Different is Beautiful

Can you name someone that you absolutely adore, but you see the world from very different viewpoints?

 I can.  

Because I’ve traveled so much throughout my life, I’ve had the privilege to see people in different countries from different backgrounds, and different cultures. The advantage of international travel was an early life lesson that different didn’t mean wrong. 

Different can be beautiful! God, as Creator, left reflections of himself in all His creation recognizing that fact in the midst of life chaos is a benefit to all. I learned that I could appreciate people for who they are and what they add to the world without always being on the same page. It’s what’s allowed me to love people as much as I do.  I'm not saying people don't do bad things and I'm not saying that all different ways and opinions are right, but I am saying when we live in our echo chambers and stay focused on why we are right, we miss out on perspectives and we limit our world. 

I love social media - I love the connection it brings as I communicate with people I’ve known and loved throughout my life. I love seeing my friends' children grow up, children that without social media, I never would have seen. Social media has an ugly side too, in fact I would say that I have a love/hate relationship with it. 

People forget the beauty of difference or to even have understanding and love in their interactions with people who aren't living on the same page. We don’t have to live in the category of "all or nothing" because that’s not real life. I know our population is full of people who disagree on big issues, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop treating others with love and respect. Wars aren't just fought with guns and grenades, they are often fought with insults and assumptions.  

I have lots of opinions, and I can get on my soapbox often. I go off into a monologue during a conversation with a friend or on a blog post, or even a Facebook post so I am not immune to this topic, but its important that as we share our beliefs that we don't crush the value of others in the process.  

So that begs the question, what's the point? When you call out someone who is doing the opposite of what you believe, and attach a unflattering title to their character in the process, are you trying to change minds or shame them for seeing the world differently?  If you are trying to shame them, then I'd say, just stop, its not nice and you do more damage to your own humanity than theirs.  If its to change their mind, I can tell you I’ve never changed my mind on a topic based on someone’s name calling post slamming my perspective. The changes happen when people feel accepted, feel heard, and are able to dialogue in a conversation about whatever the topic may be.  

Conversation enables you the benefit of getting verbal and nonverbal feedback, and helps you to know when you’ve gone too far.  I’m not saying we should stop sharing our opinions online, I am saying we need to understand that not everyone has the same view and having a different view doesn't make them an idiot.  Share your perspective without name calling, engage in open conversation with someone that does see the world differently and see what you can learn.  Don't share for the purpose of changing minds but for the purpose of loving the people behind the difference. You never know what the outcome might be.  

I am still not the wonderful environment crusader that my former roommate and forever friend, Rebecca is, but in reading her informative posts and having conversations over the years, I live with much more respect for the environment today than I did 20, 10 or even 5 years ago. Rebecca is a shining example of so many in my life that base our relationship on mutual respect in full view of varying perspectives along the spectrum. I love that this is the reality of my quilt of friendships. I can grow as a person and know that I won't get booted from the relationship if we don't agree on everything along the way.  

Let's end divisiveness and leave space for open conversations for the purpose of growing as people and loving each other in the process.  Let's embrace the beauty of different.  

What We Can Learn From Elf on the Shelf

I don't personally have an "Elf on the Shelf" in my house.  Its not that I am a hater of the Christmas tradition, I just don't have time for that PLUS I want there to be more of a Jesus focus in my house. Everything else seems to be so focused on the gifts under the tree and that just seems to foster materialism in my kiddos.  I can't do nothing so instead we do have the "Star From Afar" .  Its been fun and seems to help me strike the balance I'm looking for.  Santa does visit this house and my kiddos have their lists for what they want to get from us and Santa this year.  I'm letting you know all of this because as I've been scrolling through my various social media feeds I've seen a variety of perspectives:

- Friends who don't do Santa at all
- Friends, like me, who do Santa but no Elf
-Videos like this one from the (amazing) Holderness Family who have an Elf that's lazy
- Friends that do the Elf with some creativity but nothing anyone is Pinning
- Friends who go Elf crazy with creative feats every night

Here's the thing.  There isn't a right way, there is just personal preference.  Each of us can do it our way without shaming someone else for doing it differently.  We need to model this example in more areas than an Elf on the Shelf.  We all need more grace these days instead of everyone throwing things at their perceived opponent in life's opinion wars.

I definitely applaud the passion and conviction I see in my friends and family.  Heck, have you met me? I usually have an opinion and am willing to rant at the invitation (or perceived invitation - ha!)

But let's take a minute and hear each other out and realize there may be 5 variations of doing things, 5 plus opinions on each subject and we might actually learn something from a person in a different category than us.

Before you call someone a moron for thinking xy or z, stop and ask, how they see it?  Sometimes we have to put ourselves on pause and look deeper to see someone else.  Sure, it may not change our minds (I am not getting an Elf just because my friends have one and are rocking their elf morning findings), but I can appreciate others even in our differences.

Take for example the "Baby It's Cold Outside" debacle.  I read the lyrics and I can completely see rape culture in there, and yet when I read an article from the daughter of the song writer, I saw that the culture of that day meant something different and maybe instead of banning the song we just open discussion and teach our kids to dig deeper and discover the messages beyond our own framework of understanding.  Words 60, 20 and even 2 years ago don't always mean the same thing as when we encounter said words, so learning to inject culture in our understanding is a major life skill. 

I know some of you may think, "Carrie grow a backbone and pick a side." There are times when I do, do just that, but we have become too polarized and need to take a minute and find a way to work together.  Can we respect people we don't agree with?  I say yes! We need to practice respectfully disagreeing.  That might take a step away from the computer (funny as you are reading this on a screen), but finding balance in spending time with actual people versus virtual time, is important because it reestablishes an ability to see the person and not just pummel thoughts behind the protection of a screen.

Let's learn something from the Elf on the Shelf beyond that is poops Hershey kisses and takes marshmallow baths.  What areas of life do you need to check out other view points for the purpose of appreciating difference and allowing yourself to see the person and not just the issue?  You got this.  Now go out there and have a MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!