My Life with Teenagers

Teenagers often get a bad wrap.  They are frequently described as all attitude and hard to handle, disobeying, disrespecting and dismantling their parents at every turn.

Yes, the teen years are challenging both for the teen and the parent, but teenagers are amazing people in process, who are full of possibilities and open to life.

It has been my honor for a good part of my adult life to work with junior high and high school students.  My journey with this unique population started in my junior year of college.  I worked as a volunteer with the youth group at the church I attended during my semester abroad in London.

One favorite memory was a sleepover my friend, Kristin, and I hosted at one of the girl's homes. We painted nails and hung out making snacks in the kitchen, and we also shared our experiences through timelines of our life. We even managed to learn a bit about God over the course of the evening.

I loved it! Maybe that was when working with teens became a part of me, I just didn't know it yet.

I came back to the states and my senior year intern experience for my sign language minor involved planning an event with Imagination Celebration, an arts festival for the local deaf students.  
This arts festival included deaf dancers from Gallaudet University and around the world. It was an amazing experience and I was so honored to be involved and to see the faces of the students who attended.

My senior year I had no idea what I was going to do after graduation.  It was daunting to see the end of college approaching without any idea what was in store. But then I was contacted by Julie Wood from Doulos Ministries, who said I had signed up for more information about their ministry my Freshman year (a memory I still don't recall to this day).  

Doulos Ministries offers post-college aged adults a one-year discipleship program that not only teaches about the Bible and provides ministry training, but works as the care staff for Shelterwood their residential care facility for troubled teens (now its called a therapeutic boarding school). This year also came with training from the staff counselors.  I applied and was accepted and began to work on raising support.

After graduation I returned to Visalia, Ca, the town my dad and stepmom relocated to after my dad's retirement from the Army.  He decided to trade his role as a Military Chaplain for the lead Pastor of a church.   While I was home for the summer I worked alongside the youth pastor as the assistant.  I enjoyed building relationships with the kids and teens of the church over the summer, then headed to Colorado for the next adventure. 

The year at Shelterwood was wonderful but hard, I packed my bags a couple of times in that year completely done with the experience, but I made a commitment, so I stayed.  I tell people I'd never take it out of my life, but I'd also never do it again.  

I forged friendships in that year that have been amazing blessings over the years.  I also learned a ton! Working with teenagers facing hard stuff changed me and how I looked at life, how I viewed my Bible and how I faced the world, and I was better because of it.  As the year wrapped up, I thought my time with teenagers was over.

I got a call from my dad asking if I wanted to come be the youth pastor at his church, after the one I'd worked with had to be let go.  I really wanted to stay in Colorado but had a hard time getting a full-time job.  I told my dad if I didn't get a job I applied for at my church, I would consider going.  I didn't get the job,but I still wasn't sure.  One night I decided to stay in Colorado, and before calling my dad, I called my mom in Ohio.  She wisely told me to sleep on it.  I woke up the next morning and knew I needed to go, despite my resistance to do so.

February 1, 2003 I drove out with my dad in his van behind me and moved myself and all my belongings to Visalia.  It started out as a very part-time position that came with free housing in my parents' guest house.  I told myself this was temporary.  

My hours grew and so did my years there.  Before I knew it I had been there 15 years.   It was crazy to see adults around town who I knew as a teenager.  The silly moments, the tearful exchanges, the relationships and spiritual growth were all part of this career I accidentally built.  

Shortly after my 15 year marker, my dad announced he was retiring.  He and my stepmom were moving to Texas to live near some friends and I was faced with the reality of being without my family in my work and in my town.

In this 15 years, I had gotten married, helped raised my husband's two girls and birthed two kids of my own.  I have my own family but it is different.  What was really weird was,  I was going to stay at the church.  That church of my dad's I had temporarily come to help.  A new pastor stepped into my dad's spot and things started to change.  

I saw 16 years come and go, but just after that, our children's pastor stepped down from her job, and the offer to do both children and youth full-time was offered to me.  I didn't want full-time and I also knew I couldn't be a youth pastor forever.  Some of the aspects of the job were proving hard with kids of my own.  

So plans were made to hire someone and shift me into an Associate Pastor role working primarily with women.   It seemed like natural transition as many of the teens I'd loved over the years, came back to me seeking guidance as adults.  It was like my past created a new position for me.

I knew it was time for a change and I am happy with my new role, but I have to say I miss teenagers.  My husband says I will never stop being a youth pastor because being there for teens is just part of me.  I'm sure he's right, and as I reflect over the journey, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Thank you to every teenager who crossed my path and just know I am always here for you from the youth group kids still in high school, to the ones in their 30's who I knew when it all started.  Teenagers are a blessing, something more people should appreciate! Happy Wednesday!

Youth Ministry Reflections

Today was my anniversary, but not the one with my husband.  Instead it was with my job, well really, my ministry.  I moved here 14 years ago to start as the youth pastor at First Christian Church in Visalia.  It was on the heels of a year-long ministry working with teens in a residential care facility.  

I never intended to spend my adulthood working with teenagers, but God had other plans.  The pre-teen and teen years was a very tumultuous period in my life.  In those years I walked through the pain of an abusive step-parent, sexual abuse, emotional pain and the faced the results of poor choices that my angry heart made.  As I walked into the college years and into adulthood I began to process the pain and seek the healing I needed to not only survive, but thrive.  

At the close of my college experience as I looked at the possibilities of what was next, God reminded me of a simple sentence I spoke to him during those tough years: 

“If I have to go through it, you better use it!”  

God answered, with a “I hope you meant that!”  That started my journey to Colorado to work with teens in the midst of turmoil.  It softened my heart to that age where your life can go out of control as you transition from child to adult.  That is what led me to Visalia.  I honestly didn’t want to come.  I loved my life and support in Colorado and went to bed with every intention of turning down the job at First Christian.  

My wise mother told me, “Don’t give your answer until the morning; sleep on it first.”  Those were wise words and the morning light helped me see I was to go.  So I loaded up my 1988 Chevy Caprice Classic and caravanned to California through the winter mountains with my dad who had flown out to get me.  

I came with a thought that this would be a temporary station in life as I found my true path, but here I am in an industry that has faster turn over rates than flips of a pancake in any IHOP around the country, still going strong.  

Working with teens for over 15 years and 14 years in the same church and community has given me some great perspective on life and ministry.  Here are three perspectives that I’d love to share today: 

 Teenagers are WONDERFUL!  - Teens often get a bad wrap as the rough life-stage to work with and yet I have grown to love this stage.  Teenagers are wonderful people who add color and humor to life.  They hold beautiful ideas of the world and their future and share some great insight if you listen.

Relationships Last A Lifetime - Doing this for so long has allowed me to get to know girls and walk with them into womanhood.  Its given me the ability to get to know adolescent boys with their pranks and antics then get to see them chose a wife and have children as honorable men.  I love that still being here provides stability for some when life gives them questions and they know they can come to me in the years into their 20’s and beyond.  

Community Morphs More Than It Changes - Tonight I was speaking with a current fellow youth pastor who moved here from another state for the job but as we spoke, several of the staff at their church used to be teens I worked with years ago and other pastors were once youth pastors like me.  As I look at the Christian community it is full of new faces, but it is also full of faces that are still there working hard in new churches or positions.  There is something beautiful about that fact.  It speaks highly of this community that even in the changes in life, people still want to be here.  I love that story, that is often not told and I have the longevity to tell it.  

It is wonderful to have these opportunities to reflect and celebrate the days, years and lessons along the way.  Thank you for sharing in this with me and it leads me to ask you, “what does your life perspective teaching you?”