Failure

As a woman with perfectionist tendencies, the word, "failure" is often a four-letter word in my world.  However, it shouldn't be.  Failing at things can be a lifeline if we know how to use it properly.  

When I fail at something I get a view into what doesn't work.  If I am intentional not to let it feed my identity and take the lesson its trying to offer, I can make necessary adaptations and re-aim at my goal.  

I am one who believes far too often we would be better served if we used physical metaphors to help us navigate emotional issues.  For example, when I trip and fall while walking down the street, I may give a sheepish, embarrassing look around as I get up and dust myself off, but I do get up, make the necessary adjustments, and keep going.  I don't sit and cry and ask everyone why I fell.  I don't stay there on the sidewalk for hours, days or years.  However, when I make a life misstep, I do find myself staying put in a fit, mourning my mishap.  Taking a clue from physical life tells me to get up, fix what needs it and keep going.  

Perfection is not and never should be a life goal.  Perfectionism doesn't lead to happiness, instead it leads to lifelessness! The last thing we want is a globe full of Stepford Wives  roaming around.  Where is fun in that?  Life, a full life, is messy!  

Jerry Bridges in his book, "The Pursuit of Holiness" shares a truth I often quote because it speaks to the heart of me, "A failure is not someone who fails, but someone who stops trying."  In contrast, Albert Einstein is often quoted as saying, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results." Both of these quotes can serve as bookends to the topic of failure.  

If we look at failing as the definition of being a failure, we will never succeed in tackling our goals in life.  We must view a failure as someone who stops trying and use that definition to propel us to move forward.  We must also be brave enough to examine those moments we fail so we can try someone new in our next attempt.  Doing the same thing over and over again (whether it truly was Albert Einstein who said it or not) is the definition of insanity.  We must change our approach, perspective, words, behaviors, response, or all of the above as we head out on our redo.  

Do you need a little grace today?  Are you too hard on yourself when you make mistakes?  Do you need to go out and fail so you can discover what it truly takes in making your dreams reality?  Getting good at failing will also show us that it has no barring on our personal value.  

Tripping on the sidewalk doesn't make me a horrible person, it just makes me human.  Missing that job opportunity, going bankrupt, getting dumped, failing a class doesn't make us bad people, it just means we are in fact, people! 

The one class in college I had to retake did cost me extra, but getting the grade replaced on my transcript wasn't the only reward.  I hated the first Sociology 101 class I took.  It was awful!!! When I retook it with a different professor at a different time, I found that I loved the class.  The curriculum was completely different and I learned some valuable information.  Had I let that "D" stand, I would have never had the great experience that came at the end of my failed first attempt.  

Can you think of a time that a failed experience led to a new beautiful reality?  Take some time and soak this in and allow it to change your perspective.  Is there a recent failed moment that you aren't gleaning enough from?  Have you let the failure stop you from trying?  Please hear me when I say, don't quit.  You can succeed and I'm guessing someone else needs this lesson from you.  Go get it!!! 

Get Over It

Have you ever noticed how we tend to focus on the negative? I was once told when we fall down on walking down the sidewalk we don't lay there and cry that we were so stupid to fall, but we get up and keep walking, yet in life too many times we find ourselves stopped crying over a fall. I too am guilty of this, but I see too many people focused on the fall instead of the road ahead.

People make mistakes and as I look at the lessons I want to teach my son, this is an important one. If I spend time hiding mistakes or focusing on my failures I am teaching him that there is fault in falling, but really the fault is in not picking yourself and continuing on. We need to take responsibility for our wrong actions, when applicable, but we need to learn from it and move on. Dwelling does no one any good. I want Caleb to know that mistakes and failures are just a part of life. Finishing something means something when you've learned from mistakes along the way.