I AM INSANE!

I am insane.  There are no men waiting at my door to place me in my own white jacket, though I’m sure my husband thinks there should be sometimes.  Its just when I take a step back and look at some of things I do or struggle with I can honestly say, its nuts!  

I had another post planned for today but thought I would take a moment to breathe and share something from my real life in real time.  

Do you ever step back and watch yourself from a bird’s eye view?  As if you were some reality tv star being able to see your daily routine, ok so not entirely the same as there is nothing real about reality tv, but you get my point.  If you haven’t, you should - you will be amazed! 

Today, I am going out of town for two nights. I am going to a conference and will be sitting in classrooms all day.  Packing should be a simple task. Yet, if you’d watch me try to get ready to leave, you think I would be going away for a year.  I have lived in 6 states, 2 foreign countries, I have lived in at least 21 different houses/apartments and have travelled to 27 countries.  Packing shouldn’t be difficult for me but the truth is: 

I CANT PACK! 

I suck at it.  I also run around like a crazy person.  I had this conversation with my husband this morning,

 a man who has raised two daughters before I came around and is fully capable of running the house despite the copious notes I have left for him.

What is wrong with me?  

The simple answer is - I am human and I struggle with anxiety.  So there you go, but when I see it play out sometimes it completely makes me want to laugh.  I am going crazy over scenarios that haven’t happened, and preparing for the apocalypse and I am just going to be a few hours drive away!  

When I read the Bible, I often wonder why God repeats himself so much and I am pretty sure the answer is because we need it! Don't we all act insane at times?  We need God and more importantly we are a hot mess without him.  

If you are reading this, I hope you see the humor in my words because I know we are also wonderful, competent people.  But at our worst, I think insane is a good word.  

You know what?  Even when you are acting like me - a chicken with their head cut off obsessing over things that don't matter, God loves you.  He died for me when I was a hot mess! (Romans 5:8 - note that is a Carrie paraphrase, the Bible does not actually say hot mess).  

You know when I have a day like today, I have to take a step back and not take myself so seriously.  Sometimes I can laugh at my imperfections and issues because if you were at my house watching me today, you would chuckle at my craziness.  I know my husband does.  

I am so grateful I have a God who loves me as much as he does!  If you need a dose of love today, read I John in the Bible (its towards the back) and see just how much God loves you.  He gave his life for you and that is a sacrificial love that changes people.  

Happy Wednesday!  And if you think of it, pray for me as I leave this house! 

The Value of Something Lost

Do you know the story of the lost coin in the Bible (Luke 15:8-10)?  A woman has ten silver coins and loses one.  She does all she can to search the house until its found.  Then she calls everyone to celebrate with her because she has found it.  Then this story is compared to how God celebrates when one of his children who has lost their way has been found.  

My dad is a pastor and has often preached on this parable, and others like it, as it demonstrates how God loves all people.  Just as the coin had the same value when in the woman’s pocket as it did when it was lost, so our value is constant.  It isn’t determined by any defining characteristics or any life choice but by who we are as a creation and child of God.  Humans have designated value based on appearance or achievement, not God.  This value goes beyond the bullying we perpetuate in everyday life to those who are living their lives to perpetuate evil into the world.  

This truth hit home for me this weekend as I lost my wedding rings.  I cannot find them.  I have looked constantly everywhere throughout my house and have yet to find them.  They cannot be replaced even if I had the money to do so because those were the rings given to me by my husband in our engagement and on our wedding day.  They are more than just the gold and diamonds that comprise them.  I have become distracted from all else as I seek to find them. 

God is allowing my own challenge to illuminate a very important issue.  As I see what is happening in Aleppo and all over Syria, my heart breaks.  I live a charmed life and have no clue what it must be like to live in a constant state of threat and fear.  I have been in some scary situations in my life but nothing even close to reality, today in Syria.  It hit me, even though there are billions of people on planet earth, God loves each of us so much that none of us can be replaced.  We see a sea of people and designate value based on how they compare to our lives, but God created each one with purpose and value and seeks their best regardless of the circumstances.  He is heartsick over his people who are wayward or mistreated.

God made those people and loves them as much as he loves me.  He loves those who are creating hell and those who are living in it.  We were all made by him.  We may not be killers, but in our country we are guilty if we live our lives focused on us and forget what others are facing.  We have responsibility for helping our neighbor.  

We need to pray and fight for our friends and family, we need to be inconvenienced enough to step in to help the helpless.  We need to have a passion for others equal to my passion to find my rings.  

Where is our passion for people?  Have we lost it in our own complacent living? As long as we have what we need and even want and can be entertained by our distractions of choice, all is well?  This is unacceptable.  I am not against enjoying life but most Americans don’t have balance between caring for others as much as we care for ourselves.  If there were balance, our world would look much different.  

About 7 years ago while in Thailand, my group gave money to our guide to help cover his expenses for the day.  He didn’t have much and needed that money for himself, yet at each stop we made, he would give some of the money we’d given him to someone in a worse situation than himself.  He had a heart for others.  It was beautiful and convicting.   

Is there someone that needs something from you?  Is there a sacrifice you can make?  Is there someone you’ve ascribed value to that is less than what they deserve?  Move toward balance and demonstrate self-less kindness for the betterment of someone else.   

All God's Children

In case you are just tuning in, we live in a narcissistic, entitled society.  We've been conditioned to get everything our way, right away.  It seems like the perfect set up for life until you compare it to the paradigms of the Bible.  We are literally called to an existence at the opposite end of the spectrum.  That can create an intense inner conflict as we seek out a path in the midst of this struggle.

Lately, I've been overwhelmed by my over abundance! I am admittedly, an empathetic, heart on her sleeve, emotional woman.  It's an aspect of my personality that I equally love and hate.  I love that I can go there with people in ministry and feel what they feel.  The other side of that coin is becoming so invested that I become debilitated by the cruelty exposed in the life experiences happening around me, something only magnified by the small world afforded to me with social media.  Videos depicting the plight of countless refugees, Christians and other humans tortured at the hand of ISIS, innocent people murdered as a result of someone's fame obsession and young girls sold into sex trade to satisfy the perversions of sick individuals have all left me asking some hard questions.  

Its hard to stomach the vast array of life occurrences that are experienced by individuals all equally loved by the same Savior.  My routine drive through the Starbucks line and quandary over getting the right hair products can seem vapid in light of the simultaneous struggle happening in the lives of those experiencing persecution and abuse.  Who am I to belly ache about my poor service from my home warranty when I have a home! 

My life has it's struggles and I don't want to diminish the challenges so many in Western countries face with disease, divorce, addictions, abuse, familial loss and the like, but truthfully my everyday routine is free from danger and oppression.  That fact alone has illuminated a truly humbling perspective.  As I have taken all this to God, I've discovered some clarifying tenants to my outlook.

I had nothing to do with the circumstances I was born into; I can take no credit for when and where I came into existence only how I respond to that existence. Yes, my culture has bred a hyper-selfish nature! I do think a great deal more about myself than I should.  I do spend too much time on the details often forsaking the heart of what matters most. This is a struggle, I believe, I will always work at because it is so innate in our society.  I can be intentional to pursue others-focused activities and volunteerism to keep on track and honor the lives those in lesser circumstances.  I can also stand up against injustice when I see it around me or have opportunities to be involved in efforts across the globe. 

 I also have come to understand guilt, while understandable, is not a healthy response.  I was recently speaking with a friend about a family who were visiting Mexico. During their stay, one of their two daughters was abducted. That would be tough to walk out as those parents did what they could to save their lost child, but would still continue to give their best to the daughter in their care.  They wouldn't want the one in their custody to have guilt, as she did nothing wrong, nor treat her badly to keep things fair. That would never happen. This scenerio is a great metaphor for us as God's children.  God loves us all the same, but sin in this world can create some undesirable circumstances for some of his children.  The rest of us can pray and do our part but continue to live in God's best and desire for all, which leads to the next point.

God's goodness is not bound by the parameters of circumstance.  Recently, I was reminded of this truth at a day of worship I attended. Circumstances reflect the state of our world not the goodness of God. Even in the harshest of realities, God is at work to bring goodness to his children.  

We often focus on the moment when God sees the journey as a whole.  He is not limited by time like we are.  If we could have a broadened perspective spanning the scope of our entire lives we may come to see God in vastly different ways.  

Be grateful for the life you've been given and continue to pray for the people of this world, just as you would a sibling who was lost, knowing WE ARE ALL GOD'S CHILDREN!