What We Can Learn From Elf on the Shelf

I don't personally have an "Elf on the Shelf" in my house.  Its not that I am a hater of the Christmas tradition, I just don't have time for that PLUS I want there to be more of a Jesus focus in my house. Everything else seems to be so focused on the gifts under the tree and that just seems to foster materialism in my kiddos.  I can't do nothing so instead we do have the "Star From Afar" .  Its been fun and seems to help me strike the balance I'm looking for.  Santa does visit this house and my kiddos have their lists for what they want to get from us and Santa this year.  I'm letting you know all of this because as I've been scrolling through my various social media feeds I've seen a variety of perspectives:

- Friends who don't do Santa at all
- Friends, like me, who do Santa but no Elf
-Videos like this one from the (amazing) Holderness Family who have an Elf that's lazy
- Friends that do the Elf with some creativity but nothing anyone is Pinning
- Friends who go Elf crazy with creative feats every night

Here's the thing.  There isn't a right way, there is just personal preference.  Each of us can do it our way without shaming someone else for doing it differently.  We need to model this example in more areas than an Elf on the Shelf.  We all need more grace these days instead of everyone throwing things at their perceived opponent in life's opinion wars.

I definitely applaud the passion and conviction I see in my friends and family.  Heck, have you met me? I usually have an opinion and am willing to rant at the invitation (or perceived invitation - ha!)

But let's take a minute and hear each other out and realize there may be 5 variations of doing things, 5 plus opinions on each subject and we might actually learn something from a person in a different category than us.

Before you call someone a moron for thinking xy or z, stop and ask, how they see it?  Sometimes we have to put ourselves on pause and look deeper to see someone else.  Sure, it may not change our minds (I am not getting an Elf just because my friends have one and are rocking their elf morning findings), but I can appreciate others even in our differences.

Take for example the "Baby It's Cold Outside" debacle.  I read the lyrics and I can completely see rape culture in there, and yet when I read an article from the daughter of the song writer, I saw that the culture of that day meant something different and maybe instead of banning the song we just open discussion and teach our kids to dig deeper and discover the messages beyond our own framework of understanding.  Words 60, 20 and even 2 years ago don't always mean the same thing as when we encounter said words, so learning to inject culture in our understanding is a major life skill. 

I know some of you may think, "Carrie grow a backbone and pick a side." There are times when I do, do just that, but we have become too polarized and need to take a minute and find a way to work together.  Can we respect people we don't agree with?  I say yes! We need to practice respectfully disagreeing.  That might take a step away from the computer (funny as you are reading this on a screen), but finding balance in spending time with actual people versus virtual time, is important because it reestablishes an ability to see the person and not just pummel thoughts behind the protection of a screen.

Let's learn something from the Elf on the Shelf beyond that is poops Hershey kisses and takes marshmallow baths.  What areas of life do you need to check out other view points for the purpose of appreciating difference and allowing yourself to see the person and not just the issue?  You got this.  Now go out there and have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! 

What Are You For?

Caleb Kaltenbach was supposed to be at a conference I attended in May to lead a couple workshops,  but some issues with his airplane kept him from making it.  His story sounded interesting so I was looking forward to hearing from him.  I wandered the speaker bookstore and decided to get his book.  I started reading it on vacation last month and it truly hasn't disappointed!

While the Christian world debates homosexuality, Caleb comes in with a different perspective.  He grew up with gay parents.  He spent his growing years attending Pride parades and encountered Christians who pedaled in hatred and was taught how horrible Christians really were.  Caleb agreed to attend a Bible Study with the intention of giving hate back to those who hated him and his family.

Instead he encountered Jesus, and discovered the Christians he'd encountered weren't the same as the Jesus the Bible talked about.   When he became a Christian and decided to go into ministry, his coming out experience (in reverse) wasn't met with enthusiasm.  His book, "Messy Grace - How a Pastor with Gay Parents Learned to Love Others Without Sacrificing Conviction" is a wonderful story chalked full of sound advice to the Christian community of 2018.  The first few chapters have more underlined than not, and while I don't think my struggle is loving people that are different than me, I learned a lot from his perspective.

One of the sentences I underlined in Caleb's book was:

"our church should be known for what we are for, not what we're against." (page 2)

While this isn't a new thought, it definitely gave me pause.  Yes, its easier to get up in arms about the way things are done wrong, but jumping to what we are against while easier causes more damage that standing for what we are for.   Caleb further says, "Unfortunately, some Christians have used the Bible as a weapon to bludgeon those who disagree." (page 8)

Do you know what is at the heart of war?  Its not hate - its fear.  Fear is a powerful emotion and it leaves wisdom, kindness and love out in the cold.  Fear makes us do crazy things and many Christians live in a world different than what they believe it should be and they are scared.  I think that have a right to be.  Look at the history of the world.  Jews were killed because they were Jews.  African men and women were sailed around the world and sold as slaves, and even in our country because of one's skin color, men and women were beaten, raped, sold, tortured and murdered.  Christians are scared they are next.  Unfortunately, when we push back in fear out of protection, we often do to others what we don't want done to us.

Learning more about where someone is coming from is always a benefit.  I don't think we are ever going to make progress in shouting from opposite sides of issues as to why the other side is wrong.  This model of behavior (now newly improved on the social media newsfeed) only builds walls - it doesn't provide bridges.  We have to be okay with disagreement as along as its communicated and acted out in respect and love.

Today in my reading of the Bible, I was encouraged that when Peter was called to tell Cornelius about Jesus (Acts 10), and then was confronted by Jewish believers because he ate with a Gentile, that they were excited that God had made a way for all to have a relationship with Jesus (Acts 11).  It was different than what they knew because Jews and Gentiles were distinct and often opposing people groups in the days of the Bible.  God built a bridge and his followers were excited.

The Bible also tells us the world will know we are Christians by our love. (John 13:35) That just isn't the case today.  We are known for what we are against not what we are for.

I am for all people being able to have a relationship with God.  I am for treating others with love and respect.  I am for people finding allowing Jesus to heal their wounds from life.

I am not saying we give up our convictions and do away with rules.  I am saying lead with love.  Share what we are for and meet others you disagree with in a relationship so that you can discuss solutions to problems (like immigration, abortion, gun control...) that take the concerns of both sides into consideration.

The point is when we care more about proving a point and being right we miss the boat.  No one is listening when they feel you don't care.  Stop proving your point and love the person you couldn't imagine loving.  In loving them you will see something you didn't before - them.  It may not change your stand but it may change how you communicate it.  If I am for people and for loving people, I will start there.  What are you for?  My exhortation for you today is to examine your actions, words, social media posts, and ask what is my current behavior communicating?  Do you stand out for what you are for or what you are against?  Are there changes you need to make?  No better day than today to do it!  Let's be "for" together!