I Am Not You

"I Am Not You!" 

This is something we should all repeat to ourselves on a daily basis every time we feel the nudge that says -

that woman has her act together more than me.  

She looks better, 

is more organized, 

is better at getting her kids to school on time, 

has more going for her, 

is a better cook,

has more friends because she's more outgoing or

is a better person of faith than me. 

The truth is: she is not you. 

The need for this statement isn't just a moment of reflection in my bag of insecurities, instead its found in the consistent, repetitive comments I hear in conversations with other women, we all have that voice that reaches out of our own area of weakness and grabs hold of that one woman who has other strengths.  But we aren't the women around us. 

If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times.  

You get to be you!

No one else gets that honor.  I often feel like a disheveled mess next too the moms I stand beside at pick up or sit next to in a mom circle at whatever meeting, Bible study or prayer group we may be at, and yet, I know there are people out there who look at me with a level of jealously that I don't get.  I see all of me while others see only a portion.  I can forget where I stand out and how I add when get sucked into the comparison trap.  The thing is we may not often feel confident, but that doesn't mean we don't try.  

I have no problem, blubbering through a first conversation with a woman I'd like to befriend, because despite any word stumbles, I know the friendship is worth it, and the potential rejection is worth knowing, she's not my people.

I do put myself out there, but its not because I always feel comfortable doing it, its because I know its worth the embarrassment I might encounter.  I try new things because I like the discovery of it all. Not everything sticks and it doesn't have to.  On the flipside, I don't try certain things because of fear and that is what I need to work on.  You and I will inevitably have different strengths and weakness.  That my friends is beautiful!

Ladies, we need to get this.  Why?  Because we have a generation of kids coming up who are living online.  They have filters and retakes and other ways to hid or try again before they put themselves out there.  If a post doesn't get the desired response, they can remove it.  They don't have life teaching them that they will fail and that's okay.  This is setting them up to be devastated when they are rejected, lonely and when they do in fact, fail.  The rise in suicide rates is in doubt, connected to the internet world that is our reality.  I'm not saying its all bad, but we have recognize where the dangers are located so we can navigate through them. 

If we are able to show our kids and our friends' kids that we can step up to the plate in the face of fear, and that is okay because we are who we were made to be, then we are giving them the tools they need to do the same. 

I am not someone that thinks who I am out the gate is a perfect woman, but I do think I have to own up to who I am to ever have a chance at being the best me.  I have to acknowledge who God designed me to be and love what he created, and then once I see that I am not the cookie cutter person as the others I encounter, God can mold me more into his image.  

That takes awkward encounters and uncomfortable moments.  It means embracing the difficult for the goal on the other side.  

Dare to see yourself the way your creator did when he made you and said, "It is good." Dare to embrace the way you add to the world instead of comparing how you are deficient to the women around you.  Dare to model courage and vulnerability in the way you face relationships and life.  Dare to live outside your comfort zone in order to have the best life possible.  

Still don't think you can do that one thing? Guess what, we may not have the strength in ourselves, but if we have God, he gives us what we need to step up and step out! Go read these verses and be encouraged!

Psalm 22:19

Psalm 28:7-8

Psalm 46:1

Isaiah 35:4

Isaiah 40:29

Isaiah 40:31

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Ephesians 6:10

So Let's Do This! 

When You Are Not Enough

Note to Reader:  This is an interactive post.  I have questions that I want you to answer, so if you can't take some time now, be sure to schedule time in the next week to answer the questions below. Yay!!!

Have you ever felt like you run out and life still needs more?  Have you ever felt inadequate to live the life you lead?  If you do, I have some good news...you are not alone.  Feeling that way may seem like you are the exception not the rule, but reality says its the other way around.

Walk into a nearby Target or scroll through your IG feed and chances are you will find someone who seems to have what you don't have.  Someone who looks like they are killing it in life.  The problem with that idea is that its drawing a conclusion with only a small percentage of the story.  We see all of us and only part of others.

Craig Groeschel says social media is people sharing their best 5%.  That means you are missing 95% of the story.  If you were solving murders with only 5% of the facts, you'd be a horrible detective! 

We need to stop comparing our whole lives with a snapshot of others lives.  But lets take comparison off the table for a minute and lets talk about you.

I have some questions.  So do me a favor, get some paper and a pen and settle in for a moment of reflection.  Don't have time to answer now? Jot these down and answer them later! 

1. What is the standard you are using to measure success (and failure)?  

2. Where did that standard come from?  Is it a healthy source or is it rooted in dysfunction? 

3. Do you need to adjust the standard? 

4. What are you doing out of obligation and not because it flows with the life you want to be living? 

5. What are you over-committing to? Is this a time management issue or a self-worth issue?  

6. What do your best friends see in you that you don't see?  (Don't know - ask them!) 

You guys, I love renovation shows.  I have a handful I watch, and I love when there is a dump of a house, or so you think, but it just seems that way, because us viewers don't see what is actually there. Sometimes we are like these old houses.  We let ourselves just live in a reaction state to life instead of a place of leadership and ownership.  We let hardship and haters define us and wear the junk we pick up along the way because we feel we are supposed to instead of fighting to be who we were made to be. 

Throw some grace on yourself.  You are the only one doing you.  Celebrate that!  Sure, we have areas we need to grow and change, and we want to do us in a way that honors who God created us to be, but can you see what you are doing well?  Is that life glass half empty or half full?  If you are only seeing the mistakes and the inadequacy, then you are missing the beauty of you.  

Let's regroup, shall we?! Here are some steps: 

1. Gather your friends and ask them to fill your love bank.  Ask them to share what they love about you and take notes!!! If you are really struggling write it up pretty and put it on the walls so you are see it every day.

2.  Speak new truth into your life.  I've talked about my I AM Journal, and you need to do your version of that.  Write out in faith what you are or what you are becoming so that you can make a path for a new you.  Lead the way.  

3.  Read up.  Books by women like Dr. Caroline Leaf or Brené Brown will help you to understand the hurdles you have to leap.  Seeing how the brain works and what you need to do to overcome the mental blocks, will help you to go in a new direction.  

4. Write out a realistic day.  What areas of life are priorities and what time do those things take?  I know I can often write out a week's worth of to-do's in one day and that is just silly and setting myself up for failure.  Taking mental note of this and costing out the time helps reveal the things you need to cut.  

5. Take you into account.  Sure women can do it all, but it doesn't mean we should.  What I add to my family is different than what my husband does. I am emotional and I have to build in time for the relational duties that don't often get noticed and take more time, but they are important.  I could be my husband, but what good is that, he has that covered, I need to be me.  Who I am and how I do life affects what I accomplish and how I accomplish it (this is why comparison is pure junk)! 

So there you go.  There is a lot here.  Digest it and process this.  Let me know what you think.  Did I miss a point in all of this?  Tell me.  I love hearing from those of you who read this blog of mine.  You are the reason I write it after all, what you think matters to me! Happy Wednesday!