. - Carrie