Two Unplanned Lessons

Sunday,  was our last youth group of the school year.  I wanted to do something fun to end the year so I found an idea online and ran with it.  I had the teens meet me at our local Goodwill.  Each teen was given a $7 limit and drew a name of someone else in the group.  Then I let them go pick out an outfit for their selected person.  The challenge was to make it crazy.  Then we would get dressed in our purchased attire and go grab dinner together as a group of silly dressed misfits.

Everyone seemed to be enjoying the selection process.  Green tags were 99 cents so we were scanning for what we could find on the cheap.  Everyone went to the front to pay and then took turns changing outfits.  It was then that the mood took a turn from festive to fearful.

 

I heard people saying, "I'm not wearing this." "Do we have to go to dinner?"  "I just want to stay here, you guys can go without me."  My reply was a loving, but firm, "We are all doing this."  I didn't have a lesson planned but one was organically developing right before my eyes. 

Everyone changed, we took photos and then threw our normal wear in my car.  The Goodwill in our town is located on a busy street with lots of restaurant options. The plan was to trek it to In-N-Out for some great burgers, but then we hit another snafu.  One member started crying and didn't want to go.  She was describing her experience as a panic attack.  

I didn't want to appear heartless because, honestly,  I could relate to what she was experiencing and I love this young lady, so I didn't want to push her too far, but I didn't have many options.  I explained to her that as the only adult, I couldn't leave her alone at a store that was closing shortly, and if I allowed her to call her parent and we waited for her to be picked up the rest of group wouldn't have time to get dinner.  She had to go.  

She obliged and I spoke the group about going to a dinner spot a bit closer.  We landed on Jimmy Johns and when we arrived we were the lone group in the empty restaurant, save the 4 males behind the counter.  We ended up sharing with the employee at the register what we were doing to which he pointed to the outfits and gave his opinion of them each.  When he got to the young lady who had been terrified to go in public dressed as she was, he commented specifically of the normalcy of her outfit.  He was sculpting this lesson with even more detail.
 

As we sat and ate, we had a very nice discussion about our time together.  We noted two things: 

1.  We care too much about the opinions of others and often when we care too much we are prey to the bullies around us.  Confidence, while it can be a target, often puts to rest any negativity because we aren't giving heed to the neigh sayers.  People tend to be attracted to the personality, giving no notice to the details of dress.  

2.  What seems crazy to me might be normal to you.  There are enough people with variations of personalities, style and opinions that you really have nothing to fear.  If you like it, someone else will, you just have to find those people.  

We also discussed how we were in this together.  No one was going alone, instead we were protected by our group.  We talked about learning to be more confident in who were, and owning it instead of waiting to be rubber stamp by the general population.  We also discussed comfort zones and how hard it is to walk outside them.   I can't put down the girl who was scared at the prospect of going out in her crazy outfit because even though it didn't bother me, something else with a different set of circumstances might.  If I throw any stones her way, I'm just giving her ammo to lob them back at me when the shoe is on the other foot.  

I was proud of this group of students who learned something new and had fun even outside their comfort zones.  They all got on board and became team players.  It ended up a fun night!  

I am sharing all of this because I know these lessons apply to all of us.  Fear of being judged is huge, probably more of an issue that fear of missing out.  But please know that no one can label you unless you let it stick.  If that label doesn't fit, take it off and keep going.  Embrace others for who they are and encourage them to grow from where they are not from where you are.  Encourage someone to leave their comfort zone with the promise that you won't leave them, and do something that makes you a little uncomfortable.  Those moments usually make for a good time!  

On a side note, I thought this exercise would make for a fun first date.  Just a note to anyone single out there.  What a way to get to know someone and have fun! Happy Wednesday to you all!!

BFG and Jesus

This morning I had the pleasure of connecting with a young woman that God placed on my path several years ago.  We discovered our mutual love for theatre and Jesus.  As we reconnected over coffee and conversation interrupted intermittently by my two-year old, we entered into a spiritual conversation on fear that I wanted to share with you.

Often, we can walk through life in fear that, as we face crossroads, we will pick the wrong way.  Life choices like the city you live in, the job you take and the person you marry can fill your heart with anxiety, well if you are anything like me it can.

Yes, God has a plan and we can trust him to guide us, but hearing his voice isn't an exact science and the reality of that unknown can fill our hearts with fear.  The truth is - it doesn't need to.  We can trust God and if, please note the "if" here, we are seeking God we will find him.  Jeremiah 33:3 says, "Call to me and I will show you great and unsearchable things that you do not know."  We can take that promise to the bank.

Sometimes we spend time seeking God in our prayer and Bible times, and we look for that green light to go forward. While that is wisdom, making the choice often comes with some uncertainty.

If you have seen the movie BFG, you will recall the scene when BFG leaves Sofie back at the orphanage to protect her from the other giants.  After realizing she isn't in a dream, she goes out onto the balcony, calls to BFG, asks him to catch her, closes her eyes and jumps.

He in fact does catch her.  She was able to jump because she knew BFG and she knew he loved her.

We must know God and know his love to have the faith to jump.  But when we do, we can trust God will catch us.

I remember my sophomore year Bible class in high school at Dayton Christian.  My teacher, Mr. Pittman, told us a story of having to decide which school to attend.  He was seeking God in the direction and made his choice.  As he was about to head out, he got a call that changed his course.  He used this illustration to show that sometimes you have to make a step in one direction, and know that if its not the direction God is leading, then God is big enough to change the course.  But often we have to take a step in faith and not allow fear to paralyze us.

Fear is not of God (2 Timothy 1:7).  God is love.

We can't allow the unknown to hold us back, but with the love and wisdom of God, we should feel freedom to propel forward in life.

Sofie doesn't allow fear to hold her back, not just with the leap of faith from that balcony but as the story continues on.  She stands for what is right in the face of those man eating giants.

I don't know what your man eating giants are or the crossroads you face, but I know the God who created us, the God who died for us and the God who seeks to love us at all costs.  That kind of love will sustain you and protect you as you venture on in life.  It doesn't mean you won't encounter challenges but truthfully, I can take courage in knowing that by serving Jesus, my Savior, I have confidence to step out in life.  The worst thing that can happen to me is death but even if someone takes my life, they can't take away my freedom in Christ and the life after this that he has promised me as his child.

Go out and do great things with God at the helm of your life ship.  Seek him, find him and conquer this world.  We are living for things far greater than the crossroads we encounter!!

4 Benefits of Being Bullied

As I begin this, let me say, 

I do not condone bullying. 

To be fair, kids today have to deal with bullying on a level I NEVER did as a kid, so please know I am not diminishing the severity of this issue. 

The point of this blog is to show how something meant to push me down, in fact, ended up blessing me with some amazing gifts.

As I look at some of my skill sets today, I see that many of them came through adversity and it is good to be able to celebrate beauty that can develop through pain. I am a likable person and as a whole, get a long great with others, but there was a time in my life where I wasn't so popular.  Truth be told, my home life had a lot of challenges that didn't exactly aid me in my efforts with peers at school - trying to pretend I cared about the "trivial" things that most pre-teens and teens grappled with proved a challenge as I lived with realities most people should never have to experience.

It also didn't help that I said whatever I thought.  I've never been great at censoring my opinion and when I am around people that just want to hear what they want to hear, its usually a recipe for disaster.  If all of that wasn't enough, I also, then, like now, wore my heart on my sleeve and never excelled at masking my emotions. 

All of this meant,  I had some lonely years at the bottom of the food chain. I was made fun of for my looks, family, and moral compass - just to name a few.  I was left out, picked last, teased, gossiped about, taunted and downright bullied. 

I persevered and guess what?  That season didn't last!  Yes, it felt like forever in the midst of it, but now looking back I can remember the beautiful years that followed and now I see some tools in my life box that I gained through those hard years.  Here are just a few of the rewards I gained from my bullied years:

1. A TRUE UNDERSTANDING OF WHO I AM

Being able to see myself bullied and later admired, I could see that if I left my value in the hands of others, who I am would constantly change.  Regardless of your status on the social ladder, if you know who you are and know your value, it doesn't change with the changing tides. That constant is a solid foundation in our ever-morphing world.  Those peer uncertainties don't stop when you reach adulthood either, so its good to know who you are and choose how you want to be defined.  Your value is too high to let someone else decide what it should be. 

2. AN EYE FOR THE ALIENATED

I can join a crowd and in an instant am aware of anyone being left out.  I have a hyper-awareness of those off on their own.  It makes a great skill in connecting with teens as a youth pastor and reaching people just as a human being.  Not everyone wants to be a part of the crowd because we all have different personalities but being aware of those around you and checking-in to make sure their separation is by choice, is an amazing gift.

3. AN ABILITY TO GIVE GRACE

I can recall one particular person who said some pretty devastating words to me in regards to my life and more specifically why I should take it.  Suicide is very serious business.  But since those years, I realize that in our junior high days we don't always realize the weight of our words.  We live in the moment and often only see ourselves.

This person grew up and later after discussion regretted and apologized for this very conversation.  It wasn't because it was in their memory - honestly, they had completely forgotten it, but I hadn't and as I saw the root of this adolescent indiscretion, I was able to forgive this person.  Good people do bad things.  It happens and like this person, I too have had my moments.  Grace is a beautiful gift to give and receive.  I want to be in that gift-giving business so I am ready when its my turn to receive it. 

4. A HEART OF COMPASSION & EMPATHY

Even though I can be a down-right emotional mess at times, my vast array of social standings throughout my life, has gifted me with the ability to see beyond someone's masks and see them.  I have a compassion for those suffering and experiencing pain in whatever circumstances they are living.  I truly do cry with people because I can naturally put myself in their shoes.  I obviously have to put up boundaries for myself so I don't develop some superman complex and try to save the world, because I am not and cannot, but it does give me some great prayer times. Its a gift to see someone and be able to meet them where they are.


What lemons have brought you lemonade in life?  Can you see some skills you have today because of adversity you have faced?  Maybe its time to notice it and share it!!!