I Just Love Him

I remember this time last year. I was fat. Yes, I said it, fat. Well maybe that's not the best description but I was pregnant and closing in on my due date. The last 2 months of my pregnancy just flew by with the hectic holiday schedule. I waddled to the beat of a slow drum trying to keep up with the pace. I was preparing for baby, a baby I had prayed for - let's be honest, I'd begged God for this baby. I was gun shy after a previous miscarriage and was anxious to know this human inside crushing my ribs.

Now, I am approaching the holidays with a baby that will be 10 months by Thanksgiving and it just seems so surrial. Time has just flown by and, with anticipation of this reality, I've tried to savor every moment and it still just flies by. I'm amazed as my 8 lb 10 oz boy tries to walk by palming walls and doors, moving his 27 lb chubby body around the house. He's no longer in tiny baby clothes but is now venturing into toddler zone with his 2T pants on account of his massive, chunky thighs.

I rock him at night and stare at his precious face and I am overwhelmed by this gift that God chose to give me! He is the most beautiful thing I have ever beheld and the wonder of it never wears off. I love so many people so much and yet not with the awe in which I carry for my little boy. So blessed and so happy to have this baby boy in my life. Thank you God!

The End of Silence

So its been awhile since my last post. In the interim I've had a big life happening. I got pregnant, had a baby and have been adjusting to new life with a baby the past 2 months. I stopped writing after discovering I was pregnant. Last time I got pregnant, I was so excited I shouted the news from the rooftops and then faced a lot of reoccurring pain once I miscarried and had to deliver the news repeatedly. This time I chose to wait until my first appointment to share the news so I laid low but by the time I was ready to share the news I had lost some of my excitement of the moment you first discover the good news. I was honestly nervous the entire pregnancy. While I trusted God I also was worried of repeat. The contrast of both kept me silenced. But I am back and ready to start talking again. I hope to share more of my thoughts with the world. I'd love to have you join me in talking. God bless. - Carrie

The Faith Process

Hebrews 11 - Tells us that "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." This is sentence is easier to say than it is to live out. But today I began to see it bearing real fruit in my life.

I was married 4 years ago last month. I married a wonderful man who has experienced a lot of life, something I am very familiar with myself. It was God that brought two people together who are 16 years apart in age. Having been previously married my husband brought two almost grown children into our marriage. I came into the marriage with only an abortion in my past wanting desperately for children of my own.

My husband had a vasectomy in his previous marriage which would need to be reversed. We went into the reversal surgery already with 2 years of marriage under our belt and were only promised a 50% chance of success. I was believing God for a miracle as the surgery alone cost us the rest of our savings at the time, but with each month of a period my hopes for a baby was crashing. I told God I trusted him no matter regardless of his plan for me, and even though I felt I wanted a baby more than anything, what I most wanted was his will for my life.

Almost two years passed with no sign of pregancy. But I continued to persist in prayer and put my trust in God. Last month I discovered I was pregnant and was bewildered and excited all at once. It was something that didn't feel real, but it was in fact happening. I cried with gratitude to the Lord and called everyone on planet earth with the news.

The story now brings us to present day "Carrie Life" and a few weeks ago I began to have bleeding, something that can be normal with some women in pregnancy, but as a precaution I was sent to have blood tests and an early ultrasound. All tests came back saying things looked good, until yesterday. I went for my first official doctors visit and after the ultrasound the doctor told my husband and myself that he was 98% sure I was having a miscarriage. The ultrasound machine he was using was older so there was a chance a different machine would be more assuring and I could just be early in my pregnancy than suspected. So I was asked to go into get another ultrasound today.

I left the office last night upset but determined to have faith. I put it before God that I would always stand by Job 1:21 - "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, may the name of the Lord be praised." No matter what the outcome I would praise God because He is in control and He is Lord. He has a plan and I will always put my trust in that instead of what is before me in life. I chose, despite the thoughts that tried to bombard me with discouragement and doubt, to stand by God in faith believing that 98% "No" in human language was not too much for my God. I chose to walk in faith and trust God to do anything. As I slept last night a familiar song filled my head. Its called, "He's Never Failed Me," and the lyrics truly inspire confidence in God. I awoke and read about the Fiery Furnance in Daniel chapter 3 and decided to give all glory to God despite the outcome, and regardless of any news this morning I felt like I had been successful in having faith. I felt my believe in God permeate my being and live out in my actions. I was walking in the "substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."

I went in for the ultrasound this morning and while I have not yet heard from the doctor, I know I saw a sack and fetal pole and heard a heart beat. The nurse said I appear to be more like 6 weeks than 9 weeks, and I am confident God provided a miracle for me. I receive this amazing gift not only of a baby, but also of faith.