Seasons

Life in America is a rat race.  We all seem to be running for that proverbial carrot, except, it begs the question - is that really worth all the stress? I feel very lucky. As a girl, I traveled a lot around the United States and the world.  The benefit of moving and traveling is that, I got to see, early on, that my way wasn’t the only way.

Much of the world understands something that many Americans miss.  They know what they are working for.  Life is more than a job and to enjoy life means investing in you and the relationships in your life.

When I was living in Germany, my step mom got 6 weeks vacation.  That was not after years of service - that was to start!  Rest and family time was important and valued as a culture. During my semester abroad in London, I worked for a PR company.   I was required to be gone for a full hour for lunch and on more than one occasion I was asked to stop working so fast.  The pace was something I’d never experienced at a job in the US.  Europeans know there is more to life than just "geterdone." They work to live not live to work.  They understand that a well rested human produces more because they have more to give.

Recently,  I was communicating with a friend via Facebook comments.  She had a baby a few months ago.  She, like me, is a recovering overachiever, and was struggling with the lack of managing her to-do list.  When a baby comes into your life, that to-do list needs to go away.  Babies need our time and attention and the bar of what we can accomplish needs to drop considerably.  I reminded her about this season and the expectation adjustment that needs to take place.

I also reminded her of the Israelites in the desert.  After Moses leads the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt, they spend 40 years wandering in the desert (it wasn't supposed to be that long, but they had a bad moment that needed time allow them to move on). So the question is: was their live less valuable because they wandered in the desert 40 years? No! Our value is not found in what we can accomplish and yet, I know I’ve unwittingly believed that lie at times (who am I kidding, I believe it all the time).

This is a hard reminder because many of us, work to gain value.  We feel like we are only amazing when we are slaying our day, but truthfully, our value is constant and not dependent on what we do.  People are valuable, period.

We need to understand that there are times in life when we need to change the expectations.  There is value in taking it slow and enjoying life.  There is value in giving people the time and attention they need. There is value in resting so your body can heal or stay well.  There is value in taking moments of quiet mediation so your brain can regroup.  We also need to have patience with those who have lost their way.  Yes, the recovering drug addict may have regrets from years they let drugs control their life, but they are still valuable, which is why they fight to overcome the addiction.

Take some time to understand your season.  The opposite truth is also worth looking at.  Maybe your kids are grown and you have time and freedom you didn't have and now you need to add a bit to your life plate.  Where are you in life?  What season?  Are you taking that into consideration as you organize your days, weeks and months?  We need to make the moments count, but that won't look the same for all of us.  What does that look like for you?

Procrastination

Any procrastinators out there?  I am a procrastinator.  Its a topic I've heard a lot about, because, well, I can relate.  The thing is there is both good and bad out there on the subject. 

In college, I had a professor discuss the benefits of procrastination.  He shared that the adrenaline we get from procrastination actually fuels our ability to be productive.  Where it goes into the negative zone, is when we overuse it and can only be productive when we are amping up the adrenaline in constant procrastination, this can cause adrenal fatigue, thus hurting our bodies.

I've heard many people talk about procrastination as just a way to be lazy, and someone just putting off work.  I'm sure there is truth there, but probably the most accurate assessment for me of procrastination came from Kevin Leman.  Dr. Kevin Leman is a psychologist who studies and speaks on subjects like parenting, birth order, personalities, and marriage.  I find his birth order work to be insightful and I've enjoyed reading his books over the years. 

Kevin shares that procrastination can be a result of perfectionist influences.  Those who grew up with perfectionism as a guiding standard tend to procrastinate because they are avoiding the judgement of their process.  Doing it last minute gives less time for being judged on their work and also gives an excuse if they are judged because they just did it last minute.  

This completely makes sense to me.  It rings true, just as well as getting the adrenaline rush from doing things with less time.  Not only do I get a rush of adrenaline when I'm flying about, but I often feel better about myself for accomplishing my list in record time, but I'm pretty sure that is a false high and truthfully would have been more responsible to give the tasks the time and attention they deserve.  

The lesson that has helped me, is to just do it now.  Haven't we learned that the hare doesn't win in the end, the tortoise does.  Taking the work load and being consistent wins every time.  

Rushing often brings mistakes and seems to keep our brains from processing all it needs to, leading to forgotten tasks along the way.  
When I am finishing up after an event, I find, if I don't put everything away when I am done, stuff can sit around for weeks and pile up with the rest of the things I haven't accomplished.  

My motto has become, "Why put off for tomorrow, what I can do today."  

The Bible in James 4:14, reminds us that we don't know what tomorrow will bring.  I can't tell you how many times I have forced myself to finish something only to get a sick kid, or a friend in crisis who needs me, or some other life happening the next day and realize, I wouldn't have been able to accomplish it.  

We never know what will come up in life and we have to be diligent to accomplish what is on our plate.  I'm not an expert in this, I am a human in process, trying to apply what I have learned along the way and in turn, share it with you.  I know I am not alone in this and I want to share what God is teaching me.   

Evaluating why I procrastinate is a valuable lesson in self-discovery as well as self-improvement.  Saying self-improvement after discussing perfectionism seems crazy, I know, but for me improving means being less perfect and more forgiving of myself.  Its becoming more healthy as an individual.  Worrying about what others think or letting their opinions keep me down isn't healthy and I don't want to live with that weight on my shoulders.  

I'm not concluding this by saying procrastination is bad.  I am saying, evaluate why you procrastinate and deal with what you need to and remember - a little procrastination goes a long way.  

Life Mud

Sundays are busy days.  Not only do I work for a church and have three events in one day, but my husband is a professional volunteer at our church and has his own lengthy to-do list.  Getting out the door can be a challenge, and if there are unusual happenings in the morning, then things can go sideways quick.  

Two Sundays ago, was such a Sunday.  There was a potluck after church that I needed to go early and set up for it; I also needed to bring food for the event when we left for church, plus I had some things people needed for upcoming events I needed to take with me, and I promised a friend I'd leave some things outside my front door for her.  

Guess what? 

I left the house and left the food on the counter.  Thankfully my husband grabbed it and brought when we he came five minutes later. After setting up I realized I'd left those papers I needed at home.   I ran home (thankfully its only five blocks from the church) to grab them.  After getting back to church, I realized I hadn't set out the items for my friend.  

At this point I was engaging in some negative self-talk and was beating myself up for making so many mistakes in my morning and forgetting so much.  I drove home with my head hanging and pulled up to the house the same time my friend did.  This is a women I've known and run into over the past 8 years but haven't spent a lot of time with in recent years, aside from Facebook encounters.  We started talking and kept talking for 45 minutes.  Life had happened and connection was needed for both of us in that moment. 

I drove back to church and felt something.  I felt like divine intervention had taken place.  Had I been on my game and remembered to set out what she needed, I would not have been there when she arrived.  She would have grabbed it and went on her way.  That would have been fine, its not like our one talk was life altering or anything, but to me, it felt special.  It felt like an unplanned gem in the day.   

Here was my take away: Being wise with our time is important.  While life is more than our to-do list, we do all have things that we need to get done - its just reality. But by merely living by the list we could miss out on the unplanned beauties in life. 

I'm a Christian, and I believe God is always at work and is working for us in ways we don't even know about.  Being included in something God is doing is magical, especially when you don't see it coming.  I once felt God told me to say hi to a woman I passed by coming out of Costco.  When I said hello, she started talking to me.  She shared her journey with cancer, and I was able to hug her, pray with her and encourage her. My mind was blown and I was blessed by the interaction.  How many people do we pass by each day with no knowledge of who they are and what they need? But God knows and if we are open to him, he will use us and trust me it can blow your mind!

Isaiah 55:8-9 - "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." 

 Getting stuck in my head and trapped in my perfectly planned schedule means I miss out on the sweet spots in life.  And when I don't get it right, instead of beating myself up, I must embrace the imperfection because I will find a blessing in the mix.  This also applies to you.  Love the life mud because it can be fun!  

Time Debt & 5 Ways to Help!

I've said it before and I will say it again - the shower is the best think tank.  The other day, I was once again hit with an idea while in the shower.  It was the concept of time debt and really how to determine how much you have and how to get out of time debt. 

My husband and I went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University several years ago and honestly its time we go get a refresher course.  If you don't know who Dave Ramsey is, he is a financial guru.  He explains how to know what you are spending and making, how to make a budget, how to get rid of debt and save for the future.  His program is amazing!  

As I thought about his principles of finance, I realized they also applied to time.  Time management is the theme for this month and its great to start out with time debt.  The truth is time mismanagement
 often happens without much thought.  We end up signing up for more in life than we can deliver on.  This is a problem for a lot of reasons.  We can come across as a flake and get a bad reputation, but it can also cause a lot of stress in our lives when we always feel behind.  The pressure of not getting it done can be a heavy burden!

Just like in finances, with time, your first step is in discovering where your mismanagement is happening and finding a solution is: 

1. Create Categories 

Start this process by listing all the areas of life that you have.  I did this with circles, like plates, because life so often feels like spinning plates.  I wrote a category in each circle:  Family, Friends, Work (that maybe be more than one plate if you have a side hustle or two), Household Duties, Spiritual Life, Self-Care, Volunteer Commitments, etc.  

2. List Out the Duties

Next make a to-do list for every category.  I know this will take some time and thought, but its worth it in the long run.  

3. Cost it Out

Go through each list and assign in an average time to accomplish.  So cleaning the house might be 4 hours a week and shuttling the kids around is six hours a week, etc.  You may have to track some of these in a given week or two to get a good feel for how much time you put into laundry each week or a certain work task. 

4. Add It Up 

Add each column, then add up all of it.  Depending if you did it for a day, week, or month, you will then add up the amount of time that is available in that time frame, and make sure you added sleep in there! 

5.  Take a Look and Begin to Ask Questions

Look at the lists. Do you have more time commitments than time available?  Were you surprised by the length of some versus other lists?  Take note of a few things.  If you have time debt, how much do you have?  What does the time per category communicate about your priorities?  Does it line up with what's most important to you?  If you have time debt, what can you take off your plate?  What needs to be readjusted.  Do you have time to say yes to the requests of others or is it time to say no?  

Getting a handle on where your time goes, really helps you to understand the value of what you say yes and no to.  Change can happen when we are able to take a look at the issues and be empowered to do something about it.  

Did you find this helpful?  Let me know!  Sharing from my life and what I'm learning makes the challenges I face so worth it.  I told God long ago, "If I have to go through it, you better use it!"  He's taken me up on that time and time again.  Happy Wednesday!  Let's see how we can face time management together this month.  

Fake Care

We’ve all heard of fake news, well today, I want to talk about fake care.  I think its only appropriate to discuss this topic as we close out a month of self-care discussions.  So what is fake care?  Its the stuff that looks like self-care but is cleverly disguised and actually something very different.

Fake care can come in a few forms - addiction, avoidance, distractions, and over-indulgence just to name a few.  Often the things that make up fake care aren't bad in and of themselves but in how you use them.  A tool in the right hands is a great asset, but a tool used inappropriately can cause harm and even be a weapon.

So what exactly am I talking about? I'm talking about the things you do that keep you distracted from doing what you need to do, that will inevitably cause you stress later,  or avoiding hard things by doing other things that just keep you from facing life.  I"m talking about unwinding in ways that go too far and create unhealthy patterns and addictions.  Let's have a few examples:

Time on your phone (okay I'm talking about me here) - I use my phone for work.  I check emails, update social media, text, call, sell, buy etc, but I also scroll too long and play games when I have stuff to do.  Doing that isn't wrong but when I neglect my to-do list for the never-ending scroll, we have a problem.  When I choose to play phone games instead of having my necessary time with God, I am not talking care of my spirit, and I need that for the rest of me to function.  Taking a break from life and playing a fun game on your phone or checking in on your friends can actually be good, but too much time becomes a problem.

Tip: Set limits or time for those phone stuff.  Set a timer if you need to, to help you be time aware.  You can also earn more screen time (just like your kids have to), do something on your list, earn time on social media etc.

Television and YouTube - Television has always been my guilty pleasure.  I can get lost in a show or movie.  My son inherited that from me, so you have to yell or get right up on him or me to get our attention when we are engrossed in a show.

TV is great after a long day to just unplug and relax.  Family movie night is also a lot of fun but seriously, when one show turns into binge watching and before you know it, you've accomplished nothing and its time for bed, you have a problem.  This can be an avoidance behavior.

I am prone to getting overwhelmed when I have too much going on and just check out instead of getting it done.  Taking a break, again, is good, avoiding and being irresponsible is not.  Only you know when you are using television (or whatever for you) to avoid a challenging emotion or lengthy project.

Tip: Just like phone time, setting limits can be a great way to tame this beast.  Maybe you need to delete a few of the shows you tape or unsubscribe to a few YouTube channels.  That show on Netflix you are dying to watch, limit the number of episodes you will watch at once.  If you can't follow your rules, then its time to get someone to intervene.

A glass (or 12) of wine - Again, a nice glass of wine can be great, but too much is an addiction not an enjoyable way to unwind.  This could also work for that piece of cheesecake that turned into 8 slices. Enjoying a dessert is great, but going on a calorie, sugar spree is harmful to your body.  That my friends is fake care.

Tip: Find a substitute non-alcoholic, non-caffeine replacement - something that helps you and can get you re-focused on life.  Find a friend to hold you accountable.  Make a rule, you only have one drink out with friends, no alcohol in the house for awhile.

Enjoy life, take in the beauty and take care of your mind, soul and body.  Understand your value and invest in you, but don't use that as an excuse to go too far!

I recently faced an unexpected emotional issue when a part of my past, I thought I was done with, came at me from left field.  I took a few days to ignore it and honestly, I needed to, but then I had to face it, talk it out.  Depending on your set of circumstances, that might mean a coffee talk with a friend, or it might mean a counseling appointment.  Deal with your emotions, they are there for a reason and counseling with the right counselor (there are bad ones out there or even just ones you don't jive with) can be just what you need.

Self-aware is the best friend to self-care and being able to hone your self-discipline so those two work well together is a recipe for a better you.  Are you using the things above or your anything else you do (time with friends more than family, a good book that takes your whole day, going to the gym more than you should...) to avoid life, overindulge in guilty pleasures. Are you in the middle of a socially acceptable addiction or do you need more discipline to avoid common distractions?  Move toward self-care not fake care.  You only get one shot at life and its never too late for a fresh start.  Go be the best you!

Who Are You?

Before you can answer the question, "what you need," you first have to know who are you?  I love the show, "This Is Us," for many reasons, but one of those reasons is because they deal with the who in defining the how.  Isn't that what life is all about?  So many people stay stuck in bad places because they incorrectly defined the who.  They don't try because they don't think they are worth the effort.  A couple weeks ago I talked about how much you matter and it sounds nice but really, its the starting place for a reason.

When we fail to see our awesome in the midst of our own awful (we all have both) we miss out on understanding who we really are.  I hate when people pick one thing to define themselves because we are more than our sexuality, our past or one defining character quality.  We need to see it all and there are so many ways to do that.  Its a package deal, because while taking away one of those descriptors would change who we are, we aren't just one thing.  

I love personality tests because its a rabbit hole of self-discovery that truly makes me giddy.  There are so many quizzes and tests online today - just do a google search and get lost one afternoon in the discovery of you!

Knowing who you are is key to understanding where your life potholes are and knowing the dangerous places you shouldn't go.  Its knowing that you are tired and now isn't the time to discuss this, or understanding that certain people trigger past pain and you have to guard yourself when life puts them in your path.  Knowing yourself means knowing you talk too much or not enough and being sure you have put in place what you need to care for yourself and rock at life.

I mean don't you want the best?  Don't you want to finish strong and not be a tragic tale?  Getting there, taking care of yourself to make it through the years of this life, those come in the moments getting all added up.

I get busy and can give so much that I neglect myself.  If I don't have sleep, time with God and recoup time, I am horrible to be around.  If I get anxious and worried, I have to slow. it. down. 

I have to take a time out and refresh.  

That isn't the same for my husband and if I'm not careful I can see him going and think, "I need to catch up," but that doesn't work for me and if I try it, I will fail.  Pushing myself too hard not only gets me raging, but it also takes me to that depression place, where I can begin to ask the question, "Wouldn't everyone just be better off without me?" That land is no bueno and I try to avoid it, so knowing what gets me there it the first step.

Do you know who you are in order to know what you need?  Become a student of you and then make that plan to stay in the best place.  Fill me in! I'd love to hear more about you and what you need.  Comment below or on any of my social media accounts, message me or call if you have my number.  Trust me, I want to hear it! I hope its an awesome day!!! Maybe today is the day you begin to discover you!!!!

Bible Mistranslation, Goals and Self-Care

Eli, Eli, lemana shabakthani! (Matthew 27: 46, Mark 15:34)

This phrase is uttered by Jesus on the cross and is often translated in the Bible verse as meaning:

My God, My God, why have you forsaken me!

It was always explained to me that Jesus said that because God had turned away from him because God couldn't look at sin, however, that really makes no sense.  Why? Well, for one thing, Jesus is God, just in another form.  So if that is true how can one form not look at sin, but the other be on a cross bearing the sin of the world? Also, if God's whole point of creation is to have a relationship with humans, by nature, sinful creatures, how can that work if God can't look at sin?  It just doesn't seem to fit the character of God or the rest of the Bible.  Turns out, its been misquoted.

I've mentioned before that I am reading, Light Through An Eastern Window, by Bishop K.C. Pillai and while I was reading in Chapter 5 (page 67) where he discusses this very passage above.  I then opened my Peshitta  Bible translation to follow along and see that Eli, Eli, lemana shabakthani, is actually mistranslated.  What is really says is, My God, My God, for this I was spared, or this is my destiny or even, it is fulfilled.

That translation makes more sense when in John 19:30 Jesus is quoted as saying, It is finished.  Jesus like any man on a mission, was stating that he had finished what He was sent to do.  I love this!

So what does this have to do with self-care?  Well, last month our theme was goals and I think this Bible passage is a great message in the middle of everything we've been talking about.

God had a mission: make a way for humans to get back to him. Jesus came as the final sacrifice, atonement if you will, so that our relationship established in the Garden of Eden could be restored.  Satan, our enemy, had gotten in there and blocked our path, but God protected us from our enemy and in true God form, provoked his enemy to help him fulfill his mission so that he could go on the cross, die for us, then 3 days later come back to life and go back up to heaven, leaving the other form of God - the Holy Spirit, with those of us who accepted this gift.

Jesus knew his goal, he knew what he was here to do and he did it.  Along the way he trained leaders, met the needs of the people he created and loved, and he pissed the religious leaders off, you know the ones claiming to represent him, but really just living for themselves and using religious laws to get what they wanted.

Jesus, is recorded in various passages in the gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John) as going to a solitary place and getting away from the crowds.  He met physical as well as spiritual needs when he was with crowds, because in the midst of meeting the mission, he knew the value of taking care of our physical bodies.

You will never meet your goals and fulfill your life mission if you neglect your body, your spirit and your soul.  Self-care is not just a plain way of talking about pampering.  Its actually being mindful of the tools we need and using them with wisdom.  Our body is the vessel that houses our spirit.  It has needs of food, water, rest.  The spirit and mind need quiet meditation and time from the go, go, go and draining moments of emotions of others or even our own.

Let us learn from Jesus, and not only stay focused on our job, our mission in life, but also care for the needs of ourselves and those who cross our path.

Where are you lacking?   Do you have goals and a life mission or are you aimlessly floating through life?  That is easy to do, we have more distractions than any other time in history.  Are you staying focused on that mission and are you caring for your needs so that you can do what you were called to do?  What would it mean for your mission to be completed?  If you can't answer that, maybe its time to get in prayer and Bible study and ask God to show you.  Maybe you don't know who you are? Then its time to take the personality tests and learn about how you tick, what you need and what kinds of things bring you joy or get you excited to go out and conquer the world.  Life is hard, like we discussed last week, so stay encouraged and keep going!!! Happy Wednesday!