How Do You Measure Up?

We grow up being asked what we want to be when we grow up.  Kids rattle off a list of professions like police officer, astronaut, teacher, or even President.  My six-year-old says he wants to be a Ninja (though last year it was Ninja Elf, but he's dropped the Elf because that isn't realistic. - Ha!) 

We grow up and become a lot of different professions, some with great focus and even dead on with what the six-year-old version of themselves stated they would be.  Others just aimlessly land in some 9-5 just to pay the bills.  But I think we are doing a big disservice to children and to ourselves when we put so much focus on the professional success you will one day find.

I recently lost someone I loved dearly.  Wanda Sharp died just months before her 92nd birthday.  She left behind family but she also left behind a legacy that reached far beyond her own DNA.   Wanda wasn't a successful entrepreneur, and she actually spent most of her work years as a bus driver for special needs kids.  In the years I knew her, Wanda was a faithful volunteer with the youth group I lead.  She never thought she did much to help me, but the love she spread impacted lives.  She was the group grandma for years.  Teens graduated and moved on but they still loved Wanda, because she loved them.  It didn't matter how many times you attended or how well she knew you, she was gonna love on you. 

For those of us in the church, Wanda was mom or grandma.  She filled a void in many, and when she died, there was a group of young people that mourned as much as her family and friends.   On the day we honored her, I sat with typed pages filled with sentiments emailed to me that former students who wanted to share with her family, so they would know what she meant to them.  A woman who grew up with "Grandma" Wanda flew in from Louisiana (a long way from Visalia, California) just to be in attendance at the service.  The room was packed with people impacted by Wanda and the attendees even included one the students she transported all those years ago.

I am sad to lose such a precious woman but so glad she can stand before her maker and feel the love she gave here on earth.  She will understand and be comforted by the value she always had and never truly saw.  

In thinking of this I realized.  Wanda wasn't a success because she went to an Ivy League University or worked as CEO at some fortune 500 company.  She was a success because she was a woman who loved on people.  She made a mark that was indelible in the souls of people.  Wanda didn't let age, background, race or religion keep her from loving on whomever crossed her path.  She was a beacon example this world needs!

So my question is:

How Do You Measure Up?

Is your focus for a life well-lived on the successes you receive along the path to that dream job or is your focus on the people who are in front of you?

The great thing about focusing on the latter question is that it starts now.  Kids don't have to wait until they grow up to be a success.  They get to build character and be loving, kind people NOW!  Doing good for others will only lead them to what they will be when they grow up.

We should encourage kids to live for now.  Of course focusing on a goal for the future has its own merit and they will have to chart a path for the future with their education, but they should be more concerned about who they are than where they end up because ultimately, that is what matters most!

I Became A Mother 14 Years Before I Had My Son...

I become a mother 14 years before I had my son.  That may sound strange, but my definition of mom has been altered a bit through the life that I have led.  

In the summer of 1997 after graduating from high school, I travelled from Heidelberg, Germany to Springfield, Ohio and discovered, I was pregnant.  I was 18 years old and preparing to leave for college in just a few shorts months.  In contrast to my believe system, I had an abortion.  Despite only being 6 - 8 weeks along, I knew that my baby was a boy named Tyler.  It was a decision I regretted afterwards and had to walk a rough road just to live with that choice.  Tyler is my first child.  He always will be.   

My next child came 5 years later.  This time it wasn’t a baby and wasn’t from my body.  I was working at a group home for troubled teens. I was assigned 3 girls in my time there.  I still remember facing a hard time with one in particular and talking with her mom on the phone.  Her mom was comforting me as I walked a very difficult time with her.  Those girls were all mine and even though they have grown up and are now moms themselves, I will always think of them as my kids.  I was with them everyday through the hard parts of life for a year.  A year that branded me my heart in a way that will make those bonds reach beyond what an average year will do. 

My next children became mine in 2005.  I was 27 years old marrying a man 16 years my senior.  He brought into our lives his two beautiful girls - 14 and 18 at the time.  Even though I was closer in age with them than my husband.  I mothered them day in and day out.  The oldest, who is special needs, at 31 still lives with us.  She calls me mommy and is able to love all in her live.  

My husband and I tried for 5 years to have a baby.  We finally got pregnant and I was over the moon!  But Danielle was drawn to her brother, Tyler, and I miscarried one night at home.  It was a painful night both physically and emotionally.  I still have a photo of the toilet after miscarrying her.  It might sound gross, but its a bit of my goodbye, and closure with my baby girl who I never got to meet.  

In 2011 I had Caleb.  I still remember standing in a Hobby Lobby seeing a yellow cross that read, “For This Child I Prayed,“ and sobbing.  I was so scared he would follow Danielle’s lead, but he didn’t!  Even though I had considered myself a mom for years, this was the first time the world acknowledged me.  My journey led me to Caleb.  I couldn’t love someone more if I tried.  

You see, loving Caleb was easy it just happened inexplicably.  With my other children, especially my step daughters, my love was a choice.  It was a stronger and better choice than my first choice in 1997.  It was a daily choice to love despite the fact that I didn’t get to watch them grow from infancy or have them move in my belly.    That was an amazing love to know and to keep knowing.  

I thought that was the end of my motherhood.  But God surprised me just under three years ago with the news that I was pregnant.  This time with a girl and that girl just turned 2 last week.  Truth: I cried when I found out she was a girl.  I wanted another boy and was scared to be a mom of a girl.  I realized I had some baggage to sort with that fear, but her being a girl was the best thing EVER! 

I know there will be no more babies coming from my body, but if life has taught me something its that my journey of motherhood isn’t close to being over.  I have years with my babies, but I also don’t know what God may bring along my path in the future.  The children I love come in all forms.  I am better for each of my kids listed above and for each of the teenagers that has crossed my path in ministry over the past 15 years.  

The truth is when I look back over life, I too have parents that never birthed me - people that loved me like my own parents did and made a huge impact in my life.  There is some sorrow on my mom journey and I can tell you I would much rather have my two heaven babies on earth, but I am still their mom.  I can’t wait to wrap my arms around them one day.  Until then I continue to look ahead and live for today, remembering the journey and grateful for what I have gleaned along the way.  

When did you become a mom? Or a dad (for all the men reading this)?  Have you ever looked outside the traditional definition and seen the impact others have made on you and you on them along the way?  May you reflect and embrace all those on your path who mothered you and you them!